Getting dumped...

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  • RosscoBoscko
    RosscoBoscko Posts: 632 Member
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    Dude - don't see a doctor. You're not ill, you're upset over a break up. It's not something that is wrong with you.

    Really not helpful. She may well (and probably quite likely) not be ill, but that's why you go see a doctor then they can confirm either way.

    As I said I avoid any medication if possible and avoid visiting doctors or dentists etc. But this may have brought out underlying depression issues as happened to me. It may not but the best way to determine this is see a doctor. Then can move forward in whichever path is best.

    Most likely it is just heart break and will just take time to recover from but one quick chat with a doctor is hardly going to do any harm.

    To the OP, good luck you'll get through it in the end.
  • lucindasun
    lucindasun Posts: 38
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    WOW Serendipity,

    What a wealth of good advice, seems like everyone can relate at least on some level, I am currently realizing that a relatioship I had a lot of hope for is not going to work out and although my partner is begging for another chance I realize that do-overs don't really work out. I'm gonna get strong and move on. Focus on me. I have been seperated for only a couple weeks and I too am not sleeping or eating, I've lost 8lbs so far and am trying to use that as a stepping stone to keep on losing but in a healthier way.

    Good luck and log on and talk whenever you need to, you are not alone.
  • junejadesky
    junejadesky Posts: 524 Member
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    If you are having days that are really low and you can't seem to snap out of it. Try to start a gratitude journal. Basically write 5 things down thoughout the day that you are greatful for. This can be as simple as waking up while the sun was shining in or people around you. At the end of the day read your 5 items and see that you are finding joy throughout the day. Hold that in your heart and hopefully it can help to shift that energy.

    That being said, allow yourself to mourn the loss of the relationship. It is a natural process.

    Hang in there and you know where to go for support!!
  • leantool
    leantool Posts: 365 Member
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    dear OP
    some 10 years back i went through all this,time really is the best healer and sometimes break-ups happen because there is a better person in the offing waiting for you.that said, try to go thru ' with routine,like going to your work, go to your gym or eat your food in a disciplined way . exercise induced endorphins will help you cope.
    also when someone is really over you, make a clean break,sad but true, you owe that to your selfrespect.
    God bless
  • Hbazzell
    Hbazzell Posts: 899 Member
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    I know what you mean about being heartbroken and not wanting to eat. My diary has had some very slim days consecutively because I honestly couldnt even get out of bed I was so depressed/heartbroken. Eventually I just had to put one foot in front of the other. I forced myself to walk into the bathroom to get water, then down stairs to the couch, then eventually to the kitchen, where I sat on the floor. After an hour I had the motivation to eat something (and of course felt sick after, but forced myself to keep it down. After that you tell yourself, I can keep going. One foot in front of the other. Baby steps. You can't let anything ANYTHING ruin your life. Life is too short. You only get once chance to live.


    Hugs.
  • Hbazzell
    Hbazzell Posts: 899 Member
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    Also, when you get back on your feet physically, the book "It's called a breakup because it's broken" saved me from dwelling. It really helped me when I broke off my engagment 4 years ago.
  • AndreaMerrill
    AndreaMerrill Posts: 24 Member
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    I have to just say at the time you don't think it's for the best - but usually it is. My ex and I "tried" to make it work several times and we actually got divorced once and re-married a few years later. We should not have. After our last and final split it was hard but I look back and it was not a good relationship at all.

    I have now found the best person in the world and the difference is awesome! I didn't know what I was missing in a relationship before. This is how it should be with someone you truly love instead of someone you're trying to make it work with.

    Time will heal my friend.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
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    Time. It's the only thing that's going to heal the wound.

    That said, there are things you can do to make yourself feel better. My last breakup was a doozy and I'm still smarting from it. BUT, I made a point to make good decisions in the wake of the breakup that have helped me feel better about myself. Make a list of things you wanted to accomplish but never did because you were busy with the relationship - and then start executing. It will give you something to focus on and, when all is said and done, you will have created something tangible for yourself, by yourself. It's empowering.

    I don't know your medical history but it's normal to feel really upset after a breakup. I didn't eat normally for weeks. If you don't think you are physically sick, be careful with medications. They won't cure your breakup, they will just mask it for a time. Eventually, you will still need to deal with it.

    I did, however, start seeing a therapist because I had been so screwed over I knew I would need help learning how to trust people again. I highly recommend seeing someone if you are open to it. I go every week and it helps me put things into perspective.
  • beckers_99
    beckers_99 Posts: 41 Member
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    OP- I am dating a guy that I've been on and off with for over 3 yrs. now., actually was engaged to also. Unless those issues can be dealt with, they will continue, as mine did and have. And if one or the other doesn't see them or doesn't want to finally address them, its time to move on. I'm starting to realize why some things are better to be left alone, because when you open up that cut, as my mom says, even to clean it out, it still hurts and doesn't always heal right. Some of the fighting you had may not have even been from your relationship with him, it could be from something he's dealt with prior to you. After 3 yrs., I finally opened my eyes and studied the guy I'm dating enough to ask him, who broke your heart, before me? I asked him that because he'll pursue for about 2-3 months and then go cold, or back off. Guess all I can say is take it as a hidden blessing, focus on yourself at the moment and when you're ready, things will happen for you. I know that I only have the ability to change myself into a different (hopefully better) person now and its up to the other person to change/adjust themselves. Let me tell you from experience, if you don't deal with past issues, you are bound and determined to live through the same thing again, as I am now.

    Hope you can heal soon enough and look at each day as a new day...I've decided to do that, wake up with a positive attitude and know that only you can dictate what makes you happy, sad, or whatever.... no one else has control over you or your emotions.

    God Bless
  • gleechick609
    gleechick609 Posts: 551
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    So maybe this isn't the place for motivational advice when it comes to break ups, but it's affecting my fitness goals. I essentially got "dumped" by my ex-boyfriend. We were considering getting back together, because we loved each other and hoped our new relationship would turn out differently from our last one. He called me to tell me every time he thought about getting back together, he got angry about all the fights we had, and how he felt he had given it his all and didn't think he had it in him to try again. He said he needed space. Since then, I've been having trouble getting through the day or sleeping through the night. It causes me to not want to eat because my stomach is really upset from the stress and heartache, and I want to throw up most things. I haven't had the energy to go to the gym (likely from feeling tired and not eating much). I did finally eat three whole meals yesterday, but tossed and turned all night. Sadly, I'm not a person who can't obsess over something like this, so friends telling me to just not think about it has never been an option for me. I guess there isn't much advice someone can give for something like this, but I hope to find my way back to getting healthy soon.

    I am so sorry OP. I have been there as well. I was engaged to a guy for 2 years and we were obviously oranges and apples (but not in the good way). In fact, the roles are reversed in my situation to yours (my ex is you, your ex is me) I broke it off the first time because of all the fighting we were doing. He begged for a second go and we got back together thinking a second time would be different. It wasn't. The fighting continued and it wasn't getting any better. Sometimes when you love someone, you just need to let them fly their own way. As Liz Phair sings, "Isn't this the best part of breaking up, finding someone else you can't get enough of? Someone who wants to be with you too. "

    Learn from this and move forward for your future relationships. It will take weeks and maybe even months until you start to feel a little better but you will get there!
  • Strick_nine
    Strick_nine Posts: 1
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    Well i'm sorry that your going through that, it's a tough time for anyone, even tougher when trying to stay on track with food and exercise... Just remember no matter what, you need to eat and keep your energy and health up, even if its not on track with your current eating habits... I wish you the best, you seem like a wonderful person, and you deserve the best in life, and to be treated great.. You only have 1 life to live... make it as happy as you can.... :-)
  • DrMAvDPhD
    DrMAvDPhD Posts: 2,097 Member
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    Sorry you're going through this :-(

    Use the hurt and anger to fuel your workouts. Push yourself harder until you can only think of exhaustion instead of emotional pain. Sign up for a new class (maybe yoga for some peace and relaxation) and focus on YOU for a while.

    As for food, I think now is the time to buy yourself a new healthy cookbook and try some exotic things that you wouldn't have done when cooking for two.
  • Serendipityunt
    Serendipityunt Posts: 120 Member
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    Im sorry :( break ups suck. I know exactly how you feel. I obsess over things like that too and I know how physically and mentally draining it can be. Being sad and feeling low on your energy is normal. But time heals all wounds and I garuntee you that with some time, you will start feeling better. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family and get yourself out of the house doing something, anything, to get your mind in a different place.
    I hope that helps a little. Good luck

    Thank you! Just reading this made me feel a little better. Hopefully I can get over this soon, and feel like myself again.
  • EKN1417
    EKN1417 Posts: 34 Member
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    I really feel for you, OP. Breakups are terrible. I've been there in the can't eat, can't move, can't stop crying downward spiral before and it sounds like most posters who have replied have been there before too. You are not alone and it WILL get better.

    Do not get back together with this guy. Do not WISH to get back together with this guy. It is OK to mourn the relationship, but eventualyl make peace with the fact that it's over. Some guy that isn't sure he wnats to be with you is not the kind of guy you want to be with. So no matter if he comes crawing back to you, stay strong.

    That said- looking good is the best revenge. Get to the gym, work on yourself inside and out. Feeling confident with how you look can actually make you a happier person. It's a long road, but well worth it.

    Additionally- getting some exercise is going to help you feel better. Even if you can't function right now, try to pot in a yoga dvd or just stretch. Eventually start walking or running outdoors and lifting weights. Those activities will really help you center yourself and deal with any negative emotions.

    Good luck OP! I promise you will be JUST FINE in the long run. Getting through this part will be tough, but have faith in yourself!
  • Serendipityunt
    Serendipityunt Posts: 120 Member
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    Thank you to everyone for helping me through this. All of your words have meant the world to me, and I'll appreciate it all the more as I go through this. I'll know I'll get over it, and I'll get through this and it'll take a while. I'm hoping to turn that stress and hurt into energy for working out, at least by this weekend.

    Again, thank you to all. I'm glad you're all there for me!
  • blably
    blably Posts: 490 Member
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    heyyaa girly :)


    sorry to hear that, but it gets better!!


    im single...for two weeks now, and i can say it does get better. you know how i look at it? i am getting healthy and fit. so is my mind. i dont need neagtive people around me, and guess what? its my ex's loss he wont be around when ill be at my best, and god damn i will get there that hell look at me and say ''god, look what i let go''
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
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    Dude - don't see a doctor. You're not ill, you're upset over a break up. It's not something that is wrong with you.

    Really not helpful. She may well (and probably quite likely) not be ill, but that's why you go see a doctor then they can confirm either way.

    As I said I avoid any medication if possible and avoid visiting doctors or dentists etc. But this may have brought out underlying depression issues as happened to me. It may not but the best way to determine this is see a doctor. Then can move forward in whichever path is best.

    Most likely it is just heart break and will just take time to recover from but one quick chat with a doctor is hardly going to do any harm.

    To the OP, good luck you'll get through it in the end.

    No, you're not helpful. People are far too eager to get to a doctor without being suggested because something bad has happened which has made you sad.

    If everyone who broke up went to the doctor because they were sad we'd need 10 times as many doctors.
  • tekwriter
    tekwriter Posts: 923 Member
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    Hi,
    seems like you are getting tons of advice. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. It will get a little better each day. If it gets worse it is a good idea to see if you need some anti depressants. I know that doesn't make you feel any better, but it is all you can do. So sorry you are having this pain.
  • Joreanasaurous
    Joreanasaurous Posts: 1,384 Member
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    I think we all have been there at some point or another. Break ups suck.

    Exercise is what kept me sane on my last breakup. All that passive aggressive anger and hurt and stress and confusion can fuel one heck of a workout. It was a great and healthy outlet. Plus I might have mentally sang MC Hammer's You Can't Touch This to myself as well a long while pushing myself.

    My advise is find a healthy outlet to deal with all that hurt your feeling. It can be exercise or a diary or anything. But let it all out.
  • jbutterflye
    jbutterflye Posts: 1,914 Member
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    When I start thinking obsessively about something and have a hard time stopping, one thing that I've found that helps is to replace that thought (or group of thoughts) with something else. Like a mantra for instance. Find some alternative thought or phrase that you think instead. This might sound silly but the one that came to me the last time I experienced this was that little song "Row row row your boat gently down the stream, merrily merrily merrily merrily life is but a dream." So every time my mind would go into that obsessive pattern, as soon as I realized it I would start thinking or humming that little song to myself. Repeatedly. Until the obsessive thoughts let go. Mind control doesn't work, but we can direct its attention elsewhere. And I think having a stand-by replacement ahead of time makes it easier. It could be anything... an affirmation of some kind even. Something empowering.

    You'll look back on this time at some point soon and realize you're free, and that this freedom kinda crept up on you when you weren't looking. :smile:

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