Absolutely livid at husband!

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Replies

  • supermoo2
    supermoo2 Posts: 77
    Prove him wrong!

    This!! I love this!!
    I agree - with support from us on here you can do it!! No food is bad food - you just need to make sure that you are within your calorie limits and that you have mostly healthy food and the occassional treat.

    Yes - prove him wrong. then he will be eating his words. Could be jealous too....

    For extra support you can add me as a friend
  • T1mH
    T1mH Posts: 568 Member
    Most people think that dieting means starving yourself and the less you eat the better your "diet" is going. Therefore if he can prevent you from eating anything he thinks he is helping.
  • mrussellfdldeleted
    mrussellfdldeleted Posts: 8
    I think he is trying to help in a really bad way, He probably as the old understanding of diets, where you have to deprive yourself of everything you use to eat.
    In a way his way of thinking is probably how we all use to think when trying to diet in the past, and then we'd fail due to wanting to eat everything we deprived ourselfs of.

    What he needs to know is that it isn't just a diet that will last a couple of weeks or a month or 2, but something you want to do permanently, a lifestyle change.

    And the only things you won't eat are the things you know you can live without for the rest of your life. Everything else has to be involved aslong as it fits your macros and your not over indulging in one thing. (eg. eating 5 packs of crisps instead of just the 1)

    I think you both need to have a chat :-)

    This is absolutely the best answer among all the replies. It is positive in all aspects including the ones concerning your husband.

    My wife and I have each had issues in the past concerning both our dietary strategies. I didn't understand hers, she didn't understand mine. Our bodies work differently. We cannot eat the same foods or in the same amounts. After years of 'fighting' on this issue, we both FINALLY figured out that we should just talk about it and see what we can do TOGETHER. Now we grocery shop together discussing each others personal goals and strategies. If either of us have an issue with a food being brought into the house we discuss it until we have resolved the issue or have an understanding or why it is being brought in.

    Sometimes things people say 'feel' like personal shots at us, when the reality of the situation can be very different. Perhaps frustration over perceiving someone they love 'hurting' themselves comes out inappropriately? Talking these things over regularly can result in a situation where the pressure never builds to that level of frustration. I also think it is important to ignore those who take a reactionary stance on these things. Call him an @ss or saying he is bullying or abusing you can indirectly affect about how you actually feel about the situation and cause reactionary feelings within you that would not otherwise be there. Although I believe their intentions are good, over-reacting and becoming overly emotional will escalate rather than resolve this issue. I have seen many a good marriage fall by the wayside because people did not focus on their marriage and its issues but rather on the feedback of peers not involved in that marriage.

    Best of luck to you.
  • luckycharm1965
    luckycharm1965 Posts: 23
    Easier for me to say but just try to ignore him - or maybe ask him not to comment on what you are eating and when. If you are in your calorie budget you can eat what you like really! Although it is best to try to eat as healthy as possible - but I still have biscuits and the odd chocolate as I have enough "calories left" to eat them (otherwise I feel I am denying myself and seeing as I am going to be eating like this for the rest of my life now, I don't want to go without foods I like to eat!.)
    Sounds like you know what your body needs and when - don't quit - you will only be more down on yourself - go on - you can do it.
    my sediments exactly!...you CAN do this :flowerforyou:
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    At the moment I am achieving the portion control aspect of this diet, but not the healthy food aspect. However I am new to this and proud of the progress I have made in 12 days.

    My husband is a nice guy (most of the time) who has real difficulty with communication. He was probably trying to help but just did it the wrong way.

    OP, I'm cherry picking this off of page 9 because I think it's important and I don't know if the concern for "heathier foods" over just "portion control" was really addressed when it comes to overall hunger. Raw or lightly sauteed veggies, complex carbs and lean proteins tend to be less calorie dense than many processed foods (even low cal processed foods). This allows you to eat a larger volume of food per meal which then helps you to stay satisfied longer. You didn't mention that you struggle with hunger constantly, but if hunger is an issue for you then the recommendation would be to start with the raw foods to fill up space and a smaller amount of the crisps or sweets just for pleasure and not relaying on them to make you feel full. It's difficult to be successful by simply attacking the portion control issue without having a plan of attack for filling in the empty spaces.
  • Suzeboo
    Suzeboo Posts: 50
    Hi,

    Sorry you feel down about what your hubby said but don't view his comments as bullying. When a person thinks CRISPS they automatically think unhealthy and fattening. Do you think your husband would have said the same thing if you had decided to snack on an apple? I totally understand that if you have a craving you need to satisfy it and if crisps is your thing then so be it! You have the calories left then why not but you should explain it too him! He was perhaps a little insensitive especially as you are trying so hard. Perhaps you should explain your plan with him, even better show him MFP. In future don't go to bed hungry that won't do you any favours good luck
  • rjsmom1101
    rjsmom1101 Posts: 2
    I think what everyone is saying is all very good. Deep down though you need to make a resolution with yourself that you're doing this for you and your health. If he wants to be an a** than make a choice to not even discuss it with him. Do what you know works for you and don't deprive or stop yourself from acheiving what's best for you because of anyone. Then take some time and decide who and what's best for you.

    Good luck and stay strong!
  • donna_glasgow
    donna_glasgow Posts: 869 Member
    show him your plan, show him your cals in cals out, and then tell him you can afford said pkt of crisps or 5 tic tacks or even cake :) ... if he is truly doing this to help you then he will take time to understand what MFP is all about
  • arlenem1974
    arlenem1974 Posts: 437 Member
    I hear you. Anytime someone makes a negative comment about what I eat or how much I just tell them how much I have lost. Then I ask them how much they have lost. That ends the conversation right there.
  • Gidzmo
    Gidzmo Posts: 905 Member
    I started MFP on the 7th January and things have been going really well. Apart from a few hiccups have stuck to diet for over 12 days now and have lost 3 lb. I take medication at night which causes a massive increase in appetite-this is the reason I gained weight in the first place. What I have been doing is having 200 cals for breakfast and lunch and then eating in the evening to use up the rest of my allowance as otherwise I cannot sleep due to hunger.

    Did brilliant yesterday and saved up 700 cals for the evening, but when I reached for a bag of low cal crisps my husband started "well this is a useless diet,.....you cannot be THAT hungry...I thought you wanted to lose weight". I decided to leave the crisps and have spent all last night awake and hungry.

    This morning I have been in tears and have told husband I might as well quit diet as he is using it to bully me. Last time I was on a successful diet I ended that too because of my husband as he made a big issue out of eating 5 tic tic sweets. Just really upset and angry now. He insists he is not bullying me and is "just trying to help".

    Boy, if that was help....:grumble:

    I used to get hassled about my weight when I was in grade school when we went school-clothes-shopping.
    When I tried cutting down (as a teenager), a family member would sarcastically ask me, "When did YOU decide to go on a diet?"
    I went on a diet with two family members once. An odd diet with grapefruit juice and eggs. I lost a few pounds the first week and none the second week. I was accused by one family member of cheating (second week of the diet was my first week of school).
    Sometimes family members THINK they are helping.

    BTW, have you asked the doc about the side effects from the meds?
  • VogtAndrea
    VogtAndrea Posts: 236
    In order to finally get around problems with family and my diet, I decided that I'd tell everyone the same thing. I am eating what I want, thanks. If they ask what kind of diet I'm on, I say..... IIFYM (If it fits your macros) or I say why.... I am eating what I want.
    Though I have logged just over 30 lbs lost here, I lost 40 before I started MFP and I've got a long way to go but this way I don't let what they have to say about what I eat sabotage what I'm doing.
    Maybe that would work for you.
  • rosiecbolton
    rosiecbolton Posts: 85 Member
    Unfortunately the battle of the crisps is still rumbling on.

    I have been here since 7 January 2013 and have now lost 10 lbs-pretty good going in my book!

    Last night reached for the crisps again to be told "no, you are no allowed crisps.....you cannot be that hungry....I thought you were on a diet".

    This time I dived behind him to the 14 mulitpack he constantly keeps by him and ate not one but TWO bags. I ate the extra one just to annoy him (and because I am an emotional eater and was then upset).

    Why can't he just butt out?
  • ms_leanne
    ms_leanne Posts: 523 Member
    It sounds like you husband is quite controlling hun. Have you asked him what he thinks a diet should involve. I would be very interested to see his opinions. You could even dare him to share them on here, I bet he wouldn't last 5 mins.

    Anyway, as long as it fits in your limits hun that is fine. Can I ask, who wanted you to lose the weight, was it for him or for you?
  • jmnicholas
    jmnicholas Posts: 58 Member
    Unfortunately the battle of the crisps is still rumbling on.

    I agree with a number of posters who have suggested communication issues - especially as it has been rumbling along for 2 months, and you feel more able to post on here than sort it out with your hubby. A lot of the posts are encouraging you to think negatively about your husband, which is neither good for your marriage nor for your own self esteem.

    You cannot change your husband. You can only change yourself. I follow the Generous Wife, and one of today's linked posts was this http://www.refineus.org/2013/03/nothing-changes/ You cannot expect to stay silent about your pain, and for your husband to mind read that he shouldn't comment about crisps as that is a sensitive thing for you...

    Start saying positive things about yourself. Start saying positive things about your husband. Forgive him for hurting you (really difficult, but make the decision to do it), because unforgiveness just makes YOU bitter - it doesn't hurt him. Smile at him!

    Perhaps as crisps are a sticking point, you should discuss (not argue about) eliminating them from your house, and explain that if he gives up crisps, then that would help you not to be tempted by them...

    I am proud of you that you have lost 10lb. I am pleased that two months in you are still going with the diet and MFP.

    Don't forget that if you feed your mind negative stuff, you will believe it!

    J
  • LassoOfTruth
    LassoOfTruth Posts: 735 Member
    I'm sorry, but your hubby sounds awful. Talk to him about it, without crying. If he still doesn't stop being a douche, then just ignore him. It's YOUR diet, not his.
  • FattieBabs
    FattieBabs Posts: 542 Member
    I had the sme problem with my husband making comments about the amount of food I was eating and how often I was eating (5-6) times a day. I ignored his comments bad continued with what I was doing and proved him wrong. Now he keeps his mouth shut because he sees the improvements I've made.

    Absolutely this! And my husband has now given up booze for Lent so dieting is a lot easier for me! He has lost weight too - at a faster rate than me darn it!

    I personally think you might need to up your cals a bit in any case as that level is very difficult to sustain in the long term, if you ate more during the day (including crisps) you may not need them so much at night. I noticed from your profile that you run your own business. Your husband may indeed be trying to help but may have some control issues! Good luck..

    Re your husband. I would have eaten three packets I would have been so annoyed.
  • akaMrsmojo
    akaMrsmojo Posts: 762 Member
    That is absolutely crappy. I constantly educate my husband.

    "Hey, I had a great day, I have 700 left over for a snack."

    "Wow, this is working great. I am maintaining a healthy calories. I need to eat my last calories or my body my freak out."

    "I like this plan, it is about changing your life, not starving yourself."

    "I have to eat my calories, or I will not have the energy to work out tomorrow."

    I say those things to my hubby all the time. He gets tired of hearing it but he supports my eating habits.
  • retiree2006
    retiree2006 Posts: 951 Member
    That is absolutely crappy. I constantly educate my husband.

    "Hey, I had a great day, I have 700 left over for a snack."

    "Wow, this is working great. I am maintaining a healthy calories. I need to eat my last calories or my body my freak out."

    "I like this plan, it is about changing your life, not starving yourself."

    "I have to eat my calories, or I will not have the energy to work out tomorrow."

    I say those things to my hubby all the time. He gets tired of hearing it but he supports my eating habits.

    Great way to attack the problem. At least it's worth a try since the present situation isn't working. Educate the guy...nicely.
  • mcflat29
    mcflat29 Posts: 2,159 Member
    I tell him I know what I'm doing and I point out the positive changes. But I'll be honest and admit there I times when I give him the death look and grit out "Shut up, just shut up."
    It's code for "You're about to push the red button and detonate my temper." He backs off then, but he's starting to learn. I let him do his own thing without pressure and now, even at dinners in front of his family, he's ordering smaller portion meals and healthier sides. I always lean over and whisper, "Nice choice, proud of you." We're fighting his family history of heart disease and a lot of the men in his family have died or almost died before 70. His own father had his first major heart attack in his 50s. Trying to change generations of bad habits is hard and I AM proud of him. Now if I can just get him into the Doctor. (I want him to be tested for heart defects and health problems BEFORE he collapses) I know, I'm evil and vile for wanting to drag him in.... I told him he has 4 months to make an appointment and go. After that, I'm making the appointment, knocking him out and dragging him in. Yep, that's love. :laugh: I refuse to spend our lives worrying about losing him in 25-30 years to something totally preventable.

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