Losing Weight and Sexual Harassment:

It doesn't seem fair to work hard to look good and be punished for it by men who can't control their behavior. I guess we see it all the time in bars late at night on some level or another. Guys will drink too much and get liquid courage to get stupid and forceful with women. It's disrespectful.

And to think you'd be forced to carry a weapon? Maybe it's the Canadian in me but I am surprised that this is considered a viable option by the masses. Wouldnt' / couldn't that just escalate things even worse?

You should not carry a gun if you are afraid(or untrained like most people with a conceal carry permit).

Not to turn this into a gun debate, but this statement is ridiculous. In most states (or all, I'm not familiar with every single state's policies), including my own, you HAVE to be trained to get a CCW. In fact, you have to prove that you can hit a target at a specific range to get approval. Educate yourself before spewing this nonsense.

Some years ago our local police ran a female safety course and said you can protect yourself by putting your keys between your fingers (so the spiky bits stick out), or use a tightly rolled up newspaper to jab vulnerable areas - then RUN. The best advice if followed in a car was to drive to the nearest police station - then the car should be caught on the cameras on the approach, and you can go in and wait til its gone/dealt with. If of course the police station is open.

This is good too. About the 'run' part, I'm laughing at myself a bit because I was all up in arms about having to hide in a baggy sweatshirt for fear of predatory males, but then I remembered that I have a longstanding policy of never going out alone in shoes I can't run away in!

One more thing. The last time I felt threatened was New Year's Eve and it was two teenage females talking about robbing someone. I had to walk alone back to my car, about a mile from the more active center of town. You better believe I crossed the street to put some distance between myself and those two. So it isn't just males.

I have two ways of handling harassment, which I seem to attract regardless of my weight/attire.

1) I ignore it. This is mainly for verbal harassment.

2) I chanel my barbarian ancestry (eastern Siberian). If someone actually touches me, I pretty much see red. I was standing in line at the gas station, some **** thought putting his hands on my hips was OK. I turned around, got in his face and told him I'd snap every bone in his body and suck out the marrow if he didn't take his ****ing hands off me.


The second one is far more effective as harassers (regardless of gender) don't expect the victim to fight back. And if you're shocking enough, they will almost always leave the premises (as they assume you're bat-**** insane).

here's a fact out of that for you... you're nearly 120 times more likely to be shot in america than in england

I am more worried about our neds/chavs/pikey's/buckfast bandits/Jeremy Kyle crew, although they tend to keep themselves to themselves most of the time.

ps, in Scotland

lol agreed!

(london)

The incident startled me, though. I've never been attractive, so I've never had to deal with sexual harassment until recently. I also grew up in a pretty nice town. Just curious as to how others have handled it.

Sexual harrasment, assault, and rape happen to women of all ages, weights, body types, and even to "unattractive women".

I know that. I'm nerdy, and used to be pretty good at being invisible. But the more I've lost weight, the more attention I've drawn, both good and bad.

I just dont think that you "incident" had much to do with your weight. I think it had more to do with two girls being alone in a CVS parking lot after dark where cowards can make them feel unsafe and powerless.

~shrugs~ Maybe so. I haven't run into anything that bad since then, but I have noticed an increase of con artists targeting me. I'm told I look younger now, which I'm guessing makes me look like an easier target. Dunno. Just glad it was two of us, and not just her or just me by ourselves. Which is sad, when you think about it.

It is sad. I live in South America and i often feel unsafe. I generally wear shoes i can run in when i am alone, dont carry a large purse, dress appropriatly when alone, avoid areas i know are unsafe, and carry pepper spray. And no ishould not HAVE to do any of this, but i do because i want to stay safe and maybe in the future things will change. I dont bother with a knife because i know that if my perp gets close enough for me to use it they could easily take it away from me and use it against me.

Reading this thread immediately made me think of this song: "Thank God I'm Pretty" by Emilie Autumn. You can listen to it here if you like: http://youtu.be/axPe_p0OLcY

The lyrics otherwise:
"Thank God I'm pretty
The occasional free drink
I never asked for
The occasional admission
To a seedy little bar
Invitation to a strangers car
I'm blessed
With the ability to rend
A grown man toung-tied
Which only means
That when its dark outside
I have to run and hide
Can't look behind me
Thank God I'm pretty

Thank God I'm pretty
Evey skill I ever have
Will be in question
Every ill that I must suffer
Clearly brought on by myself
Though the cops would come
For someone else
I'm blessed
I'm truly privaleged
To look this good
Without clothes on
Which only means
That when I sing
Your jerking off
And when I'm gone
You won't remember
Thank God I'm pretty

Thank you God
Oh Lord
Thank you God
Oh oh

and when a gaggle of faces
Appears around me
I'ts lucky I hate
To be taken seriosly
I think my ego would fall
Right through the cracks
In the floor
If I couldn't count on men
To slap my *kitten* anymore
I know my destiny such
That I'm all stocking and curl
So everybody thinks
That I'm a ****ing suicide girl
Ohho

thank God I'm pretty
The occasional champane
I never asked for
The occasional admission
To a seedy little bar
Invitation to a strangers car
I'm blessed
With the ability to rend
A grown man tongue-tied
Which only means
That when it's dark outside
I have to run and hide
Can't look behind me
Thank God I'm pretty

Thank God
Thank God
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you God"

In all seriousness, it's a sad state of all societies that woman have to put up with this. There's very little they can do about it either.
I hope things change soon...

So it's the responsibility of women to protect themselves from sexual harrassment and assualt by wearing unflattering clothing? Seriously?

if you live in the real world yes.... frankly it would be lovely if the police would do more to clean up streets but if they aren't then you have to take your own steps to be safe, as i'm in england we don't carry guns and would give this advice to any female friends i have. i'm sure a young woman in college whether in the US or UK wouldn't want to either, so you make sure you're not an obvious target.

in this case prevention is always better than anything else.

to say this is limited to women isn't what i was aiming for though so i'm not sure why you've taken it like that? (bee in your bonnet?) if it was a young male who noticed thugs eying up his expensive trainers or an old man with a nice watch i'd suggest they don't wear them.... so put the pickets back in the closet

Interestingly enough this is the same rationale some cultures use when forcing women to never leave the house without a man or require that they cover themselves completely. If an ankle is showing or if she was out alone, then it was just her fault that she was attacked.

I live in a major city in the US. Be aware of your surroundings and avoid walking through super sketchy places. Women of all shapes and sizes are attacked, regardless of what they are wearing. Recently and 80 year old woman was attacked and raped. I am pretty sure she wasn't dressed provacitively. Studies prove again and again that it doesn't matter what women are wearing and it is not their fault for being attacked, even if (as it is legal to do so in my city) they were walking around completely topless and in underpants.

This is why I wear combat boots and carry a gun.

Criminals and rapists don't care if its illegal to carry a weapon, so ill be damned if you try to take mine that is used for self defense.

I don't dress provocatively and I still am wary of predators. I don't live in fear, but I have a healthy amount of awareness.

Assailants/rapists look for certain things when they pick a target, and yes they do select their victims, it isn't random happenstance.

The look for long hair especially pony tails or braids, high heels or other shoes you can't run in, people on phones or other distractions, and clothes that are easily removable.

Women shouldn't have to hide or cover up in fear but my point is, be more aware when you fit into the above categories so you can protect yourself.