Absolutely livid at husband!
Replies
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DO NOT TELL PEOPLE WHO ARE UNSUPPORTIVE THAT YOU ARE ON A DIET. I hate it when they criticise every thing you are eating and it makes the child in you say I AM GOING TO EAT THAT AND MORE!
Just try not to buy that sort of quick snack, low glycaemic index food because it is too tempting.0 -
I am a guy and I am from MARS! We are not real bright most of the time. Cuff him up side of the head. He will thank you for it later0
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Good morning (where I am)! One of my cardinal rules as a husband is 'don't talk about diet'. No win situation. :happy: Perhaps explain to him why this is so difficult for you, but why this is so important to you, and what sort of support you would like from him. (After your fury passes!) I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you - - we guys are just, well, sort of stupid :flowerforyou:
As to your hunger. Do I understand that you have a 200 calorie breakfast, and a 200 calorie lunch, and a 700 calorie dinner? That counts up to only 1100 calories which is dangerously low. I'm not surprised you're so hungry! Losing weight cannot be accomplished by simply drastically cutting back your calories like that.
I know you're venting and looking for support right now, but I think if you could take the time to go read this: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/654536-in-place-of-a-road-map-2-0-revised-7-2-12
That diet is simple, guaranteed to work, not painful and unpleasant like it sounds like your current diet might be, and various forms of that diet are what most of the success stories on this website come from.
This!!
Also, show him this app and explain how it works....there is plenty of room in a balanced diet for treats!0 -
I understand exactly what your going through. I would be eating cereal and my father would be pointing at the bowl and saying to much to much. It it truly is to much then why have I lost 36 LBS since September 1st.0
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Bullying.
It does not mean what you think it means
This.
And "emotional abuse"? ..... Wow.
People won't seem as "mean" if you get some self-confidence.0 -
You don't need your husband's approval before you eat something.
Perfectly stated. Ignore him COMPLETELY when he mentions anything about your eating. If it fits into you goals, go ahead and have it. YOU know what fits and what doesn't better than he does, so disregard his "help".
Side note, instead of reaching for low cal crisps as a snack, grab a handful of carrots and hummus, or a banana or an apple. That would be even less calories that those crisps, and would almost guaranteed keep you full longer.0 -
I just found out because I walked my dogs today I have another 228 cals on my allowance! Thank goodness-did not know how I would manage today as nearly ran out of allowance. The creme eggs did not help although I did enjoy them!
Off to play with baby Anthony Jr (the cutie on my profile pic) now...0 -
You did put the crisps down and not eat them didn't you?
So... it worked.
If you have calories left to spare, you can simply say that it's within your allowance for today.0 -
Sorry, but you need to have a thicker skin, his words only have power if you allow it. You should have replied "I'll do this my way, and you do yours you way." Or say, "what?!? I can't hear you judging me over the sound of all this tasty crunching." People only have as much power over you as you allow them.0
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One of the weird things about telling people that we're trying to lose weight is that it somehow instantly turns them into an expert. They judge every single thing we put into our mouths, and look at every bite rather than a whole day or week or the results we're getting.
And men tend to be suppportive in a different way than women (although women can be godawful mean about this kind of thing as well). Take a breath, and keep going.0 -
There are two people on the planet who should have the ability to tell you to change your eating habits, once you become an adult: your doctor, and the person you see in the mirror. Take everyone else's free advice on your weight management program to be worth every penny you paid.0
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I don't know your hubby so I can't say if he is just insensitive or if he is verbaly abusive but the bottom line is if he loves you then he should treat you with respect and he didn't. the best way to handle a situation like this is to wait till he is not around and write a letter telling him how his comments made you feel and how much it hurt you and why. be honest but don't rant at him. tell him what he could have said to get his point across without making you feel like ****. give him the letter and say I want you to read this 3 times while I'm gone please it means alot to me then leave and come back in an hour or so. if he loves you and respects your feelings he will do as you ask. the first time he reads the letter he will get angry but you wont be there for him to yell at you then when he calms down a bit he will read it again and listen to a little more of what the letter says. by the third time he reads it most of it will sink in and by the time you come home he will be calmed down and able to talk rationaly about it. this is a good way to get things out in the open without screaming and fighting and getting angry and defensive. the most important thing is to stay on your diet and get healthy. never let someone elses negative comments change what you are doing or what you believe because trust me there are ALOT of negative hatefull people out there who NEVER have anything nice or positive to say. I speak from experience because my ex-husband is one of those people. he is verbaly, mentally and emotionaly abusive and refused to work on our marriage so eventually I had to leave him and although it was hard in the beginning I've never been happier and I'm better off without him. men think differently than women and they are not mind readers so often times we have to politely explain to them what we need and how we feel. good luck and God bless.0
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I sympathize absolutely!
I had this same problem the first few weeks of MFP. I want to get to my net calorie intake every day (I eat my exercise cals) so in the evening I'd be like, "Hm, I have another 300 to eat calories tonight." And my boyfriend would say, "You're eating AGAIN? Are you sure you're doing this right??" Or he'd say, "How is this a diet? You're eating all the time." I told him MFP was rated the weight loss plan with highest customer satisfaction, and he said, "No wonder, I want a diet that tells me to eat that much." He didn't seem to notice the small portions and healthy choices right away.
Now it's been two months and I'm making progress so he shuts up. I still get a look from time to time. He's always thought of losing weight as "just using willpower" to starve yourself but he's starting to trust me. In fact, he recently said I should become a nutritionist, lol.
Tell him you know what you're doing, keep doing what's working, and give him time to get used to it.0 -
I would crunch those crisps loudly in his face and give him a mean face! Try to ignore his dumb comments and do this for you! You are allowed to have crisps and chocolate and anything else you like if it fits into your daily calories!0
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Well, people can say things that hurt, that's just a fact of life. But, it's up to us as to how the words and actions of others affects us. Your diet is about you, not him, so figure out how to deal with that hunger and move on.
Or....
Lose the weight, gain the muscle, and then kick his *kitten*! ....just kidding.
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I obviously don't know your husband....BUT, I do have a friend that is just like him though.... The only thing he knows is negative reinforcement. I do believe your husband....like my buddy... Was trying to help... In the only way they know how.... Thru negative reinforcement. You have to let him know how the negative reinforcement makes you feel! For example.... When you said that, I wanted to eat the whole bag.... Then drive down to cold stone creamery and get a love it size ice cream... Sorry, that's what I want right now... Talk to him! He'll support you!0
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Unfortunately the medication has to be taken at night as it is very sedating.
I run a business and my husband has been massively supportive in this. I have pretty low self esteem and it has been his "you can do it" attitude that has got me though year one and I now am getting a salary out of it.
One of my biggest problems is emotional eating. I am very emotionally sensitive and get mood swings when people upset me. This is when I pig out.
I also think my husband is a bit insecure due to his disability (he is blind) and perhaps does not want me to lose weight and gain more confidence.
How convient for you to bash your blind husband and then retract it by saying how supportive he's been in other aspects of your life. He's BLIND!!! He wouldn't even be able to see what you and others have written about him to defend himself. You need to get you low self esteem under control!!! Any other complaints you have about him are MOOT!!!0 -
People say thing to me too about what I'm eating/going to eat.
I've had all sorts from family and friends AND colleagues -
"thought you were on a diet"
"can you eat that"
"don't bother trying over Christmas"
"why don't you eat my baking"
"are you still doing your body building diet" (i'm not body building, that one was due to me lifting weights and trying to eat 30% protien which isn't even a ridiculous amount!)
Changing your lifestyle for good will make people jealous/scared/curious. I just brush it off and keep on doing my programme.
And if it's someone close to me who tries to butt in and should know better, I just ask them if they've seen my food diary. They usually say no.
And then I tell them to put a sock in it and I still carry right on with my plan! Haha. You've got to have confidence to look after yourself and do what you know is best for you.
If eating more in the evening helps your sleep and you can stay in calories better that way, then it doesn't matter what hubby thinks. Only answer to yourself. He'll see the results of your hardwork and planning in a month or so.
X0 -
And if it's someone close to me who tries to butt in and should know better, I just ask them if they've seen my food diary. They usually say no.
And then I tell them to put a sock in it and I still carry right on with my plan! Haha. You've got to have confidence to look after yourself and do what you know is best for you.
He CAN'T SEE her diary, he's BLIND!!!! Stop encouraging her bashing her husband, people!!0 -
And if it's someone close to me who tries to butt in and should know better, I just ask them if they've seen my food diary. They usually say no.
And then I tell them to put a sock in it and I still carry right on with my plan! Haha. You've got to have confidence to look after yourself and do what you know is best for you.
He CAN'T SEE her diary, he's BLIND!!!! Stop encouraging her bashing her husband, people!!
Don't be ridiculous! Do you know this family intimately? Computers can be used by blind people - how do you know he's not got microphones and sound aids to read this. No one on this forum will know or love this ladies husband like she does, so get off that moral high horse.
Besides, I'm not encouraging the 'bashing' of anyone. I am advising that it's normal for diets to cause curiosity and that the poster brushes comments off, and has confidence to do what she feels is best for her plan.
Be helpful to the original post or don't answer.0 -
Prove him wrong!
That's what I've been doing the last 23 months!
My DH was a jerk every time I tried to lose weight and I'd allow that to be my excuse to quit every time...but then I came to the point where I wanted to do this for me whether or not he liked it or approved of it. He would pick fights, bring home my favorite junk foods and try to guilt me into eating them...yell at me and accuse me of an affair.
I just let it fuel me on.
His remarks said alot more about him and his insecurities than they did about me. Once I accepted that and blocked his criticism out of my head, I was able to do this for real this time.
It sucks not to have support from the person that should be that for you, but you can find it elsewhere (here for example) and if all else fails, you can dig deep and find it in yourself if you want it bad enough.0 -
This might be a bit juvenile but give him a good swift kick in the nuts...always works for my wife. Lol :sad:0
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A simple, calm "I saved up calories today so I could eat this. Please let me enjoy them." is all you need to say.0
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Kick him in the testicles.0
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Only answer is to kill him in his sleep... ok ok maybe to far. but at least tell him how this makes you feel in a tactful way that doesn't turn into a screaming match. Sorry you got your feelings hurt! As flawed humans we hurt one another entirely too much. Hugs0
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And if it's someone close to me who tries to butt in and should know better, I just ask them if they've seen my food diary. They usually say no.
And then I tell them to put a sock in it and I still carry right on with my plan! Haha. You've got to have confidence to look after yourself and do what you know is best for you.
He CAN'T SEE her diary, he's BLIND!!!! Stop encouraging her bashing her husband, people!!
Don't be ridiculous! Do you know this family intimately? Computers can be used by blind people - how do you know he's not got microphones and sound aids to read this. No one on this forum will know or love this ladies husband like she does, so get off that moral high horse.
Besides, I'm not encouraging the 'bashing' of anyone. I am advising that it's normal for diets to cause curiosity and that the poster brushes comments off, and has confidence to do what she feels is best for her plan.
Be helpful to the original post or don't answer.
Having common sense of right and wrong is very helpful because obviosly it is lacking in most of the comments that have been posted.0 -
Sometimes loved ones are actually the worst at supporting the things you want to do for yourself..as hard as that is to say, sometimes it can be true. It sounds to me that maybe subconsciously he is jealous that you are making this change for yourself, which would make him say these ridiculous comments about your eating habits. Or he's just an *kitten*, no offense. Girl, you've gotta take care of yourself and if it's dieting and taking off weight that you want to do, than do it! DO NOT let anyone get in your way of taking care of yourself. I do have to agree with the calorie amount though..if you are eating only like 1,100 or 1,200 calories a day, that can make your body go into starvation mode and make it harder to lose weight. Keep your chin up and feel free to add me if you like = ]0
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Does he want to support you or sabotage you?
this is my question, even if he shuts his mouth now you will think he is thinking something when you eat anything.. I would hate this. i was n an abusive realtionship i was married to a total A--whole and let me tell you he would say crap to me or he would accuse me of stuff.. I mean anyway, Because he tried to control every aspect of my being i decided the ONLY thing i can control was what i put in my mouth and exercise... You HAVE to get a fight in you that you do think he is trying to sabatage your efforts and get it in your mind you willl not allow that to happen.
That way no matter what he says, what you think he is thinking, you can do it, you just do you,! Do not think about what he is doing or thinking,( hard i know) but with me if someone thinks i cant do it, i do it, i will do it dispite them.. I took my frustrations of what he was doing to me out on exercise. I exercised like there was no tomorrow, and i got rid of the negitive vibes, and he constant pushing me around and his mouth by exercise.. you can to.. get it in your head that you WILLNOT STOP this time.. if that is what he is wanting, you will not let it happen, and if he is really trying to help then so be it that will come out latter, but in the mean time try try try to not listen to him
I had foster parents like this, and i KNOW the more they kept track of what i ate the more i ate, it was alomost a way of geting back at them, i was called fat and chunky and was told noone ever like fat people, and people will think im lazy just by glancing at me.. well i was 12 and my foster mom had me on dexitrim i still didnt lose..
One day i had enough and it was like i said when i was in abusive realtionship, I lost 70 pounds i then went back and visited my foster parents just to rub it in,, my skinny foster mom was then over weight!! My foster dad was like wow what did you do... i said i started eating healthy and exercise.. the crap she cooked was loaded with fat, id never have lost wieght there, the ridicule on top of fatting foods was enough to hurt anyones weight loss goals!!0 -
i havent read all the posts , but you need to stop blaming your husband and take responsibility for your own decisions.
i'd have told him that i would still eat the crisps and he's be welcome to shove the empty bag up his butt :laugh:
sometimes men and women communicate differently so maybe you need to learn to stop taking certain things so personally especially since sometimes men have no idea what effect their words will have. true they should know better BUT then again you are the one who's ultimately responsible for your feelings and reactions.
so either learn to tell him to go have a big cup of STFU or continue making excuses and stay overweight0 -
1. Ignore him, this is about YOU.
2. Eat more. 1100 calories isn't enough.
3. Never heard of a pill that makes you hungry, that sucks. Ask your Dr. if you can take something else instead. Can you take the pill right as you GO to bed? That way you can fall asleep before even feeling hungry.
4. If you wake up hungry, eat or drink something with protein in it. Have a few almonds or yogurt.
5. Are you exercising? It's really good for your weight loss plus it reduces stress.
You are here, you want this and you can do it. Screw everyone else. Good luck!0
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