Should I be upset or is she right?

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13

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  • squoozyq
    squoozyq Posts: 305
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    Hahahahahaha, you really should send her a picture of a salad or something...or a pic of you in a bikini or slammin' dress! Ok, maybe that's stooping to her level, but I'm evil like that!
  • RedneckWmn
    RedneckWmn Posts: 3,202 Member
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    I'm sure this has been said but I'm going to add my 2 cents. She may very well love herself just the way she is. However, she is not healthy the way she is. Or she may just be saying all this to make herself feel better. She wants you to be fat and happy together. Loving yourself at any size is a huge task. One that people struggle with everyday. You need to do this for you. Not anybody else. You want the healthy lifestyle. You want to be able to look in the mirror and see you are beautiful inside and out. Good luck!
  • BrendaLee
    BrendaLee Posts: 4,463 Member
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    Darlin', it's not you who has the issue in this scenario. You're trying to get healthy, while she is living in denial...and her attempts to sabotage your efforts are more indicative of her low self-esteem than her being happy where she is. Keep working towards your goals. :)
  • FitJoani
    FitJoani Posts: 2,173 Member
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    It seems as though she doesn't want to be the only one that's overweight...and by derailing you...she can keep you overweight. She is threatened by your interest in losing weight...and not just losing weight but being healthier. I know many women who are thin but they are not by any means healthy. Do this for yourself and maybe once she sees how healthy you are she might come around to your way of thinking. Keep talking to her but don't put any pressure on her or it may backfire.

    This is exactly right. It has been proven that u mimic the circle you are in...even without realizing it. Its best to stick on your course that your ARE RIGHT on and that will rub off on her do a run/walk and convince her to join you she will be inspired..and of course thetre are thin women who are just as unhealthy...
  • sniffles
    sniffles Posts: 295
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    The problem with overthinking is that it leads to overthoughts.

    She may just be in denial. She might honestly believe the things she's saying. I wouldn't be upset over it BUT I wouldn't let her version of reality color your choices.

    The reality is that you are not happy where you are, so focus on what's going to make you feel better. In the grande scheme of things what she thinks does not matter. Even if she has your best interests at heart, you're the one who has to live in your body, not her.

    I know everyone is trying to make her sound like a villian, but she may not consciously be trying to hurt and/or sabotage you. Continue doing what you're doing and through your actions and your lifestyle show her what can be accomplished. When she says you don't need to lose weight tell her you want to be healthy. It's not about losing weight, it's about being able to run down the street without risking a heart attack, it's about being able to physically do anything you want without having to struggle. It's about feeling good inside AND out.

    :) Respond to her perceived negativity with love and you'll be better off for it and so might she!
  • RhondaCrombie
    RhondaCrombie Posts: 292
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    That expression "Misery Loves Company" rings true here. I have yo-yo-ed with weight for years, and through them, I have lost friends who did not like the "thin" me--the happy, hard-working me. They liked the "fat" me--the lazy, sit around and eat junk me. I saw a saying once that I love "Nothing tastes as good as being thinner feels!" Let her have the cheese steak, and you can have the satisfaction of knowing you are doing what is right for your body. :flowerforyou:
  • hawkeye01
    hawkeye01 Posts: 162
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    Well they do say that misery loves company and I think that certainly applies here. Outwardly she may be coming across as being upbeat, happy go lucky, etc.. but as you describe her, she is seems very insecure with herself and is looking to bring you down. Your husband is toally correct that you need to do this for yourself and no one else. I made that decision a while ago and feel better regardless of what anyone else thinks.
  • DeathIsMyGift
    DeathIsMyGift Posts: 434 Member
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    I agree with everyone here. You just keep kicking *kitten* and don't let her (or anyone!) bring you down. That was a
    d!ck move though--sending you that pic of a philly cheese steak. She just sounds jealous and insecure because you are in health mode. Don't let it derail you...be happy...be healthy....do your thing :wink:
  • sunnysmile
    sunnysmile Posts: 1,192
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    Perhaps it scares her that you are making positive changes in your life (and sharing it with her). Based on her reaction, it is likely you should not share with her what you are doing and ignore her comments and emails as irrelevant to your situation. My mother used to say to me "success is the best revenge". I am not suggesting revenge, but that your own success will be enough to put her in her place, since she's your sister-in-law I wouldn't bring it up to her, nor would I act as your brother's go-between to encourage her to make changes. If your brother wishes she were thinner he can talk to her herself.

    You just continue going for healthy and do what makes you feel best.

    Ignore the rest
  • lvfunandfit
    lvfunandfit Posts: 654 Member
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    I think she's not confident. I think she's trying to get you to feel okay with yourself so her weight will be considered okay too. If you're losing and she's not then she'll feel that she isn't in a good place. Misery loves company. Keep doing what you are doing... I bet you'll inspire her to be more healthy. You should make a healthy version of the philly cheese steak (use ground turkey or very lean beef and low fat cheese on a whole wheat bun) and invite her for dinner. Show her she doesn't have to give up good food. That there are healthier versions. It's not necessarily ONLY about weight loss... your whole body appreciates a healthy lifestyle. All of your favorite fast foods and junk foods will be replaced by new favorite healthy meals. You'll see. All of that will start to seem disgusting.

    Keep at it! You're doing fantastic! She knows that as well.
  • paddlemom
    paddlemom Posts: 682 Member
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    Unfortunately those of us who have found 'religion' tend to evangelize. We are so excited that we are meeting our goals and this new lifestyle that we want to shout it from the rooftops and bring everyone we love along for the ride. The problem is that people who don't want to hear it aren't going to listen. In fact they may actively NOT listen or even push back, which not only defeats our purpose but drags us down too.

    For me, this is a personal journey, and something I want to become my new "normal", so I am trying to treat counting calories and getting my exercise as normal behaviour. I follow the Nike slogan and "just do it". I count my calories in my head and MFP, but I try not to go into long explanations or discussions about it when I'm with folks. For example, instead of talking all about how I would love the burger and fries, but they are so full of fat and sodium and not good for you, etc.,etc......I will order the grilled salmon with a salad at the restaurant without comment - it's just a menu order, right? or instead of talking about how I need to get my exercise in for today so I can earn that glass of wine, etc etc. I will just go for a walk.

    I have found that the folks who are noticing my changes and asking about them are really interested and the rest really don't care, or just feel bad cause you are doing it and they aren't. And I figure that skinny, fit people don't report every food or exercise decision. As much as talking about it feels like it's reinforcing the habit, to me it just highlights that it is still not your typical normal routine.

    I think you started out well with her, the first time you said you were going for a walk and she decided to come along...and I think that she was getting the picture when she asked you to go again....but I bet that telling her more about all this on your second walk is what totally derailed her. People are funny...when they feel defensive, they don't hear the love in your intentions, all they hear is "I'm doing this and you aren't so that makes me better than you". Just delete the photo, stay true to your objectives and rather than trying to sell her on MFP, just leave the door open for her to come to you when she's ready.
  • MercuryBlue
    MercuryBlue Posts: 886 Member
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    Truth is, she probably isnt' happy the way she is. I know that a lot of people see the success of others as an affront to them. The fact that you're losing weight is drawing more attention to how big she is and the fact that she ISN'T losing weight. Misery loves company- and if she has a friend who is heavy like her, she can eat what she wants and be however big she wants, and justify it to herself by saying, "Well, so-and-so does it too."

    Just as you don't want her preaching to you, though, don't preach to her. She's on her own journey, and she'll either lose weight or not lose weight of her own free will. You can hope that your success will inspire her, but don't shove it down her throat.

    I'd just let her know that you're happy with where you are, that you love yourself and your body and it's BECAUSE of your self-love that you want to take better care of yourself. If she doesn't want to copy your lifestyle choices she doesn't have to but she needs to stop trying to sabotage your efforts because her actions are hurtful and unfair.
  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
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    Nobody wants to be overweight alone. She doesn't want you to look too good
  • jdsouthernbelle
    jdsouthernbelle Posts: 274
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    She is definitely not right! Sounds like she is the one with the problem. You keep your spirits up and keep doing what you are doing for yourself. If she doesn't want to tag along....leave her behind. You will be a lot healthier physically and emotionally without her!

    Don't let her drag you down!
  • courtney_love2001
    courtney_love2001 Posts: 1,468 Member
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    I read your original post but didn't read the rest, and all I have to say is....Misery loves company!
  • catfan
    catfan Posts: 90 Member
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    So sad that she lying to herself and everyone else that much:sad: Who could be that overweight and so happy and confident..We all became overweight for one reason or another and most of the time its not because we were so happy that we ate and ate:) Dont let her pull you into her dreamworld---stay here in the real world at MFP with all of us:flowerforyou:
  • MisdemeanorM
    MisdemeanorM Posts: 3,493 Member
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    I did not read ALL of the responses so someone may have touched on this already, but you mentioned that just walking she was losing her breath. That has nothing to do with self-confidence. Maybe a size 12 or 16 is the new "norm" or "average" for American women, and it does not mean that that cannot be beautiful, but it does not make it healthy. At your weight what can you do athletically? Do you know your (ie) cholesterol levels, your blood pressure, your body fat %, your heart rate? Those all have direct correlation with a healthy life. I think you should reevaluate why you are doing this - is it strictly for looks? It's OK if it is partially for looks - I imagine that you wash your hair and your face and wear clean clothes - that's got a lot to do with looks and it is not overly shallow or conforming to society. Do not try to be model thin, but to a degree it is OK to want to look nice. Just do it within reason and have it a secondary goal to being healthier overall. A Philly Cheese steak is NOT going to help you be healthier. Your sis in law can love fast food all she wants. I am sure she will look beautiful and confident and young at her funeral. Just decide what is important to you. Maybe when you talk to her about it don't just say you want flat abs or a perky butt - but that you want to be able to RUN those three miles or lower your heart rate or cholesterol or put on some muscle. Just know that she's not going to do it unless she wants to and if "food is her religion" she's going to want to share it with you as much as you want to share your views with her. If she won't leave it alone, maybe come to an agreement to disagree and tell her that food is off limits in the discussions - you'll hang out with her but you'll talk about music or men or whatever. You can probably just ignore the text photos and they'll stop - she's trying to rile you.
  • thenebean9
    thenebean9 Posts: 216
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    I think she's not confident. I think she's trying to get you to feel okay with yourself so her weight will be considered okay too. If you're losing and she's not then she'll feel that she isn't in a good place. Misery loves company. Keep doing what you are doing... I bet you'll inspire her to be more healthy. You should make a healthy version of the philly cheese steak (use ground turkey or very lean beef and low fat cheese on a whole wheat bun) and invite her for dinner. Show her she doesn't have to give up good food. That there are healthier versions. It's not necessarily ONLY about weight loss... your whole body appreciates a healthy lifestyle. All of your favorite fast foods and junk foods will be replaced by new favorite healthy meals. You'll see. All of that will start to seem disgusting.

    Keep at it! You're doing fantastic! She knows that as well.

    Chicken cheese steak! YUM! just use thin sliced chicken breast instead of steak and it changes it all around :) and it's JUST as tasty! :D
  • thenebean9
    thenebean9 Posts: 216
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    doh! dupe post...
  • lvfunandfit
    lvfunandfit Posts: 654 Member
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    I think she's not confident. I think she's trying to get you to feel okay with yourself so her weight will be considered okay too. If you're losing and she's not then she'll feel that she isn't in a good place. Misery loves company. Keep doing what you are doing... I bet you'll inspire her to be more healthy. You should make a healthy version of the philly cheese steak (use ground turkey or very lean beef and low fat cheese on a whole wheat bun) and invite her for dinner. Show her she doesn't have to give up good food. That there are healthier versions. It's not necessarily ONLY about weight loss... your whole body appreciates a healthy lifestyle. All of your favorite fast foods and junk foods will be replaced by new favorite healthy meals. You'll see. All of that will start to seem disgusting.

    Keep at it! You're doing fantastic! She knows that as well.

    Chicken cheese steak! YUM! just use thin sliced chicken breast instead of steak and it changes it all around :) and it's JUST as tasty! :D

    YUm! Yes it easy very tasty!

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