Absolutely livid at husband!
Replies
-
As hard as it will be, you have to make this about YOUR lifestyle. There will always be family and friends who will try to sabatoge us or we will feel as though they are - even when they're not. So...what do you do?
Number 1 - Read the road map link that was posted earlier. Figure out how many cals you need to eat to lose fat.
Number 2 - Understand that you can continue to eat most foods (if not all) in moderation. There is no reason you should not be going out to eat and making good choices there. You sound like you are planning your cals for the day (good job) and so you should be able to work anything into the mix. Families often get a little peeved if you make this all about the "I can't do this anymore" and "I can't eat that anymore" and they then feel like they are being punished because of you. Someday you will want to eat like a normal person again without gaining the weight back. Start now learning how to eat portions like a normal person.
Number 3 - Relationships have their problems. Better we don't judge your situation from afar. You are living there. You know how you feel. Don't let nuts on the forums tell you what to do. (Not that you would listen, but still).
Good luck.0 -
Thank him for being so supportive, and then change his sugar for laxative...
Brilliant and evil...I love it.0 -
Good morning (where I am)! One of my cardinal rules as a husband is 'don't talk about diet'. No win situation. :happy: Perhaps explain to him why this is so difficult for you, but why this is so important to you, and what sort of support you would like from him. (After your fury passes!) I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you - - we guys are just, well, sort of stupid :flowerforyou:
As to your hunger. Do I understand that you have a 200 calorie breakfast, and a 200 calorie lunch, and a 700 calorie dinner? That counts up to only 1100 calories which is dangerously low. I'm not surprised you're so hungry! Losing weight cannot be accomplished by simply drastically cutting back your calories like that.
I know you're venting and looking for support right now, but I think if you could take the time to go read this: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/654536-in-place-of-a-road-map-2-0-revised-7-2-12
That diet is simple, guaranteed to work, not painful and unpleasant like it sounds like your current diet might be, and various forms of that diet are what most of the success stories on this website come from.
I'm doing this too it really works I lost 3lbs this week0 -
Does he know how you feel about his comments? I would let him know that it upsets you. My hubby can be insensitive at times and doesn't realize how it makes me feel until I point it out to him. Guys tend to not be able to tune into women's emotions very easily.
Also, as some others have said prove him wrong. I know I have started diets several times, and then after my hubby sees my results and motivation, he is more apt to join my healthier eating and exercise. Good luck, and feel free to add me if you need the extra motivation!
0 -
Hit him over the head with a frying pan... eat the crisps and leave the bag on him so he knows when he wakes up.0
-
Men can be fools.
YOUR man can be a fool. Where do you know me from?
Right?
Not all men are like this. My husband wouldn't dare say anything about this. He'll say "can you have this? What about this? Can we go here?" he doesn't want to sabotage my efforts but he knows that I can arrange my day for special meals or splurges.
I think you just need to simply say "this is my diet. It is for one person. Your input discourages me and I just need you to love me and not discuss my efforts."
Good luck, and if that doesn't work as pp said, prove him wrong.0 -
That is way abusive. It sounds to me like your husband doesn't want you to succeed. Maybe he is insecure with himself and such behavior needs to be addressed.0
-
Why are you punishing yourself for something someone else said? If someone (family or whatever) says something hurtful, don't just close down and punish yourself over it. If they make you mad, you say "That hurt my feelings" or "You make me feel bad for eating, and that is hurting me" or whatever else you are feeling RIGHT then. Get it out, say how you feel, let him know when he's making mistakes or he'll never realize it at the time.
You are the only person who can let yourself feel a certain way, you can be mad at him or let him ruin your night or just come out and get it off your chest. I know there are nice ways to tell someone these things (me, I prefer to tell someone where to go though.. hah... but then I'm a bit outspoken that way..).0 -
Regardless of some of the negative posts that have been wrtiten the best thing you can do is sit your husband down and explain what you need him to do to be supportive that it is a struggle and that your doing the best you can do considering the side affects of your medicine. If that doesnt work a letter always works on my husband If that STILL doesnt work then just do your thing girl and ignore him. Tell him you are doing everything right by counting your calories so just leave you alone. Good luck ok and hang in there 0
-
Prove him wrong. This is for you. Stay strong. None of us understand or know your situation but you have to do what is best and right for you. In the long run it will make you stronger and hopefully make the relationship better. I'm very lucky to have a supportive spouse but I have also (once upon a time) been in a similar situation. He either needs to support you and be there for you or stay quiet0
-
I know your feeling...my husband used to do the same thing. Now after seeing the various struggles I have gone through and then being diagnosed with a condition in which weight loss is a must along with eating better to prevent other diseases. I had to get serious with him though and explain everything and how he hurt me. Although I have to say this is just one of the many road blocks that will be on your route to your goal. Stick to your guns...and show him you are going to do it for YOU. Keep up the hard work and don't let him detour you! YOU GOT THIS!!!
0 -
I once asked my husband to help me by stoping me when I am going to eat something I shoud'nt. BIG MITAKE! At first it was ok but then everytime I would get ready to eat something. He would say are you sure you want that or are you sure you need to eat that. I would then either get upset and not eat the rest of the day or pig out. I finally got to the point where I had to say let me just do this for me and make my choices. I really think some men dont realize how their words effect woman. Especially if they have low self-esteem already. My husband was really trying to help but it drove me crazy. I hope that you can explain to your husband how it makes you feel and that he will understand.0
-
Thank you for all the lovely messages. I genuinely believe my husband was trying to help me but he has limited communication skills and so often puts his foot in it. He has been very apologetic today and BOUGHT ME 2 CREME EGGS AS A PEACE OFFERING! (He tries his best but always gets things wrong-a peace offering of chocolate is probably not the most appropriate gift!)
Other than the 2 creme eggs I have stuck to the diet today and have 400 cals left. I have a pasta bake for tea and then some apples as treats so hopefully should do it. Also walked the dogs today so think I may get some more allowance for this.
He has now promised to be more supportive.0 -
Does your husband support you in endeavors other than dieting? Ask if he will support you by suggesting and helping you make healthy food choices vs getting on your case. If he does not support you in other areas of your life, then that is an issue that must be dealt with and it may require counciling.
BTW-- Saving calories for the end of the day is not a goo way to go. It is healthier to balance them out. Can you possibily take that medication in the morning vs the evening? I know some times I am hungry at night so I find that warm tea with a bit of soy milk takes the edge off the hunger.
Good luck sweety!!!0 -
I wouldn't explain *kitten*, just don't have sex with for a very long time.0
-
Hit him over the head with a frying pan... eat the crisps and leave the bag on him so he knows when he wakes up.
bahahaha!!! Love this response.0 -
Unfortunately the medication has to be taken at night as it is very sedating.
I run a business and my husband has been massively supportive in this. I have pretty low self esteem and it has been his "you can do it" attitude that has got me though year one and I now am getting a salary out of it.
One of my biggest problems is emotional eating. I am very emotionally sensitive and get mood swings when people upset me. This is when I pig out.
I also think my husband is a bit insecure due to his disability (he is blind) and perhaps does not want me to lose weight and gain more confidence.0 -
you need to stop crying and tell him to either treat you with resepect or bugger off ...... and why do u let him bully ????0
-
I'm sorry your husband wasn't more sensitive. It sounds like you have a good plan based on your unique situation. Stick to it. It's hard for someone else to empathize with what you feel--or how hungry you are, so you are the only one who can be a judge of what works for you. As others have posted, concentrate on staying within your calorie goal. Peace.0
-
Hit him over the head with a frying pan... eat the crisps and leave the bag on him so he knows when he wakes up.
0 -
When people question what I'm eating, I ask them, "So how many calories have I eaten so far today and what is my calorie goal?"
THIS ALL DAY AND TWICE ON SUNDAYS!!0 -
My husband says dumb things. He doesn't have the same problems I do and he is actually trying to gain weight right now. I had a frank conversation with him and told him I don't think he understands how hard it is for me and the best way he can support me is to not say anything. I have found myself sneaking food because I don't want him to see me, but that is not right. I think we are at an understanding now. Hopefully you can talk to your husband and he will understand.0
-
Thank you for all the lovely messages. I genuinely believe my husband was trying to help me but he has limited communication skills and so often puts his foot in it. He has been very apologetic today and BOUGHT ME 2 CREME EGGS AS A PEACE OFFERING! (He tries his best but always gets things wrong-a peace offering of chocolate is probably not the most appropriate gift!)
Other than the 2 creme eggs I have stuck to the diet today and have 400 cals left. I have a pasta bake for tea and then some apples as treats so hopefully should do it. Also walked the dogs today so think I may get some more allowance for this.
He has now promised to be more supportive.
Could he be trying to sabotage your efforts? I'd do some reading about that and see if his behavior fits the bill. Then, I agree with others who suggest ignoring him.0 -
You have already lost 3 lbs -- WAY TO GO!!! So please don't quit. Perhaps you could use a little bit of sarcasm on him. "You know, I have lost 3 lbs. How many have you lost?" And then keep on going, to prove him wrong.
Oh wait, I see you just posted a note saying he apologized & offered you a peace offering. Although chocolate probably wasn't the best choice, it's a start.
The next time he sounds critical, perhaps you could give him some good suggestions of how he can best help you. You might also want to explain how you're doing your diet. He may be unaware that you eat most of your calories in the evening.0 -
Regardless of your food choices, this is YOUR journey. People like to judge. They feel entitled for some reason. Often times it is better to not make the grand announcement that says "I am on a diet." "I am changing how I eat forever." I imagine there are very few of us who got this right the first time out of the gate.
Less face it. If we got 10 random MFP people here to give their opinion on what you eat and what you consider "healthy" versus what they consider "healthy" I doubt if we'd get 100% agreement. And these are people who are doing the work and seeing results. So regardless, each of us has to find our own way that works solely for us. My program won't work for you and your program won't work for me. But if my program works for me and you program works for you then that is the whole point!
I'd have a real heart to heart with your husband about this issue. Get your talking points in order on paper first so he can't fluster you. Lay out the ground rules of your eating. Your eating is YOUR eating. You make your choices for a reason. You are allowed to make changes to your eating, etc. He may not critique you on your choices unless you ask his opinion. He is allowed to eat his own food his own way. You are responsible for you. He is responsible for himself. You cannot change how he eats or thinks, but you can ask that he keep his opinions to himself. If he wants to help you lay out some ground rules that will help and tell him examples that won't help, etc.
In any case this is YOUR journey and you are allowed to make up the rules as you go. There are a zillion diet books out there and even the experts don't agree with each other. Choose a plan that works for you and do it. If you decide you don't like that plan you are allowed to change to another until infinity and you find what works for you. It doesn't hurt your husband for you to do things your way. Does he do everything the way you want him to? I sincerely doubt that! No one would and I'm sure we've all tried that one with our husbands! Lol!!0 -
I'm sure your husband wants you to meet your goal but he is going around it the wrong way. Let him know that in order for you to be successful you need his support. When your on a diet and you have a partner, they need to be your cheer leader. Maybe he doesn't know that you are counting calories and there are so many calories you need to consume in a day. Sit down with him and show him your plan, maybe once you explain it to him he will be a better support.
If that doesn't work then do what CherokeeBabe said.......just kidding.....communication is key, sit down and explain your process to your husband...Hope this helps and keep up the good work your doing great..... 0 -
I've had similar issues in my marriage because my husband is extremely consistent and active every single day. It took years of me pushing myself to be as active as he is, and he use to make comments that upset me too. I really don't think he was trying to hurt me - he just wanted to see me do what I set out to do.
I finally realized that I have to find what works for me. I don't like jumping on my bike in the middle of winter or playing tennis with ice on the ground like he does. Brrrr! And I can't eat the same dinner of sauteed veggies and ground beef every single night. So I figured out what works for me - I got a gym membership and lift weights - something he would never do. And my diet looks different than his. But it works - it's just not his.
All that to say, you have to find what works for you. Your husband obviously has a different idea in his mind of what it's supposed to look like. It can't be a "diet" - it has to be a lifestyle change. Which means you will have a treat on occasion or whatever.
I also agree with some comments made about maybe you're not eating enough during the day. I can't see your food diary, so it's just based on the comment you made in your original post. I don't know what you're doing for exercise, but if you're dealing with so much hunger, then you should focus more energy on exercising. I lift weights and do cardio 5-6 days each week and have been seeing progress.
You can do this! Oh and try not to talk about what your doing. That's one I struggle with a lot.0 -
My long term partner was a little suspicious of my plan at first. I didn't feel like going into a lengthy explanation of my plan and goals, because I know things will change as I progress. I'm making a huge life change. I don't need to be a size 0 but I do need to be healthy. So I went to the store, bought healthy items, bought vegetables and fruits. He curiously came along and questioned choices. I answered.
Two days later he came home with a crate of vegetables (not even all the 'right' kind) and a juicer saying "Honey, I have your solution!" I thanked him since, once he bought the appropriate vegetables and fruits, it will be a great way to add more servings of fruit and vegetables to our diet. BUT I'm not interested in some fad diet of drinking only juice for several weeks. I want to learn how to live healthy every day while still enabling myself to enjoy life -so far, so good-
Then a few days after that, I joined a gym. I was tired of the bickering about what equipment to get at home and where to put it. (Keep in mind, he's never been on a diet or worked out to work out). I put my foot down, said "this is for me" and joined a wonderful gym just down the road. That seemed to irritate the hell out of him. Suddenly he was all, "You're wasting money, you won't go, blah blah." I turned my head, flashed him my 'your five seconds away from death' look and said evenly, "Do NOT turn into your mother right now..."
His mother has quite the history of questioning every purchase or thing he has done. She always assumes failure. Well, my comment took him back and really forced him to think about what he had said. The next day, he was a completely different man. He wanted to know real information about my gym and my plan. And, when I come home he asks, "Are you doing the gym tonight? What should I make for dinner?" He's now my supportive partner and joining the journey. :flowerforyou:
(I also promised I'd walk around in the nude more often when I had my self-esteem back, that motivates a man pretty well too) :laugh:
Lesson of this long story: Sometimes the guy is a jerk (I almost married one ages ago) and sometimes they just don't realize the extent of what they're doing. Sometimes you have to take a calming breath, give them something to think about and hope they realize. But throughout it all, remind yourself that this is for YOU! YOU CAN DO IT, YOU WILL GET THERE, YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
Set yourself mini-goals along the way and as you achieve each of those, you'll start to feel more motivated and more powerful. Hell, make yourself a chart if you need one. And, when you need to vent or need extra support, we're all here too. 0 -
One of my biggest problems is emotional eating. I am very emotionally sensitive and get mood swings when people upset me. This is when I pig out.
Just a suggestion: I was told to cut out sugar and white flour and refined grains like white pasta, white rice, and baked goods that contained them. I was devastated to cut those things out that I so loved. I even cried over the break up of them! But I did it and within 2 weeks I no longer craved those things. For the first time in my life at 50 years old I was no longer a slave to mindless eating of a box of crackers, a box of cereal, a bag of chips, etc. You might want to consider that approach for yourself at some point. I decided that anything without nutritional value (junk food is called junk food for a reason) did not belong in my healthy diet. From that day on my life was forever changed. Not that I never ever have these things, but they are not part of my daily/weekly diet. They are special occasion foods and I think long and hard about them because I will start to binge on them and then the cravings must be fought off all over again. Just something to consider if this makes sense to you.0 -
Just remember, you are doing this for YOU! no one else. SO you feel healthy, and better about yourself. Don't let anyone take that from you. My bf is pretty similar but I know he is really just trying to help me and I can be difficult when I want something. They think that if you have any type of snack, you are falling off your course. We know that is not always true. I have to point out the nutrition on the back and explain to him sometimes and then he realizes, Oh I see! and now lays off. He only gets on me if I eat bad things now... but will say... don't do it! don't do it! in a funny way. It doesn't make me mad anymore. He needs to find a way to say things so you don't get offended, and WHEN to say them most importantly. Don't give up! 0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.2K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 427 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.7K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions