Giving up on moderation. (please read)

After fighting this battle with my weight for literal years, I honestly have gotten to the point where I'm fed up with trying to moderate foods that I always end up over eating. I posted a thread a few weeks ago about how sugary pastry-like foods such as cookies, pies, cake, snack cakes, etc, were always my ultimate vice when it came to weight loss & maintaining a healthy weight, & have always been the reason why I either fail to lose weight, or I gain it back once I've lost it. I said that I was going to try limiting my intake of them to 200 calories worth a day in order to practice "moderation" & to somehow re-wire my brain to realize that I don't *have* to overeat on those things, & that I could enjoy them in small portions.

Boy was that an epic fail. First of all, 200 calories worth of a food that I'm typically known to binge on felt like a crumb. You ever try giving an alcoholic just one glass of wine? How well does that ever work out? Once I'd eaten my 200 calorie serving I'd sit there & try to convince myself "Okay, Angie. That was enough. Now continue on with your day like nothing happened." But here's the thing - I couldn't. The voice screaming "MORE, MORE, MORE!" was always so ridiculously strong & unwavering. It was almost scary sometimes. It made me realize why I usually say "**** it, I'm eating the whole box" after the first bite without even trying to fight it. Because trying to fight it literally becomes an exhausting mental battle & focusing on anything else becomes difficult. It's like my mind can't rest until I've had more.

I know I probably sound crazy, and I'm not sure if any of you out there can relate to me on this, but I truly believe that all the years of binging & over eating on sweets has corrupted my brain somehow, in that once I get a taste, my will to stop whittles to nothing. I can honestly say that just not having any at all is MUCH easier than having one & then wanting a thousand more but attempting to fight that urge.

In the past I've thought it impossible to give up those foods for good. "How could I ever give up cookies & cake & pie forever? There will always be some event that has it. What if I go out to eat & they order some great dessert? etc. etc." But then I thought about it this way. People who go vegetarian or raw vegan or gluten-free have to say no to WAY more foods. They can't eat 9/10 of the stuff at the average grocery store or restaurant, & I'm worried about saying no to dessert? Plus, when I actually take the time to look back, 95% of the time I overate on dessert, it was when I was alone in my room with no one around. People rarely offer the stuff to me. I always choose to eat it myself & in private. And when I think about the benefits - having a body I'm actually proud of, fitting into my old clothes again, no longer losing weight only to gain it back after slipping back into the sugar trap, being able to enjoy the vast amount of healthy food available to me instead, no longer spending nights alone in my room ashamed & sick to my stomach after a binge session, avoiding the risk of diabetes that runs in my family - it seems worth it.

But I can't lie, I still have some doubts & worries about changing my life in such a drastic way. I think about occasions like Valentine's Day, Halloween, Christmas, Thanksgiving & birthdays, where there's bound to be sugar involved, & wonder how I could possibly evade the urge to have any, especially if I'm offered it or it's being given out. I'm scared of doing well for a period of time and then relapsing. I want to hear opinions/possible alternatives to my plan, or if any of you have faced similar struggles. It's a really big decision & I know in order for me to succeed in it, I have to decide 100% that it's what I want to do.

I agree with you that it is easier to say no to something altogether than it is to have a bite and then say no to the rest of the box! It it easier said than done I know, but I agree with not buying or keeping anything in your house that you don't want yourself to eat. I also don't eat out when I am getting serious eating healthy...when I eat out it is a treat so I can order whatever I want and that is a "cheat day". At night I often find I crave something less healthy. I started having an apple with peanut butter spread on the side. Still crunchy, and the peanut butter reminds me of a reece's pieces peanut butter cup (or I can talk myself into believing that it does It feels like I've "cheated" but it's actually a snack that I don't have to feel guilty about

I 'm so with you, I think like you even put in freezer, still calls, on occasion dug it out of the garbage, disgusting. I'm eating better now , more calories than other programs ,more satisfied and happy. I only buy portion size treats, one at a time. But eating better more calories has been a major boost for me. Good luck to you!!!!