I lost all this weight... so where are my dates at??

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  • SeaRunner26
    SeaRunner26 Posts: 5,143 Member
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    Step 1: Make sure you're self confidence is as fit as your body.
    Step 2: Make yourself emotionally approachable.
    Step 3: Get out in public.

    That should do it!
  • Terasome
    Terasome Posts: 3,808 Member
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    To get hit on you have to be 5'8" blonde, big blue eyes, at 125lbs

    haha

    well Im 5'3 blonde with nice blue eyes, not at 125lbs yet and still get hit on so must be doing something right hey?
    Maybe I am wrong but to me, shy and confident are two different things. A girl can be confident yet shy. Like, she is comfortable with being reserved, so to speak, and still give the energy that she is confident about herself and knows what she wants.

    I agree Im shy in person but quite confident online and over the phone until Ive met you once or twice then Im fine. It takes practice I find to take the first step out into the world of dating etc.

    Good Luck with getting out there
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,141 Member
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    Just one thing, do you think you're limiting the guys by automatically wanting someone 40+? Maturity, kindness and love doesn't always come with age. I understand why you wouldn't want to date someone in their 20's but give the 30+ group a chance.

    A friend of mine has met someone who's 10 years younger than her, she had alot of worries about this, I encouraged her to give it a go and not focus on age....they're still going strong and very much in love!
  • DawnieB1977
    DawnieB1977 Posts: 4,248 Member
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    I'm married with 2 kids, so when i go out I really don't care about finding a man (obviously!) so i guess I have an aura of confidence because of that. So i'd say just act confident, happy and like you don't care!

    I don't go out all that often (due to the young kids!) but i went out on Friday and got chatted up a few times. One guy thought I was 25 which was a nice compliment since I'm 10 years older!

    I'm 5'6" and dark haired and have never had problems getting male attention by the way - you don't need to be blonde and 5'8 :smile:
  • slap1225
    slap1225 Posts: 487 Member
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    Meeting men is the easy part, meeting suitable men that’s where it seems to get more difficult. From what I have seen men between the ages of 40-44 there is just some sort of disconnection in them. Maybe go for 45 or older 36 or younger  kidding, kind of!
    This does seem to be an issue for most people and it does suck that there seem to be so many women and so few available or acceptable men. Good luck! Whatever you do don’t lower your standards!!
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
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    Are you putting yourself in front of your target market? Someone else asked this as well.

    Meetup groups can be a good suggestion, but I find the Meetup culture rather nuanced. Avoid the bar mix n mingle events (this eliminates the majority of Meetup events), and go to Meetup events that involve something you enjoy doing (playing volleyball would be an example). You're going to get better matches if your events involve an activity that two people enjoy rather than an aimless bar mix n mingle.

    Also, the 45-50 year old age cohort. You're 40. A lot of early 40s men are most interested in 25-early 30s women. The older men get, the more that they desire a younger woman.

    Avoid online dating. Most of it is a giant time suck.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
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    I've been out of the dating market for something like 15 years, so I don't have any useful advice to offer. Just wanted to say that I don't think you're being shallow at all. We want the things we want. Nothing wrong with that.
  • porcelain_doll
    porcelain_doll Posts: 1,005 Member
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    I have been told that many times when a man sees a beautiful woman, he assumes she is already taken or that she would not be interested in him, and doesn't bother approaching her. This could be true for you. Sorry that you are feeling frustrated about this. Before I gained weight, I did not have a ton of attention from males, either. So I am not expecting any miracles when I reach my goal. We just have to hang in there and keep being our beautiful selves. The right man will come along and once he lays eyes on you, he will not let you get away. :flowerforyou: Good luck to you!
  • natajane
    natajane Posts: 295 Member
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    You're a lovely looking woman, I think you've achieved a lot for yourself and now is the time to do something new and be brave - ask a few men out?

    Regardless of the outcome, i think most men would be really really flattered. You'd make their day! It's nice to make people smile.
  • wendybird5
    wendybird5 Posts: 577 Member
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    Meeting men is the easy part, meeting suitable men that’s where it seems to get more difficult.

    This is the issue exactly.

    The men I tend to be attracted to are usually within 10 years of my age. I've dated men in their 30's and 40's and a few in their early 50's. I meet guys all the time at work, at the gym, at networking events. Most of them tend to either be in relationships already or want to be George Clooney. (Plus I live in LA and work in the entertainment industry which makes things even more difficult.)

    I've also been in the situation where a guy seemed interested and was flirting with me, but the moment I decided to take the bull by the horns and make the first move as many have suggested I do and after getting tired of waiting for him to do it, they suddenly disappear. As long as I'm not interested, they are all over me, but the moment I suggest we meet up for a drink or go do something that we have both talked about enjoying (wine tasting, hiking, whatever), they just shut down.

    I did online dating and that was a disaster. I do go to different Meetup groups, have a lot of fun, but no luck there. My best luck is actually at work (which is tricky - my last boyfriend and I were co-workers and after we split his boss started flirting with me) or friends of friends.

    I guess it's just more luck than anything judging by all the stories I hear of how people met their significant other.
  • Heather1899
    Heather1899 Posts: 179 Member
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    OK, probably a silly post and I hesitate a little to say it as I've seen how some of these discussions can kind of go down in flames, but I just had to put it out there.

    I lost this weight for me and my health and I'm super proud of it. But I will admit that in the back of mind was the hope (perhaps the expectation even) that getting in to better shape and generally just looking better would result in an improvement in my dating life. Yet while I get hit on a lot more, the increase only seems to be in the kind of guys I don't date (namely 20 somethings who are looking for a cougar and all remind me of my baby brother so it creeps me out or married men which is totally out of the question), and not at all with the guys I would date (40 something professionals who are single).

    So, to all the single guys out there, especially all my 40-something guys, what does a 40 year old woman have to do to get you to ask her out and just give her a chance?

    I'm in a different age group, but yes I have the same issue. No dates!
    On the other hand if I am out with my mom she says how she notices guys looking and I don't. maybe we are checked out but don't notice?? Maybe they are afraid to ask us out? :)
  • CherokeeBabe
    CherokeeBabe Posts: 1,704 Member
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    To get hit on you have to be 5'8" blonde, big blue eyes, at 125lbs

    LOL. Thankfully No! :D
  • Heather1899
    Heather1899 Posts: 179 Member
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    O and the place I work...creepy guys. No respect for themselves, they are old, probably married and flirt with me! I don't count them though...because they are just rude and creepy!!

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