Absolutely livid at husband!

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  • elsinora
    elsinora Posts: 398 Member
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    I'm sorry, but are you doing this for him or you?

    Don't sabotage something you want out of spite. That's childish and stupid. Sure, he upset you and he shouldn't have, but by giving up all together you're saying, "Well, if you're going to annoy me I don't want a better life for myself, so there."

    Which is stupid.

    Don't you agree?

    this..... it's your body and whether you are huge or skinny, you're the one living that life. if you want to lose weight, then do it for you. it sucks he doesn't sound that supportive but at the same time maybe he is blunt because that's his way of trying to get you to stick to your diet when it clearly upsets you a lot.

    he may be in sensitive but really?!? you cannot blame anyone else for what goes on your mouths the end of the day.
  • fringe_event
    fringe_event Posts: 1
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    Hi
    often people who are not on diets or just don't need to lose the weight, do not understand how a diet works. They don't know that you can have "treats" as long as you count them as part of your overall calorie watch. They assume that we all want to live off lettuce and celery sticks. In fact next time your husband comments on your diet, tell him that you don't need him to bully you about your weight or how you follow your plan, as it is in your hands not his.
  • Bbwnomore2
    Bbwnomore2 Posts: 225 Member
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    mine when i was married, was scared if i dieted i would leave him. i told him i would leave him weither i was fat or skinny it wouldn"t matter about my weight. So maybe he is scared if u lose weight you will leave him, it sounds like he is insecure. Best of luck to you.
  • richardholt2011
    richardholt2011 Posts: 118 Member
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    Stick with it - we all know how hard it is, but you are worth it.
  • mummyhollysmith
    mummyhollysmith Posts: 10
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    Reminds me of my ex-boyfriend! he had a go at me for eating a packet of rice crisps once! he always bullied me over my weight! he ended up going off with some other girl and to be honest it's the best thing he did for me!
    I'm now happily married with two beautiful children and a supportive husband.
  • czmmom
    czmmom Posts: 236 Member
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    My husband is king of saying things he shouldn't and quite honestly I truly believe its because he is clueless. Never the less, years ago when my husband or anyone for that matter would question what I could or couldn't eat because of being on weight watchers, I would politely tell them this is not a diet but a lifestyle change and I need to be able to live with it for the rest of my life. Tell him how you feel. He might just be that clueless. Remember - you are doing this for you, not him!!
  • stazzzio
    stazzzio Posts: 1
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    Anytime I would mention to my boyfriend that I was going on a diet, he would say I'm ridiculous. It felt good at first, because that meant he didn't care that I was overweight. But I still felt like I was. So one year ago I joined Weight Watchers, and didn't tell him about it for weeks, because I knew he would call me stupid for paying to lose weight. We broke up for a few weeks, and when he saw me again, he couldn't believe how good I looked and how much confidence I had after losing 15 pounds. I would tell him that if he wanted me to be happy, to let me do what I wanted to do for myself. Losing weight shouldn't be about anyone but yourself. Now my boyfriend never says anything when I say I want to lose weight. He says I don't need to, but if I want to, go for it. Maybe your husband is insecure that you will look really good after losing some weight, and you will get attention from other guys. Sit down and tell him how important this is to YOU. If he can't support it, that is even more reason to kick butt at this diet and show him you can do it without him, and he's not going to drag you down.
  • MelBristol
    MelBristol Posts: 63
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    I'm not sure what advice to give you but can tell you what happened to a couple of my friends. They were a couple, early 30's married for about 5 years, both at about 100kg. The guy is really happy being 100kg, he's very muscly, into his strength training at home and diet consisting mostly of meat and potatoes. The girl was simply fat, she decided to change and started eating clean, mostly vegetables, going to the gym every day. Last time we went to their place we were offered 2 completely different dishes cooked by each of them LOL. The girl lost 1/3 of her body weight and I guess they grew apart, their differences were too much to put under one roof so she moved out. My husband's comment was something like "wow the ***** lost all the weight and left him for someone better, you won't do the same, will you eh?!?" I second that men are insecure when it comes to their spouses changing for the better.
  • mightyminerva
    mightyminerva Posts: 145 Member
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    I'm not sure how all of the conversations with your husband have gone, but perhaps you should share with him how your calorie intake works. Explain that you have an allowance (much like, say, a monetary allowance) and that you can spend it how you want. This can mean that for dinner you have half of your budget left or almost nothing; it differs from day to day.

    Perhaps he doesn't understand. Perhaps he feels guilty for not following in your footsteps. I'm not sure how your schedules are, but perhaps he doesn't see you eat often and so a bag of crisps seems a bit silly to him. Whatever it is, it sounds like you need to talk. I'm not defending him, but in my experience others' comments come from one of these three places. My parents didn't understand the calorie allowance, my friend felt guilty indulging in cake when I didn't, and my boyfriend (at first) hadn't seen me eat much because our schedules were so wonky (and in his case, the comments were more along the lines of, "You aren't eating, love!").
  • WaterBunnie
    WaterBunnie Posts: 1,370 Member
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    He shouldn't be criticising but it's probably due to ignorance rather than spite. The fact that crisps are usually seen as unhealthy snacks he's probably thinking you should be eating something better, and to be honest there are a lot healthier more filling things to choose - a bowl of cereal maybe or toast? If you are going purely by calorie intake you need to make him understand you're not going over by eating later on and maybe Involve him in your food planning? Showing him your food log here so he can see you have the calories spare might help.

    Lastly... sorry, but you should never blame giving up on anyone else other than yourself. We have to own our failures as well as our wins!

    .
  • SlidingDown
    SlidingDown Posts: 64 Member
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    Wow. I made it through 6 pages of comments, that'll do.
    There have been some very sensible replies along the way. Checking out the link about "in place of a road map" to help your own planning is one. Those that suggested you communicate with your husband, show him the maths, and/or politely ask him to trust that you are working to a plan, all good constructive advice.

    To those who fly into a default position of assuming abuse, and calling this man names because of a tactless remark which was based on not understanding the OP's method... you all ought to be embarrassed.
    Just because you have experienced an abusive relationship, or someone close to you has, or you saw an Oprah special about it, doesn't mean that every less-than-sparkling exchange between a husband and wife constitutes abuse! There is nothing in the original post that would suggest that the OP's experience in any way resembles your relationship (or your friends', or the one on Oprah).
    Settle the F down, and stop making everything about you!
    A comment that unintentionally caused offence is NOT bullying .

    To the OP, it sounds like things are better with your husband after you've spoken to him. I'm glad to hear that.
    Best of luck on your journey, I hope that you keep your goals clear in your mind so that nothing will deter you from them.
  • cesereda
    cesereda Posts: 41
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    Hi, I feel bad that he is doing this to you but my husband used to do this to. This time I explained to him what I was doing. I told him I was on a journey to eat healthier, I explained MFP to him and he seems to understand it just fine. I am not calling my quest a diet, I am calling it a journey to healty living. Show him your plan on MFP and show him how you have calories left to eat at night. I set up my food journal aa times of day rather than Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner plus snacks. I have mine as 9am to 12pm, 12pm to 3pm, 3pm to 7pm and 7pm to 12am. I eat small stuff through out the day when I am hungry not when some one tells me to eat. Please stick to MFP and stick to what you are doing. You have lost weight and that is what matters, what you are doing is working.
  • Doodlewhopper
    Doodlewhopper Posts: 1,018 Member
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    Quit the 'diet' mentality

    You are eating better, and less, however it works for you. Don't tell him you're dieting, just eat within your calorie limit. You don't really need to tell him anything.

    I know someone like this, they mean well but it doesn't help. You need to do it your way. Some go cold turkey, some have everything in moderation. x

    This perhaps my biggest problem. I am not eating better I am eating less.

    I found out cals in a large orange are 132, whereas Frazzle crisps are 90, so I choose the crisps. Am I doing this wrong?

    OF COURSE YOURE DOING SOMETHING WRONG. One should never eat Frazzle Crisps alone. Try this dear heart:

    Trust me.....It's literally to die for lovie!

    WHITE CHOCOLATE COVERED PORK SCRATCHINGS AND FRAZZLES

    Ingredients

    * Frazzles, Pork Scratchings
    * Maple syrup (the maple flavour compliments the artificial bacon flavour of the Frazzles perfectly) (4 big tablespoons)
    * Butter (3 tablespoons)
    * White chocolate (150g)


    Method

    1. Create a bain-marie. (a pan floating in boiling water contained in a bigger pan).
    2. Bash up all the chocolate (150g), and put it in the pan with the syrup and butter. Stir and melt.
    3. Put the frazzles and or pork rinds in. Stir gently – don’t break the Frazzles.
    4. As soon as you get them covered in sauce, take them out and put them either in cupcake papers or a greased sheet.
    5. Cool, eat.

    http://www.deadinsect.co.uk/tag/crisps/
  • imthejenjen
    imthejenjen Posts: 265 Member
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    I understand how you feel completely. I have a habit of going at the "healthy" thing for two or three days and then giving up, so when I stick to it for more than a few weeks, it's an achievement. One of the last times I was doing really good, I quit because I wasn't losing pounds or inches. I was eating right, exercising, the whole bit, and nothing. Not one measly pound. So I quit.
    Turns out, when he was making dinners at night, he was sneaking MASSIVE amounts of sugar into them and disguising it with stronger spices. All because he "likes me better bigger."
    Needless to say, it took a lot of time for me to trust him around my food again. Even now, when he cooks I still take the occasional glance.
    He takes advantage of my cravings, too. when I lose enough that he can see a difference, he jumps to get me whatever it is that I'm craving. Gets me with all of the "You've been doing so good lately, take a day off with me," or "you only live once, you might as well eat what you want," or similar comments. Then when I give in, he does it for another or day or two, and I'm back to square one. It's sooooo frustrating.
    I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one that deals with this kind of stuff. I've seen so many people here talk about how happy their partners are... all I can think is "must be nice!"

    sounds like YOUR partner has a lot of self esteem issues.... is he scared if you get thinner, you will leave him?
  • ptremonti
    ptremonti Posts: 13
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    He is an enabler, so you just have to ignore his comments and continue to eat the way you need to succeed.
  • NutellaAddict
    NutellaAddict Posts: 1,258 Member
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    Just ignore us like you usually do LOL! Just kidding..
  • leilaphoenix
    leilaphoenix Posts: 839 Member
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    You have to get a grip! He just said don't eat some crisps. JEez
  • sss1966
    sss1966 Posts: 110 Member
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    I hate it when they do that. I always say ' I can eat what I like as long as I have the calories' please don't go hungry because of it though, u saved them and u damn well deserved them
  • juicy_cat
    juicy_cat Posts: 145 Member
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    I think you are being over sensitive...I think it would be good for your if you could tell him to mind his own business and just get on with it....if you use this as an excuse to end the diet you will never lose the weight that you want to....your whole post sounds like you feel really sorry for yourself....grow a pair and tell him to shut the **** up....
  • originalcookiemonster
    originalcookiemonster Posts: 278
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    Good morning (where I am)! One of my cardinal rules as a husband is 'don't talk about diet'. No win situation. :happy: Perhaps explain to him why this is so difficult for you, but why this is so important to you, and what sort of support you would like from him. (After your fury passes!) I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you - - we guys are just, well, sort of stupid :flowerforyou:

    As to your hunger. Do I understand that you have a 200 calorie breakfast, and a 200 calorie lunch, and a 700 calorie dinner? That counts up to only 1100 calories which is dangerously low. I'm not surprised you're so hungry! Losing weight cannot be accomplished by simply drastically cutting back your calories like that.

    I know you're venting and looking for support right now, but I think if you could take the time to go read this: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/654536-in-place-of-a-road-map-2-0-revised-7-2-12

    That diet is simple, guaranteed to work, not painful and unpleasant like it sounds like your current diet might be, and various forms of that diet are what most of the success stories on this website come from.


    ^^^^^ This. Please believe this nice man! That link is a necessary read. It will help tremendously. Also, I've been told by several close guy friends/family members that the way guys encourage and the way women do is COMPLETELY opposite. They try to encourage you the way they think is the best way. Calmly, I repeat calmly lol, explain that you'd like him to support you in THIS way, however you see fit, and that the way he's doing it is upsetting you. My guess is he'll do that. :)

    Good luck! (also, I'm 5'3" and am on a deficit of 1950 calories. You are way too low I'm guessing so please give that link a try!)

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