Binge Eating... Do you Own up?

Thanks so much for your honesty here. I'm ultimately on this site to help me to deal with my binge eating behaviors! Here's to working towards a peaceful relationship with food.

My boyfriend and I over eat together, but he has never seen me binge.
I have hidden food wrappers or made up some lame excuse (I dropped it, it went bad, ect.)
I don't log binges, I would rather just stop recording the entire day.
I've never really talked w anyone seriously about it.
I don't think anyone know.
I used to do it a lot in middle school and high school. I would eat nothing or very little until I got home. Then, Ice cream, cookies, chips, cereal, bread, crackers, usually carbs unil my stomach would explode especially after very stressful days. I only have true binges a couple times a month now. Alone at night, my bf works nights. I will just eat and eat and eat, until its painful, don't know why, maybe just bored or lonely, never actually hungry. I don't really think about it much. I used to purge, but have resisted the urge to for over 3 years.

Sometimes, I liken myself to an alcoholic. Only for me, it's sugary sweet things rather than alcohol.

I know that feeling! I work with drug addicts and alcoholics and when they explain their addiction to me, I think to myself, that's me only with food. Some how I am able to offer them help but have not been able to apply my own advice to myself :huh:

Just reading through these posts brings back all sorts of memories and emotions.
It's funny how you forget.
I remember going to bed with tummy pains because i was so hungry and waking up feeling the same. Mum crying because dad work put everyone on 3 days and she thought we'd get evicted because they couldn't pay the rent. Meals were basic and mum always made a pudding but they weren't big meals.
When I was 15 I got a stomach ulcer because all I would have for lunch was a sandwich consisting of 1 slice of bread.
We were all really skinny, me and my 2 brothers.
The daily meals would be something like:-
Breakfast-Cereal and milk (usually cornflakes or porridge)
Lunch-1 slice of bread, slice of cheese.
Dinner-baked potato scooped out and mixed with half an egg.

i'm not sure how many calories that is but I was always hungry especially doing swimming and gymnastics!

My mum and her sister lost their mother at aged 7 and 8. They came home from school to find the police on the door step and were told to go to neighbours. Their mother had gassed herself and their 1 year old sister in the kitchen.
They were passed around the relatives until mum was 16 and got a job as a secretary and got a house share for her and her sister. She funded her sister to finish school and go to nursing college.

She used to tell me stories of hiding food and having bread and dripping for tea.

Mum binges, she bakes cakes and eats all of them saying 'Well no one came to visit' I grew up with my aunt saying 'I ate so much yesterday I was sick in the night' She's skin and bones, but insists she's a UK 12. She still sicks up food on a regular basis.

I stock pile chocolate and sweeties, but I used to plan binges too, for when hubby was away ( and being in the forces meant he was away a lot) and the kids were in bed. For example a whole fray bentos steak and mushroom pie with a huge yorkshire pudding and a mound of chips. I'd eat until my tummy hurt. I'd drink too. Whole bottles of gin or sherry would disappear.

It's always 'junk' food bad, bad ready meals and lots of pastry product.

I've eaten 8 cream eclares in one go. Slabs and slabs of chocolate.

One year when the kids were little I ate all their easter eggs.

I am also a feeder. Anyone who comes to the house gets a meal. I even made bacon sandwiches for the blokes doing our patio!

Our relationship with food is deep seated, sometimes learnt from parents. Being accountable for what we eat and open about it is key to managing it.

Logging it is owning it. Log it and learn from it. It's the only way we can fully be in charge of our selves.

My parents have moved to another state so I live alone at the moment. I have a terrible social phobia and even holding eye contact with people makes me feel like I cant breathe, like constricted and terrified. So I force myself to make jokes and serve customers all morning and by the end I am internally panicking. Generally I will come home and be so upset and feel humiliated even though I probably recieved compliments and praise for my good work. And make a list of things that need doing so I stay on track. I make lunch and it makes me feel whole again, like there is life on this earth, and suddenly I am super hungry and eat all the days calories in the one sitting. Sometimes I will make myself sick. generally i will fast until the next day.

My significant other and everyone else for that matter think I'm brilliantly healthy and have good well-being.
I like that I inspire good habits into them.
I like to cook for other people, but find it hard to eat with them for fear of losing control.
Ive never told anyone because I can manage it,I make gradual improvements day by day.
X