The boyfriend that doesn't "get" it.

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  • douglasmobbs
    douglasmobbs Posts: 563 Member
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    If he does not "get" it make sure he does not get "it"
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    It's not fair to expect our SO's to change just because we are making changes. When I started my weight loss journey, I was the only one in my household trying to lose weight. No one was obligated to make changes just because I was.
    Yeah, it's wonderful when they are supportive and do all kinds of things to help out, and make changes with us, but the fact is you fell in love with him "as is."
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
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    If he does not "get" it make sure he does not get "it"

    boom. consequences. don't put up with that *kitten* girlfriend!
  • taekwonkenpo
    taekwonkenpo Posts: 1,004
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    He is your boyfriend not your husband. You do your thing and let him do his. If he is not bugging you about your choices then i would suggest not bugging him about his.
  • angelams1019
    angelams1019 Posts: 1,102 Member
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    I find it extremely silly that there are people actually suggesting treating him like a child and cooking two meals. (I think thats a bit absurd as a parent as well) You can always try talking to him, but it seems you've already exhausted that option many times. Eventually you're going to get tired of saying the same thing over and over again. You said you're not going to leave him over this, so it looks like you're going to have to just deal with it until you decide you don't want to deal with it anymore. You will either be able to improve yourself without his support or he will cause you to fall back into old habits and you won't reach your goals.

    Eventually you will come to a crossroad and decide what is more important to you- This relationship without any support or your health/happiness/self improvement.

    The choice is yours.
  • queenhiphop
    queenhiphop Posts: 286 Member
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    I don't live with my boyfriend but we see each other a lot. He understands that I would find it difficult to go into McDonald's and watch him eat a Big Mac meal but if he wants to eat it, he's not going to NOT eat it, just because I'm trying to lose weight.

    As someone said before, he's your boyfriend, let him do his thing. If he wants to eat ****, let him. Don't let his choices affect yours.

    I don't expect him to sit and eat a bowl of spinach for lunch with me, and likewise, I understand if he wants to eat two portions of rice and chicken plus ice cream for dessert along with a hot chocolate after... while I'll only have a small portion of dinner with a side salad and a glass of water lol. Really, it makes me feel stronger and better about myself knowing that I can resist these tempting foods, and he thinks it's great too!

    Edited to add - just because your partner doesn't choose to work out 5 times a week and log everything they put in their mouth doesn't mean they're not supportive, UNLESS you start to feel like they're not. It kinda feels like the OP's boyfriend isn't sabotaging her on purpose, but he is definitely not being as supportive as he could be.
  • sunnysophie
    sunnysophie Posts: 22
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    Although I am trying really hard to lose weight, my boyfriend is the opposite and he is trying hard to gain weight and bulk up.
    I would be really annoyed if he told me that I'm not being supportive towards him because I keep buying low calorie foods.
    Just as I'm not bothered that he is buying high calorie foods.
    If he isn't intentionally trying to make you slip up (by shoving the food in your face!) then I would cut him some slack and let it make you more determined.
    When I gave up smoking I had my 5 family members and ex bf still smoking around me, in the house, in my bedroom! but now I look back I just think 'Damn that was some serious willpower! Go me!' lol. Good luck in your journey =)
  • dave4d
    dave4d Posts: 1,155 Member
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    I love him. I really do. He's a great guy most of the time.

    But I know for a fact that he's sabotaging my efforts. Not intentionally, I don't think... but I'm at my wits end trying to "talk to him" about it.

    I hate feeling alone in this journey... and I know I could do so much better if he would just be a tad more supportive.

    We have to keep chips, processed food, frozen chicken nuggets and pizza rolls, and soda in the house. HAVE TO.
    "Let's go for a walk with the dog!" I say. "No, I don't want to. I'm too tired/lazy/unmotivated/my shoes are off"
    Cooking is beyond his comprehension. I suggest that maybe he cook a meal or two... "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO COOK!"
    Trying anything new is a no-go. "I DON'T TRUST IT!"

    I can't see myself breaking up with him over this (so you can keep your "dump him" comments to yourself), but any advice for maybe getting him to really realize that he's really making me work extra hard for something that's hard enough as it is!? I even tried the "I'm going out and doing something active with a friend" and he simply doesn't get it :(
    Don't eat the foods you don't want to eat. My wife and I both have certain foods that one likes that the other doesn't. Also, if he doesn't want to go with you to walk the dog, go walk the dog yourself.

    Honestly, it just sounds like you're using him to give yourself excuses.

    This....

    My wife is not dieting. We both eat differently. She has her Paradise cookies that she freezes, then eats daily. I have my protein shakes. If I make food my wife likes, she will eat it. If not, I freeze it, and use it for work meals. If my wife makes something that I can fit in my calorie range, that I like, I will eat it.

    I go to the gym by myself, and do my workouts. I try to have my workouts done by the time she gets home from work because I do like to spend time with her. My success is all up to me, just like yours is up to you. You have to have the will power to keep doing your thing, and if they want to eat better, or exercise.... Great. If not, don't worry about it. You need to do it for yourself... Not them.
  • LouE
    LouE Posts: 19 Member
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    Ah its such a difficult thing when this happens, he may feel insecure thinking if you lose weight you will leave him, i have no idea where these thoughts come from but i believe they are common! I eat the same as my husband but just smaller portions, and have a large salad with it, but if he wanted chicken nuggets and chips and i didn't, well i'd just fling a potato in the oven for myself. Hopefully as you start to lose weight and get fitter he will see how that improves your life and become more encouraging.
  • Hbazzell
    Hbazzell Posts: 899 Member
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    Show him this thread.

    ^like
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
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    why does he have to get it?

    you're both adults. do your own thing.
    cook your own food, walk your dog.

    his choices are just as valid as yours.
    you both need to stop expecting the other to pander.
  • tinassofit
    tinassofit Posts: 54
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    Download some great music, buy yourself some sexy workout wear and head to workout, make sure you come back so sweaty he gets suspicious. do it everyday. look at yourself and love yourself and respect who you are. If you do it for yourself and do it truly, he'll probably even start worrying and follow u eventually.
    :D
  • Verity1111
    Verity1111 Posts: 3,309 Member
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    I want to respond to you asking for advice to help him realize he is "really making [you] work extra hard for something that's hard enough as it is!?" I considered the options and decided this is the best way to say it > You are really making me work extra hard for something that's hard enough as it is! I know, I'm a genius. lol. Seriously though, honesty is the best policy. Tell him there is something very important you want to talk to him about and explain this is an important new lifestyle, not a midlife crisis or a phase of your life. I love many processed foods and pizza, but I still can lose weight at whatever pace I feel necessary. I think if he wants to eat certain foods that is more your self control, but I would understand wanting him to participate in *some* part of your active new life. Just enjoy it and pray he works his way into it slowly, eventually. Use this path as a reminded that you have to take the initiative if you want change, so talk to him about how you feel and don't let him brush you off or act like it isn't an issue.
  • twomadogs
    twomadogs Posts: 14 Member
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    He is feeling threatened and insecure by the new you. We guys are a bit strange sometimes.
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
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    Download some great music, buy yourself some sexy workout wear and head to workout, make sure you come back so sweaty he gets suspicious. do it everyday. look at yourself and love yourself and respect who you are. If you do it for yourself and do it truly, he'll probably even start worrying and follow u eventually.
    :D

    tina plays games. loool.
  • heyzoos
    heyzoos Posts: 21
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    why does he have to get it?

    you're both adults. do your own thing.
    cook your own food, walk your dog.

    his choices are just as valid as yours.
    you both need to stop expecting the other to pander.

    This.
  • kcoftx
    kcoftx Posts: 765 Member
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    He didn't decide to do this. You did. Temptation is all around. He doesn't have to get it. You have to learn to work within the world. That includes with the people you love. It's tough, but not undoable. If you really want this, you'll do what it takes for YOU to succeed.

    I have 3 kids in my house. There is crap in my house. Occasionally I eat it. Most of the time I make the choice not to eat it because it doesn't meet my needs for the day. This is about YOU. Gotta start standing on your own here. Mine doesn't work out with me either. I've tried. I can't make him do it. It also doesn't stop me from doing it either.

    (CURRENTLY there are Girl Scout cookies in my house. I limit myself to 2 for the day, if I have any. I could have chowed down before but now I make different choices).

    I cook for a family. I make a combined meal. One or two of our sides may differ. If it wasn't for the kids, my husband and I would just fend for ourselves. Some nights we choose to do that anyway.

    Yes, it is nice to have a workout and diet buddy but it isn't crucial. I go out with my girlfriends all the time and they order the fattiest thing on the menu while I order something sensible. It is MY choice. Likewise with my family and especially my husband. He's his own person.

    P.S. This mindset dropped me from a size 10 to a size 2.

    Are YOU ready to tackle things?

    You CAN do it. What you need to say from now on is you WILL do this. Let your mind be your powerful ally.

    By the way, your mind is your most powerful tool. I used to be the most anti-exercise person there was. I realized the real obstacle started in my head.
  • kayla2709
    kayla2709 Posts: 25 Member
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    You need to stay strong and stay positive! Cook what you want to cook! If he doesn't like it then he starves! it may mean you have to do a little more work but your worth it and it means your quality of life will be better and healthier!
    Don't be weighed down with his crap...he doesn't force feed you...he simply doesn't share the same journey! Thinks have a way of working out.......either you will out grow him or he will get with it!
    Best of luck!
  • Tori_gonzalez
    Tori_gonzalez Posts: 5
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    i have a husband that is kind of like that...i have to remember its not his fault he can eat whatever he wants and still be stick thin...i dont want to make it sound like you have to do it on your own because you can find buddies on here or friends of yours that will help keep you motivated..but i found at least with my husband that its hard to get him to understand where i am comeing from when he never has and most likely will never be in the place i am so cant blame him for that..it just means that i have to gain alot more will power with all the temptation around me

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