Absent and lying because of binging

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themethod
themethod Posts: 257
in Motivation and Support
I've been signing in to MFP everyday for 75 days. However, in the past week I haven't been participating as much in the community and although I have entered the little bit of exercise I've done, my food diary was a lie. I wanted to still look like I was being successful and had a hard time logging any food that wasn't healthy or correctly portioned.

In the last six days I have overeaten by a total of at least 6,500 calories. I estimate I ate more than 5,000 calories yesterday alone, and it has all been crap. I am seriously struggling right now, and so I logged all of it that I can remember (although I'm sure there are plenty of things I forgot, and my portion sizes and foods chosen are only guesses) to show me how big of a problem I obviously have.

I thought I was on my way to being a healthy eater, but it's obvious that I can't trust myself around food yet - especially things that I haven't measured and prepared. Tonight I need to throw out all the food in my house and start over again because what is left is not all good for me.

I can't afford another week like the past one that I had because it makes getting back on track towards a healthy lifestyle seem impossible. A cheat meal or a cheat food is one thing, but a cheat week of binging is insane and shows major issues. The worst part is that when I was eating it, I knew exactly what I was doing to my body with all the grease, flour, sugar, and salt, and that took all the joy out of it. It got progressively worse everyday, culminating in a Mother's Day brunch where I ate at least four entire dinner plates of food. Each bite was painful, but I just couldn't stop.

So, starting over again... right now. Hoping to get back to where I was, and happy that I have been successful with one thing: yesterday marked 30 days alcohol free.

Edited because I remembered more food!
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Replies

  • Scott_P
    Scott_P Posts: 95 Member
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    You have recognized the problem, you admitted to it and you want to correct it. You can do it. We all can.
  • FabiolaEnvy♥
    FabiolaEnvy♥ Posts: 730
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    its just like one of my quote said.

    admit your mistakes, learn from it, and correcting them. - john c. maxwell

    and im proud of you :)

    keep it up and i know you can do it <3
    you are doing great
  • smuehlbauer
    smuehlbauer Posts: 1,041 Member
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    Just get back on track.
    You can do it.
    Congrats on the 30 days - 5/3 was 8 months for me.
  • questionablemethods
    questionablemethods Posts: 2,174 Member
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    We are all rooting you on. I know how tempting it is to lie on the log by omission or misrepresenting the portions eaten or just not logging altogether. I have been on this wagon before and fallen off, big time. I still feel totally unsure of how I can manage without having my food log and the community here (some of whom have told me that they look at my food diary for ideas) holding me accountable to each bite I put in my mouth. How will I ever maintain in the long run? I don't have the answer, but I'm glad you are getting back on track.
  • KellyBurton1
    KellyBurton1 Posts: 529 Member
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    I know how you feel, I've been making up excuse after excuse why I having been excerising. The other week I put so much into exercise and I never saw any results. Im tired of eating the same ol' food. Im tired and out of motivation. Friday I ate something really good and every since I have been craving sugar and I feel at any time I could go crazy eating everything in sight. I know if I do that I would regret it. Im almost to afraid to eat anything because I havn't excerise. And everything you read has to many calories or carbs. Im afraid to eat but Im getting real tired of being deprieved. This journey is a real struggle!
  • aippolito1
    aippolito1 Posts: 4,894 Member
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    Good for you for finally owning up to it to yourself and to us. I'll admit I've ommitted some things from my diary because I didn't want to feel guilty but then I felt guilty NOT logging it and would come back to log it and would be discouraged seeing the red numbers, even though I saw them in my mind as I ate whatever was putting me over, and undoing my hard healthy work... but then later, I felt better because if I can't be honest with myself, what is the point?
  • Stepfanatic
    Stepfanatic Posts: 3
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    I just finished reading Geneen Roth's new book 'Women, Food and God'. It really has nothing to do with religion, but everything to do with how to have a fulfilling relationship with food and your body. I fundamentally believe that information is power. Perhaps this might be an empowering resource for you on your journey.
  • Zaggytiddies
    Zaggytiddies Posts: 326 Member
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    Jesus you're gorgeous! You've admitted what you're doing is not what you want. That takes a lot of guts! Hop back on the horse and congrats on the 30 days. We're all with you.
  • spomaney
    spomaney Posts: 28 Member
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    girl, you are SO not the only one. i dont log my calories much anymore because of the same thing. we just need to focus and realize whats most important...our health. we have no one else to blame for our eating. you'll be fine though, don't beat yourself up over it...just know that you need to work harder (me too for that matter).
  • silramarie
    silramarie Posts: 8
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    No Worries - I've done the same over the weekend... Not sure how I feel off track - but today I need to start over again and get back on track. You will reach your goal - we all will - it's just going to take time and a lot of will power to avoid those foods we love so much... I believe in you and I know everyone else here believes in you and is rooting you on.

    = )
  • MacguyverMommy
    MacguyverMommy Posts: 104 Member
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    Ya, I just joined this site-- I use to be on MYFOODDIARY, but they charge 9$ a month.

    This weekend was a mess for me. I told myself that THIS WEEK IS the beginning of a healthly and honest with my self lifestyle. Unfortuneatly, I wont be able to exercise as much as I wanted due to finals (I am a tutor and my clients are very busy with studying right now), but I anticipate that this will force me to NOT over eat and be really mindful of the foods that I do eat.
    But it IS hard, I know.
  • HealthyChanges2010
    HealthyChanges2010 Posts: 5,831 Member
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    I just finished reading Geneen Roth's new book 'Women, Food and God'. It really has nothing to do with religion, but everything to do with how to have a fulfilling relationship with food and your body. I fundamentally believe that information is power. Perhaps this might be an empowering resource for you on your journey.
    Thank you for sharing the book title, I'm a big fan of any thing Geneen Roth:drinker:
    Becca:heart:
  • lvfunandfit
    lvfunandfit Posts: 654 Member
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    Everyone has bad weeks! The nice thing is, we get to start fresh every day.
  • themethod
    themethod Posts: 257
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    I just finished reading Geneen Roth's new book 'Women, Food and God'. It really has nothing to do with religion, but everything to do with how to have a fulfilling relationship with food and your body. I fundamentally believe that information is power. Perhaps this might be an empowering resource for you on your journey.

    I go to the bookstore a lot and just saw that title for the first time last week and was very curious about it. Thank you for the recommendation, I will definitely pick it up!
  • HealthyChanges2010
    HealthyChanges2010 Posts: 5,831 Member
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    We are all rooting you on. I know how tempting it is to lie on the log by omission or misrepresenting the portions eaten or just not logging altogether. I have been on this wagon before and fallen off, big time. I still feel totally unsure of how I can manage without having my food log and the community here (some of whom have told me that they look at my food diary for ideas) holding me accountable to each bite I put in my mouth. How will I ever maintain in the long run? I don't have the answer, but I'm glad you are getting back on track.
    I think it's all part of our journey, not just toward better health but life in general, learning that we aren't perfect. Ups and downs in life, we makes choices every single moment in time even if we're unaware, we make one simply by not making one, know what I mean?

    I think the ole' 'One Day At A Time is great one for so many things, but One Moment At A Time is huge as well. We get by however we can at times and do the best we can and help each other along the way. I feel we're all connected in this life, when one is down the others of us pull together just like in this thread to pass along our strength and let others know they are not alone.

    You all are awesome in my book,:flowerforyou: :heart:

    Becca:flowerforyou:
  • kajaknowers
    kajaknowers Posts: 113 Member
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    it definitely takes balls to blog this so for that reason alone you should be proud.....I think when you have constantly had a bad relationship with food, it makes it very difficult to deal with it and unfortunately I think it will never go away....when I was younger I used to lie to myself all the time by not really considering snacking as eat more since it wasn't a meal so it couldn't count, I even hid the fact that I ate more from anyone from eating in secret...the way I see it, is you've owned up to it in a big way and although your week has been bad, its fine, you will get back on it.....besides you already look amazing, i know you wouldn't want to go back to your old ways.

    You've faced up...now back on the wagon

    x
  • MommyofLily
    MommyofLily Posts: 149 Member
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    I had a cheat week last week as well. I would start out logging, but give up halfway through the day. I also didn't have time (or I should say didn't make time) last week to exercise much at all. It was a very stressful work week and I am pretty ashamed of my week last week, but I am going to make an honest effort to start fresh today and continue on through the week and month etc. I also need to get back on track with working out. I kinda think I got burned out a little, I was being a nazi with myself, tracking EVERYTHING and working out at least an hour every day, and spending tons of time going to yoga and completely neglecting my duties at home and in my relationship. I got stuff done at home last week, so now it's time to balance it all out and make sure I set aside time for everything. Good luck to you! And congrats on losing 33 lbs so far, same as me! :)
  • HealthyChanges2010
    HealthyChanges2010 Posts: 5,831 Member
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    themethod,
    I'm proud of you for being honest with yourself, for pushing yourself to do that and for posting here about it to get yourself accountable again, that couldn't have been easy.

    Like was shared, you're aware of what you've been doing and want to get back on track so you came to the right place. We've all been there in that very spot at some point. Jump back up and we'll help you get some strength back for the journey!:wink::flowerforyou:

    I've missed you, I've missed your posts, hope to see you around more:drinker:
    Becca:heart:
  • themethod
    themethod Posts: 257
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    Good for you for finally owning up to it to yourself and to us. I'll admit I've ommitted some things from my diary because I didn't want to feel guilty but then I felt guilty NOT logging it and would come back to log it and would be discouraged seeing the red numbers, even though I saw them in my mind as I ate whatever was putting me over, and undoing my hard healthy work... but then later, I felt better because if I can't be honest with myself, what is the point?

    Thank you, everyone, so much for all of the kind words. Arielle made me think of something that is very telling. It definitely says something to me about myself that I was so worried about what the MFPers were going to think of me, that I couldn't be honest about my food even on a website. However, as I've come to respect and appreciate everyone here so much, I hated deceiving everyone and decided to spill the beans.

    It's going to be a long road, with several pot holes, but I look forward to reaching a destination at some point... and no matter what weight that is at, it will include a healthy body and mind.

    Thank you, again!
  • KatieM7
    KatieM7 Posts: 588 Member
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    The first step is to admit you have a problem! Most people can't even admit they have one. That is awesome that you are willing to get back on track to good health. You can do it! Also way to go on the no alcohol. :smile:

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