For the newbies: here is what losing 80 pounds is like

So you found out about this app and are determined to lose a bunch of weight and let your inner skinnier person out. It's going to go something like this:

1st week -
I'm going to lose two pounds a week. This is going to be great. I'm going to be so determined and so dedicated...

2nd week -
The hell!?!?!? Why didn't I lose anything? I've been so good. I worked so hard. I should just give up. I'm just meant to be fat. I'll never lose this weight.

3rd week -
How did that burger get in my mouth? Or the pizza? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! I'm a failure...

4th week -
Holy cow!! I lost four pounds. That's a pound a week. That's not bad. I think there's hope.

2nd month - I'm losing so much weight. This is so great. I'll be to my goal in no time at all!!

3rd month - Um.... hello??? What happened? Why aren't we losing weight now. I didn't change anything. I even worked out more. Why do you hate me?!?!? I want cake!

4th month - Whew - doing good. I'm OK. Look at how far I've gotten. Yay me. Just hang in there. I'm going to try going to the gym.

5th month - Going to the gym is hard. I can barely get three days a week in. And everyone there must think I'm so fat and wonder why I'm there. And I'm so sore. Can't move anything. Sitting down is hard.

6th month - I thought I'd be farther along. Why haven't I lost more? I've only gone down two sizes. Shouldn't I be at my goal weight already? Maybe I should try that fad diet or that starvation diet? So tired of people trying to get me to splurge and eat my old favorite junk foods just because I'm working out now and deserve a treat. They just don't get it. I can't afford to splurge right now!

7th Month - I'm going to kill someone right now. I hate this stupid diet. Why didn't I just stick with what I was doing before? It was working. Maybe not as fast as I wanted, but it was working. Where are the cookies??

9th Month - I reached the halfway point!! I'm doing so great. I love my gym. I go there five times a week now. I found this really great class and the instructor is so awesome. This trainer taught me some great new exercises. Some of my friends want to exercise with me now. They are so amazed at how much I've lost and they want to know my secret. I've given up all my old fat clothes for all these awesome new clothes. (Yikes for my credit card bill, but yay for my closet!)

10th month - Plateau?? FU plateau!! So tired of this. Maybe I should try working out with a trainer because obviously I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I've even started gaining weight because I can't stop binging on junk because I'm so depressed to have become so stuck and just when I was half way there...

12th Month - Dammit!! I keep dropping sizes. Getting replacement clothes is getting so expensive!! I barely have the stuff for two months and it's too big again. Must buy smaller sizes so I have more time with them. So glad I stopped starving myself. BMR and TDEE all the way!!

16 Months - I feel great!! You know, even if I don't make it all the way to goal, the size I'm at now is pretty nice. I'm definitely getting a lot more attention. I'm OK if this is as far as I can get. I'm just really enjoying this new lifestyle. And all these changes I made for my health have inspired me to make other changes in other parts of my life. Over all I'm a much happier person and my life is a whole lot better than before. I got rid of the negative influences in my life and have a great circle of supportive, positive people. Work is much better. My attitude about life is better. Life is wonderful!! I feel like a burger tonight. I worked out hard today and I have the calories. I can have it.

18 Months - 80 pounds!!!!! I can't believe I lost 80 pounds!!!! I'm a smaller size than I was in high school!! It's so weird to see myself in the mirror. I'm the same size as my skinny friend. How did that happen? And I'm a single digit size now. Never thought I'd be able to say that!!

Love this post. I hope I can make it past the third month. I end up with cake.

Ha ha!! The cake is a lie!! (OK, not really. It's amazing and has fruit filling.)