Eating out with friends who try to sabotage you!

phdiva12
phdiva12 Posts: 79 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Okay, so maybe sabotage is to harsh of a word. But, I'm sure a lot of you can relate to this topic. Last night I ate out with a friend who I haven't really eaten out with since I changed my lifestyle and dropped 41 pounds (woohoo!). This friend is of "normal" weight, but thinks she is "fat". We always talk about dieting or our lack thereof.

She loves to eat and usually orders 2 appetizers, an entree and a dessert. We would both stuff ourselves! Well, last night she ordered an appetizer for us to "share". I didn't feel too bad about it, because it was hummus. She then ordered macaroni & cheese and says to me, well you're gonna help me eat half. I told her that all I would be able to eat was a bite, which I did. She kept telling me, take more. I said, no I can't eat but a bite. We ate our entree's and then our waiter asked if we wanted dessert. She immediately says yes and again tells me, you're gonna split this dessert with me. I tell her again, if you get it, all I can eat is a spoonful. By the time the dessert (brownie with ice cream) came, my friend was so stuffed she couldn't even eat it. She then tells me, you have to at least eat all of the ice cream since I can't take it home with me. Again, I tell her all I can eat is a bite and that's all I ate.

Now I know my friend didn't mean any harm, but this friend had just complimented me on my 41 pound weight loss. She knows, that unlike her, I have been really obese and still am trying to lose more weight. I understand she wanted someone to indulge with, but I'm really surprised at how much she tried to tempt me. Of course it was all in good fun for her, but I really had to stick to my guns and eat sensibly!

I guess the good news, is that it wasn't that hard to resist the food. My friend seemed almost in a panic to eat (in her defense, she had eaten much the entire day). Although I was hungry as well, I was able to calmly pick choices that were healthier and resist temptation. That's when I realized how much my life has changed over the last 5 months. It's important for me to stick to healthy eating and last night proved that I can do it!
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Replies

  • Acg67
    Acg67 Posts: 12,142 Member
    Not like 1 night eating out in a social situation would have killed you or made you obese again either
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
    She was trying to make you fat, what a b!tch.
  • dinosnopro
    dinosnopro Posts: 2,177 Member
    You control you.
  • NinjaJinja
    NinjaJinja Posts: 147 Member
    Well good for you for sticking to your guns. I realize one slip up won't put you right back where you start, but at the same time I don't want any cheat days at all. It's too easy for me to just write them off and it's a slippy slope back to my old habits. I specifically designed my own program to reward being consistent with the diet and if I mess up just one day a week I don't get my prize that week.

    Anyway, I'm surprised she can/could eat that much, damn! Even when I wasn't watching calories (aka getting fat) I could only hold one entree. And I very rarely got appetizers OR dessert. Let alone multiple appetizers, AND the entree, AND desert. I could never eat all that.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    that's not sabotage. that's just going out in a normal social setting. you control your own life..

    plus this: HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEA!!!

    not-the-father-gif-not-the-father_zpsf98101c4.gif
  • SmileyFaceGuy
    SmileyFaceGuy Posts: 201
    Not like 1 night eating out in a social situation would have killed you or made you obese again either

    Sure, but I find it seriously annoying when people are so insistent like that, whether it's about food or whatever.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    I cant go out to eat with people anymore besides my fiance. Everyone has advice and why not just portion control this appetizer. It's good i live in a small town right now with no friends while I'm in this stage of my journey
  • mhernandeznj
    mhernandeznj Posts: 2
    Give you props on not falling into the temptation. It can be difficult. Keep up the great work!
  • jasonp_ritzert
    jasonp_ritzert Posts: 357 Member
    I don't think it was sabotage. If you and her haven't eaten out in a while together, why wouldn't she think you would do the same eating habits that you two previously did? To me, someone sabotaging me would be telling me we are eating something low-fat, low sugar, lower calorie and intentionally using higher fat, etc. products. Hopefully after one time out with you, she may change her tune the next time you two eat out. However, kudos to you for sticking to your guns. That's how you know you are truly changing for the better when you can take an old situation and apply your newfound motivation.
  • ahviendha
    ahviendha Posts: 1,291 Member
    OP : ...i'm proud of you :flowerforyou:
  • IsabellaC45
    IsabellaC45 Posts: 137 Member
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
    I guess she wanted someone to go wild with her that night. Good for you doing what was right for yourself.

    As for me, I'm going to go wild at least a few meals a year.
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
    Maybe it wasn't that she was deliberately trying to sabotage you, but just trying to make herself feel better about eating "big food".
  • yo_andi
    yo_andi Posts: 2,178 Member
    Although I was hungry as well, I was able to calmly pick choices that were healthier and resist temptation. That's when I realized how much my life has changed over the last 5 months. It's important for me to stick to healthy eating and last night proved that I can do it!

    Attagirl. Focus on that and live your life.
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
    Not like 1 night eating out in a social situation would have killed you or made you obese again either
    Agreed that it won't hurt to do it once, but for some people just indulging in these former bad habits just one time can be considered a 'slippery slope' back to doing it on a semi-regular basis, and then it becomes habit again.

    OP, nice job holding your ground, and it doesn't sound like your friend meant to really 'sabotage'...she probably just doesn't realize how hard you worked to get to where you are now! I've had the same thing happen, and it takes people a while to understand you really won't participate in the 'old ways' anymore...
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    We each do what we think is appropriate. Personally, if I had known that I was going to go to dinner with a friend who liked to eat and liked me to eat with them I would figure out how to accomodate it all by looking at the menu in advance and helping to direct the items I know she would want me to share so that I can, or I would save up the calories to allow for a stress free meal with my friend, or I would splurge for one night (like I did last saturday when I went to dinner with my friend) and not beat myself up over it. My thing with this is that it's a lifestyle and I have plenty of things in my life that are super stressful, food shouldn't be one of them (not saying it never is, just saying I try to minimize the stress involved with food).
  • aager128
    aager128 Posts: 6 Member
    I just had the same situation occur. It's frustrating, but very rewarding to know that you can put your foot down and remind yourself why you're doing this! While I'm sure she didn't mean any harm, she may have been subconsciously "testing" you. That being said, you can't control anyone but yourself... and you proved you CAN! And while 1 bite or even a night of indulging won't completely wreck your diet - that is YOUR decision to make. I have gotten to the point where (with my one friend who frequently does this) I simply explain that I am trying - and trying hard - to live a healthier lifestyle, and I would appreciate if she would be supportive. After putting it into those terms, if your friend continues, maybe you need to reevaluate if this person has YOUR best interests at heart.
  • LadyRoff
    LadyRoff Posts: 56 Member
    You control you.

    Love those 3 words thats brilliant!

    I lied to someone at work who bought in the cakes for his birthday, as id checked the calories of them all today and decided i didnt want one... and he asked if i had so I just lied and told him I had otherwise he would have tried forcing me to have one!

    You did really well only having the spoonful!
  • k7n2w3
    k7n2w3 Posts: 241 Member
    I think it's hard for people who haven't been in the situation to know that it's a lifestyle. sure will one night not kill you... however one night of an appetizer, extra side, dessert and big entree could easily = 3500+ calories as well as break some good habits and cause bad ones therefore in the end... yes ONE night out can really add pounds on due to the "aftershocks".. one night could lead to another and another and all your hard work can be erased, at least for the day. in all honesty, it's hard but maybe you have to be a little harsh and explain what it took and HOW and the actually concept of calories. many "think" they know the concept, but most don't. i didn't until i learned and have successfully eaten out probably 90% of my meals (sure i can be bashed by that figure but i dont cook but i'm a master at a menu for low cal foods lol). (and i've been at my goal weight for over a year).
    a heart to heart next time might be a good thing and explain how pressuring you just makes you feel frustrated and that your new lifestyle is a lifestyle and binging for a night out is not in it. besides after awhile if you eat the amount of food you WERE used to, odds are your stomach will hurt. i used to do the appetizer, extra side plus dessert thing, now i get an appetizer and if i don't just pick at it then i'm so sick.
  • MissJanet55
    MissJanet55 Posts: 457 Member
    You did really well!

    I have had a few friends over the course of my life who were "eating buddies" - getting together was an excuse to overeat, because we both did it. (There was once a particularly hideous incident involving those delicious biscuits at Red Lobster. I can't speak of it.) It feels funny when one of you changes the rules, and it takes a little accomodation. Perhaps she didn't want you to eat so much as she wanted the freedom to overeat herself without judgement.

    I have one friend who has always enjoyed eating a lot of rich food, and she came for a visit last summer. She was taking medication that killed her appetite, and it felt very odd to see her picking at food. I didn't try to coax her to eat, she genuinely didn't want to and needs to lose a little weight anyway, but it meant we werent' sharing a bunch of appetizers like we usually did.

    It's a bit hard to articulate, but I expect that this had more to do with her not being able to eat everything she wanted than it had to do with you. I wonder if it might be worthwhile to specifiy in advance to these friends - "I'm eating much differently now, and probably won't eat what I normally do." Then there is no surprise.
  • lovelillies
    lovelillies Posts: 10
    Well done on your strength of character :flowerforyou:
  • 2credneck208
    2credneck208 Posts: 501 Member
    Thats how my husband is, its so annoying. He says one day isn't going to kill you, pretty much all week!! I feel you and I know how hard it is to stick to your guns.
  • DrBroPHD
    DrBroPHD Posts: 245 Member
    I don't eat out friends who try to sabotage me
  • RadioactivePirate
    RadioactivePirate Posts: 212
    The best way to deal with food pushers is to just say no.

    And then, after she wastes her money on that dessert that gets thrown away, she'll remember it next time and when you say "you can order it but I'm not sharing it with you" she'll believe you.

    I think in general people are just trying to be nice and share something enjoyable at best and trying to make themselves feel better about their own eating choices at worst. Either way, nobody likes throwing away money, so people usually catch on.

    I agree that a little indulgence now and then is not going to wreck your progress, and I think it is much better to allow yourself things you want. But they should be things you WANT, not things you feel obligated to eat to be nice.
  • Nessiechickie
    Nessiechickie Posts: 1,392 Member
    I use to say that to myself about my b/f .... and then realized I can say "NO"
    I'm having a salad and your gunna freakin' LIKE IT! :flowerforyou:
  • VorJoshigan
    VorJoshigan Posts: 1,106 Member
    I say we go kick their *kitten* right now! Who's with me?!
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    I don't eat out friends who try to sabotage me

    Damn :cry:

    What if I don't try to sabotage you?
  • cjsacto
    cjsacto Posts: 1,421 Member
    Good for you for limiting yourself to one bite of each thing you didn't really want. That is a hard for many of us and friends do it to each other all the time with no bad intentions.

    I have a very hard time with this, and I'm bracing myself for a six day visit from a good friend with pretty terrible eating habits. She'll be staying with me the whole time, and I'm going to need to stay focused. I am looking forward to everything we'll do during her visit, but in the past she has gotten a huge dessert every time we've gone out to eat and tried to share it with me. This isn't her fault, but I have a tough time just having a bite... especially if a large portion is going to be thrown out. She's already talking about wanting to go to a breakfast buffet for waffles (which I will do, I'll just have to adjust my day's calories).

    Then, a few weeks later another friend is visiting who likes to order Asian food takeout and get about five entrees for the two of us to split with the rationalization that we'll have leftovers for the next day. Again, I can't blame her, but I usually eat more than she does, and we both pig out. I've tried to limit what we get in the past, but I always lose because she just says, "I'll pay for it." I have an issue with compulsive eating and once something is there in front of me I have to exert a lot of control not to indulge. I often fail.

    I want to spend time with my friends - I miss them and I am looking forward to seeing them. I just hope I am up to sticking to healthy eating or I could blow a couple of weeks this month. I'm also concerned about making the time to work out while they are staying with me. I feel almost as if they could "sabotage" me, but never on purpose.

    I have already told them both that I am working very hard to eat a set number of calories and I'm kind of obsessive about it.
  • newdaydawning79
    newdaydawning79 Posts: 1,503 Member
    I don't eat out friends who try to sabotage me

    I know there's a word missing but my inner perv loved that!

    To the OP: You did amazing and I am very proud of you. So happy to call you a friend!
  • SanteMulberry
    SanteMulberry Posts: 3,202 Member
    Not like 1 night eating out in a social situation would have killed you or made you obese again either

    No, but it could have set off a binge that would have resulted in a five pound weight gain. A lot of men do not understand how vulnerable dieting women are to binging. Diets are, in my opinion, the cause of binging. It really was quite unkind of the friend to keep hammering the OP with food. Are you sure she isn't a "frenemy" OP?

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