What did the volcano say to the other volcano?

2»

Replies

  • Cp731
    Cp731 Posts: 3,195 Member
    jokes.jpg

    Its Gonna Cost Ya!
  • ferrytrip
    ferrytrip Posts: 497 Member
    .What did the volcano say to the other volcano? I'm gonna blow my top.

    What do you call a woman hanging between two boats? Annette

    What do you call a woman standing between two buildings? Elaine

    What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack

    What do you call a man holding a shovel? Doug

    What do you call a man not holding a shovel? Douglas

    How many Irishmen does it take to change a light bulb? 157, one to hold the light bulb and 156 to drink enough Guinness to make the room spin.

    How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb must really want to change
  • jdforshort
    jdforshort Posts: 269 Member
    what did a boy centipede say to a girl centipede?
    .
    .
    What a lovely pair of legs!
    What a lovely pair of legs!
    What a lovely pair of legs!
    What a lovely pair of legs!
    What a lovely pair of legs!
    What a lovely pair of legs!
    What a lovely pair of legs!
    What a lovely pair of legs!
    What a lovely pair of legs!
    What a lovely pair of legs!
    What a lovely pair of legs!
  • aliann30
    aliann30 Posts: 291 Member
    why couldn't the pony sing?.......because he was a little hoarse. :blushing:

    The first and only blonde MAN joke I've ever heard (warning: I am HORRIBLE at re-telling jokes):

    Three construction workers sat together each day on the scaffolding high above their work site. There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red-head. One day, they were comparing what their wives had packed them for lunch. The brunette pulled out a burrito, and said "man I am so tired of eating burritos! If I get one more burrito in my lunch, I'm going to jump off of this building!" The red-head looked in his lunchbox and pulled out a hot dog. Groaning, he said "I am so tired of hot dogs! If that woman packs me another hot dog, I'm going to jump off of this building!" When the blonde reached into his lunchbox and saw a tuna fish sandwich, he groaned and repeated the other men's complaint, "if I get one more tuna fish sandwich, I am going to jump off of this building!"

    The next day, the three men sat at lunch and each opened their lunch boxes. Seeing another burrito, the brunette jumped to his death. The red head followed after pulling out yet another hot dog. When the blonde opened his lunchbox and found a tuna fish sandwich, he jumped off and died with them.

    Later, at the funeral, the men's wives met each other. The brunette's wife choked back tears and said "if only I had packed him something other than a burrito, he'd still be with me today." The red head's wife also cried, "if only I had listened and given him something other than that hot dog!" The blonde man's wife stood dry-eyed, "Well I can't say the same for my husband - he packed his own lunch!"

    ba dum BUM! :laugh:
  • Aeriesified
    Aeriesified Posts: 206 Member
    Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
    Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.

    Omg. I love this.
  • Maidofmer
    Maidofmer Posts: 908 Member
    I was expecting you blow, but that's cute
  • Maidofmer
    Maidofmer Posts: 908 Member
    why couldn't the pony sing?.......because he was a little hoarse. :blushing:

    The first and only blonde MAN joke I've ever heard (warning: I am HORRIBLE at re-telling jokes):

    Three construction workers sat together each day on the scaffolding high above their work site. There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red-head. One day, they were comparing what their wives had packed them for lunch. The brunette pulled out a burrito, and said "man I am so tired of eating burritos! If I get one more burrito in my lunch, I'm going to jump off of this building!" The red-head looked in his lunchbox and pulled out a hot dog. Groaning, he said "I am so tired of hot dogs! If that woman packs me another hot dog, I'm going to jump off of this building!" When the blonde reached into his lunchbox and saw a tuna fish sandwich, he groaned and repeated the other men's complaint, "if I get one more tuna fish sandwich, I am going to jump off of this building!"

    The next day, the three men sat at lunch and each opened their lunch boxes. Seeing another burrito, the brunette jumped to his death. The red head followed after pulling out yet another hot dog. When the blonde opened his lunchbox and found a tuna fish sandwich, he jumped off and died with them.

    Later, at the funeral, the men's wives met each other. The brunette's wife choked back tears and said "if only I had packed him something other than a burrito, he'd still be with me today." The red head's wife also cried, "if only I had listened and given him something other than that hot dog!" The blonde man's wife stood dry-eyed, "Well I can't say the same for my husband - he packed his own lunch!"

    ba dum BUM! :laugh:
    love that one! my daddy told it to me a long time ago
  • sisterofseven
    sisterofseven Posts: 82 Member
    Whats ET short for?

    Cause he's got little legs!!!!
  • Maidofmer
    Maidofmer Posts: 908 Member
    Say: Eye
    Spell: Map
    Say: Ness
    Ha! :laugh:
  • Maidofmer
    Maidofmer Posts: 908 Member
    in Sunday school, the teacher asks little Suzie, whom is sleeping,
    "Suzie, who created the world?"
    little Johnny behind her pokes her with his pencil She stands up, throws her hands on her desk and yells
    "God Dammit!"
    The teach, a bit shocked says,
    "Very good Suzie."
    Not knowing what happened, she goes back to sleep. The teacher calls on her again.
    "Suzie, who is our lord and savior?"
    Little Johnny pokes her again. She stands up, throws her hands on her desk and yells
    "Jesus Christ!"
    "Very good Suzie."
    Not knowing what happened, she goes back to sleep. The teacher calls on her again.
    "Suzie, what did Eve say to Adam after their 36th child?"
    Johnny poker her again. She stands up, turns to face Johnny and yells,
    "If you poke me with that thing one more time, I'll break it in half!"
  • AserehtNerual
    AserehtNerual Posts: 5 Member
    Sammy the snail trudged every day to work and back. Every day, as they passed Sammy by, Robert Rabbit would exclaim, "Outta the way, slug!" Gregory Grasshopper would sneer, "Can't you go faster?!" and Tommy Turtle would laugh, "Man, you're so slow!" It saddened Sammy to be ridiculed daily, so he saved every penny he could to buy a sleek and stylish car. He was so proud of his car he emblazened it with an "S" for Sammy so everyone would know it was him driving so fast. Now when he passes them they all just exclaim, "Wow! Look at that "S" car go!"
  • Maidofmer
    Maidofmer Posts: 908 Member
    blonde jokes

    what do you call a dead blonde behind the couch?
    Last years hide n seek winner

    How do you make a wind tunnel?
    have a group of blondes stand shoulder to shoulder in a breeze

    How do you drown a blonde?
    Tell her there's a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool

    One day, there was a blonde driving a car at 90 MPH. She gets pulled over by a blonde cop. The cops asks to see her license and registration. She starts digging in her purse, stops, and asks the cop, "What does it look like?" The cop says, "You're license is a small rectangle with your picture on it." She nods and looks again. She finds her compact mirror, opens it and sees her reflection. She hands it to the cop. The cop looks at her and says, "Oh I didn't know you were a cop too!"

    There's a blonde, a red head, and a brunette sitting at the doctors office. The red head comes out saying "The doctor told me i'm having a girl!" The brunette comes out saying, "The doctor told me I'm having a boy!" The blonde comes out crying, "I'm not having puppies."
  • AserehtNerual
    AserehtNerual Posts: 5 Member
    Two cannibals are eating. One looks at the other and asks, "Does this clown taste funny to you?"
  • mgobluetx12
    mgobluetx12 Posts: 1,326 Member
    What goes ha ha ha thump?

    A man laughing his head off.
  • jojo1410
    jojo1410 Posts: 151
    Did you hear about the zoo with only one dog?
    It was a ****zu!
  • SeaRunner26
    SeaRunner26 Posts: 5,143 Member
    What lies at the bottom of the ocean and trembles? A nervous wreck.
  • ChelseaYepThatsMe
    ChelseaYepThatsMe Posts: 457
    Redneck dictionary word : Tudor House. "i live in a tudor house. Has a door on the front and one on the back"
  • Rosa1213
    Rosa1213 Posts: 456 Member
    Science joke:

    Silver and Gold are at a bar, drinking. Silver goes to the bathroom, and while he's gone, Gold sits in Silver's seat and starts drinking Silver's drink. So when Silver comes back, he exclaims: "Hey, You! Get out of my seat!" and Gold replies: "Hey... Gee, calm down.."


    (To those not so familiar with the periodic table, the symbol for Gold is "AU" and the symbol for Silver is "AG". Thus "AG"="Hey, Gee", and "AU"="Hey You".)
  • Doodlewhopper
    Doodlewhopper Posts: 1,018 Member
    Science joke:

    Silver and Gold are at a bar, drinking. Silver goes to the bathroom, and while he's gone, Gold sits in Silver's seat and starts drinking Silver's drink. So when Silver comes back, he exclaims: "Hey, You! Get out of my seat!" and Gold replies: "Hey... Gee, calm down.."


    (To those not so familiar with the periodic table, the symbol for Gold is "AU" and the symbol for Silver is "AG". Thus "AG"="Hey, Gee", and "AU"="Hey You".)

    You gotta be a Maggie. LOL
  • weldergirl15
    weldergirl15 Posts: 103 Member
    Pete and repeat were on a boat, pete fell off who was left.....

    Why did Mickey go to space.....to visit Pluto

    What do you call cheese that isn't yours.....nacho cheese
  • Mrder37
    Mrder37 Posts: 904
    A man comes out his front door and nearly stands on a snail yuk he says picks up the slug and throws it over the roof of his house , 3 months later he's on his way to work he opens the front door and the slug says what the **** did you do that for.
  • AZDewd223
    AZDewd223 Posts: 21
    The volcano said, "My favorite color is LAVAnder..."
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    This content has been removed.

Categories