Absolutely livid at husband!
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The OP is eating well over 1100 cals and the reason she is staying hungry is that the majority of her diet consists of candy, sugar and pastries. I have a feeling that hubby just may have a legitimate point in this matter.
Agreed. Diary needs to be cleaned up and get rid of all the sugary processed foods. It's way over 1100 calories. Somethin's amiss in Denmark.
This is my original post
I take medication at night which causes a massive increase in appetite-this is the reason I gained weight in the first place. What I have been doing is having 200 cals for breakfast and lunch and then eating in the evening to use up the rest of my allowance as otherwise I cannot sleep due to hunger.
Did brilliant yesterday and saved up 700 cals for the evening, but when I reached for a bag of low cal crisps my husband started "well this is a useless diet,.....you cannot be THAT hungry...I thought you wanted to lose weight".
Perhaps I did not word this clearly but what I did is use 200 cals breakfast, 200 cals lunch and when I meant saved 700 cals for evening that was after a dinner of 400 cals. Hence my total of 1500.
This is supposed to be a support forum and I am really disappointed you have come on here and started criticizing my progress and my diet. I have lost 3lbs in 12 days and I am really proud of that.
I am so disappointed and considering quitting the forum part of this website, although I will still use the daily food tracker as I find that helpful.
It's great that you've lost weight, don't get me wrong!!! But if you want to help curb your hunger better and not give your husband something to comment about, the best way is to clean up your diet, eat more protein, fruits and veggies, not by hiding the tv cord.0 -
At the moment I am achieving the portion control aspect of this diet, but not the healthy food aspect. However I am new to this and proud of the progress I have made in 12 days.
My husband is a nice guy (most of the time) who has real difficulty with communication. He was probably trying to help but just did it the wrong way.
I suggest you subscribe to a few porn channels and you wont have to worry about your insufferable hubby! LOL
:laugh: Do they have a narrator in the background saying "now he puts his ***** in her ***** lol Sorry but you just cracked me up imagining a blind guy trying to figure out what the heck was going on. I'm sorry this shouldn't be funny but it is. :blushing:0 -
At the moment I am achieving the portion control aspect of this diet, but not the healthy food aspect. However I am new to this and proud of the progress I have made in 12 days.
My husband is a nice guy (most of the time) who has real difficulty with communication. He was probably trying to help but just did it the wrong way.
I suggest you subscribe to a few porn channels and you wont have to worry about your insufferable hubby! LOL
:laugh: Do they have a narrator in the background saying "now he puts his ***** in her ***** lol Sorry but you just cracked me up imagining a blind guy trying to figure out what the heck was going on. I'm sorry this shouldn't be funny but it is. :blushing:
http://www.jokes.com/funny-animal-jokes/bka7yq/walks-into-a-bar----seeing-eye-dog0 -
At the moment I am achieving the portion control aspect of this diet, but not the healthy food aspect. However I am new to this and proud of the progress I have made in 12 days.
Congrats on the weight loss! and for perseverance~
And that is how it starts--- you take one aspect--and achieve success with that --ad then you move on to the next.
RARELY does anybody quit bad food habits..cold turkey--pun somewhat intended.
As you articulated --it's a process--and you are on that-path. NOBODY started out totally in optimum health or they would not be here. EVERYBODY had to learn along the way and those whining about sugar intake and the like--had to gear up to put it down themselves.
WITH YOUR HUBBY--Communication is not just about food--I dunno--maybe this is an opportunity to have a wider dialogue about what it is you need from each other. Maybe he needs to be included on your thought process--so he is better informed
and maybe you need to tell him directly the best way to support you. And do you know what that is? What does the kind of support you need from him look like? And to do it in a way --where you both are being heard and both are really listening
As for the forum--:huh:
Ignore the dissenters....0 -
Tell him to set up an account and try to stay under the calorie goal this system sets. I'll bet he'd sing a different tune, because if he's like my husband, he couldn't do it.
Come talk to us, we'll keep you motivated.
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When people question what I'm eating, I ask them, "So how many calories have I eaten so far today and what is my calorie goal?"
OOOOO, I am using this if I am ever questioned. The hubby doesn't because we are both in it together but other people do from time to time. This is GOLDEN!!!!0 -
In his eyes he's just trying to help you out. In a nice way tell him you know what you're doing. And if it's hard to talk to him about this (tears are aflowin) write him a letter explaining why he's hurting you & tell him to read it when you're not around. We women are totally emotional when it comes to changing our life styles to better ourselves especially in the weight dept. People think they mean well but it still hurts. Good Luck
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I didn't read through the entire thread to see if this was mentioned, but in general men are problem solvers who value their accomplishments, and women are moral supporters who value their relationships. The fact that men and women don't know this about themselves or each other tends to cause lots of problems in relationships.
So, in general, if you have a problem and want a solution, tell a guy about your problem. If you want sympathy, tell a woman. (Yes I know these are generalizations and there are plenty of exceptions.)
It's interesting that everyone jumps all over the guy and says he is insensitive, etc. But whether or not you realize it, (again in general) when a woman tells her husband about a problem she has, from the guy's perspective she has made it his responsibility to solve that problem.
How do you solve being overweight? By eating less. Since he doesn't have direct control of your arms the closest he can do to solve the problem is tell you to eat less, which he did. Nobody should be surprised at the result.
BTW, it is just as valid (or ignorant) to say that if a woman tells her husband about a problem and then gets mad at him for trying to solve it, it is the woman who is being insensitive.
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my fiance will sometimes do this and he really does think he is helping or encouraging me. Guys think a lot differently. When he does this, I get pissed, but I put him in his place. I will lose the weight when I want to and HOW i want to...if he doesnt like it, he can kick rocks!! Stay strong, do not let him get to you. As long as you know you are doing what you are supposed to be doing, then ALL IS WELL!!!!!! Don't let him ruin your determination and motivation!!!!!! :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:0
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I have looked straight at my husband and told him, "You are not ALLOWED to say anything about my food, my diet or my weight. Period. If I want your opinion, I will ask. THAT is the way you can help me. Anything else will be considered cruel and abusive and I will respond as such." It has more or less worked.0
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Since I do not know you or your husband nor your marriage I cannot presume to know whether or not he was trying to be helpful or harmful.
However I like to give people the benefit of the doubt so this is something I would suggest if he wants to help. Replace his negative energy with positive reinforcement. If he's going to have a grump because you're having chips and he doesn't understand you've "saved" up for them he needs to step in and help.
My fiance and I are really open about everything and he actually has the MFP app on his phone to see my diary (at my request). Instead of harping on me for days I'm over he'll cut up extra veggies and leave them in the fridge for me. He is putting effort and energy into my life change as well and when I decide to have a slice of pie when out for tea he knows I'm making a decision not just running around shoving everything in my mouth and then complaining afterwards.
If you're comfortable see if your husband wants to get involved and participate in this with you. I know I've really enjoyed the support and understanding from my partner in this.0 -
Tell him to *kitten* off and you are in control oF your body now!0
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This is supposed to be a support forum and I am really disappointed you have come on here and started criticizing my progress and my diet. I have lost 3lbs in 12 days and I am really proud of that.
I am so disappointed and considering quitting the forum part of this website, although I will still use the daily food tracker as I find that helpful.
I'm sorry you feel this way. When you are on a site such as this you really have to take the good with the bad, the serious with the flippant. Many times it can be humorous, and often you will get gems of advice.
I think the comments really may have been meant as helpful. It's a learning process. Rather than be disappointed, you could reply that you are just starting out and are taking steps one at a time to meet your goal. "Supportive" is a very subjective word no matter what fitness site you use!
Best of luck in your journey! Maybe your husband can participate (rather than just comment) by doing some research on healthy eating and fitness himself! I'm not saying he needs it (I don't know, you don't say), but in an effort to understand and support you. Also, it's helpful to know that you don't have to be perfect every single meal every single day… none of us are perfect 100% of the time!
:flowerforyou:0 -
I understand how you feel completely. I have a habit of going at the "healthy" thing for two or three days and then giving up, so when I stick to it for more than a few weeks, it's an achievement. One of the last times I was doing really good, I quit because I wasn't losing pounds or inches. I was eating right, exercising, the whole bit, and nothing. Not one measly pound. So I quit.
Turns out, when he was making dinners at night, he was sneaking MASSIVE amounts of sugar into them and disguising it with stronger spices. All because he "likes me better bigger."
Needless to say, it took a lot of time for me to trust him around my food again. Even now, when he cooks I still take the occasional glance.
He takes advantage of my cravings, too. when I lose enough that he can see a difference, he jumps to get me whatever it is that I'm craving. Gets me with all of the "You've been doing so good lately, take a day off with me," or "you only live once, you might as well eat what you want," or similar comments. Then when I give in, he does it for another or day or two, and I'm back to square one. It's sooooo frustrating.
I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one that deals with this kind of stuff. I've seen so many people here talk about how happy their partners are... all I can think is "must be nice!"0 -
I started MFP on the 7th January and things have been going really well. Apart from a few hiccups have stuck to diet for over 12 days now and have lost 3lb.
I take medication at night which causes a massive increase in appetite-this is the reason I gained weight in the first place. What I have been doing is having 200 cals for breakfast and lunch and then eating in the evening to use up the rest of my allowance as otherwise I cannot sleep due to hunger.
Did brilliant yesterday and saved up 700 cals for the evening, but when I reached for a bag of low cal crisps my husband started "well this is a useless diet,.....you cannot be THAT hungry...I thought you wanted to lose weight".
I decided to leave the crisps and have spent all last night awake and hungry.
This morning I have been in tears and have told husband I might as well quit diet as he is using it to bully me.
Last time I was on a successful diet I ended that too because of my husband as he made a big issue out of eating 5 tic tic sweets.
Just really upset and angry now. He insists he is not bullying me and is "just trying to help".
I've had the SAME issues in the past. I really think it's that they (the husbands) are so afraid that you're going to change that they won't be good enough for you anymore, so they will try and make you feel bad about the progress you've already made. Don't give up though, just keep reminding yourself that you are doing this for you. Not for him, not for anyone else, but you.0 -
My husband is an absolute telly addict, removing his power cable is just about the nastiest thing I can do!
He has been told if he is an a hole again, the cable goes!
wow..passive aggression is a pretty inefficient and sucky way to communicate.
his communication sucks as well... sounds like you too are perfect for each other though0 -
Does he know you have been crying over this? that is so ****ty!!!!! That would really upset me too. Does he even know anything about eating healthy? You had a 700 calroies and chose a low cal snack. So what! is he overweight? Jealous of your motivation?
Maybe chat to him and explain what your medication does to you and how you go about it. And that saying things makes it worse, explain you understand he is trying to help but it comes across as "mean" and it's prevent you from wanting to lose weight. He is your husband so maybe try communicating its him.
My mother is the exact same way because I eat 5 small meals a day it seems like I'm always eating and she constantly bullies me and brings me down. She still doesn't believe that I'm going to fit into my wedding dress this year. It's hard when that person does it everyday but lease please please don't give up, do yourself the favour and try your hardest not to give up. Unfortunately I seriously can't commuicate with my mother so I just yell at her and tell her she is a cow. Not much of a solution but still. But my finance has realised how important it is to me and he stops trying to shove "unhealthy" food down my throat like he used to because I spoke to him about how it was making me feel etc. I'm sure your husband is a reasonable man (unlike my mother) and he will understand if you physically say it makes. Me feel bad when you say that because my medication makes me hungry and I save it up so I can sleep and it doesn't affect my day..... Remember happy wife = happily life. If you lay it out flat like that he should understand.0 -
It sounds like to me your husband is a control freak. He is uncomfortable with the idea that you are going to reach your goals and he is worried that he is gonna lose you to someone whom actually supports you. Negitive people will always try to bring you down. I have watched my mother go through very similar situation as yourself. They have sinced gotten a divorce. I am not saying that you should do this. But my mother took 10 years to find her voice and stand up for herself. You deserve the same find your voice and speak up. You will get there, tell him how you feel and don't let his crappy support change your resolve. Best of luck to you and your journey! 0
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Good morning (where I am)! One of my cardinal rules as a husband is 'don't talk about diet'. No win situation. :happy: Perhaps explain to him why this is so difficult for you, but why this is so important to you, and what sort of support you would like from him. (After your fury passes!) I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you - - we guys are just, well, sort of stupid :flowerforyou:
As to your hunger. Do I understand that you have a 200 calorie breakfast, and a 200 calorie lunch, and a 700 calorie dinner? That counts up to only 1100 calories which is dangerously low. I'm not surprised you're so hungry! Losing weight cannot be accomplished by simply drastically cutting back your calories like that.
I know you're venting and looking for support right now, but I think if you could take the time to go read this: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/654536-in-place-of-a-road-map-2-0-revised-7-2-12
That diet is simple, guaranteed to work, not painful and unpleasant like it sounds like your current diet might be, and various forms of that diet are what most of the success stories on this website come from.
^^^This. And ask husband to please shut his yap unless it's to say that he's proud of you for taking charge of your health!0 -
DON'T let it force you into quitting. That isnt the answer. And tell your husband to shut his mouth and that you don't need his "help."
People only treat you as well as you demand. Why are you putting up with that?0 -
"this diet is useless"? I'm so sorry you have to deal with this! Even if you wanted to shovel a family sized pizza down your throat, this comment is abusive. I have myself on a 1000 cal limit so that I can go over by 200 and still be at 1200. For me, it's like setting the clock ahead 15 mins so I'm not late! lol.. I'm able to get a LOT of food in and am using things like kale and squash to get nutrient dense, low cal, AND FILLING foods. Also, tea before bed helps me through the night. You CAN do this... but it will be a lot easier without the negative cheerleading. ;(0
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Sounds like someone is jealous! Either that or he's a control freak!
Your husband has an unrealistic view of proper dieting.0 -
Prove him wrong!
^^^^^ This^^^^
I completely agree!!! My husband also tried to "help" me many times!!!! I think the real issue was that he was NEVER over weight or on a diet. So it was hard for him to relate. I have since then proven him wrong with my healthy eating and exercising. I still have more weight to lose....but now he come to ME for weightloss and fitness advice!!! He is soooo proud of me and supports me 100%. I know it can be hard to not have the support when you need it, but trust me.......you will be so happy you did not give up!!!0 -
Tell your husband what I've told my family cuz they do the samething and it irritates the hell out of me.. I say I AM NOT ON A DIET I AM SIMPLY CHANGING MY LIFESTYLE AND SINCE IT IS MY LIFESTYLE AND NOT YOURS I CAN DO AS I PLEASE THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
For me the D word has always put soooo much pressure on this goal of losing wieght but since I'm referring to it as a life style change I feel its okay to have food that's unhealthy once in awhile. A physical trainer spoke at a conference at my job about promoting a healthy lifestyle (I work with kids so it's the whole we have to set an example for them thing) Anyways if we eat 3 main meals a day plus 2 snacks totaling 5 meals a day that adds up to 35 meals in a week... she said it was okay for 10% of our meals to be cheat meals so about 3-4 meals a week you can cheat... for me this was music to my ears. Please tell your husband this so he can get off your back.. if he's never had to lose weight then he does not know what it's like!0 -
i think you should let your husband read your post and see what he thinks about you putting this out here....but i am sure you wont because you cant say anything to him, you had to run here over a bag of chips. how dare you let all these strangers say all this crap about your husband...when we are only hearing your side and who knows how truthful it is to being with. get off of here and go talk to your husband like you should.0
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Quit the 'diet' mentality
You are eating better, and less, however it works for you. Don't tell him you're dieting, just eat within your calorie limit. You don't really need to tell him anything.
I know someone like this, they mean well but it doesn't help. You need to do it your way. Some go cold turkey, some have everything in moderation. x0 -
Quit the 'diet' mentality
You are eating better, and less, however it works for you. Don't tell him you're dieting, just eat within your calorie limit. You don't really need to tell him anything.
I know someone like this, they mean well but it doesn't help. You need to do it your way. Some go cold turkey, some have everything in moderation. x
This perhaps my biggest problem. I am not eating better I am eating less.
I found out cals in a large orange are 132, whereas Frazzle crisps are 90, so I choose the crisps. Am I doing this wrong?0 -
Quit the 'diet' mentality
You are eating better, and less, however it works for you. Don't tell him you're dieting, just eat within your calorie limit. You don't really need to tell him anything.
I know someone like this, they mean well but it doesn't help. You need to do it your way. Some go cold turkey, some have everything in moderation. x
This perhaps my biggest problem. I am not eating better I am eating less.
I found out cals in a large orange are 132, whereas Frazzle crisps are 90, so I choose the crisps. Am I doing this wrong?
You need to start looking for quality foods. The average orange has 80 calories, 5 grams of fiber, tons of vitamin C, good carbs to give you enegy and no fat. Aren't there about 5 grams of fat in the crisps? It's probably not good fat. How much sodium? There's probably no fiber either, which will keep you fuller longer.
Start learning about whole and natural foods and start incorporating those into your diet and start cutting out the junky processed foods. You'll see results quicker and you'll be fuller longer.0 -
Do you know men can be so hurtful sometimes. Now my dad kept on at me like that and in the end i told him to stand infront of the mirror and if he couldn't see anything wrong with his body then he could critise me. I think your hubby thinks by saying things he is trying to help and doesn't realise its not helping. If he needs to loose weight try and get him to join you on your journey. Keep your chin up and keep going.0
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Ask him why he needs to belittle your dieting. Perhaps he feel threatened by a new slimline you. Also it your life not his!0
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