I just signed up today...
tallybink
Posts: 10
Hello, I really need some support lol i have 100 pounds or so to lose and my SO is not very supportive since he likes me the way i am now.I really want to do this before i get married in 2014 mostly because 1.I am embarrassed to go out in public and 2. My health is fading and i can really feel the impact of my extra pounds and what it's doing to my body. I would love to hear success stories so far it feels impossible,I have been trying for a few months with no results and i just give up. I hope this site helps! 
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Replies
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Don't give up! I lost 40 pounds, three times before. Once was following pregnancy. Hopefully this is the last time, lol. Feel free to add.0
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You look great in your photo, btw.0
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It's very hard when your partner isn't supportive of your efforts. There must be a reason why he/she does not want to see you regain your health and vitality.. Perhaps they don't want to be left behind? Who knows, but don't be deterred by them. You know you must do this and you CAN do this. It takes a lot of determination, but the reward will be worth it. I am still on that journey, and I have slipped many times, but I hope that by checking in here with people who are in the same boat, I will get the support I need. Good luck!0
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The site is awesome, way to taking the first steps!0
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Welcome! I recommend measuring all your food, and buying a food scale.0
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Welcome! we are glad you are here0
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You can do this! I added u
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you have to do this for you. im in the same situation. my fiance is a twig. tall 180 pounds. can eat anything and never gain an ounce. i started at 265. diabetes, high blood pressure, pcos, and many other problems. he is not very supportive. wants his fast food and home cooked meals. i had enough and had to make changes.0
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Hi I just started MFP the last part of Jan and quite enjoying watching what I eat. It really helps to keep track of your calories. You are a very pretty girl just think of your wedding day in your skinny dress. You can do it. I added you.0
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Welcome to MFP!
I know how tough that can be. My boyfriend tries to be supportive, but he doesn't understand why I take this all so seriously. He is constantly asking me to lighten up and eat a burger, or skip my workout for the day. It can be tough, but I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm in this for me!0 -
Hello, I really need some support lol i have 100 pounds or so to lose and my SO is not very supportive since he likes me the way i am now.I really want to do this before i get married in 2014 mostly because 1.I am embarrassed to go out in public and 2. My health is fading and i can really feel the impact of my extra pounds and what it's doing to my body. I would love to hear success stories so far it feels impossible,I have been trying for a few months with no results and i just give up. I hope this site helps!
Sorry, but your fiance doesn't sound like a guy you should be considering marrying if he isn't supportive. Men who want their women to remain unhealthy and obese do so because they realize once the woman loses the weight, she will be more desirable to other men -- and he has lost control over her. He may not even be too accepting of your situation as it stands now, either -- but he figures you're overweight, you have low self esteem and hey, it's a free ride for him because "no other man would want you". (I have often heard stories of men who prefer their women this way, because that means the women are "lucky to have a guy like me") It's psychological warfare.
Your man may not become that, but if he is resisting your desire to change, you MIGHT want to consider that a red flag.0 -
Welcome! When I began a year and a half ago, I didn't really tell my husband what I was doing. I just told him that I had to give up soda, and start watching what I eat. At the time, I was having gallbladder issues, and had episodes where I was in severe pain. After I had it removed, I kept with what I was doing. Like your SO, my husband loved me the way I was. Then, he saw me losing weight. I had brought home some new shorts that fit, and within 2-3 months they were baggy. He finally asked what size I was. Now he is all about eating healthy, walking, and getting fit. It may take time, but you can inspire your SO to want the same things you do. It is possible! If you think of it as a lifestyle change and allow yourself to eat some "normal" foods by fitting them into your calories, you'll do fine. Sent a friend request.0
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Hello, I really need some support lol i have 100 pounds or so to lose and my SO is not very supportive since he likes me the way i am now.I really want to do this before i get married in 2014 mostly because 1.I am embarrassed to go out in public and 2. My health is fading and i can really feel the impact of my extra pounds and what it's doing to my body. I would love to hear success stories so far it feels impossible,I have been trying for a few months with no results and i just give up. I hope this site helps!
Sorry, but your fiance doesn't sound like a guy you should be considering marrying if he isn't supportive. Men who want their women to remain unhealthy and obese do so because they realize once the woman loses the weight, she will be more desirable to other men -- and he has lost control over her. He may not even be too accepting of your situation as it stands now, either -- but he figures you're overweight, you have low self esteem and hey, it's a free ride for him because "no other man would want you". (I have often heard stories of men who prefer their women this way, because that means the women are "lucky to have a guy like me") It's psychological warfare.
Your man may not become that, but if he is resisting your desire to change, you MIGHT want to consider that a red flag.
Way to go and over-read half a sentence.
:huh:0 -
Welcome!! Your guy should support you!!!!! Being healthy is a good goal worth being supported!!0
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Hello, I really need some support lol i have 100 pounds or so to lose and my SO is not very supportive since he likes me the way i am now.I really want to do this before i get married in 2014 mostly because 1.I am embarrassed to go out in public and 2. My health is fading and i can really feel the impact of my extra pounds and what it's doing to my body. I would love to hear success stories so far it feels impossible,I have been trying for a few months with no results and i just give up. I hope this site helps!
Sorry, but your fiance doesn't sound like a guy you should be considering marrying if he isn't supportive. Men who want their women to remain unhealthy and obese do so because they realize once the woman loses the weight, she will be more desirable to other men -- and he has lost control over her. He may not even be too accepting of your situation as it stands now, either -- but he figures you're overweight, you have low self esteem and hey, it's a free ride for him because "no other man would want you". (I have often heard stories of men who prefer their women this way, because that means the women are "lucky to have a guy like me") It's psychological warfare.
Your man may not become that, but if he is resisting your desire to change, you MIGHT want to consider that a red flag.
Way to go and over-read half a sentence.
:huh:
Not at all -- have you ever seen those documentaries of morbidly obese people (I'm talking 600 lbs and above) who are about to get gastric bypass surgery and get moved to the Cleveland weight clinic or some place like that? In each situation, their partners were either just as obese, OR they were very skinny ones. Once the patients started losing tons of weight, their relationships began to suffer and many couples broke up. They were threatened by the changes going on in the person, and couldn't handle it. One man, I remember clearly, was so in love with the idea of taking care of his bed ridden woman, that as soon as she got up and started losing weight, he started arguing with her and mentally abusing her. HE wanted her to remain an invalid, because he was judging his self worth on HER dependence on him to bathe her, feed her, etc.
I stand by my "reading" into the situation. I do think some men prefer their women to be obese, because low self esteem usually is tied into this, and the men see that as a way to keep those women dependent on them, because in their eyes "nobody else would ever want me". It's a form of co-dependency and psychological beat down.0 -
Hello, I really need some support lol i have 100 pounds or so to lose and my SO is not very supportive since he likes me the way i am now.I really want to do this before i get married in 2014 mostly because 1.I am embarrassed to go out in public and 2. My health is fading and i can really feel the impact of my extra pounds and what it's doing to my body. I would love to hear success stories so far it feels impossible,I have been trying for a few months with no results and i just give up. I hope this site helps!
Sorry, but your fiance doesn't sound like a guy you should be considering marrying if he isn't supportive. Men who want their women to remain unhealthy and obese do so because they realize once the woman loses the weight, she will be more desirable to other men -- and he has lost control over her. He may not even be too accepting of your situation as it stands now, either -- but he figures you're overweight, you have low self esteem and hey, it's a free ride for him because "no other man would want you". (I have often heard stories of men who prefer their women this way, because that means the women are "lucky to have a guy like me") It's psychological warfare.
Your man may not become that, but if he is resisting your desire to change, you MIGHT want to consider that a red flag.
Way to go and over-read half a sentence.
:huh:
Not at all -- have you ever seen those documentaries of morbidly obese people (I'm talking 600 lbs and above) who are about to get gastric bypass surgery and get moved to the Cleveland weight clinic or some place like that? In each situation, their partners were either just as obese, OR they were very skinny ones. Once the patients started losing tons of weight, their relationships began to suffer and many couples broke up. They were threatened by the changes going on in the person, and couldn't handle it. One man, I remember clearly, was so in love with the idea of taking care of his bed ridden woman, that as soon as she got up and started losing weight, he started arguing with her and mentally abusing her. HE wanted her to remain an invalid, because he was judging his self worth on HER dependence on him to bathe her, feed her, etc.
I stand by my "reading" into the situation. I do think some men prefer their women to be obese, because low self esteem usually is tied into this, and the men see that as a way to keep those women dependent on them, because in their eyes "nobody else would ever want me". It's a form of co-dependency and psychological beat down.
I see, you saw a documentary. The OP posted 5 words about her bf and the rest is a wild invention in your head. And because of this she should dump her fiancée.
You win the WTF award for the day.0 -
Welcome to the site! Feel free to add me as a friend 0
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Hi, you can do it!! the key - dont give up and even if you do eat something not so healthy, dont let it ruin your whole day just go right back on your diet if you do slip up. that was something i struggled with, if i couldnt resist a cupcake or cookie earlier in the day.. i was ordering pizza and going on a calorie fest throughout the night because i figured i already ruined the day with that cupcake, but dont think like i did! just keep going and dont stop until you reach your goal, your a beautiful girl and you will do great 0
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Welcome!! I'm glad you started putting your health first! We all have to start somewhere, and here is a pretty great place to start.
I agree with some of the other posters, buy a food scale, measure EVERYTHING, and don't ever give up! It's a marathon, not sprint! Take advantage of all the features of MFP!
Sometimes I find that telling everyone in my immediate circle about my decision to make a serious shift can be detrimental to my progress...Action is what will get you further toward your goals, not talking about it. And you're the one who has to feel the way you do, and you are the one who will have to do the hard work to get where you want to go. In no time I bet your SO sees you and says, "You're lookin' awesome! Whatever you're doing, keep it up!"0 -
I am glad to see you are taking the first step and joining this site. Welcome aboard!!!
I hope I don't "read" into an unsupportive SO. I have one too so you are not alone in that area. HUGS to you!
Grats on getting married in 2014. Your dress maker is going to be pretty upset from doing all the alterations, but those are NSV. I say rack them up.
Again welcome!0 -
Hiya OP, I've joined relatively recently too. I've found it really helpful to keep track of what I'm eating. I hope you do too.
In response to some of the posts on the thread about the fiance's lack of support.
Some people
- have a fat fetish,
- are emotionally abusive and like to have a partner who is 'grateful',
- genuinely think it's supportive to say I love you as you are & not actively help,
- find their partner losing weight a threat to the relationship - they're insecure, think you'll cheat
- find it a threat to their lifestyle - ie. if you're cooking healthy foods, doing portion control, shopping differently and you're the main cook/shopper does that mean they're not getting their favourite biscuits or whatever?!
- maybe they feel you'll expect them to be healthier/fitter too and they don't want to, yet or ever.
There's a whole lot of potential reasons for a partner to resist change, some benign and some less so. Only the OP will know what of these suggested (or others I haven't thought of) may apply to her fiance. And it depends how his lack of support manifests - whether it's just he doesn't know *how* to help or he is actively putting obstacles in the way.
I think it's worth the OP considering *why* he's unsupportive, 'though, in case it does herald problems for the future.0 -
oh gosh.. i just have to say maybe its nothing bad for why hes not telling you to loose weight. if hes marrying you he obviously loves you, maybe he is just trying to tell you that he loves you for who you are and doesnt care how much you weigh. either way, you have to do what makes you feel good and if you want to loose a couple pounds then do it! he will love you either way, and your doing this for you not him 0
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http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/886556-anyone-lose-100-pounds-without-surgery
Read that post. I got a lot of inspiration from there. I started not too long ago..., (41 days I believe) and its working for me,0 -
Hiya OP, I've joined relatively recently too. I've found it really helpful to keep track of what I'm eating. I hope you do too.
In response to some of the posts on the thread about the fiance's lack of support.
Some people
- have a fat fetish,
- are emotionally abusive and like to have a partner who is 'grateful',
- genuinely think it's supportive to say I love you as you are & not actively help,
- find their partner losing weight a threat to the relationship - they're insecure, think you'll cheat
- find it a threat to their lifestyle - ie. if you're cooking healthy foods, doing portion control, shopping differently and you're the main cook/shopper does that mean they're not getting their favourite biscuits or whatever?!
- maybe they feel you'll expect them to be healthier/fitter too and they don't want to, yet or ever.
There's a whole lot of potential reasons for a partner to resist change, some benign and some less so. Only the OP will know what of these suggested (or others I haven't thought of) may apply to her fiance. And it depends how his lack of support manifests - whether it's just he doesn't know *how* to help or he is actively putting obstacles in the way.
I think it's worth the OP considering *why* he's unsupportive, 'though, in case it does herald problems for the future.
YES. And did I say DUMP the guy? NO, I said find out WHY he is non-supportive before marriage, or it will turn into a battle ground AFTER marriage. If it's a matter of not understanding and an honest talk between the two of them clears the air, that's great. If the guy flat out refuses to help and support, then that's something to take into consideration as well. "Love" can be very tricky at times. It can pass itself off as "co-dependency" instead. My brother and his wife are getting divorced after years of living in each other's alcoholic shadows, because "they supported each others' addictions". They had a drinking buddy right there in the house with them to love them and accept them as is! It wasn't until that drinking problem became a near death incident and subsequent mental illness event that suddenly the wifey decided she didn't want to put up with this guy's behavior any longer.0 -
I think sometimes spouses/significant others can appear not supportive because they fear your change in health, mind, body will change how you feel about them. They also might feel impacted by your changes. This is something that you need to address and discuss. Help them realize they have nothing to fear and that their support and encouragement mean the world to you. Add me as a friend if you would like.
My wife and I have different fitness goals and different eating/dietary goals. We support each others goals and not one of us rules the kitchen. One person's lifestyle change should not impact the other's lifestyle if it is different and healthy for them. Communicate! 0 -
Hello, I really need some support lol i have 100 pounds or so to lose and my SO is not very supportive since he likes me the way i am now.I really want to do this before i get married in 2014 mostly because 1.I am embarrassed to go out in public and 2. My health is fading and i can really feel the impact of my extra pounds and what it's doing to my body. I would love to hear success stories so far it feels impossible,I have been trying for a few months with no results and i just give up. I hope this site helps!
Sorry, but your fiance doesn't sound like a guy you should be considering marrying if he isn't supportive. Men who want their women to remain unhealthy and obese do so because they realize once the woman loses the weight, she will be more desirable to other men -- and he has lost control over her. He may not even be too accepting of your situation as it stands now, either -- but he figures you're overweight, you have low self esteem and hey, it's a free ride for him because "no other man would want you". (I have often heard stories of men who prefer their women this way, because that means the women are "lucky to have a guy like me") It's psychological warfare.
Your man may not become that, but if he is resisting your desire to change, you MIGHT want to consider that a red flag.
Way to go and over-read half a sentence.
:huh:
Not at all -- have you ever seen those documentaries of morbidly obese people (I'm talking 600 lbs and above) who are about to get gastric bypass surgery and get moved to the Cleveland weight clinic or some place like that? In each situation, their partners were either just as obese, OR they were very skinny ones. Once the patients started losing tons of weight, their relationships began to suffer and many couples broke up. They were threatened by the changes going on in the person, and couldn't handle it. One man, I remember clearly, was so in love with the idea of taking care of his bed ridden woman, that as soon as she got up and started losing weight, he started arguing with her and mentally abusing her. HE wanted her to remain an invalid, because he was judging his self worth on HER dependence on him to bathe her, feed her, etc.
I stand by my "reading" into the situation. I do think some men prefer their women to be obese, because low self esteem usually is tied into this, and the men see that as a way to keep those women dependent on them, because in their eyes "nobody else would ever want me". It's a form of co-dependency and psychological beat down.
I see, you saw a documentary. The OP posted 5 words about her bf and the rest is a wild invention in your head. And because of this she should dump her fiancée.
You win the WTF award for the day.
Where can I pick it up?
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thats a good point0
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Welcome! I love this site. It makes me accountable for everything I put into my mouth. I joined about 5 weeks ago and have lost a little over 14 lbs. BTW...I am not starving nor have I given up my favorite foods. I am just much more aware of what and how much I am eating. Get a food scale. They are an important part of your food selection and measuring.
Good luck on your goal. I am sure you will look beautiful in your wedding gown!0 -
hey...im new to this community as well.week 1.so far-not bad!!i watch what i eat now and dont find it very difficult to stay under the calorie counter....wuts new is dat i have started excercising....i wanted to cry out loud today in between my workout coz it was soooo hard....im only 28 but walk around like 35...im telling myslf dat dis is going to work....der r so many success stories oready n all dose ppl went through the same drill....so,in some time inshahAllah,we'l b postn our pix as welll.......u in ur weddn gown!!!wow...imagune dat...:)... 0
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I think sometimes spouses/significant others can appear not supportive because they fear your change in health, mind, body will change how you feel about them. They also might feel impacted by your changes. This is something that you need to address and discuss. Help them realize they have nothing to fear and that their support and encouragement mean the world to you. Add me as a friend if you would like.
My wife and I have different fitness goals and different eating/dietary goals. We support each others goals and not one of us rules the kitchen. One person's lifestyle change should not impact the other's lifestyle if it is different and healthy for them. Communicate!
When I went gluten free two years ago, I had to change a lot of what I ate. Not being the primary cook in the house, I started taking responsibility for my own meals. If the family wanted spaghetti, I cooked rice pasta in a separate pot. If the family wanted pancakes and bacon for breakfast, I ate eggs. It really wasn't a big issue for me, but you'd have thought I had committed murder for this! Finally, I told my family members: this IS MY issue, not yours. They all backed off and realized it really wasn't that traumatic a change after all. Now it's nothing but support.0
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