Losing Weight and Sexual Harassment:
Freidon
Posts: 169 Member
As I've lost weight, I've noticed that more guys have been going out of their way to hold doors open for me than they used to. I'm only halfway through my goal weight loss, but it's nice, to say the least. But I've also experienced the flip side.
I live on a college campus that's smack dab in the middle of a city with the highest crime rate in my state. There's always a lot of campus police around, especially at night, so I've always felt safe. Still, as a rule, if I go out after dark for anything other than a class, I stick with a friend.
There's a CVS within quick walking distance of my dorm that's popular among students for emergency supplies. It's right on the border of campus, so you see the occasional homeless man or gangster wannabe hanging around. As a precaution, my friend and I usually wear unflattering clothes, heavy sweatshirts, baggy pants, etc, and until recently we've never had any problems. On this particular trip, we were running by to pick up sweets for a Christmas party, so I was dressed in nicer clothes. I still have the mentality that I look like a tub of lard, so when I overheard a couple of wannabe gangsters talking about how they wanted to "hit that *kitten*", I assumed they were talking about my friend. My friend has a temper, and as she didn't hear them, my goal was to ignore them and get out of there before the situation blew up. They followed us. One of them shouted, "Yo! Long-hair!", laughing among themselves. I have waist long hair. They were talking about me. I ignored them and managed to drag my friend across the street before she started a fight. They started to follow us, hooting and calling me derogatory names along the way, but stopped when they saw the police car circling around the block.
While I could be overreacting, I've always been a frumpy girl from a rural town, and have never had to deal with that sort of thing before. When I've been teased/harassed, it's been for being nerdy, not for my looks. It suprised the heck out of me.
So I guess my overall question is, has anyone else been harassed more as they've lost weight? Or been suprised by guys (good and bad) suddenly taking an interest in you? What was your experience?
I live on a college campus that's smack dab in the middle of a city with the highest crime rate in my state. There's always a lot of campus police around, especially at night, so I've always felt safe. Still, as a rule, if I go out after dark for anything other than a class, I stick with a friend.
There's a CVS within quick walking distance of my dorm that's popular among students for emergency supplies. It's right on the border of campus, so you see the occasional homeless man or gangster wannabe hanging around. As a precaution, my friend and I usually wear unflattering clothes, heavy sweatshirts, baggy pants, etc, and until recently we've never had any problems. On this particular trip, we were running by to pick up sweets for a Christmas party, so I was dressed in nicer clothes. I still have the mentality that I look like a tub of lard, so when I overheard a couple of wannabe gangsters talking about how they wanted to "hit that *kitten*", I assumed they were talking about my friend. My friend has a temper, and as she didn't hear them, my goal was to ignore them and get out of there before the situation blew up. They followed us. One of them shouted, "Yo! Long-hair!", laughing among themselves. I have waist long hair. They were talking about me. I ignored them and managed to drag my friend across the street before she started a fight. They started to follow us, hooting and calling me derogatory names along the way, but stopped when they saw the police car circling around the block.
While I could be overreacting, I've always been a frumpy girl from a rural town, and have never had to deal with that sort of thing before. When I've been teased/harassed, it's been for being nerdy, not for my looks. It suprised the heck out of me.
So I guess my overall question is, has anyone else been harassed more as they've lost weight? Or been suprised by guys (good and bad) suddenly taking an interest in you? What was your experience?
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Replies
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Yes! I just quit my job last week for being slapped on the *ss by my boss! UGH! When he found out why I quit he texted, "I'm sorry bad girl."
You are not over reacting, some men are so disrespectful! Sounds like your situation could have been dangerous. I am a college girl, too. Sounds like you live in B'ham. LOL if you do! I always carry a knife or pepper spray! You should, too!0 -
^^^ What she said ^^^
I live in the country just south of a decent sized city. I have to go there anytime I need to get groceries or run errands and I always have my trusty Buck knife or one of my husband's Gerbers on me.
I also plan on getting my concealed handgun license as soon as I turn 21 this summer.
That might seem a bit extreme to some, but the husband insists and I'm not about to object.
I would definitely invest in a knife or some pepper spray. It'll most likely only get more common.0 -
Yes! I just quit my job last week for being slapped on the *ss by my boss! UGH! When he found out why I quit he texted, "I'm sorry bad girl."
You are not over reacting, some men are so disrespectful! Sounds like your situation could have been dangerous. I am a college girl, too. Sounds like you live in B'ham. LOL if you do! I always carry a knife or pepper spray! You should, too!
You let him get away with that? It wasn't the first and won't be his last time.0 -
The real question that needs answering here is how'd the Christmas party go?0
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Well I've never been overweight but I always receive a lot of (unwanted) attention due to my body. Honestly it's just something you're going to have to get used to. After awhile ignoring thirsty *kitten* becomes second nature. And I don't think that you should have to make yourself look less attractive to prevent guys from hitting on you. Wear what you truly want to wear. Embrace your sex appeal all the while being a strong, independent woman.0
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Its not happened to me because, well, Im a bit of a hermit and dont go out much. My cousin however had a terrifying moment last month after putting petrol in her car at midnight. A group of lads followed her as she drove away, tail-gating and making some pretty disgusting gestures. I dont know how she stayed calm enough to call the police! Id've been PEDAL TO THE METAL!0
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Well I've never been overweight but I always receive a lot of (unwanted) attention due to my body. Honestly it's just something you're going to have to get used to. After awhile ignoring thirsty *kitten* becomes second nature. And I don't think that you should have to make yourself look less attractive to prevent guys from hitting on you. Wear what you truly want to wear. Embrace your sex appeal all the while being a strong, independent woman.
this is all good until you come across the people she's talking about that might not be interested in weather she ignores them or not, wearing frumpy/ unattractive clothes is a good idea in what sounds like dodgy part of town, never forget there are bad people in the world, and you want them to be as least interested in you as possible, a low cut top isn't worth being attacked lol.....0 -
:noway: i can't believe carry a knife or gun is a response. Here both are illegal to carry. Does sound like a bad neighbourhood but I have no doubt it would be much better if carrying guns and knives wasn't acceptable. I'm sorry that you have to live somewhere where that is normal.
I do find I get a lot more attention of men. It's not something I'm comfortable with. Luckily its never been in a way where I feel scared nor harassed though. To be honest I find the women more of a problem. When I walk into a bar dressed up and get male attention, a lot of the girls in the room don't like it and look like they want to start a fight with me.
That worries me more than the attention took I get off men! Some men don't like taking no as an answer and will continue to the their luck through out the night, but never in a way I've felt intimidated. Sorry you have had to deal with that. Mustn't be nice.
Zara x0 -
Sounds like a lawsuit.Yes! I just quit my job last week for being slapped on the *ss by my boss! UGH! When he found out why I quit he texted, "I'm sorry bad girl."
You are not over reacting, some men are so disrespectful! Sounds like your situation could have been dangerous. I am a college girl, too. Sounds like you live in B'ham. LOL if you do! I always carry a knife or pepper spray! You should, too!0 -
Nope. Can someone give me some tips?0
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Well I've never been overweight but I always receive a lot of (unwanted) attention due to my body. Honestly it's just something you're going to have to get used to. After awhile ignoring thirsty *kitten* becomes second nature. And I don't think that you should have to make yourself look less attractive to prevent guys from hitting on you. Wear what you truly want to wear. Embrace your sex appeal all the while being a strong, independent woman.
this is all good until you come across the people she's talking about that might not be interested in weather she ignores them or not, wearing frumpy/ unattractive clothes is a good idea in what sounds like dodgy part of town, never forget there are bad people in the world, and you want them to be as least interested in you as possible, a low cut top isn't worth being attacked lol.....
I totally agree. I wasn't encouraging her to dress like a slut in the standard setting though. Women should feel powerful too and not have to hide in spite of fear.0 -
agreed i think it's great when a woman feels confident enough to reflect that in her clothing but, in the right place and time like you say, particularly at night in rough areas where there's not many people about, there's no need to risk it, it's too much of an opportunity for the creeps you'll get hanging around those settings0
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All I can say is WOW!0
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I am glad you were safe. When I turned 40 years old, I lost a lot of weight. My son was just starting high school and playing football, these football players were always looking at me and singing little songs in reference to me. And yes, when I went out doors were always opened and even with my husband right beside me. He was upset because he felt that he was being disrespected by them. Many times we were asked how we are doing with the guys eyes focused on me only. I felt very uncomfortable and soon lost interest in my weight loss and gained it back.
No, I do not want the attention, but I also do not want to have to live obese to be left alone. I did not dress over the top, just able to wear smaller sizes and matching nice outfits. I am very curvy/thick and that is the difference.
At this time, I am sad that I let the weight go back up and I am working on getting it back together.
Be careful, because I have gone to the grocery store totally covered up and had a note left on my car from someone wanting to meet me. I have also been followed from gas stations etc.0 -
So it's the responsibility of women to protect themselves from sexual harrassment and assualt by wearing unflattering clothing? Seriously?0
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Eww wtf?Yes! I just quit my job last week for being slapped on the *ss by my boss! UGH! When he found out why I quit he texted, "I'm sorry bad girl."
You are not over reacting, some men are so disrespectful! Sounds like your situation could have been dangerous. I am a college girl, too. Sounds like you live in B'ham. LOL if you do! I always carry a knife or pepper spray! You should, too!0 -
Frankly, frumpy clothes or not, those men will bother you no matter what you wear.
Thing is, to show that you are not afraid of them. Look them in the eyes, show that you know who they are and that you are aware of whats going on. They are less likely to attack you, if they know that you can identify them later on.0 -
No one should ever have to go through that. Once again, I'm embarrassed by my gender. I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope it doesn't give you pause when considering your fitness goals.0
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So it's the responsibility of women to protect themselves from sexual harrassment and assualt by wearing unflattering clothing? Seriously?
if you live in the real world yes.... frankly it would be lovely if the police would do more to clean up streets but if they aren't then you have to take your own steps to be safe, as i'm in england we don't carry guns and would give this advice to any female friends i have. i'm sure a young woman in college whether in the US or UK wouldn't want to either, so you make sure you're not an obvious target.
in this case prevention is always better than anything else.
to say this is limited to women isn't what i was aiming for though so i'm not sure why you've taken it like that? (bee in your bonnet?) if it was a young male who noticed thugs eying up his expensive trainers or an old man with a nice watch i'd suggest they don't wear them.... so put the pickets back in the closet
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also i don't feel embarassed by my gender, those aren't men.... they're boys who failed to grow up with their age0
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Yes! I just quit my job last week for being slapped on the *ss by my boss! UGH! When he found out why I quit he texted, "I'm sorry bad girl."
You are not over reacting, some men are so disrespectful! Sounds like your situation could have been dangerous. I am a college girl, too. Sounds like you live in B'ham. LOL if you do! I always carry a knife or pepper spray! You should, too!
You let him get away with that? It wasn't the first and won't be his last time.
It is not her duty to be the police. If she doesn't want to report she doesn't have too. The victim is not responsible for "letting him get away" if he CHOOSES to act in a manner so disgusting.
That said, I highly encourage you to report that behavior to his superiors. If he owns the company, report him to a regulatory agency or to the police. You should not have to quit your job because HE broke the law.0 -
NSV?0
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Nope. Can someone give me some tips?
Ok, I have to ask what you want tips on....0 -
:noway: i can't believe carry a knife or gun is a response. Here both are illegal to carry. Does sound like a bad neighbourhood but I have no doubt it would be much better if carrying guns and knives wasn't acceptable. I'm sorry that you have to live somewhere where that is normal.
I do find I get a lot more attention of men. It's not something I'm comfortable with. Luckily its never been in a way where I feel scared nor harassed though. To be honest I find the women more of a problem. When I walk into a bar dressed up and get male attention, a lot of the girls in the room don't like it and look like they want to start a fight with me.
That worries me more than the attention took I get off men! Some men don't like taking no as an answer and will continue to the their luck through out the night, but never in a way I've felt intimidated. Sorry you have had to deal with that. Mustn't be nice.
Zara x
Hm, would I rather carry a gun or knife and dress how I please, or wear a modern day Burka for fear of some adolescent hooligans?
Now let me think...nah, easy choice. I choose weapons. Any cop with an ounce of compassion will look the other way.0 -
So it's the responsibility of women to protect themselves from sexual harrassment and assualt by wearing unflattering clothing? Seriously?
if you live in the real world yes.... frankly it would be lovely if the police would do more to clean up streets but if they aren't then you have to take your own steps to be safe.
I disagree. It is not my job to police the behavior of others. It is NOT my RESPONSIBILITY to anticipate every "thug" with an overactive opinion of himself. I would say the same goes for men. It is not YOUR responsibility to anticipate every woman who thinks men are only there to be her sexual fantasies. It is grossly inappropriate both ways.
However, what I believe you were trying to say is "You shouldn't have to, but the world is a horrible place. Just as you should try to protect yourself from muggings, you should try to take reasonable precautions against sexual predators (ie. don't wear a miniskirt to a prison)."
Regardless, I think we can all agree that whether you take reasonable precautions or not, only the HARASSER is responsible for their actions. Unless you live in Africa or some of the middle eastern countries (I cite them because they've been in the news lately), "the skirt made me do it" is not even close to justification.
I will also argue this the other way: it is incredibly RUDE TO MEN to assume that "if I wear a miniskirt he will act like an animal". Men are not all animals. Men are not all rapists. Women are not all angels. Men are rational, reasonable and function human beings capable of making choices everyday. To assume that every man is out to rape you because he has the anatomy is a terrible stereotype that puts a lot of good men in bad positions. I know one guy who was accused of being creepy because he had to push past a girl in a crowd. I had just pushed past her myself after asking her TWICE to move politely. She was on her cellphone and more then happy to ignore me. The man did not touch her any more then any then I did, but because she started flipping out about sexual harassment when his hip bumped hers. If we expect women to assume they will be molested by every man, then they will assume they will be molested every man. This cannot be good for male-female relations.
TL:DR: If we expect women to assume they will be molested by every man, then they will assume they will be molested every man. This is not a good thing.0 -
:noway: i can't believe carry a knife or gun is a response. Here both are illegal to carry. Does sound like a bad neighbourhood but I have no doubt it would be much better if carrying guns and knives wasn't acceptable. I'm sorry that you have to live somewhere where that is normal.
I do find I get a lot more attention of men. It's not something I'm comfortable with. Luckily its never been in a way where I feel scared nor harassed though. To be honest I find the women more of a problem. When I walk into a bar dressed up and get male attention, a lot of the girls in the room don't like it and look like they want to start a fight with me.
That worries me more than the attention took I get off men! Some men don't like taking no as an answer and will continue to the their luck through out the night, but never in a way I've felt intimidated. Sorry you have had to deal with that. Mustn't be nice.
Zara x
People like these guys would probebly have something on them that is illegal so there for the battle would be one sided unless she hase something to. I think you need to take some self defence class's and if you choose to carry a weapon whether it be a knife or gun LEARN to use it because chances are if you are going to be attacked the attacker will know how to use a weapon and you would not want him to be able to take yours away and use it on you. Now go learn to kick *kitten* lol0 -
Uh...yes it is, unfortunately. It's like saying "It's my reponsibility to lock my car so someone doesn't steal it? Seriously?" There are bad people out there, and we have to be careful to lock our car doors, not wear expensive jewelery in a bad neighbourhood, make sure you don't advertise the fact that you are carrying a lot of money, and not dress to provacatively at night in a bad neighbourhood.0
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Uh...yes it is, unfortunately. It's like saying "It's my reponsibility to lock my car so someone doesn't steal it? Seriously?" There are bad people out there, and we have to be careful to lock our car doors, not wear expensive jewelery in a bad neighbourhood, make sure you don't advertise the fact that you are carrying a lot of money, and not dress to provacatively at night in a bad neighbourhood.
Yes, but when you say 'dress provocatively', what do you mean? Where is the line between dressing to go out and dressing provocatively? I often go out with a low cut top on on a night out. Does that mean I've asked for it if someone were to rape me? My friend has a fantastic pair of legs and will go out with a short skirt on, is she asking for it?
If you were to saunter past a group of rough-looking lads wearing nothing but a bra and a belt-like-skirt, then you have a point. But the truth of the matter is, the majority of rapes/sexual assaults are not carried out because of a womans clothing.0 -
also i don't feel embarassed by my gender, those aren't men.... they're boys who failed to grow up with their age
WTF? So they're boys even though they're capable of murder/assault/rape? OK.........0 -
So it's the responsibility of women to protect themselves from sexual harrassment and assualt by wearing unflattering clothing? Seriously?
if you live in the real world yes.... frankly it would be lovely if the police would do more to clean up streets but if they aren't then you have to take your own steps to be safe.
I disagree. It is not my job to police the behavior of others. It is NOT my RESPONSIBILITY to anticipate every "thug" with an overactive opinion of himself. I would say the same goes for men. It is not YOUR responsibility to anticipate every woman who thinks men are only there to be her sexual fantasies. It is grossly inappropriate both ways.
However, what I believe you were trying to say is "You shouldn't have to, but the world is a horrible place. Just as you should try to protect yourself from muggings, you should try to take reasonable precautions against sexual predators (ie. don't wear a miniskirt to a prison)."
Regardless, I think we can all agree that whether you take reasonable precautions or not, only the HARASSER is responsible for their actions. Unless you live in Africa or some of the middle eastern countries (I cite them because they've been in the news lately), "the skirt made me do it" is not even close to justification.
I will also argue this the other way: it is incredibly RUDE TO MEN to assume that "if I wear a miniskirt he will act like an animal". Men are not all animals. Men are not all rapists. Women are not all angels. Men are rational, reasonable and function human beings capable of making choices everyday. To assume that every man is out to rape you because he has the anatomy is a terrible stereotype that puts a lot of good men in bad positions. I know one guy who was accused of being creepy because he had to push past a girl in a crowd. I had just pushed past her myself after asking her TWICE to move politely. She was on her cellphone and more then happy to ignore me. The man did not touch her any more then any then I did, but because she started flipping out about sexual harassment when his hip bumped hers. If we expect women to assume they will be molested by every man, then they will assume they will be molested every man. This cannot be good for male-female relations.
TL:DR: If we expect women to assume they will be molested by every man, then they will assume they will be molested every man. This is not a good thing.
^^^ I like this person.0
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