Is my hubby wrecking my gym efforts?

OP I don't see why you should compromise, tell him to stop sulking and acting like an extra child. You're doing this for your health, if he's doing it because he's insecure he needs to grow up and learn to trust you

I don't think anyone should get up at 4am for anything. How the heck are you going to get a decent night's sleep? Seriously, who goes to bed at 8pm? I would bet money that if she did start going to the gym in the morning, some other "problem" would pop up.

Those kids are going to get older and she would just be stuck being even more out of shape and with a much longer row to hoe. I'm 43 and sacrificed all my free time to my family for WAY WAY WAY too long, putting my personal needs LAST and that is a recipe for unhealthy unhappiness.

I AGREE! You have to find the balance to take care of yourself too! there is alwasy room for compromise , if you are dealing with rational people.

You need to ask yourself which is more important to you - getting fit or being married. You are being unreasonable and selfish by demanding that he accept your wishes, while his thoughts/feelings/desires are brushed under the rug! What if he demanded that you allow him to go out with his buddies for 6 hours every week? If you continue to disregard your husband's feelings like this, he will get tired of it and eventually he will leave (either emotionally or physically). Marriage will only work if you can each take an honest look at and consideration of each others' feelings. Since I don't know your husband, I have no idea what his real objections may be - that is for you to discover (HE may not even know what is really bothering him about the idea). However, if you do to him as you've done to those here who have tried to help you (having an answer for every objection raised), you'll only shut him down and never find out what his real objection is. That may be the reason he doesn't like to talk about things with you!

I understand you're desire to take better care of yourself, but 2 hours at the gym is definitely excessive (if one machine is occupied, skip to one that isn't and come back when the first is available), especially if your husband objects to your membership to begin with. Maybe this is not the time/season for you to be going to a gym. You won't always be working on the house/living with his parents/have small children. You need to find some way/time to exercise that doesn't take so much time away from your husband and kids. See if your trainer is available for either a Saturday or Sunday session to replace one of the weekday sessions. Maybe even include your family in some of your workouts - family walks, play time at the park, bike rides, ... .

If you want to keep the marriage, stop telling him what you want and start asking him (instead of us) for suggestions and listen to his response (don't shoot down his ideas). I highly recommend _The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands_ by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. That book saved my marriage from my own selfishness!

(And as far as the argument about how there are 168 hours in a week and it's only 6 hours: I assume you're spending about 50-60 of those hours asleep and another 40-50 at work (plus your 30 minute commute twice a day). So instead of having 168 hours 'available', there are really only about 60, of which about half are weekend hours. So you're taking 6 hours out of the 30 or so waking hours you have during the week. That IS a significant chunk of time!)

Oh for goodness sake, it's only 3 days a week. If I were you I would nicely tell him to deal with it.

Or you could find some other form of exercise, like a DVD, that you could do at home. But I bet he would want you to stop that too.

This. I have to say that it never is an issue when a guy has something on. As in, he TELLS you he is off to do whatever...but when it is the wife suddenly all time is golden family time being carved up by your hobby.

Over time this will diminish but the fact is that he has to get used to your new lifestyle too - so whether it is 1 hour or 2 he needs to roll with it a bit more. Getting up at 4AM would put me off and frankly piss me off. I am great at compromising - watch me all summer as I compromise about his golf days - but it is a two way street.

That said - talking and more talking.

My in-law's are paid rent and for child care- we also help them with their bills

Speaking of peaches - that is a peach of a deal for them! Well it is at least fairer than most people get.

I think talking to him and telling him that it is just a temporary thing again and then insisting that you do it and working with your boss to get someone else in is fair. Asking you to get up after 4 hours of sleep is not. I am guessing that a LOT of stress is coming from the build and that some of the unreasonable aspect of things stems from this too. Sounds like you are both burning the candle at both ends.

Oh for goodness sake, it's only 3 days a week. If I were you I would nicely tell him to deal with it.

Or you could find some other form of exercise, like a DVD, that you could do at home. But I bet he would want you to stop that too.

Totes on this one (to quote my teenagers) - I totally agree. This is not unreasonable, the husband has a lot of help with the kids (they are living with a set of Grandparents for goodness sake). He needs to put his big boy pants on and suck it up...

This was a laugh. No one on this thread is going to be able to give you insight into your husband and his comments/thoughts/feelings/rationale.

I'm not married. Never have been. Live by myself, march to the beat of my own drum, etc. However, I see both sides of this.

Who knows WHY he doesn't want you to be out til 7 three nights a week. Maybe he just misses you and doesn't want to say that. Maybe he's jealous. Maybe he's insecure. Maybe he's resentful. Whatever the reason, if he won't flat out tell you, don't make any assumptions. Just take it for what it is and try to find a compromise! I assume you want your marriage to last for many years down the road, and if this is SUCH a big hang up, I can only imagine the problems you're going to face in the future.

You're a woman. I'm a woman. I learned a long time ago that the more I try to understand and give meaning to something a significant other says, the more likely I am to get it completely wrong, overreact, work myself up over nothing, and cause tension. He voiced his opinion. Find a compromise. Maybe go 2x a week for 90 minutes. Maybe go one day in the morning and one in the evening. There are TONS of alternatives. Don't get on a high horse and think that it's all about you. It is, and at the same time it isn't. Your in-laws are helping you out. You're paying them (awesome, btw). But everything isn't always straight forward. Just because someone is being paid doesn't mean that they can't start to get resentful (um, hello, that's like 1/2 of my job). Maybe his family has made a comment to him and he's trying to pass along that info to you without making a big deal? Who knows. We don't control all our circumstances, we can only try to navigate them.

Figure out a compromise. See how it works. Love your family. That's all you can do.

ETA: That first line sounds rude of me. I don't mean it in a rude way. I was just honestly chuckling the entire way through.