Should your spouse tell you when you need to loose weight?

I personally think it's all in the presentation. If my husband just came up and said "You need to lose a few pounds, you're getting fat." I would most likely respond with "You need a bigger d*ck." However, if he expressed genuine concern for my happiness and well-being, etc., and didn't come across as a selfish, shallow jerk, I think it's just fine.

I think it depends on the situation. If my husband was thinner and told me that I needed to lose some weight, I think it would bother me. My husband has told me that we need to lose weight together. At first it was hard to hear him say that, but then I realized he just wanted both of us to be healthy.

I went to the dr the other day and she told me that it would help if I lost weight. That about killed me coming from a doctor that I had just met. At first I was offended and thought "Well, you're no skinny minny".

So basically I think if someone is deeply concerned and wanted you to lose weight because of you health it's ok. But if they are telling you that you should lose weight because you don't look like the way they want you to, I would tell them where to go.

it would be painful, but, really, wish my bf had said something when I started to get chubby bc then i could have stopped it earlier.

Same. Eventually I said something about it myself and my boyfriend didn't agree per say, but didn't deny it either. Then he said the same thing about himself and we ended up working together to lose weight. Worked out well, but I feel as if I should have pointed it out to him and he should have come to me about it. By doing nothing, I feel as if we weren't addressing that it was an issue and were allowing it to get worse and worse (and thus we were getting bigger and bigger).

I would prefer to be asked how I felt about my weight than be told that I need to lose. More than likely if my husband thinks I need to lose weight, I've been thinking that long before. And since I cook, he probably needs to lose weight too! My husband and I try to focus on being healthy, looking & feeling good-- not so much on the numbers. This way we can work together on healthier eating and exercising, and encourage each other, not nag each other. We go on walks together, and eat our meals together. Teamwork is much better than finger-pointing!

Honesty in a relationship is paramount. Brutal honestly, not so much. Should my husband tell me to lose weight? YES

If I was unhappy with my weight and complained about my body but wasn't motivated? YES
If it was a health issue? YES
If I thought I looked great, loved myself, had no health issues but HE didn't like the way I looked? YES... so I knew to dump his *kitten*!

I think we all know who we married. And you know if it's coming from their issues or out of concern/support for you. So, do you want to know what they really think? That's up to you.

My hubs is awesome and he loves my curves, I don't think he ever had a problem with my size. But I had pain in my knees, very little energy and I wanted to lose weight. Now that I finally decided to do it, he's been very supportive. So he's exercising with me, he's eating healthy with me. He's even more likely to have tea with me "for dessert" instead of his normal Scotch!

^^this

When I met my fiance two years ago, he had just lost about sixty pounds. I was just starting college softball, and was in the best shape I had been in years, yet still in the overweight category. In the course of our relationship, he gained all of his weight back and I gained sixty myself. I am now nine months pregnant and working very hard to stay healthy before and after I have her. Throughout everything, we have struggled together to make healthy choices, and to keep our weights down. It was never him having to tell me I was fat or he was worried about my health, or me telling him. We both understood that we weren't happy with the way we looked. I believe that if he had said something to me about being less attractive or unhealthy, I would have been devastated. He is my rock. As much as I want the truth from him, I need compassion. The best way for us is to work on ourselves, and soon the other person joins in.

With that being said, I sometimes wish that when we had first moved in together we had focused more on eating and working out. We are both competitive sports orientated people, but exercise went on the back burner with our new exciting lives as a couple. Maybe it would have been better if he had just said, "Hey, honey, I think we should get back to being healthy again."

no.
That's what the scale is for.

No, I think the person is well-aware of how he/she looks. It is a matter of the person being motivated on his/her own terms. Having a spouse nag about it or even nicely mention it usually comes off as offensive and hurtful.

Yep, I think they should. If it's an honest, open, and loving relationship... I'd HOPE he would say something. I don't find it dismissive, abusive, or even mean. But I'm also the person that WANTS you to tell me I have parsley in my teeth, or the pockets in my jeans make me look wide, or my hair is a mess. If we have baggage that piles on all kinds of hidden agendas or meanings to what can be honest observations... that's on US not them. If we pass judgement on the statement or ascribe feelings or personal worth to the sentiments... again, that's on you, not the person saying it. I'm also the minority that thinks "fat" can be used as an adjective and not a judgement. Saying someone is fat is only mean if you choose to view it as a negative. I'm fat. No secret there. Less fat than I used to be, but fat all the same.

Marraige is a partnership and a package deal. I expect our bodies to naturally change. However, if he loses interest in staying fit and making healthy decisions more often than not, that would change the dynamic of our relationship. I want my husband to be healthy and do everything he can to stay healthy (AND HOT). I have promised to do the same. I'm not saying an ultimatum should be given or a threat of "Lose weight or else," but a kind observation that I'm slacking off is always appreciated. It IS something I have control over, unlike a previous poster than mentioned dyslexia. I see the two things as completely unrelated... one is something you have control over, the other is not.

How I cook, how I move, how I feel plays a role in our relationship. Major shifts in any of those things could cause major shifts in our relationship. Some change is inevitable. Other changes you should WORK to avoid. I didn't marry a couch potato, 300 pound, avoids-exercise-at-all-costs, and loves fast food kinda guy. I don't wannt be married to one. If he adopts those behaviors, we're going to have a problem. And I WOULD say something. And I would do everything I can to help him get back to healthier choices. On the flipside, he can and should expect the same of me. As I said, it's a partnership.

Before we got engaged, I fully disclosed my weight history, my weight goals, and my lifestyle. I wanted fully informed consent. He needed to know where I've been and where I'm going... and some of the "crazy" he could expect along the way.

I was talking with with a friend and she mention that her husband told her she needs to drop a few pounds. At first she was offended but now she's working out and eating right. I personally think that he was well within his rights to express his opinions. I wasn't there when he said it so the delivery is key but a partner should be able to say something. What do you think?

I agree, ur spouse should.... while i know its a touchy subject for women especially, having ur spose tell u that may make u think he is insensitve and shallow... but DELIVERY is key as u said... how he said it and his intention is important.... and i think of it in this way, if it were ur best friend, would it be a big deal? i dont think so... and ur spouse is suppsed to be ur best friend and if not one of the closest. Once the intention was not to be rude, insensitve, and shallow...YES they should.