being stood up

Options
13»

Replies

  • olDave
    olDave Posts: 557 Member
    Options
    I have been through the same kind of thing with women. I've learned that the only person making me "hurt" is ME. Of course people's behavior can be a mystery at times but if we CONTINUE to be hurt after the initial shock, it nobody's fault but ours. The sooner we let it go, the better.

    Good luck.
  • Brianna716
    Brianna716 Posts: 303 Member
    Options
    That's beyond rude. It sucks, but you gotta move on. I was stood up for the first time a few weeks ago and it was a major slap in the face. Oh well, I'm back at it....
  • butterfli7o
    butterfli7o Posts: 1,319 Member
    Options
    Dont take it personal dude.

    Most likely she met someone else during this time that she was more interested in. As simple of an explanation as it is, she handled it like crap. There's a bunch of other fish in the sea, as they say. A girl who handles a situation like this isnt "a keeper" anyway.

    This. From a chick's point of view, if she does this she's no longer interested. Don't let it bother you - shake it off. :flowerforyou:
  • janisdianis
    janisdianis Posts: 49 Member
    Options
    Dont take it personal dude.

    Most likely she met someone else during this time that she was more interested in. As simple of an explanation as it is, she handled it like crap. There's a bunch of other fish in the sea, as they say. A girl who handles a situation like this isnt "a keeper" anyway.

    I agree with this 100%!!! Well said!

    If she couldn't do the adult thing and own it, she certainly wouldn't if it got to be more serious!! You don't need that! :flowerforyou:
  • Frogger54
    Frogger54 Posts: 48 Member
    Options
    She sucks. Plain and simple. Chalk it up to her being a crappy human being and move on. It has nothing to do with you: it is all on her. Don't take it personally.

    There is someone out there for you.
  • enakitty
    enakitty Posts: 24
    Options
    So sorry you had this experience. I can see how it would be very upsetting. I can't give you advice because we are all different in how we handle life situations. I've not been in this situation, so I can only imagine what it would be like. In putting myself in your shoes this is how I think it would be helpful to handle it...

    I think that if it were me in this situation it would be helpful to look at it objectively. Your first reaction was to feel rejected and wonder what's "wrong" with you. Looking at it objectively all we know (that is factual and not speculation) is that someone didn't feel a connection with you and handled it poorly by avoiding letting you know about it.

    First let's look at the fact that she didn't feel a connection. That could mean ANYTHING and it doesn't mean there is anything "wrong" with you. It could have been anything from she didn't feel "chemistry" with you to she decided she wasn't ready for dating at this time. Chemistry is just a feeling and doesn't mean there's something wrong with a person, just means there isn't a "spark" between the two of you. Notice I said between the TWO of you. That means that half of that equation is HER. Really if you wanted to play the blame game, instead of blaming yourself by wondering what's "wrong" with you (not healthy) you could blame her and ask what's wrong with HER (though that's not healthy either). Another thing to remember is that we all have preferences. Just because she didn't prefer you doesn't mean it's because there is something wrong with you. Just means she prefers something else. Just because I prefer one t.v. show over another doesn't mean the show I am not interested in is "bad". Just means that it's not my cup of tea. Plenty of other people might absolutely love the other show. It's all subjective...based on preferences, opinions, and feelings-none of those are FACTS.

    Secondly there's the issue that she stood you up. That has nothing to do with you. That is HER issue. She likely isn't comfortable telling others how she feels and was fearful of hurting your feelings. Ironically her actions ended up doing more harm than if she had just told you up front how she felt. Again, this issue doesn't say ANYTHING about you. It says a lot about her and her inability to communicate her wants/needs.

    I find looking at things objectively ("Just the facts ma'am" haha!) really helps to improve my self worth and not take everything personally.

    Finally, just remember that many people value you and think you are worthwhile (just look at all the people posting here that want to help you!) So, I wish you the best and hope that this helps you to get a little bit of a better perspective on the situation.
  • JennedyJLD
    JennedyJLD Posts: 123 Member
    Options
    I know this is easier said than done, but it's time to make like your dog - kick some dirt over that crap and move on. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. Even if she did decided she didn't want to go through with the date, she obviously had your number and could have called (or at the very, very least, sent a text) to cancel. She is inconsiderate and cowardly - I say "cowardly" because she didn't have the guts to cancel as soon as she decided she didn't want the date, and because she waited all weekend to explain herself. I don't care if this woman is Cindy Crawford's twin sister with Oprah Winfrey's bank account - why would you want to date, much less end up with, someone who treats you so poorly? You are worth much more than that!

    I know hearing it might not make it sting less, but honestly... she isn't worth another moment of your time or thoughts. Back in the saddle! if she DOES try to call or text you, don't respond. If you must respond, simply write: "I'm sorry, who is this again?" and leave it at that!
  • Liatush
    Liatush Posts: 627 Member
    Options
    She sounds like a playa.... no self-respecting girl will invite a boy over after a quick coffee date... sorry.

    The good news, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her.... not worth your time.
  • CrowdStoppa
    CrowdStoppa Posts: 26
    Options
    Look at this experience in a way that you actually got lucky and found out what kind of horrible selfish person she is before you became involved more emotionally. Def ignore any and all attempts she may make to contact you in the future. She may realize what a good catch she had and resent her actions but its too late for her she proved her true self with a quickness.

    Who knows maybe you intimidated her and she was too insecure and unsure of herself to carry out the plans.......
  • Sweet_Innocence2011
    Sweet_Innocence2011 Posts: 21 Member
    Options
    First I am going to say don't allow someone you barely know have that much power over you or even if you know them for years don't allow them to have that kind of power over you. It hurts I have been there a few times since my divorce.

    All you can do is brush it off and realize you deserve better. You deserve someone that wants to spend the time with you and makes the effort to spend time with you.
  • Hanfordrose
    Hanfordrose Posts: 688 Member
    Options
    Hi John.

    You are a good looking, young man; but I don't think that you know that yet. If you did, I doubt the you would use the name Fat...anything as your screen name. You are NOT fat. You are a handsome man. I am sure that you have more than a few young women in your life that have noticed you and thought, "He is cute." but may not have said it yet.

    This fickle, young woman has no clue about how to treat others. Her behavior was rude and cowardly. She is obviously immature and foolish in the way she relates to everyone in her life. No one could be that cold blooded without lots of practice. Good ridance to bad rubbish, my mother would say.

    You (on the other hand) are a sensitive, young man who is looking for a mature relationship with a lady that you can love. That young lady will come into your life, probably sooner than you think. Her love will wipe away the memory of this silly girl and her rude behavior.

    You are hurt right now, but it could have been a lot worse. This girl could have really broken your heart, if you had continued to grow in your feelings for her. Fortunately, she showed 'her true self' immediately...instead of farther down the line.

    This kind of girl is NOT who you want in your life. You want and need a woman who doesn't play around with people's feelings...who is not immature and fickle in her relationships. She will know how to be respectful and honest with you from the start. Commitments will be important to her, like they are to you. Faithfulness will already be built into her very nature. That's the woman who you are seeking...not a immature diva...a spoiled brat with no manners or respect for others.

    Keep looking, John. You deserve the right lady in your life, and I believe that you will find her soon. Write this experience off like a small waste of time on route to a brighter future.
  • Hanfordrose
    Hanfordrose Posts: 688 Member
    Options
    Sorry, John. My post duplicate.
  • cuterbee
    cuterbee Posts: 545
    Options
    It doesn't fix the fact that I've been single for four years, but l know letting people who aren't relationship material occupy my time just wears on my ego.

    I was single for 13 years after my divorce, then met a lovely guy at a party thrown by a friend I'd met on OKCupid -- instant connection, and we married a year later. I really thought I was single for the rest of my life at that point and had even downsized to a teeny house (which we are still in...may have to size up at this point). Don't give up, if a relationship is something that you want!
  • Fatphuck
    Fatphuck Posts: 18 Member
    Options
    I am overwhelmed at the number of people who took their time to help a complete stranger over a stupid stand up. First let me start by saying thank you to each and every one of you. Your words have definitely lifted me, you have inspired me. Most importantly you reminded me that I do deserve better. Now I will be harder to fool next time... The thought of all you stopping what you are doing to try and help me is absolutely mindblowing. What a surge of support and positivity ....I want to thank all of you once again for taking time out of your day to lend a hand to a stranger.... Much love and respect to ALL of you
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    Options
    You're not fat. Chin up! She's just immature. Move on to the next.
  • 1brokegal44
    1brokegal44 Posts: 562 Member
    Options
    People are rude and inconsiderate and for whatever reason find it too hard to be honest. My son has suffered the same sort of experiences with girls. It sucks. It hurts. But there are good women (and men) out there. Don't be put off too much by one stupid broad who can't be honest. She's not worth it. And you deserve better.
  • micervera
    micervera Posts: 114 Member
    Options
    Dont take it personal dude.

    Most likely she met someone else during this time that she was more interested in. As simple of an explanation as it is, she handled it like crap. There's a bunch of other fish in the sea, as they say. A girl who handles a situation like this isnt "a keeper" anyway.

    I thought the very same thing. She probably met someone else she liked better and instead of telling you the truth she tells you some BS. It's better that it had ended this way because you don't want the feeling if being traded in the future. Good luck on your search man. You are just weeding out the bad before you get to the good.
  • haroon_awan
    haroon_awan Posts: 1,208 Member
    Options
    Look man, this woman clearly doesn't have any respect for you. You don't need here. It's better that this happened now rather than you being together for a month or two.

    The most important thing to remember is that it's not your fault.

Categories