I am hideously disgusting

Hi. I really hate my body. I am hideously disgusting and want to throw up every time I look at myself in pictures or in the mirror or sitting at home naked. I feel like a blob of horrendous hideousness. I never even want to have sex or be naked again because I hate my body so much I wish I could cut the fat off.

I don't always feel this way, especially before eating something I should not. Sometimes I say, "F-it...I'm not that bad" but then I feel like I don't even want to have to take a shower because I have to stand there in my disgusting body and see myself in the mirror.

I really want to not have this fat on my body. I wish I could be thin and the cellulite disappear from my life.

I don't know how anybody does it. I read the success stories all the time, but I can't relate. I feel so hopeless cause I like, eat. I don't eat that bad, I just eat too much. Read my food diary if you want.

Anyways, I just thought I would try to reach out somewhere.
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Replies

  • tadjo
    tadjo Posts: 41 Member
    You’re a month in. Give it some time. Rome wasn’t built overnight.
  • You're here, which is a start. Get up and do something. :smile: Not trying to be mean, but if you want to get rid of the fat that you hate, then do something...anything. You might not feel it now, but you will. It needs to be a change that you're willing to make for the rest of your life or it isn't worth the effort,

    I've lost 94 lbs. It took over a year but it was SO worth it. You can do this if you want!
  • Damn, sounds like you're in a really dark place right now.

    Use the rage to strictly structure your diet and your life into something more pleasing. If you're here, and you're serious, you can do it, and you have no excuse not to.
  • valeriemholden
    valeriemholden Posts: 27 Member
    It is frustrating trying to get the weight off but the difficult journey is worth it. I struggle daily and am good at making up excuses and have been having more difficult days as of late. I think you need to do something you enjoy that is not food or weight related like volunteering or joining a walking support group. Finding a group of supportive women can make a world of difference and is so important. I think you need to list 5 positive things you enjoy/like about yourself and read them and repeat them daily. You will believe what your inner voice is telling you and if you tell yourself more positive things, in time, I think you may start to feel better about things.
  • mariapuhl
    mariapuhl Posts: 529 Member
    You should be proud - you're already ahead of millions of other people who are unhappy with their body? Why?

    1. You're actually on this site - yeah, you may not be using it to its full potential, but you're already on here. That's a start.
    2. You're already logging your food. There are people who use this site daily and STILL can't manage to keep a food diary anywhere near as good as yours. Yes, it may not be the healthiest thing, but who cares. Just logging is the first step.

    Now you just have to look and say, ok, what am I willing to change so that I'm happier with myself? Can I eat 10 less chips at the mexican restaurant? Sweet! What if I only had one piece of pizza instead of two? What if I got veggie pizza instead of pepperoni? Could i cut out one piece of candy a day? Could I maybe walk a mile today?

    Just pick one thing to change. Do it. Stick with it. Now, pick another thing in a week. Small changes add up to big results in the long run.
  • Amy_nz
    Amy_nz Posts: 145
    Nah, you're not hideously disgusting. Nobody is. Break that thought pattern today - every time you hear yourself insult yourself give yourself a good talking to. You wouldn't talk to someone else like that, so why on earth should you let you talk to yourself like that?!

    Turn it around - if you're feeling a bit glum about how you look think 'good thing I've started getting healthy, imagine how my body's going to change!'. And I took a quick look at your food diary - you seem to have a sweet tooth (so do I!). Try cutting all processed sugar out of your diet for a few days - no chocolate, no cookies. Snack on a few raw nuts, or some fruit, or something like that. You'll probably find that your palate will change and chocolate and cookies will suddenly seem TOO sweet. Then it's easy to have them only once in a while.

    But first and foremost, don't let you bully yourself. The rest will follow.
  • travel4fun
    travel4fun Posts: 36 Member
    That's why you're here - to make a change. Focus on doing what you need to do, each day, to make that change happen. It's not easy, otherwise we would all look like supermodels. Every day you have to make choices. Choose to keep moving toward your goal. Don't dwell on the bad days, just keep moving forward. It doesn't happen overnight. Everyone struggles with different things. Do the best you can with the body you have, and realize that only you can change it.
  • Dulcemami4ever
    Dulcemami4ever Posts: 344 Member
    You should be proud - you're already ahead of millions of other people who are unhappy with their body? Why?

    1. You're actually on this site - yeah, you may not be using it to its full potential, but you're already on here. That's a start.
    2. You're already logging your food. There are people who use this site daily and STILL can't manage to keep a food diary anywhere near as good as yours. Yes, it may not be the healthiest thing, but who cares. Just logging is the first step.

    Now you just have to look and say, ok, what am I willing to change so that I'm happier with myself? Can I eat 10 less chips at the mexican restaurant? Sweet! What if I only had one piece of pizza instead of two? What if I got veggie pizza instead of pepperoni? Could i cut out one piece of candy a day? Could I maybe walk a mile today?

    Just pick one thing to change. Do it. Stick with it. Now, pick another thing in a week. Small changes add up to big results in the long run.



    Exactly! Plus the fact that you are here says a lot. It's not going to be an easy road. From reading your diary, you seem to like a lot of sweets or outside food. You are going to need to cut that out of your diet. Not completely, but you def cant have it every single day. Don't feel so down about yourself because that doesn't help you. It just keeps you from achieving what you want. It's going to take hard work and perserverance, but you CAN do it. You should be proud that you atleast made the first step. Don't give up now!
  • mjhedgehog
    mjhedgehog Posts: 249 Member
    I've had those days before. :/ Take that anger and frustration and use it to fuel your workouts. Thats kinda how I get over feeling like that. Whenever I have those thoughts I workout even harder.

    You're definitely taking the right steps by being here and logging your food. Just give it time and try to be patient.
  • Athena4E
    Athena4E Posts: 13 Member
    Thanks y'all. Some of your responses really made me laugh and feel better. Sorry to like, come on here and be all emotional. I didn't know where else to go.
  • WDEvy
    WDEvy Posts: 814 Member
    I've been where you are and I've stayed there over 10 yrs... It's finally when I started accepting the way I was that I found the inner strenght to change it.
  • NewTnme
    NewTnme Posts: 258 Member
    :flowerforyou: lets be friends.
  • Debbiesue37
    Debbiesue37 Posts: 10 Member
    You are Not hideously disgusting. Concentrate on things about yourself that you are proud of.. A great friend, daughter, mother, cousin, co worker...whatever, what else makes you feel good. Reward yourself for say,,logging your food ,,by a treat you love,,a pedicure, a new pair of socks, a drive to your favorite spot to watch the sunset... Or to rent your favorite movie if you go for a walk first,.i think sometimes when you read the success stories about losing weight, it can deflate you instead of inspire you.. Then look outside of your body or inside your head. You are a beautiful person who deserves a happy and healthy life. It will be well worth the work .. But remember, it is Your journey, embrace it for you and don't worry about all the others. You may want to look at some of the Jillian Michaels books, articles, etc. she talks a lot about loving yourself!
  • canadiandee
    canadiandee Posts: 196 Member
    I'm with the others who are telling you that you are NOT hideously disgusting. You're packing some extra weight; so many of us are. Fat is not who you are, so don't let it define you. You can do something about your weight, you really can. But you are not disgusting.
  • prattiger65
    prattiger65 Posts: 1,657 Member
    I've been where you are and I've stayed there over 10 yrs... It's finally when I started accepting the way I was that I found the inner strenght to change it.

    This.........and War Eagle!
  • Silver_Star
    Silver_Star Posts: 1,351 Member
    i felt so much like you do when i first joined MFP.
    Like others have said, you're not alone in feeling this way. But dont let it control you . Try each day, to do something different, however small....to make your life healthier. Figure out what works for your body to help it to lose weight , the healthy way. Figure out what triggers you to get discouraged and work around it. Stick to it. You will have days when you want to give up...Get on MFP and pester some of your friends :happy: There's more support here than in real life for a lot of us.

    I found some friends who made me accountable to them and didnt judge me for my eating habits. They stuck by me the entire time i was figuring out this weight loss thing. So as and when you get to know people here you will learn how to get healthy and have fun :flowerforyou: Chin up girl!! You can do this!
  • I know it may sound lame but your attitude toward your body is very important. Try your best to think positive. You are trying out MFP, so you are headed in the right direction. Everyday when you look in the mirror, find one thing about your body that you like and say to yourself ~ I really like my..... Everyday is a new day and a new beginning. You can do this. Think positive! I don't know your beliefs but I have been reading a book called
    I Declare By Joel Osteen - 31 Promises to Speak Over Your Life and it has really helped me to stop talking negative to myself. Feel free to friend request me if you need some daily support and reinforcement. Good Luck!! You can do it!!
  • THIS!!
    You should be proud - you're already ahead of millions of other people who are unhappy with their body? Why?

    1. You're actually on this site - yeah, you may not be using it to its full potential, but you're already on here. That's a start.
    2. You're already logging your food. There are people who use this site daily and STILL can't manage to keep a food diary anywhere near as good as yours. Yes, it may not be the healthiest thing, but who cares. Just logging is the first step.

    Now you just have to look and say, ok, what am I willing to change so that I'm happier with myself? Can I eat 10 less chips at the mexican restaurant? Sweet! What if I only had one piece of pizza instead of two? What if I got veggie pizza instead of pepperoni? Could i cut out one piece of candy a day? Could I maybe walk a mile today?

    Just pick one thing to change. Do it. Stick with it. Now, pick another thing in a week. Small changes add up to big results in the long run.
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member
    I really cannot emphasize this enough: start lifting heavy weights.

    It does so many good things for your body, but more importantly, it helps you to learn to appreciate your body for what it can DO, not for what it looks like. I promise if you stick with it, weights will teach you to at least respect your body.
  • kingscrown
    kingscrown Posts: 615 Member
    Invest yourself. Take a picture for your profile. Fill out the profile questions. Commit to healthy eating and exercise. It will happen. Not without many bumps in the road, but one still gets to their destination even though there are bumps.
  • RMNPHike
    RMNPHike Posts: 89 Member
    1) YOU are not your body. You have a body that has some extra fat on it. If your car was in need of repair, you would not be grossed out, you would fix it. It's no different.
    2) Take out all that frustration on the running trail or the treadmill. If you can't run, then walk as fast as you can. Try to get up to 30 minutes by increasing a little every day, then go for 45 minutes, then an hour.
    3) Every time you feel gross, drink a nice hot cup of herbal tea or naturally flavored water (no calories), and realize you are doing something good for yourself right in that moment.

    There was a lady on here who started at over 500 pounds, and now she is nearly half that and can wear a normal dress size. So impressive! If she can do this, we can do what we aim to do as well.

    Good job getting started. Go for it. We're with you.
  • lizlkbg
    lizlkbg Posts: 566
    I THINK YOU'RE FABULOUS. ADD ME AND I WILL STOP YELLING.
  • miracle4me
    miracle4me Posts: 522 Member
    I see from your Diary that one of your favorite meals is Pizza! I love Pizza but I had to find healthy alternatives how to make it like Cauliflower Crust !....:noway: .Ok it sounds nasty and I admit I did not try it for a long time! You can add your own spices in the crust and I prefer it now over flour crust. If you are not brave enough to try Cauliflower crust there are recipes online. If you are not interested in cauliflower crust there are many other alternative ways to make fantastic tasting Pizza with all your favorite toppings.

    Another suggestion is , kicking the sugar addiction. I know it was not easy but for me I had to kick the sugar addiction and it will be 1 year in March I have had that victory! I admit kicking the sugar addiction is said to be just as hard as getting off of heroin. I thought I would go insane and my hubby wanted to kick me to the curb! Mentally and physically you will feel the effects on your body the more you turned to sugar to soothe your emotions. Kicking the sugar addiction for me was one of the hardest things I have had to do, but so worth it! :smile: I found a better source to sweeten my coffee, tea and use nu-natural NuStevia because it never has a bitter aftertaste. I never miss the sugar. I also use Coconut Palm Sugar, or Truvia for baking. Aspartame and Splenda are poison to my respiratory. Stevia comes from the leaf of a plant and not made in a lab. Beware if you try Stevia not all stevia taste the same depending how it is made it can have a bitter after taste.

    Chocolate Candy bars with Stevia are just as tasty as those with pure sugar the only difference is when you eat the chocolate you expect a sugar high and it is weird when it does not happen. I use to eat the chocolate with the sugar especially to give me that sugar high it made my tears turn to laughter. I had to learn to deal with my emotions without a sugar high, people do not realize how hard that is until they go cold turkey without sugar. I think it was a month before I stopped craving sugar.

    The key to weight loss success is with half the battle won is by staying accountable and logging in daily, recording honestly what you eat. Record daily on good days and bad days. Feed your body more nutritious food and less junk food, remember food is a fuel and we did not get overweight overnight and that means we will not lose the weight overnight. I have had the same thoughts you said about my body and voiced it to my MFP Friends and many shared they also had the same thoughts,you are not alone with the negative talking, but I agree we must stop it. The truth is, it is not our bodies fault, we must place the blame where it belongs and that is on the choices we made to fuel this body.

    I suggest you take your favorite recipes,cravings and go online to find ways to make the recipes, more healthy with less calories. You will succeed if you are determined not to give up and quit. You must realize diets do not work this is not a diet, if you only look as this as a diet you will fail! We must realize this must be a lifetime of good healthy food choices. April will be 1 yr for me on MFP and I have learned much from my MFP Friends that I never knew before and I know I will continue to learn.

    I just want to end this with a big shout out of love :heart: gratitude :flowerforyou: to my MFP Friends! Each MFP Friend of mine is precious because we motivate and inspire each other. I suggest you choose your MFP Friends carefully and to help keep you motivated to log in daily ,choose friends who log in daily also.

    I am so grateful for MFP :heart: without it I would have failed. Give yourself credit you have made your 1st step a success when you chose MFP! Realize yes there are some haters on MFP,:angry: you will have to ignore them on the public forums, but MFP is also a community of love :heart: with people who care enough to share their testimonies,lives and encourage others. I leave you with words that motivate me. "Winners never quit! Quitters never Win! I hope something I have written encouraged you.
  • Tina2Cats
    Tina2Cats Posts: 493 Member
    Hi. I really hate my body. I am hideously disgusting and want to throw up every time I look at myself in pictures or in the mirror or sitting at home naked. I feel like a blob of horrendous hideousness. I never even want to have sex or be naked again because I hate my body so much I wish I could cut the fat off.

    I don't always feel this way, especially before eating something I should not. Sometimes I say, "F-it...I'm not that bad" but then I feel like I don't even want to have to take a shower because I have to stand there in my disgusting body and see myself in the mirror.

    I really want to not have this fat on my body. I wish I could be thin and the cellulite disappear from my life.

    I don't know how anybody does it. I read the success stories all the time, but I can't relate. I feel so hopeless cause I like, eat. I don't eat that bad, I just eat too much. Read my food diary if you want.

    Anyways, I just thought I would try to reach out somewhere.

    Please don't be hard on yourself. You are doing the right thing by coming here and logging in. Our weight loss journeys are not easy and there are many bumps in the road along the way. I have felt as you do many times myself, but self sabatoge only makes me feel worse I found out. You are doing the right thing by reaching out to those of us who have been there who will offer you support and encouragement. It's hard when you want instant results, I have to remind myself that I didn't get fat overnight and I can't expect to lose it overnight either. I like the support, encouragement and suggestions that others have given. They could easily have spoken to me as I tend to be hard on myself, too.

    I am currently reading a book: The Compassionate-Mind Guide to Ending Overeating: Using Compassion-Focused Therapy to Overcome Bingeing and Disordered Eating (The New Harbinger Compassion-Focused Therapy Series) [Paperback]
    Ken Goss PhD (Author), Paul Gilbert PhD (Foreword) The book teaches you to have compassion for yourself. I am only beginning to read it so I have yet to learn from it. It is pricey, but I hear it's really good. For a description, the amazon link:

    http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1572249773/ref=oh_details_o01_s00_i00

    The Jillian Michaels books sound good, too from what another MFP members said about learning to love yourself. I think I will look into those as well. And above anything else, you are a beautiful person!
  • miracle4me
    miracle4me Posts: 522 Member
    1) YOU are not your body. You have a body that has some extra fat on it. If your car was in need of repair, you would not be grossed out, you would fix it. It's no different.
    2) Take out all that frustration on the running trail or the treadmill. If you can't run, then walk as fast as you can. Try to get up to 30 minutes by increasing a little every day, then go for 45 minutes, then an hour.
    3) Every time you feel gross, drink a nice hot cup of herbal tea or naturally flavored water (no calories), and realize you are doing something good for yourself right in that moment.

    There was a lady on here who started at over 500 pounds, and now she is nearly half that and can wear a normal dress size. So impressive! If she can do this, we can do what we aim to do as well.

    Good job getting started. Go for it. We're with you.

    :flowerforyou: This inspired me, I never thought this way before but it makes perfect sense.
  • YOU ARE NOT hideously disgusting. I like to think there is good and beauty within everybody. You are being so hard on yourself.
  • Sakura_Tree
    Sakura_Tree Posts: 142 Member
    try exercising, then you wont go over your daily calorie requirment
  • You are most definitely NOT hideous or disgusting. You are a person trying to improve themselves, and that's why you joined MFP. That's a great step. It seems that you recently began your weight loss journey, so you must stick to exercise and good eating habits. The changes will come, but you need to give the process some time.

    There is a lot of good advice in this thread, so listen to all these wise people :wink:

    Also, I am guilty of talking to myself in the past the same way you spoke of yourself in your post. If a friend of yours described herself in the same way, I doubt you'd agree or even allow her to say such things, so what makes it OK to berate yourself like that?
  • leomom72
    leomom72 Posts: 1,797 Member
    bump
  • itsjustdawn
    itsjustdawn Posts: 1,073 Member
    I feel you... I am more than a month in though :-/ I am self-sabotager, a stress-eater. Definitely my own worst enemy. I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but I feel like I'd be lying since I can relate.