Losing Weight and Sexual Harassment:

Options
Freidon
Freidon Posts: 169 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
As I've lost weight, I've noticed that more guys have been going out of their way to hold doors open for me than they used to. I'm only halfway through my goal weight loss, but it's nice, to say the least. But I've also experienced the flip side.

I live on a college campus that's smack dab in the middle of a city with the highest crime rate in my state. There's always a lot of campus police around, especially at night, so I've always felt safe. Still, as a rule, if I go out after dark for anything other than a class, I stick with a friend.

There's a CVS within quick walking distance of my dorm that's popular among students for emergency supplies. It's right on the border of campus, so you see the occasional homeless man or gangster wannabe hanging around. As a precaution, my friend and I usually wear unflattering clothes, heavy sweatshirts, baggy pants, etc, and until recently we've never had any problems. On this particular trip, we were running by to pick up sweets for a Christmas party, so I was dressed in nicer clothes. I still have the mentality that I look like a tub of lard, so when I overheard a couple of wannabe gangsters talking about how they wanted to "hit that *kitten*", I assumed they were talking about my friend. My friend has a temper, and as she didn't hear them, my goal was to ignore them and get out of there before the situation blew up. They followed us. One of them shouted, "Yo! Long-hair!", laughing among themselves. I have waist long hair. They were talking about me. I ignored them and managed to drag my friend across the street before she started a fight. They started to follow us, hooting and calling me derogatory names along the way, but stopped when they saw the police car circling around the block.

While I could be overreacting, I've always been a frumpy girl from a rural town, and have never had to deal with that sort of thing before. When I've been teased/harassed, it's been for being nerdy, not for my looks. It suprised the heck out of me.

So I guess my overall question is, has anyone else been harassed more as they've lost weight? Or been suprised by guys (good and bad) suddenly taking an interest in you? What was your experience?
«1345

Replies

  • make_it_so
    make_it_so Posts: 40 Member
    Options
    Yes! I just quit my job last week for being slapped on the *ss by my boss! UGH! When he found out why I quit he texted, "I'm sorry bad girl."

    You are not over reacting, some men are so disrespectful! Sounds like your situation could have been dangerous. I am a college girl, too. Sounds like you live in B'ham. LOL if you do! I always carry a knife or pepper spray! You should, too!
  • OliveRiver
    OliveRiver Posts: 81 Member
    Options
    ^^^ What she said ^^^

    I live in the country just south of a decent sized city. I have to go there anytime I need to get groceries or run errands and I always have my trusty Buck knife or one of my husband's Gerbers on me.
    I also plan on getting my concealed handgun license as soon as I turn 21 this summer.
    That might seem a bit extreme to some, but the husband insists and I'm not about to object.

    I would definitely invest in a knife or some pepper spray. It'll most likely only get more common.
  • jjrichard83
    jjrichard83 Posts: 483 Member
    Options
    Yes! I just quit my job last week for being slapped on the *ss by my boss! UGH! When he found out why I quit he texted, "I'm sorry bad girl."

    You are not over reacting, some men are so disrespectful! Sounds like your situation could have been dangerous. I am a college girl, too. Sounds like you live in B'ham. LOL if you do! I always carry a knife or pepper spray! You should, too!

    You let him get away with that? It wasn't the first and won't be his last time.
  • tricksee
    tricksee Posts: 835 Member
    Options
    The real question that needs answering here is how'd the Christmas party go?
  • Minerva624
    Minerva624 Posts: 577 Member
    Options
    Well I've never been overweight but I always receive a lot of (unwanted) attention due to my body. Honestly it's just something you're going to have to get used to. After awhile ignoring thirsty *kitten* becomes second nature. And I don't think that you should have to make yourself look less attractive to prevent guys from hitting on you. Wear what you truly want to wear. Embrace your sex appeal all the while being a strong, independent woman.
  • SarahCW1979
    SarahCW1979 Posts: 572 Member
    Options
    Its not happened to me because, well, Im a bit of a hermit and dont go out much. My cousin however had a terrifying moment last month after putting petrol in her car at midnight. A group of lads followed her as she drove away, tail-gating and making some pretty disgusting gestures. I dont know how she stayed calm enough to call the police! Id've been PEDAL TO THE METAL!
  • twelfty
    twelfty Posts: 576 Member
    Options
    Well I've never been overweight but I always receive a lot of (unwanted) attention due to my body. Honestly it's just something you're going to have to get used to. After awhile ignoring thirsty *kitten* becomes second nature. And I don't think that you should have to make yourself look less attractive to prevent guys from hitting on you. Wear what you truly want to wear. Embrace your sex appeal all the while being a strong, independent woman.

    this is all good until you come across the people she's talking about that might not be interested in weather she ignores them or not, wearing frumpy/ unattractive clothes is a good idea in what sounds like dodgy part of town, never forget there are bad people in the world, and you want them to be as least interested in you as possible, a low cut top isn't worth being attacked lol.....
  • XXXMinnieXXX
    XXXMinnieXXX Posts: 3,459 Member
    Options
    :noway: i can't believe carry a knife or gun is a response. Here both are illegal to carry. Does sound like a bad neighbourhood but I have no doubt it would be much better if carrying guns and knives wasn't acceptable. I'm sorry that you have to live somewhere where that is normal.

    I do find I get a lot more attention of men. It's not something I'm comfortable with. Luckily its never been in a way where I feel scared nor harassed though. To be honest I find the women more of a problem. When I walk into a bar dressed up and get male attention, a lot of the girls in the room don't like it and look like they want to start a fight with me.

    That worries me more than the attention took I get off men! Some men don't like taking no as an answer and will continue to the their luck through out the night, but never in a way I've felt intimidated. Sorry you have had to deal with that. Mustn't be nice.

    Zara x
  • brevislux
    brevislux Posts: 1,093 Member
    Options
    Yes! I just quit my job last week for being slapped on the *ss by my boss! UGH! When he found out why I quit he texted, "I'm sorry bad girl."

    You are not over reacting, some men are so disrespectful! Sounds like your situation could have been dangerous. I am a college girl, too. Sounds like you live in B'ham. LOL if you do! I always carry a knife or pepper spray! You should, too!
    Sounds like a lawsuit.
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
    Options
    Nope. Can someone give me some tips?
  • Minerva624
    Minerva624 Posts: 577 Member
    Options
    Well I've never been overweight but I always receive a lot of (unwanted) attention due to my body. Honestly it's just something you're going to have to get used to. After awhile ignoring thirsty *kitten* becomes second nature. And I don't think that you should have to make yourself look less attractive to prevent guys from hitting on you. Wear what you truly want to wear. Embrace your sex appeal all the while being a strong, independent woman.

    this is all good until you come across the people she's talking about that might not be interested in weather she ignores them or not, wearing frumpy/ unattractive clothes is a good idea in what sounds like dodgy part of town, never forget there are bad people in the world, and you want them to be as least interested in you as possible, a low cut top isn't worth being attacked lol.....

    I totally agree. I wasn't encouraging her to dress like a slut in the standard setting though. Women should feel powerful too and not have to hide in spite of fear.
  • twelfty
    twelfty Posts: 576 Member
    Options
    agreed i think it's great when a woman feels confident enough to reflect that in her clothing but, in the right place and time like you say, particularly at night in rough areas where there's not many people about, there's no need to risk it, it's too much of an opportunity for the creeps you'll get hanging around those settings
  • BrownEyeAngel
    BrownEyeAngel Posts: 331 Member
    Options
    All I can say is WOW!
  • Ritaspal
    Ritaspal Posts: 9 Member
    Options
    I am glad you were safe. When I turned 40 years old, I lost a lot of weight. My son was just starting high school and playing football, these football players were always looking at me and singing little songs in reference to me. And yes, when I went out doors were always opened and even with my husband right beside me. He was upset because he felt that he was being disrespected by them. Many times we were asked how we are doing with the guys eyes focused on me only. I felt very uncomfortable and soon lost interest in my weight loss and gained it back.

    No, I do not want the attention, but I also do not want to have to live obese to be left alone. I did not dress over the top, just able to wear smaller sizes and matching nice outfits. I am very curvy/thick and that is the difference.

    At this time, I am sad that I let the weight go back up and I am working on getting it back together.

    Be careful, because I have gone to the grocery store totally covered up and had a note left on my car from someone wanting to meet me. I have also been followed from gas stations etc.
  • prannyhamster
    prannyhamster Posts: 3 Member
    Options
    So it's the responsibility of women to protect themselves from sexual harrassment and assualt by wearing unflattering clothing? Seriously?
  • babydiego87
    babydiego87 Posts: 905 Member
    Options
    Yes! I just quit my job last week for being slapped on the *ss by my boss! UGH! When he found out why I quit he texted, "I'm sorry bad girl."

    You are not over reacting, some men are so disrespectful! Sounds like your situation could have been dangerous. I am a college girl, too. Sounds like you live in B'ham. LOL if you do! I always carry a knife or pepper spray! You should, too!
    Eww wtf?
  • dad106
    dad106 Posts: 4,868 Member
    Options
    Frankly, frumpy clothes or not, those men will bother you no matter what you wear.

    Thing is, to show that you are not afraid of them. Look them in the eyes, show that you know who they are and that you are aware of whats going on. They are less likely to attack you, if they know that you can identify them later on.
  • Summer_Lunatic
    Summer_Lunatic Posts: 543 Member
    Options
    No one should ever have to go through that. Once again, I'm embarrassed by my gender. I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope it doesn't give you pause when considering your fitness goals.
  • twelfty
    twelfty Posts: 576 Member
    Options
    So it's the responsibility of women to protect themselves from sexual harrassment and assualt by wearing unflattering clothing? Seriously?


    if you live in the real world yes.... frankly it would be lovely if the police would do more to clean up streets but if they aren't then you have to take your own steps to be safe, as i'm in england we don't carry guns and would give this advice to any female friends i have. i'm sure a young woman in college whether in the US or UK wouldn't want to either, so you make sure you're not an obvious target.

    in this case prevention is always better than anything else.

    to say this is limited to women isn't what i was aiming for though so i'm not sure why you've taken it like that? (bee in your bonnet?) if it was a young male who noticed thugs eying up his expensive trainers or an old man with a nice watch i'd suggest they don't wear them.... so put the pickets back in the closet ;)
  • twelfty
    twelfty Posts: 576 Member
    Options
    also i don't feel embarassed by my gender, those aren't men.... they're boys who failed to grow up with their age

Categories