Help!! Am I making to much of this?
Replies
-
You're making way too much of it for sure...........0
-
dump him!0
-
You don't make reservations at a restaurant just to go sit and look at a menu.0
-
Are you making too much of it?
No. You met him online. He still has a dating profile.
People in a serious relationship do not need dating profile.
^^ This. Agree.0 -
Dump his lying *kitten*. If it was no big deal he wouldn't of lied about it.0
-
he lied to you and said he took his profile down. he is just not that into you and is lying about everything else. sorry sweetie. If I were you I would move on. why be with someone who lies repeatedly to you to get what they want? There are plenty of decent guys out there and you deserve way better! I would much rather be by myself and have my self respect than to be with a guy like that.You might be dating, but are you exclusive ? And do both of you know it?
If he says yes, have a frind set up an account , flirt with him and ask him out.
At least you will know one way or the other before you get to invested.
( and if he's a loser i know lots of single guys who are decent.)
Yes, we are exclusive. Backstory we met in April on Match went on a date and ended up being friends. He then developed feelings for me at the end of the summer and I found out in October. I decided to date him for about 5 weeks before I finally became his Girlfriend (he would ask me every day), because I wanted to make sure there was something real there and that this was what we both wanted. Sence then he has told me he loves me, he thinks I am the "one" and he could see marrying me. Also when I finally said yes he told me he had taken his profile down on match and pof. So yeah I would say we are exclusive.0 -
no you arent wrong- this is internet cheating and if he doesnt think he is doing anything wrong there is no point- he wont get it or change....thank God you found out now and not later....you can do much better
keep looking!
internet cheating by sending a wink to someone? LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.
yah, hes lame and seems like a douche. honestly, if hes with you and he feels the need to get some kind of gratification from flirting with other women, that may be a sign of things to come. I agree, you should probably bounce, or set very very clear ground rules for your relationship so there can be no "but I thought" bullsh!t.
internet cheating. lol. thats not what happened, he just seems to be dishonest.
I think you would struggle to use winks on match.com as a grounds for divorce.
cheating is cheating no matter where you find it sweetie unless you are one of the types that like to swing in which case you should both know about and condone it....
hes being dishonest. not cheating. its weird and dishonest, but thats not cheating. if he was writing to people and lining up hook ups, then he could be charged with "conspiracy to cheat" or "contacting with intent to cheat".
lol. sounds like you are an expert on swinging also. it wouldn't be cheating if your partner knew and agreed to it.
there is no cheating in an online wink. theres no cheating in a real life exchange of a glance in a bar. try again.
wait.... is it cheating to hold a fish in a provocitive and presentative way? you are touching the fish.... thats more than a flirt..... shame on you...
I do agree it is not technically cheating but, I feel it is getting very close to that line. Like conspiracy to cheat I guess you could say. He has sent out winks and e-mails both but, not one of the girls who he has e-mailed and winked at have responded so I don't know what would happen or how far it would go if he got a responce from them.0 -
If you both have agreed to have an open relationship and to keep your options open then him actively continuing with his online dating profile isn't a big deal and I wouldn't worry about that -- the only problematic part is his dishonesty, which is a big dealbreaker.
If you don't have an understanding about both of you keeping your options open to pursue others, then you have two big dealbreakers.
If you have 1+ dealbreaker = a big fat waste of your time, and aren't you here to lose excess fat?
x
No we have nooooo agreement like that, I have made it very clear when I am in a relationship boyfriend/girlfriend then its just the two of us. Way before any of this. And when I confronted him about this again I said to him there cannot be any back up's or what if's or just in case this doesn't work out type of things and he said he agreed and said he didn't.0 -
The fact that he lied about it is what bothers me the most. I don't think there's much wrong with flirting...defined specifically as behaving as if you're trying to attract someone without serious intention. To me, he wasn't just harmlessly flirting considering he's on a paid membership website intended to find people to date which means there is intention.
Bottom line is, if you ask him to shut down his profile, are you going to be able to trust that he does or will you feel like you need to check up on him again to make sure he did it? Trust is vitally important in a relationship.0 -
He's not really invested in dating you if he's keeping his options open by checking out other users-and if it's not flirting then don't lie about it and by not telling you right away he knows he's doing something that's not good for your relationship-did he ask you if you were still active on the site or how would he feel about it if you were flirting with guys online-
I did ask him how it would make him feel if it was the other way around and he told me he wouldn't care.0 -
My husband did this which we fought about all the time.....
Then he cheated on me.
Jus sayin.0 -
I don't think you're making too much of it. Better you find out now than a year or two from now. I say dump him and move on. Find someone who really does love you.0
-
Run away! There's nothing worse than a man who defends his deceitful actions and then turns it around on you like you're the one doing something wrong. I have been in those manipulative situations and I always ended up feeling like I was crazy. You are not making too big of a deal about this. He is in a relationship with you. It sounds as though he has little respect for your relationship and/or does not deem it too serious. You deserve better. We all do.0
-
He finally told me that if it bothered me that much he wouldn’t go on, but that he doesn’t understand at all where I am coming from and that he has done nothing wrong. When I asked him how it would make him feel if I was doing that he said he wouldn’t care and it wouldn’t bother him because he knows it would just be flirting. At this point he just keeps acting like everything is fine and nothing has happened.
This is all lies. He does understand where you're coming from, he knows what he's doing is wrong, he's just trying to manipulate the situation. He's playing dumb, if you will. In the immortal words of DaniD.... just break up. Seriously.
I usually hate thread's like this but for some reason I feel compelled to give my two cents here....0 -
the guy I'm dating, with whom there is no actual commitment yet wouldn't even do that. Personally, the fact that you have a commitment with that guys shows a huge lack of respect on his part for you. I'd say you have every right to feel the way you feel. I also would not put up with it, but that's just me.0
-
YOU ARE NOT MAKING TOO MUCH OF IT!!! The fact that he first denied it, second tried to rationalize, and third would no longer talk about it, tells me that he only has one foot in this relationship and will, if someone "better" (in his mind) comes along will either leave you or cheat on you.
GET OUT NOW!!! I've been there...0 -
If he was looking at porn, I'd say you were making too much of it. And if he just wanted to look, that's what he'd be doing. He was on a dating site. Then he lied to you about it. Why lie if he doesn't feel he's doing something wrong?
And... we're done. 2 strikes is plenty.0 -
lying is a serious character flaw which usually implies many more serious character flaws. just sayin'.0
-
Looks to me like he will be one of those guys that cheats on his wife every chance he gets.0
-
My ex husband did this while we were married. I brought the proof out (emails, chats, meeting set ups, etc) in Therapy. He walked home that night.
Notice he is now an EX-husband.
If you are "the one", he doesnt need to do that - either he is completely insecure, or a complete jerk.
You are not making too much of it - in fact, I would have dumped his *kitten* on the spot - that stuff is a deal breaker for me - given the past. My EX insists he never cheated, and denies most of the conversations I had printed, and refused to talk about it too. I finally had enough - a few years of it was enough. Respect me or leave, was my motto. He had to leave - no respect for me was too much for me to handle.0 -
You have received some great advice. This young man is dishonest and you deserve better. You are very pretty, don't settle for less then the best. You deserve someone who can be true to you and have your back 100%.0
-
Deceit and defensive behaviors are not ones you want to start a relationship on. Do yourself a favor and do not put up with it. You deserve better!0
-
You might be dating, but are you exclusive ? And do both of you know it?
If he says yes, have a frind set up an account , flirt with him and ask him out.
At least you will know one way or the other before you get to invested.
( and if he's a loser i know lots of single guys who are decent.)
really?!? So, play games, then? Seriously? Or, better yet, just move on, as opposed to playing games...0 -
It's not the flirting on-line that I consider a deal-breaker. I wouldn't care.
It's the lying that's a deal breaker.0 -
Since you are on this site and have made positive changes to better yourself then you deserve to think of yourself first and you deserve better than what you are getting. No one lies and defends something so strongly unless they are convinced that what they are doing is right and if he thinks that it is "right" to look and flirt then it makes you wonder what else he thinks is ok to do as well. You are not making too much out of this at all. Good luck!0
-
If it bothers you, drop him like a hot rock.
Is he married to you? Nope, and until he is, he's free to flirt like that. If he openly does it in front of you, he's gotta go.0 -
he also lied about it when confronted. repeatedly. until you forced him to admit it by pulling up the site in his presence.
that really tells you everything you'll ever need to know about the guy.
is that somebody you want to get serious with? that decision is up to you.
good luck.
THIS!!!! He's telling you who he is by his actions...believe them now before you invest too much time with this person. I've been in this exact relationship...four years later I thought I was crazy because of all the lies and manipulation.0 -
By the tone of your post, I think you already know the answer. To spell it out, he lied to your face and then tried to deflect the significance of frequenting an online dating site while dating you. I think that says it all.0
-
I had this happen to me... I met 'boys' online a lot when I first moved to Toronto. I dated a few and knew it wasn't exclusive...
When the guy would say it was 'exclusive' I would purposely go online, check the account to see if they deleted their account. If it wasn't deleted by that weekend, I would say "Ok, so this isn't serious, I'm out." I didn't listen to any explanation. It's me or nothing. period. The man I'm with now, we met on a Tuesday and his profile was off by that Thursday night after talking to me on the phone. I had mine up for another week because I wasn't sure if he was ready. Ended up, he was and it's been almost 2 years we've been together
If he would have admitted to what he did, that would be one thing... he would just be stupid. However, confronting him and him denying it... that's just a boy that doesn't want to stay out of the playground.
You're a pretty girl... don't be stupid and fall for his lies.0 -
If this was a free dating site like POF or OKCupid, I think it would be less of a deal. I'm a pretty open guy, though, and it takes a lot to make me jealous or concerned that someone is cheating. I feel that flirting is a natural human trait.
However, the fact that you have to pay to keep a subscription to match.com, which means that he is actually paying to flirt would be a huge red flag. This isn't just him playing around online. This is him actively searching.
The fact that he lied to try to hide it means that he is aware that what he is doing is wrong. My advice is to err on the side of caution with this one.
I agree that flirting is a natural human trait, but I don't think you need to go online and find people to do it with if you are in an exclusive relationship. I mean there are always going to be the looks and chit chat, a joke etc. But, I feel like he is actively looking for people to flirt with just not someone in passing type of deal and it happens.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.7K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.3K Health and Weight Loss
- 176K Food and Nutrition
- 47.5K Recipes
- 232.6K Fitness and Exercise
- 431 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.6K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8.1K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.4K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.8K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 1.2K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions