Getting dumped...

You always have the option of talking to your doctor about this, perhaps some medication would help you relax while you work through this, or there are lots of charities the world over who offer support if you need someone to talk to. Do a quick google search to see if there's anything local to you that you can access.
And good luck, relationship break downs are always a hard time, take it easy and tru to look after yourself.

Breakups do suck but I really do believe that when one door closes another one opens and that next door is ALWAYS better so anticipate that something new and exciting will happen for you. I ended a 26-yr marriage and it was very painful then had 2 relationships since and both ended but both ended up being best for me in the long run. I wish you the best. Try to focus on your health being strong and healthy.

I have been there and it sucks but you have to realize that you are hurting yourself and wasting precious time on someone who no longers deserves your time or energy. Have yourself one good cry and then let it go. Life is short and you don't know what you might miss out on while you are obsessing about something that hasn't worked in the past and probably wouldn't have worked this time either.

I know this probably sounds harsh but I know that I wasted a lot of time being sad when my first marriage broke up ... now looking back years later I realize I should have thanked him for leaving me because my life without him is much better than it would have been with him.

Take a few months to take stock of what you learned from this relationship, what you really want from a new relationship and explore what YOU want out of life. Then start taking steps to get where you want to be. You will miss out on a lot of great scenery looking in the rearview at what used to be instead of looking for what could be.

Time will heal - that's a given - but the problem is right now.

Do yourself a favor and think about the things your ex told you he was thinking about - the fights, the stress, the times you could not make peace with each other. Think about those things and think about the resolution to those times and how you continued on in this relationship... now think about it from a healing person's perspective. Do you really want to go back to that? Do you think you can overcome those obstacles that caused the arguments in the first place? Do you think that your opinion, or his, has changed on any of those subjects? Do you think that you would have to be the one to "overcome" or "forget" or "shut up" about the past fights and the more-than-likely-future fights about these things?

What I'm saying is that you gave it a good shot... there are obviously things that the two of you do not see eye-to-eye about and they are not things that can be overcome easily... yes, maybe there is love between the two of you but love is not always enough to make it through real life.

Look yourself in the eye and talk to yourself about how much you love yourself and how much you deserve to be with someone who wants to try as hard as you do to make it work. When you find the right love, the obstacles become less like hurdles and more like speed bumps that just slow you down for a moment. You both work toward a resolution and it seems so easy.

Don't derail yourself here, in taking care of you, just because someone else doesn't want to spend time with you. You will find someone who wants to spend time with you - and you will be a better person at that time.

You always have the option of talking to your doctor about this, perhaps some medication would help you relax while you work through this, or there are lots of charities the world over who offer support if you need someone to talk to. Do a quick google search to see if there's anything local to you that you can access.
And good luck, relationship break downs are always a hard time, take it easy and tru to look after yourself.

I'm by no means a big one for taking medication, in fact I avoid it as much as I can including pain killers etc, but when my ex broke up with me, it brought a number of things like underlying depression and anxiety to a head, and once a couple of close friends had convinced me to see a doctor, it really did help in the end.

Despite being dead-set against it, I eventually agreed to take anti-depressants for a while, and they did help and now have felt fine to come off them again. Not sure if its possible with your doctor as UK/US health care is very different, but was also prescribed Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which was really helpful.

I'm sure everyone on here can sympathize with you. When I broke up with my ex husband, I felt the way you do right now. I actually ate so little that I lost about 40 pounds in 2 months. I looked great and other men noticed! There are better men than one who is ok with breaking your heart.

Honestly... YOU will have to let your emotions run their course... u will think about it... you will Cry... you wont be able to sleep at times... but then reality sets in and u will soon learn and see that those things your doing arent helping you or going to change the outcome of the situation... Take the alone time you need... but be mindful when u get back to your health the stronger and sexier you will become!!!! and then you are open for YOUR PRINCE CHARMING to come and sweep you off your feet... In your situation... been there, done that... and trust me dear TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS.... So give yourself a DATE & TIME to be done going thru this break up pain... set that first goal for yourself... and be done with it... time isnt reconciled... and life is too short to be anything but healthy and happy :-) Add me... here if you need me!!!

I'm sorry you are going through something like that, having relationship troubles is never easy. Give your self time. The trouble sleeping, eating, and trowing up is normal and a "healthy" reaction to grieving the "death" of a relationship. I know many people will not agree with me, but the truth is that you are experiencing physical reactions to the pain inside and it is better to express your emotion so you can heal. Also I will like to encourage you not to give yourself in abandon to those emotions. Take care of yourself and look for ways to cope. I remember a time in my life that I went to something very similar, and I had to fight for my emotional and physical health. I took time for myself, (nail spas are great), I forced myself to eat at least a few bites (because I lost like 10lbs in a week), and went for walks that gave me the time to think and breath fresh air. You can do it, you will come out of this horrible experience stronger than ever and with wisdom that you will never had guess you could posses. *Hugs*

He called me to tell me every time he thought about getting back together, he got angry about all the fights we had, and how he felt he had given it his all and didn't think he had it in him to try again. He said he needed space.

I say take this at face value. He sounds like a smart and honest man, at least emotionally--which probably explains why you are still interested in him some and having a hard time with being dumped. He's clearly communicated his concern and it sounds like a valid one to me. No matter who started the fights, fighting is a bad sign and he's probably wise to not want to get into it again if he doesn't have the emotional energy for it.

Give him space and focus on yourself instead.

What do you want out of a relationship? (Odds are it isn't more fighting.) How long do you estimate you'll need to recover from the break up? What can you do to care for and improve yourself in the mean time? Consider giving yourself a "moping deadline." It sounds weird but it might work. That is, say you plan to "grieve" for the lost relationship until, say, Friday at the end of the work day. And when you get to that deadline, try to do everything you can to NOT grieve. I'm not saying you need a hot date Friday night, but do something just for you. Go to the movies with your girlfriends, get a massage, do something that makes you feel worthy again. Then work on moving on from there--without him.

I know it's cliche but time will help. I obsess a lot too so I know how hard it is to not think about it but eventually it won't be as big of a focus in your life anymore. I was with someone, on and off for a year and a half, and then I started going out again and he said he moved back, said he missed me and wanted to be "official"...a month later he "just couldn't do it" and it was over. Yeah, it was partially my fault for going back with him but it still hurt. Now he is with someone else and that hurts too. I'm not saying you're not gonna hurt and you're never going to think about it, but slowly you're life will get back to "normal". Talk to someone about it, think about why you guys didn't work out and remember that now you have time to focus and work on yourself and let someone better into your life.

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe less so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
--Marilyn Monroe

WOW Serendipity,

What a wealth of good advice, seems like everyone can relate at least on some level, I am currently realizing that a relatioship I had a lot of hope for is not going to work out and although my partner is begging for another chance I realize that do-overs don't really work out. I'm gonna get strong and move on. Focus on me. I have been seperated for only a couple weeks and I too am not sleeping or eating, I've lost 8lbs so far and am trying to use that as a stepping stone to keep on losing but in a healthier way.

Good luck and log on and talk whenever you need to, you are not alone.

dear OP
some 10 years back i went through all this,time really is the best healer and sometimes break-ups happen because there is a better person in the offing waiting for you.that said, try to go thru ' with routine,like going to your work, go to your gym or eat your food in a disciplined way . exercise induced endorphins will help you cope.
also when someone is really over you, make a clean break,sad but true, you owe that to your selfrespect.
God bless

Also, when you get back on your feet physically, the book "It's called a breakup because it's broken" saved me from dwelling. It really helped me when I broke off my engagment 4 years ago.

Time. It's the only thing that's going to heal the wound.

That said, there are things you can do to make yourself feel better. My last breakup was a doozy and I'm still smarting from it. BUT, I made a point to make good decisions in the wake of the breakup that have helped me feel better about myself. Make a list of things you wanted to accomplish but never did because you were busy with the relationship - and then start executing. It will give you something to focus on and, when all is said and done, you will have created something tangible for yourself, by yourself. It's empowering.

I don't know your medical history but it's normal to feel really upset after a breakup. I didn't eat normally for weeks. If you don't think you are physically sick, be careful with medications. They won't cure your breakup, they will just mask it for a time. Eventually, you will still need to deal with it.

I did, however, start seeing a therapist because I had been so screwed over I knew I would need help learning how to trust people again. I highly recommend seeing someone if you are open to it. I go every week and it helps me put things into perspective.

So maybe this isn't the place for motivational advice when it comes to break ups, but it's affecting my fitness goals. I essentially got "dumped" by my ex-boyfriend. We were considering getting back together, because we loved each other and hoped our new relationship would turn out differently from our last one. He called me to tell me every time he thought about getting back together, he got angry about all the fights we had, and how he felt he had given it his all and didn't think he had it in him to try again. He said he needed space. Since then, I've been having trouble getting through the day or sleeping through the night. It causes me to not want to eat because my stomach is really upset from the stress and heartache, and I want to throw up most things. I haven't had the energy to go to the gym (likely from feeling tired and not eating much). I did finally eat three whole meals yesterday, but tossed and turned all night. Sadly, I'm not a person who can't obsess over something like this, so friends telling me to just not think about it has never been an option for me. I guess there isn't much advice someone can give for something like this, but I hope to find my way back to getting healthy soon.

I am so sorry OP. I have been there as well. I was engaged to a guy for 2 years and we were obviously oranges and apples (but not in the good way). In fact, the roles are reversed in my situation to yours (my ex is you, your ex is me) I broke it off the first time because of all the fighting we were doing. He begged for a second go and we got back together thinking a second time would be different. It wasn't. The fighting continued and it wasn't getting any better. Sometimes when you love someone, you just need to let them fly their own way. As Liz Phair sings, "Isn't this the best part of breaking up, finding someone else you can't get enough of? Someone who wants to be with you too. "

Learn from this and move forward for your future relationships. It will take weeks and maybe even months until you start to feel a little better but you will get there!