Should your spouse tell you when you need to loose weight?

When I met my fiance two years ago, he had just lost about sixty pounds. I was just starting college softball, and was in the best shape I had been in years, yet still in the overweight category. In the course of our relationship, he gained all of his weight back and I gained sixty myself. I am now nine months pregnant and working very hard to stay healthy before and after I have her. Throughout everything, we have struggled together to make healthy choices, and to keep our weights down. It was never him having to tell me I was fat or he was worried about my health, or me telling him. We both understood that we weren't happy with the way we looked. I believe that if he had said something to me about being less attractive or unhealthy, I would have been devastated. He is my rock. As much as I want the truth from him, I need compassion. The best way for us is to work on ourselves, and soon the other person joins in.

With that being said, I sometimes wish that when we had first moved in together we had focused more on eating and working out. We are both competitive sports orientated people, but exercise went on the back burner with our new exciting lives as a couple. Maybe it would have been better if he had just said, "Hey, honey, I think we should get back to being healthy again."

no.
That's what the scale is for.

No, I think the person is well-aware of how he/she looks. It is a matter of the person being motivated on his/her own terms. Having a spouse nag about it or even nicely mention it usually comes off as offensive and hurtful.

Yep, I think they should. If it's an honest, open, and loving relationship... I'd HOPE he would say something. I don't find it dismissive, abusive, or even mean. But I'm also the person that WANTS you to tell me I have parsley in my teeth, or the pockets in my jeans make me look wide, or my hair is a mess. If we have baggage that piles on all kinds of hidden agendas or meanings to what can be honest observations... that's on US not them. If we pass judgement on the statement or ascribe feelings or personal worth to the sentiments... again, that's on you, not the person saying it. I'm also the minority that thinks "fat" can be used as an adjective and not a judgement. Saying someone is fat is only mean if you choose to view it as a negative. I'm fat. No secret there. Less fat than I used to be, but fat all the same.

Marraige is a partnership and a package deal. I expect our bodies to naturally change. However, if he loses interest in staying fit and making healthy decisions more often than not, that would change the dynamic of our relationship. I want my husband to be healthy and do everything he can to stay healthy (AND HOT). I have promised to do the same. I'm not saying an ultimatum should be given or a threat of "Lose weight or else," but a kind observation that I'm slacking off is always appreciated. It IS something I have control over, unlike a previous poster than mentioned dyslexia. I see the two things as completely unrelated... one is something you have control over, the other is not.

How I cook, how I move, how I feel plays a role in our relationship. Major shifts in any of those things could cause major shifts in our relationship. Some change is inevitable. Other changes you should WORK to avoid. I didn't marry a couch potato, 300 pound, avoids-exercise-at-all-costs, and loves fast food kinda guy. I don't wannt be married to one. If he adopts those behaviors, we're going to have a problem. And I WOULD say something. And I would do everything I can to help him get back to healthier choices. On the flipside, he can and should expect the same of me. As I said, it's a partnership.

Before we got engaged, I fully disclosed my weight history, my weight goals, and my lifestyle. I wanted fully informed consent. He needed to know where I've been and where I'm going... and some of the "crazy" he could expect along the way.

I was talking with with a friend and she mention that her husband told her she needs to drop a few pounds. At first she was offended but now she's working out and eating right. I personally think that he was well within his rights to express his opinions. I wasn't there when he said it so the delivery is key but a partner should be able to say something. What do you think?

I agree, ur spouse should.... while i know its a touchy subject for women especially, having ur spose tell u that may make u think he is insensitve and shallow... but DELIVERY is key as u said... how he said it and his intention is important.... and i think of it in this way, if it were ur best friend, would it be a big deal? i dont think so... and ur spouse is suppsed to be ur best friend and if not one of the closest. Once the intention was not to be rude, insensitve, and shallow...YES they should.

If they say "Lose weight fatass", then that's wrong. If they encourage lighter meals and exercise and that begins to work that's ideal. If they still don't try to lose weight say it a little less gently, and say it's more for their happiness and wellbeing because you love them no matter what they look like. If your partner is overweight and they ask your opinion and you don't encourage weightloss, you're in the wrong. You do that, they get bigger, it actually becomes a problem then but it's much more difficult to combat plus there is a chance or irreparable damage to their mental and physical health

My solution was to say, "Hey, I'm feeling heavier than I'd like to be, and we're going on a tropical vacation together in three months--wanna learn how to count calories and do the healthy food thing with me?"

He was on board. And of course, he's lost twice as much weight as me. :laugh: Men.

I'm not married but if I was, I'd want my husband to let me know if it seemed like I was gaining too much weight. It's one of those situations when really it's about how you put it across. I'd expect the guy to be supportive but not "too nice" either and definitely not labour the point.

I think every person is different when it comes to communication like this. It is good to have open but it needsi to be more than just that. Weight loss should never be because of someone else's view. Being able to communicate will help open the doors but won't make someone lose the weight. The chose will be the person's. Everyone is different on subjects like this. I find it is more than just communication that helps when with a spouse.

When I first started to lose weight I had to make two meals because my ex told me he didn't want to eat my crap. Without the support my effort to lose weight stopped because I was getting tired of the lack of support. It can hurt when someone says you have to lose weight but I find it hurts more when the person tells you to lose weight but is unhealthy themselves. Someone saying are you should you should eat that as they have a huge pizza.

I understand a spouse should be able to be honest about anything but with that honesty be prepared with a response. If there is going to be honesty like that I think than maybe there needs to be support with it.