To have 1 or more kids

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Replies

  • 2credneck208
    2credneck208 Posts: 501 Member
    You won't be young forever. As you age, your breasts will sag and your skin will become more loose whether or not you have any more children.
    Personally, I will still be loving and enjoying my seven children long after my looks have faded.

    Love this!!
  • Southernb3lle
    Southernb3lle Posts: 862 Member
    Does it matter what strangers have to say? If you have to ask..then you defo don't need anymore. Sure my kids put my body through hell but I don't care that they did..it was worth it. There are so many people out there that can't have kids.
  • FGVC1188
    FGVC1188 Posts: 122 Member
    having and only child - You only have to put 1 kid through school.
    having 2 - If you mess up the first Kid, you can try better on the second one. (my younger sister is lucky)
  • BeingAwesome247
    BeingAwesome247 Posts: 1,171 Member
    For+every+woman+unhappy+with+her+postpartum+marks,+is+another+who+wishes+she+had+them+.jpg

    Just something to think about.
    There are worse things
  • BeingAwesome247
    BeingAwesome247 Posts: 1,171 Member
    having and only child - You only have to put 1 kid through school.
    having 2 - If you mess up the first Kid, you can try better on the second one. (my younger sister is lucky)

    She has 2 but only sees the oldest once a month :huh:
  • HartJames
    HartJames Posts: 789 Member
    I think it depends on how long you want to be consumed by motherhood. If you think you're ready another 18 full years of being nothing but mommy (unless you have a career I suppose) then go for it. If you'd like the time and money to pursue travel, hobbies and get to a point where you can breathe sooner then quit while you're ahead. I know I'm a one kid at a time kind of person (my son is 18 and we are just now trying for another) because I didn't want to be all consumed and be able to have the freedom financially to do what I please and live an easier afforded lifestyle.
  • BondBomb
    BondBomb Posts: 1,781 Member
    At the risk of putting myself under fire I can say I understand both sides here. I think its frustrating for women who want children to hear that body changes are a concern for someone that has children.
    However no one here knows the OP's history. Many people have issues about their bodies that extend into many areas of their lives.
    I am a good mother. I wanted a child desperately. I also didn't think I could have children. I am so so so grateful for my son, but it was difficult for me to watch my body change so drastically after YEARS of emotion abuse surrounding my body.
    It seems incredibly unfair to deny those feelings or equate them with bad parenting. Sometimes its agonizing for me to look in the mirror and hear those words in my head. 'You're fat, you're gross'. I am a very logical person. But emotions are not always logical. It doesn't make me love my son any less because I don't like what pregnancy did to my body. I accept it. I work hard to improve it. Yes it was worth it, but that doesn't change my emotions surrounding it.
  • BeingAwesome247
    BeingAwesome247 Posts: 1,171 Member
    At the risk of putting myself under fire I can say I understand both sides here. I think its frustrating for women who want children to hear that body changes are a concern for someone that has children.
    However no one here knows the OP's history. Many people have issues about their bodies that extend into many areas of their lives.
    I am a good mother. I wanted a child desperately. I also didn't think I could have children. I am so so so grateful for my son, but it was difficult for me to watch my body change so drastically after YEARS of emotion abuse surrounding my body.
    It seems incredibly unfair to deny those feelings or equate them with bad parenting. Sometimes its agonizing for me to look in the mirror and hear those words in my head. 'You're fat, you're gross'. I am a very logical person. But emotions are not always logical. It doesn't make me love my son any less because I don't like what pregnancy did to my body. I accept it. I work hard to improve it. Yes it was worth it, but that doesn't change my emotions surrounding it.

    I think this was well said.
  • danasings
    danasings Posts: 8,218 Member
    OP: since you put this out on a public forum, I am going to ask...why don't you have custody of your oldest child? I am not judging, just curious.

    My husband has two older half siblings, but he was raised by his single dad and while growing up saw his mom only once a year or so. He is basically an "only child," and is not the least bit spoiled. So no, not all only children are spoiled.

    You are only 28 years old. You just had a baby. Give yourself some more time and think about it. You don't have to decide right now if you'll have another child. And as for what pregnancy does to your body...well yeah, your body is not the same afterward, but you have a beautiful little baby to love. In my opinion there is no comparison, but if it bothers you that much then you should stop at two.
  • MyPsalm63
    MyPsalm63 Posts: 303
    Honestly if those are your reasons, then don't have another. I don't think that should be any concern when thinking of having another child. If for some reason you did and ended up with horrible sagging skin, you wouldn't want to resent the child. Although, they shouldn't be resented for that anyways. To me, it doesn't seem like you are really wanting another one by your post. If you're not sure....do not do it.

    Edit for typos
  • Linli_Anne
    Linli_Anne Posts: 1,360 Member
    It is a selfish basis for deciding whether or not you want another child. BUT, we are a selfish species. I didn't realize just how selfish I was until after having kids.

    You mentioned trying for a girl - if you can not love your body, how are you going to raise a daughter to love herself? How will you influence your son on the types of women he will think are attractive? No parent is perfect, and I am not judging at all, but these are things that you need to realize will have an effect on your parenting.

    No 2 pregnancies are alike, what happened during 1 may not always be the case for subsequent pregnancies, and many many many people have health and vanity issues during pregnancy and beyond - but their desire and longing and instincts to have children, to raise children, to be a mother far outweigh all of that.
  • Mrder37
    Mrder37 Posts: 904
    Two is great I came from a family of ten kids some got more love than others 2 is perfect to share the love ,also 3 or more just **** it up when you book a holiday :))
  • FloweringPeony
    FloweringPeony Posts: 13 Member
    It is a selfish basis for deciding whether or not you want another child. BUT, we are a selfish species. I didn't realize just how selfish I was until after having kids.

    You mentioned trying for a girl - if you can not love your body, how are you going to raise a daughter to love herself? How will you influence your son on the types of women he will think are attractive? No parent is perfect, and I am not judging at all, but these are things that you need to realize will have an effect on your parenting.

    ^^^ This is very well said.
  • WAHMto5
    WAHMto5 Posts: 375 Member
    I totally agree with what others have said. I have 5 children and really wanted 6, but due to health reasons stopped at 5. No matter how much they have changed my body, I wouldn't change a thing!!
  • mcshoelovin22
    mcshoelovin22 Posts: 263 Member
    I blame my son for my stretch marks and he calls me a tiger (my sister taught him that bs) which makes me want to claw his eyes out lol, but I love him and I cant wait to have another one day.
  • AmberB519
    AmberB519 Posts: 336 Member
    You either know without a doubt that you want another, or you don't. It's that simple. I have 3 beautiful boys that destroyed my body, had I stopped just because of that, I would have never made it past the 1st one. I knew I wanted 3, and that's what I had and wouldn't change a thing. I'm working to get my shape back, but the stretch mark "battle scars" that I have will only go away with a tummy tuck. But I kinda like them in a weird way. They remind me that my boys were in there, part of me, and that's a beautiful miracle.
  • 3lilangels
    3lilangels Posts: 120 Member
    VERY WELL SAID BEAUTIFUL AND SO TRUE.....I HAVE 3 AND WOULDN'T CHANGE IT FOR NOTHING.........
    You either know without a doubt that you want another, or you don't. It's that simple. I have 3 beautiful boys that destroyed my body, had I stopped just because of that, I would have never made it past the 1st one. I knew I wanted 3, and that's what I had and wouldn't change a thing. I'm working to get my shape back, but the stretch mark "battle scars" that I have will only go away with a tummy tuck. But I kinda like them in a weird way. They remind me that my boys were in there, part of me, and that's a beautiful miracle.
  • sarahertzberger
    sarahertzberger Posts: 534 Member
    We have 3 children and I would love to have more, I am currently getting my body back from the third, and so far, I can already tell that my stomach is shrinking, now as far as if I will have loose skin or not, I'm not sure, but I wouldn't trade my babies for anything. To me some of the best pros of having 3 children is that they always have someone to play with, they learn to share and just get tons of socialization skills from that. Other great things is that mine are so close to eachother and are super protective of eachother too. I love having a houseful, it's so much fun and I love watching them love on eachother it's just the most amazing thing ever!!
  • MsMarlaMae
    MsMarlaMae Posts: 144 Member
    For+every+woman+unhappy+with+her+postpartum+marks,+is+another+who+wishes+she+had+them+.jpg

    Just something to think about.
    There are worse things

    This and want strawberri said. Many of us have tried for years with no luck.
  • 00sarah
    00sarah Posts: 621 Member
    At the risk of putting myself under fire I can say I understand both sides here. I think its frustrating for women who want children to hear that body changes are a concern for someone that has children.
    However no one here knows the OP's history. Many people have issues about their bodies that extend into many areas of their lives.
    I am a good mother. I wanted a child desperately. I also didn't think I could have children. I am so so so grateful for my son, but it was difficult for me to watch my body change so drastically after YEARS of emotion abuse surrounding my body.
    It seems incredibly unfair to deny those feelings or equate them with bad parenting. Sometimes its agonizing for me to look in the mirror and hear those words in my head. 'You're fat, you're gross'. I am a very logical person. But emotions are not always logical. It doesn't make me love my son any less because I don't like what pregnancy did to my body. I accept it. I work hard to improve it. Yes it was worth it, but that doesn't change my emotions surrounding it.

    Very intelligent response. I have 2 & I'd like another. When finances are better...
  • DawnieB1977
    DawnieB1977 Posts: 4,248 Member
    At the risk of putting myself under fire I can say I understand both sides here. I think its frustrating for women who want children to hear that body changes are a concern for someone that has children.
    However no one here knows the OP's history. Many people have issues about their bodies that extend into many areas of their lives.
    I am a good mother. I wanted a child desperately. I also didn't think I could have children. I am so so so grateful for my son, but it was difficult for me to watch my body change so drastically after YEARS of emotion abuse surrounding my body.
    It seems incredibly unfair to deny those feelings or equate them with bad parenting. Sometimes its agonizing for me to look in the mirror and hear those words in my head. 'You're fat, you're gross'. I am a very logical person. But emotions are not always logical. It doesn't make me love my son any less because I don't like what pregnancy did to my body. I accept it. I work hard to improve it. Yes it was worth it, but that doesn't change my emotions surrounding it.

    I think this was well said.

    Absolutely. I have 2 children, and I put on a lot of weight with the 2nd. With the first I was able to go to the gym a lot, have time to myself etc while I was pregnant, whereas the 2nd time I didn't, so I kind of let myself go. Of course I knew at the time I was putting weight on, but I just told myself I'd lose the weight after, which I have done. It can be depressing looking in the mirror, but you know it doesn't take that long to improve! And children are so worth it. My children are my world.

    I would like another one, and of course the weight gain worries me, but I think I'm so used to my MFP logging and exercise that I wouldn't gain anywhere near as much as I did the 2nd time. Plus I have my 2 who keep me busy :laugh:
  • WickedPixie1
    WickedPixie1 Posts: 111 Member
    Just a thought...but what the sweet 'F' are ya gonna do if you end up preggers with twins? I didn't plan or expect it when I did...and if you think one baby messes up your body, then sunshine, you'd be in for one seriously rude awakening!!
    First pregnancy with a singleton was eat everything in sight and hope the 'baby weight' disappeared when my bundle of joy arrived, it did not.
    My second pregnancy with twins was a little more diet conscious and the years since have been a learning curve between diet and fitness...not consistent, but things eventually came together for me so I now have the tools and education to reach my goal. Twelve years on and I'm still trying to repair the damage twins did to my body.
    In all honesty though...I couldn't care less about what my body looks like as a result of being preggers...I'd have another baby (or multiples) again in a heartbeat!! They are the best things that ever happened to me without question or doubt.
    I would gladly gain another 100lbs to have that unconditional love and those ever so special cuddles or super silly moments, randomness and clever wit that they are so full of. Not to mention everything else in between...yes, that includes washing vomit off bedding and walls at 3am or not sleeping for a week while they tag team the flu.
    People call children gifts...but the truth is, they are far more than that. They should be your whole world and worth living and dying for.
    If your vanity is interfering with your judgement that you need to come here and ask....don't even adopt...those kids will probably have issues enough of their own to deal with without being afflicted by yours as well.

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