Help!! Am I making to much of this?

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13

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  • skinnybitchbarbie27
    skinnybitchbarbie27 Posts: 306 Member
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    My husband did this which we fought about all the time.....

    Then he cheated on me.

    Jus sayin.
  • AmyFett
    AmyFett Posts: 1,607 Member
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    I don't think you're making too much of it. Better you find out now than a year or two from now. I say dump him and move on. Find someone who really does love you.
  • Shweedog
    Shweedog Posts: 883 Member
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    Run away! There's nothing worse than a man who defends his deceitful actions and then turns it around on you like you're the one doing something wrong. I have been in those manipulative situations and I always ended up feeling like I was crazy. You are not making too big of a deal about this. He is in a relationship with you. It sounds as though he has little respect for your relationship and/or does not deem it too serious. You deserve better. We all do.
  • wareagle8706
    wareagle8706 Posts: 1,090 Member
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    He finally told me that if it bothered me that much he wouldn’t go on, but that he doesn’t understand at all where I am coming from and that he has done nothing wrong. When I asked him how it would make him feel if I was doing that he said he wouldn’t care and it wouldn’t bother him because he knows it would just be flirting. At this point he just keeps acting like everything is fine and nothing has happened.

    This is all lies. He does understand where you're coming from, he knows what he's doing is wrong, he's just trying to manipulate the situation. He's playing dumb, if you will. In the immortal words of DaniD.... just break up. Seriously.

    I usually hate thread's like this but for some reason I feel compelled to give my two cents here....
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    the guy I'm dating, with whom there is no actual commitment yet wouldn't even do that. Personally, the fact that you have a commitment with that guys shows a huge lack of respect on his part for you. I'd say you have every right to feel the way you feel. I also would not put up with it, but that's just me.
  • ceannesjourney
    ceannesjourney Posts: 250
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    YOU ARE NOT MAKING TOO MUCH OF IT!!! The fact that he first denied it, second tried to rationalize, and third would no longer talk about it, tells me that he only has one foot in this relationship and will, if someone "better" (in his mind) comes along will either leave you or cheat on you.

    GET OUT NOW!!! I've been there...
  • mikejholmes
    mikejholmes Posts: 291 Member
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    If he was looking at porn, I'd say you were making too much of it. And if he just wanted to look, that's what he'd be doing. He was on a dating site. Then he lied to you about it. Why lie if he doesn't feel he's doing something wrong?

    And... we're done. 2 strikes is plenty.
  • WinnerVictorious
    WinnerVictorious Posts: 4,735 Member
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    lying is a serious character flaw which usually implies many more serious character flaws. just sayin'.
  • kaotik26
    kaotik26 Posts: 590 Member
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    Looks to me like he will be one of those guys that cheats on his wife every chance he gets.
  • littlewitch1973
    littlewitch1973 Posts: 139
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    My ex husband did this while we were married. I brought the proof out (emails, chats, meeting set ups, etc) in Therapy. He walked home that night.

    Notice he is now an EX-husband.

    If you are "the one", he doesnt need to do that - either he is completely insecure, or a complete jerk.

    You are not making too much of it - in fact, I would have dumped his *kitten* on the spot - that stuff is a deal breaker for me - given the past. My EX insists he never cheated, and denies most of the conversations I had printed, and refused to talk about it too. I finally had enough - a few years of it was enough. Respect me or leave, was my motto. He had to leave - no respect for me was too much for me to handle.
  • Shelialouise66
    Shelialouise66 Posts: 56
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    You have received some great advice. This young man is dishonest and you deserve better. You are very pretty, don't settle for less then the best. You deserve someone who can be true to you and have your back 100%.
  • Tishy78
    Tishy78 Posts: 108 Member
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    Deceit and defensive behaviors are not ones you want to start a relationship on. Do yourself a favor and do not put up with it. You deserve better!
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    You might be dating, but are you exclusive ? And do both of you know it?

    If he says yes, have a frind set up an account , flirt with him and ask him out.
    At least you will know one way or the other before you get to invested.

    ( and if he's a loser i know lots of single guys who are decent.)


    really?!? So, play games, then? Seriously? Or, better yet, just move on, as opposed to playing games...
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
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    It's not the flirting on-line that I consider a deal-breaker. I wouldn't care.

    It's the lying that's a deal breaker.
  • CKJ118
    CKJ118 Posts: 54
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    Since you are on this site and have made positive changes to better yourself then you deserve to think of yourself first and you deserve better than what you are getting. No one lies and defends something so strongly unless they are convinced that what they are doing is right and if he thinks that it is "right" to look and flirt then it makes you wonder what else he thinks is ok to do as well. You are not making too much out of this at all. Good luck!
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
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    If it bothers you, drop him like a hot rock.
    Is he married to you? Nope, and until he is, he's free to flirt like that. If he openly does it in front of you, he's gotta go.
  • ceannesjourney
    ceannesjourney Posts: 250
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    he also lied about it when confronted. repeatedly. until you forced him to admit it by pulling up the site in his presence.

    that really tells you everything you'll ever need to know about the guy.

    is that somebody you want to get serious with? that decision is up to you.

    good luck.


    THIS!!!! He's telling you who he is by his actions...believe them now before you invest too much time with this person. I've been in this exact relationship...four years later I thought I was crazy because of all the lies and manipulation.
  • Melsy7
    Melsy7 Posts: 30
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    By the tone of your post, I think you already know the answer. To spell it out, he lied to your face and then tried to deflect the significance of frequenting an online dating site while dating you. I think that says it all.
  • footiechick82
    footiechick82 Posts: 1,203 Member
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    I had this happen to me... I met 'boys' online a lot when I first moved to Toronto. I dated a few and knew it wasn't exclusive...

    When the guy would say it was 'exclusive' I would purposely go online, check the account to see if they deleted their account. If it wasn't deleted by that weekend, I would say "Ok, so this isn't serious, I'm out." I didn't listen to any explanation. It's me or nothing. period. The man I'm with now, we met on a Tuesday and his profile was off by that Thursday night after talking to me on the phone. I had mine up for another week because I wasn't sure if he was ready. Ended up, he was and it's been almost 2 years we've been together :)

    If he would have admitted to what he did, that would be one thing... he would just be stupid. However, confronting him and him denying it... that's just a boy that doesn't want to stay out of the playground.

    You're a pretty girl... don't be stupid and fall for his lies.
  • mandy031383
    mandy031383 Posts: 94 Member
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    If this was a free dating site like POF or OKCupid, I think it would be less of a deal. I'm a pretty open guy, though, and it takes a lot to make me jealous or concerned that someone is cheating. I feel that flirting is a natural human trait.

    However, the fact that you have to pay to keep a subscription to match.com, which means that he is actually paying to flirt would be a huge red flag. This isn't just him playing around online. This is him actively searching.

    The fact that he lied to try to hide it means that he is aware that what he is doing is wrong. My advice is to err on the side of caution with this one.

    I agree that flirting is a natural human trait, but I don't think you need to go online and find people to do it with if you are in an exclusive relationship. I mean there are always going to be the looks and chit chat, a joke etc. But, I feel like he is actively looking for people to flirt with just not someone in passing type of deal and it happens.

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