Only Children ?

tuffytuffy1
tuffytuffy1 Posts: 920 Member
in Chit-Chat
As a mom of an only child, I hear all the time how lonely my son will be as he gets older. I am in a funk after reading some stupid post on a radio station's FaceBook page this morning. I would love to hear from any of you who are only children yourselves, and whether you feel you were lonely growing up. FYI, my son is 8 and has asked in the past for a sibling, but no longer does.

Do any of you who are only children have any words of support?
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Replies

  • sdavis448
    sdavis448 Posts: 193 Member
    Not an only child, and a mother of two.. but wanted to say that I read somewhere that Only Children are, generally, more successful in life then children of large families.
  • BACONJOKESRSOFUNNY
    BACONJOKESRSOFUNNY Posts: 666 Member
    Bumping, as I'm interested in seeing the replies.
  • EmilyRanae22
    EmilyRanae22 Posts: 506 Member
    I heard the same thin as sdavis....I don't think kids need siblings to prevent them from being lonely, they need friends and, based on your picture, he's an active little dude
  • CollegiateGrief
    CollegiateGrief Posts: 552 Member
    I'm an only child. I had friends, and I was close to my parents, but I hear my friends stories of playing with their siblings and feel like I missed something. Everyone else is having neices and nephews be born, and I will never be an aunt. I can't speak for everyone, but now at 25, I do feel like I missed out on a very special and irreplacable relationship of having a sibling. Unless I have a family of my own, when my parents die, I will be alone.

    Regardless, it was my parents' choice whether they wanted more children. If you don't feel you want or can handle it, it's your call.
  • amanda_catherine
    amanda_catherine Posts: 101
    same mine is 8..she used to want siblings but does not anymore... i think after hanging out with friends who have siblings, she decided otherwise lol.. plus she has a little cousin who she loves very much :)
  • fightininggirl
    fightininggirl Posts: 792 Member
    daughter is an only child techinically I was one because by the time I was born my sister was married and out of the house. actually my daughter being an only child she loves it. She is thriving in school makes the honor roll. She makes friends at school she plays with and is active on the basketball team.

    I made friends in school hung out with people at my church played basketball.
  • SageGoddess320
    SageGoddess320 Posts: 2,589 Member
    I was an only child until I was 17 and I don't feel like I was deprived at all. As long as your kid has a playmate, what's the harm?
  • Skeena4
    Skeena4 Posts: 209 Member
    I'm an only child and don't feel like i missed anything at all... never once did it occur to me that I didn't have anything or was alone etc. I came from the era of playing outside till dusk, drinking from the garden hose, building forts, jump rope etc.... none of this TV, video games, computer, internet. My mom wouldn't let me get a Nintendo because I'd stay inside all day... LOL

    Anyway, I wouldn't worry about it as long as you don't plan on homeschooling them or something, then they might feel alone since they wouldn't have the big group of kids in class to build social skills.
  • Jxnsmma
    Jxnsmma Posts: 919 Member
    Im an only child and never felt the lack of a sibling. I have only one child. He is 3 and I dont plan on having more. I want to be able to give him everything he needs in life and dont know that i could do that with more. I lived in the city as a child and had lots of friends to play with. we now live in the country and i will make every effort to enrol him in things and have playdates so he is not longing for other kids, though he will see them every day at school.

    Im not worried.

    I have several friends that are very close with their siblings and several that hate eachother and never speak.
  • spade117
    spade117 Posts: 2,466 Member
    One of my kids wants to be an only child.
  • tuffytuffy1
    tuffytuffy1 Posts: 920 Member
    Thanks for your replies. Collegiate, I had never even considered that before, that my son will never be an uncle. Ugh, I just have to keep making sure he develops close relationships with friends. He is on a lot of sport teams, and an all-star on those teams at that (picked for the travel teams, etc.). He has close friends who are also very involved in athletics. He is also in the gifted program at school for reading and math, so he is doing really well with academics and athletics, but I really worry about how he will fefel once he is grown without a sibling. Personally, my sister and I fought like cats and dogs, and haven't spoken in 13 years. But I still worry, of course, as moms tend to do. Thanks everyone, I appreciate your taking the time to comment:flowerforyou:
  • tuffytuffy1
    tuffytuffy1 Posts: 920 Member
    One of my kids wants to be an only child.

    This made me LOL, thanks, I needed that :D
  • BrawlerBella
    BrawlerBella Posts: 400 Member
    I am an only child with no immediate family as my parents have passed away. I don't feel I missed out on not having brothers/sisters. I had a close relationship with my parents and got to travel a lot and do fun things most of friends could not because they had large families. I had trouble having children and when my son was born I had the mindset he would be an only child. He on the other hand begged for a brother constantly. After 9 years he got his half wish as a sister was born. He now wishes he was an only child lol.
  • horseplaypen
    horseplaypen Posts: 442 Member
    I'm an only child, and I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. Not to say siblings aren't special, but I don't feel like my life was incomplete for not having one. I feel like I'm a lot closer to my mom because it was just the two of us after my parents got divorced (although I see my dad as often as I can, we are just not as close). I was also able to have a lot more opportunities because my parents didn't have to spread the money and time out between two or more kids - so I was able to take more lessons, play more sports, and get involved in more extracurriculars. I never felt particularly lonely growing up, but my mom did stay at home with me until my parents got divorced, at which point we moved in with my grandparents, so I always felt a very strong sense of family.

    The only thing I will say is that I am a very introverted and self-conscious person, and I sometimes wonder if having a sibling might have forced me to be more assertive, as opposed to the quiet, bookish childhood I had with my mom. The only thing I would take away from that is that if I have only one child, I'll probably try to purposefully put them into activities that encourage them to be outgoing, social, and confident from an early age.
  • istoria1011
    istoria1011 Posts: 13 Member
    Only child here, also daughter of immigrants so no other family here except for mom and dad.

    I am very close to my parents, they are pretty much my best friends. I didn't have a lot of close friends growing up and sure, sometimes I was lonely but my parents were always there to do things with me. I have a very active imagination so I could keep myself entertained when I was younger. I love reading so that filled some of the down time and as a geek, I spent a lot of time on the computer playing games.

    I went away to college and met a lot of great people who I'm still friends with now. I am the 'social' one in my local group of friends and usually make new friends pretty fast.

    I don't think I missed anything, there was pressure to be good at school and succeed in life but I think most kids get that. I think I turned out pretty normal, I mean I'm a geek but pretty normal by those standards. Life was tough sometimes but I think that was more because I didn't really fit in to any of the groups growing up.
  • iulia_maddie
    iulia_maddie Posts: 2,780 Member
    Only child here. Growing up i didn't feel alone because i had lots of cousins and friends. I am now 24 and i admit i wish i had a sister or a brother. I do feel like maybe i missed out on something.
    On the other hand, my parents made the decision to have just one child because money was tight and they wanted to make sure they can offer me as much as possible.
    If i decide to have kids in the future, i will have 2. Unless, like my parents, i have a good reason to stop at one.
    And i'm pretty spoiled. So there.:happy:
  • sgv0918
    sgv0918 Posts: 851 Member
    I grew up as an only child. Yes as a child I longed for a sibling. But now as an adult I don't feel I missed out. I am well educated. I was a very well behaved child and had excellent manners. I married into a big family and have sister and bro-in-laws and nieces and nephews thru them. I am the mom of 3 kids now but my daughter is the only typical child. the other 2 have significant special needs. She is essentially an only child. I look at the silver lining that I only have her college to pay for and she loves her cousins as siblings. Too often people put their ideals on to you and I say screw that. There are all kinds of families.
  • kiddoc88
    kiddoc88 Posts: 244 Member
    I'm an only child. There are so many pros and cons as with anything. Sometimes I wish I'd had siblings, and sometimes I'm glad I didn't.
    On one hand, I'm glad I didn't have siblings to fight with or have issues with, but at the same time, yes I did have moments of loneliness and wonder if I relate to others differently( e.g when others are talking about issues with their siblings)
    Same thing with nieces and nephews- I'll never have any.
    I was a very creative child and did a lot of art and craft projects and such , had a close group of friends and was close to my cousins. I certainly wasn't spoiled, nor did I have trouble sharing.In fact, according to my dad when I was a toddler I'd just let the other kids take my toys.

    The other things was that growing up being raised mostly by my mom, if something went missing I was automatically looked at even if it was something she had misplaced sometimes.I also had a higher than average degree of responsibility and independence because of this. My chores , aside from keeping my room clean were; dishes, garbage and recycle, cat litter, vacuuming. I think I was doing my own laundry by early high school.

    I'll occasionally have anxiety over the future regarding being an only child because my parents are divorced, and so I'll be the sole person responsible for both of their care when they become elderly.
  • snoopytwins
    snoopytwins Posts: 1,759 Member
    There's always something to make parental guilt kick in, isn't there? Don't sweat it.
  • LauraMacNCheese
    LauraMacNCheese Posts: 7,173 Member
    Your son is a Phillies fan...you are doing it right :flowerforyou:
  • tararocks
    tararocks Posts: 287 Member
    I didn't read anybody else's responses so I dont know if I am in the majority or not, but I am an only child. I would not trade it for the world. I think that children grow up well rounded/happy in both scenarios, siblings or not and the presence of actual siblings has little to do with it. As a child i wanted a sibling, begged for one, and even made up a story to my teachers that my parents were adopting a baby. At about age 12 I stopped wanting that, as a matter of fact at about 14 my parents discussed adopting a baby and i was against it entirely. I do not feel like i was let down in any way, i do not feel like I missed out on any bonds. I have very close friends that are like sisters to me, except i only have the good parts of them, not the fighting and sibling rivalry. I also have cousins that I am very close to.
    As an adult, some of the benefits I see are that my kids are the only grandchildren and my parents adore them (not that all grandparents dont, but there is no competition-there is no so and so kids got this, my kids got that). When it comes to holidays, its only me, our holidays are mellow, my parents are able to work with my schedule for other family meetings because its just me, its not well tara can come at this time but susy can only come at this time and bobby cant come at either time, there is no picking and choosing because its just me.
    Additionally, as an adult i have now experienced friends losing parents. While i know it will be hard for all decisions to lay on my shoulders, i also see the nastiness between siblings (again not all), about last wishes, funerals, caretaking when ill, and then "getting the goods" and I am thankful I will never have to deal with that, I have seen it happen in even the best closest families i know. But it wont happen to me.
    I did see a mention about being an uncle when i was skimming, my husband has a brother and i am newly an aunt, that baby is just as much my nephew as he is my husbands and both my brother in law and sister in law agree. The fact that i dont have "true" siblings doesnt change that, i have many dear clsoe friends that call me aunt as do my kids to them and i feel every bit as much an aunt to them as my husband does to his True nephew. I have more godchildren than anybody I know that has True siblings. to me that argument is irrelevant.
    anyway, jsut saying i love being an only child and i wouldnt trade it for the world.
    As a side note, i do have two children, however they are 8 years apart and will each have a significant portion of their childhood where they are raised as only children, my first from birth to age 8 and my second from 10 forward. I did that intentionally.
  • tuffytuffy1
    tuffytuffy1 Posts: 920 Member
    I am so grateful for all the positive words you guys took the time to post, you really made my day! Thanks to all of you:flowerforyou:
  • Wickedbookworm1977
    Wickedbookworm1977 Posts: 162
    I'm an only child. I'm 35, and am well adjusted. I grew up figuring out how to play and entertain myself on my own. Both my parents worked, and from the age of 9, I was a latchkey kid, and stayed by myself in the summertime. Teachers loved me because I read books constantly. I preferred to read books rather than interact with my peers, who, even at that time seemed very immature. I knew how to deal with other kids, knew how to share, knew all of that, but preferred (and still do) to be by myself. I'm autonomous and I like it that way. That's kind of they way I grew up. I got the benefit of figuring things out and and doing things on my own..I did not need adult input.
  • cuterbee
    cuterbee Posts: 545
    My husband was the only child of divorced parents, and his dad moved out of state. His mom loved him but was very protective and controlling. I know he wishes he had had siblings since he couldn't go out often to play with friends and he had the full brunt of his mom's personality without a dad or other signifcant person to mitigate it.

    Now...I had siblings, one of whom was an abusive bully. I spent a lot of my childhood locked in the bathroom reading or wandering alone in the woods around our home instead of hanging around with my family just to avoid the brother who beat me up and called me names. I would very much have liked to have been an only child!

    As long as your child is happy and has friends, I think it's all good. There are tradeoffs to every kind of upbringing. All any of us can do is our best. Sounds like you are thinking of the best for your child; I'm sure he'll be fine!
  • Mandy_Jerseygirl
    Mandy_Jerseygirl Posts: 14 Member
    I'm an only child, and also the mother of an only child. I'm intelligent, well adjusted, successful and never felt like I'd missed out on a thing being an only child. Our daughter (now 21 yrs old) is a senior in college, exceptionally bright (received a full four-year academic scholarship), and probably one of the most well adjusted kids I've ever met (of course I could be a bit biased on that hahaha).

    My mother gave me plenty of love, attention and guidance, and I've done the same with my daughter. Whether you have 1 child or 20, I believe you get out what you put in! :)
  • LeenaRuns
    LeenaRuns Posts: 1,309 Member
    I'm an only child, and also the mother of an only child. I'm intelligent, well adjusted, successful and never felt like I'd missed out on a thing being an only child.

    My mother gave me plenty of love, attention and guidance, and I've done the same with my daughter. Whether you have 1 child or 20, I believe you get out what you put in! :)

    I totally agree. I'm an only and my son (2.5) is and will remain an only. I loved it.
  • crazytreelady
    crazytreelady Posts: 752 Member
    My significant other is an only child and he said he sometimes was lonely as a child and that he developed more selfish traits, my cousin (only child as well) has said that too before. That being said, like the second post stated, a lot of only children are more successful in life than children from large families. I think he'll be fine though.

    I forgot to add, they say they both really enjoy being only children.
  • Lyric82
    Lyric82 Posts: 119
    I am a 30 year old woman, and an only child. I have to honestly say, that I wouldn't consider myself lonely, AT ALL! Actually, I feel extremely independent! I am single, and have no children. And I'm okay with that! I enjoy my 'me' time, and I know that if it's meant to happen - it will. I have learned to rely on myself a lot and I wouldn't have it any other way. I am also successful and well-adjusted. I'm a school psychologist. :)
  • Lyric82
    Lyric82 Posts: 119
    I am a 30 year old woman, and an only child. I have to honestly say, that I wouldn't consider myself lonely, AT ALL! Actually, I feel extremely independent! I am single, and have no children. And I'm okay with that! I enjoy my 'me' time, and I know that if it's meant to happen - it will. I have learned to rely on myself a lot and I wouldn't have it any other way. I am also successful and well-adjusted. I'm a school psychologist. :)

    Can I also add that I have the BEST relationship with my parents?!? And I always did!! Never went through that teenage stage where I didn't want to be around my parents. I love and respect them more than ever the older I get! Not saying people that aren't only children don't respect and love their parents - please don't hear me wrong! But when you are an only child - you have a special bond with your parents and extended family :)
  • TheDarlingOne
    TheDarlingOne Posts: 255 Member
    I sort of am like an only child - because - there were 16 and 17 years between my sister and brother and myself.

    The only "discouraging" thing I would say came when I got a bit older say - 15, to their 31 and 32 - was the fact that they could tell stories like, "You remember Joe Bob from back in the neighborhood?" "Ah yeah that crazy guy haha!" - they could kind of share laughs that I would know nothing about.

    But otherwise, I grew up with my mom as my bff - she spent a lot of time with me because they were "grown" (or in the case with your only child) - so I already knew how to write my 1st and last name, my numbers 1-100, and my abcs - as well as recite them, before I even went to school.

    I was just able to share "remember that crazy guy from the 'hood" stories with my bff's from the neighborhood :) --- and of course my mom :)

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