Awkward wedding issue

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  • Cindym82
    Cindym82 Posts: 1,245 Member
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    I think it's extremely tacky. I will be paying for my own wedding next year and NEVER have me and my SO discussed something as extreme as no +1, we have a VERY small budget and are even going out of our way to pay for our mother's because they do not have the money to attend (we are doing a destination wedding) and do not expect a gift from them. If you didn't have the money to pay for so many guests you should of invited less people. Problem solved
  • monicalosesweight
    monicalosesweight Posts: 1,173 Member
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    Just call them up and act excited for them and indicate "Wow. When did you get engaged?" Once they say, "Um. Engaged?" You can indicate that's what you thought when you saw the +1 on it. At that point, if he acts like "Heck no" indicate you were keeping the costs down as your budget is low but that you were allowing serious partners as you'd never separate someone whose getting married or in a serious situation. You can even mention how you're setting up tables for the singles so they can hang out and not feel solo. He'll either go "Oops. No. I'm just dating them....that's ok...no worries. I'll come solo OR you'll find out he's been in a serious relationship and you didn't know and you can add him to a married couple table. Either way, you'll get the straight story and you'll find out if that was an error. If they get all offended, you could say "Sorry - we can't afford such a big wedding but we really wanted you to come as your one of our best buds...just can't afford dates." Hopefully, you'll get a polite response and he'll back out or not go with a date.
  • betterthanyouare
    betterthanyouare Posts: 2
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    Not a fan of her approach, but you are more lame for creating an account just to troll the message boards.

    Says the troll who is overly concerned with bras and pants "fitting". True story.
  • thelaurameister
    thelaurameister Posts: 689 Member
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    I won't go so far as to say it's "tacky" like so many others have....It is YOUR wedding. This reminds me of the "no kids" situation for weddings. It's all going to depend on your personal opinion. The way I see it, you're the "star" that day, don't let anybody else dictate how your special day goes. On the flip side, you could potentially piss a lot of people off, which is unfortunate.
  • Infauna
    Infauna Posts: 89
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    I wouldn't go to a wedding if my other half wasn't invited.
  • oh_em_gee
    oh_em_gee Posts: 887 Member
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    My SO has been to a wedding without me, and it was not a problem for me. It was his best friend's brother's wife's sister's wedding. I had met her in passing once, there was no need for me to go. But, if it were one of his closer friends, I'd feel a bit slighted.
  • mlondon8509
    mlondon8509 Posts: 28 Member
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    Our policy was as follows. Guest who are married - always plus 1. Guests with serious long term relationships - always plus 1. Guests where we know / have hung out with the significant other - plus 1. Guest not in a relationship (that we know about) or in a very casual relationship - solo, unless they would have no other friends at the wedding to hang out with.

    Here is the rub. If one of our solo invites did not get the hint that it was not intended to be a plus one, we just rolled with it allowed them to bring the guest. Over 90% of the solo invites understood and followed it, so we were able to largely manage the guest list without having to have the awkward converstations you are talking about.
  • ashesfromfire
    ashesfromfire Posts: 867 Member
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    I'm not married, but I've been with the same man for about four and a half years now. This past summer a life long friend of mine got married. She's young and had a very beautiful, but very small wedding. When I received the invitation I called her and asked if there was room for me to bring a plus one - ensuring her that it was fine if i couldn't. She told me she'd let me know once she had all her RSVP's and had a better idea of how many people were coming. It turned out that she could accommodate my boyfriend, which was lovely, but by no means would I have refused to go if it turned out against my favor. i love my man and I love her - I didn't feel as if she was rude about it at all. She was kind and considerate, but honest about it with me.
    I would find it very silly to refuse to go to an event if James couldn't come with me - nor do I think he wants to be drug to every cousin's birthday party I ever attend. Sure, we're a unit. Our lives are joined and we generally prefer doing things as a couple, but it's not a must. We have lives that exist outside of one another as well.
    As long as it won't put them in a potentially awkward situation (in example: come to my party that will be all members of the opposite sex and everyone will get drunk and make bad choices - i've been there too and did really wish I had MY member of the opposite sex with me) then I think it's fine.

    I'm shocked at how many people say they wouldn't go just because there s.o. couldn't - it seems petty.
  • pamelak5
    pamelak5 Posts: 327 Member
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    I'm not married, but I've been with the same man for about four and a half years now. This past summer a life long friend of mine got married. She's young and had a very beautiful, but very small wedding. When I received the invitation I called her and asked if there was room for me to bring a plus one - ensuring her that it was fine if i couldn't. She told me she'd let me know once she had all her RSVP's and had a better idea of how many people were coming. It turned out that she could accommodate my boyfriend, which was lovely, but by no means would I have refused to go if it turned out against my favor. i love my man and I love her - I didn't feel as if she was rude about it at all. She was kind and considerate, but honest about it with me.
    I would find it very silly to refuse to go to an event if James couldn't come with me - nor do I think he wants to be drug to every cousin's birthday party I ever attend. Sure, we're a unit. Our lives are joined and we generally prefer doing things as a couple, but it's not a must. We have lives that exist outside of one another as well.
    As long as it won't put them in a potentially awkward situation (in example: come to my party that will be all members of the opposite sex and everyone will get drunk and make bad choices - i've been there too and did really wish I had MY member of the opposite sex with me) then I think it's fine.

    I'm shocked at how many people say they wouldn't go just because there s.o. couldn't - it seems petty.

    I think the problem is that the rule isn't universal. "No plus-ones" is one rule. But "he can bring a plus one, but you can't, even though you've both b een with your partner for four years..." is trouble. I had a friend who only invited "close friends" to bring a plus one. Why are you inviting people who aren't "close" to your wedding? It smacks of a gift grab.

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