Marriage: Lasting or Not?

I worked through about 4 rough years of a 6 year marriage. I truly do believe that any couple can make it if they communicate, maintain trust and try to fix their problems. I finally had to leave, though, when it became apparent that I was the only one trying and the only one communicating...honestly, trust had gone out the window a long time before that, though (my ex could win an award for some of the lies he told me...lol). To me, the final straw was when my ex quit marriage counseling and then lied about finding his own counselor.

If you've ever been married, I find it hard to not have gone through some problems. That's just what happens when two people combine lives and try to live as one. I've been married for the past 7 years. We've had plenty of highs and lows. Both my wife and I have had thoughts about calling it quits. But the thing about marriage, and loving someone, is that you have to be willing to fight for it. Like Punky said, communication is key. If you can't talk about your problems, and work them out, the stresses will just build up until someone can't take it anymore. Just remember why you fell in love to begin with

2nd marriage in my 36th year. Got married the first time for all the wrong reasons at too young an age. I didn't think so at the time, but maturity had a lot to do with it. Divorced 4 years alter.

Got married the 2nd time on a rebound from the divorce of my firest marriage. BIG mistake. Got married by a JP. Knew when I was standing in front of the JP I was making a mistake and did it anyway.

This is a very long, and sad story. I married a woman who had four kids. I adopted all four of them. Shortly after marriage things started to turn sour. Attempted to divorce 12 years after getting married. Was emotionally beaten into submission and reconciled. BIG mistake, should have held my ground and gotten the divorce. Made a half hearted attempt at divorce 5 years ago. Agreed to go to counseling, for the 4th time.

At this point in my life, a dvorce would be financial suicide. What's the price of happiness???

Bottom line is when considering marriage, make absolutely sure of what you're doing, take you time, and really get to know the person you're intending to marry. There are some good books that deal with conversations two people should have prior to marriage. I suggest reading those books and having those conversations.

Last, if you have ANY doubts, DON'T get married.

Married 30 yrs and counting. We've been through it all! "Through sickness and in health"...yep...."For richer or poorer"...hell yes!...."for better or worse"...you bet. Some may say we are one of the lucky ones who made it. I say we work hard at it. I understand that some marriages just can't be, but I think too many couples throw in the towel too soon. Again, I reiterate, I get that some marriages just cannot be allowed to continue. We sometimes argue & fight, have silent spells, but eventually we work it out. Secret? I don't know if there is just one thing. I do know one thing though, we both have the attitude that "I ain't a leavin' you babe". Works for us.

I worked through about 4 rough years of a 6 year marriage. I truly do believe that any couple can make it if they communicate, maintain trust and try to fix their problems. I finally had to leave, though, when it became apparent that I was the only one trying and the only one communicating...honestly, trust had gone out the window a long time before that, though (my ex could win an award for some of the lies he told me...lol). To me, the final straw was when my ex quit marriage counseling and then lied about finding his own counselor.

^^^ This! We must have been with a cloned version of the same loser... except mine refused to go to counseling and we were only together for 3 years. Lies, cheating, lies and more cheating. While I was home with our new baby who has had health issues since birth he was out ruining our marriage and lives. Then when he had enough of us "interfering in his private life" (his words not mine) he packed me and our 1 year old up and drove us 1200 miles away to my parents house and dumped us on their doorstep instead. He was just pure awesome manliness on so many levels.
Although I do have to say that he has been good about financially supporting her. His friends found out what he did and made him realize what a piece of garbage he was so now he feels really guilty. He hasnt seen or talked to her in almost a year but he makes payments on time like she's a car payment or mortgage... :grumble:

Edit to say: I always thought Id be one of the people that celebrated their 50th anniversary together but unfortunately it seems I have poor taste in men. As pitiful as it sounds I was the one in both marriages (first one was 12 years) to do whatever it took to make it work because I wanted to try to hold the family together. It took a toll on my self esteem and mental and physical well being putting up with what they put me through. Unless you see that they really want to change and work at it and make a difference in the relationship dont waste your time. It wont change. Dont wait till they put you through so much crap then dump you like your garbage. Im all for working things out but there is definitely a point where enough is enough.

In august it will be my 3rd anniversary to my best bud, but it's been constant roughness for us since right before the wedding, mostly dealing with his ex wife. And we fight, not alot but boy they are good when we do.
He's an *kitten* and so am I though so it works for us lol. We kiss and make up.

Women mary men hoping they'll change

Men marry women hoping they'll stay the same

Sadly, there's some truth to this...I didn't marry my ex hoping he'd change, but we'd been together since I was 16 so I just assumed he'd grow up with me. He didn't. He assumed I'd stay the same girl he always knew. I didn't. I grew up.

BOTH people need to work hard to get through. If just one person is trying, it's useless. Do everything you can to make the other person understand what needs to happen to make it work.

I worked through about 4 rough years of a 6 year marriage. I truly do believe that any couple can make it if they communicate, maintain trust and try to fix their problems. I finally had to leave, though, when it became apparent that I was the only one trying and the only one communicating...honestly, trust had gone out the window a long time before that, though (my ex could win an award for some of the lies he told me...lol). To me, the final straw was when my ex quit marriage counseling and then lied about finding his own counselor.

^^^ This! We must have been with a cloned version of the same loser... except mine refused to go to counseling and we were only together for 3 years. Lies, cheating, lies and more cheating. While I was home with our new baby who has had health issues since birth he was out ruining our marriage and lives. Then when he had enough of us "interfering in his private life" (his words not mine) he packed me and our 1 year old up and drove us 1200 miles away to my parents house and dumped us on their doorstep instead. He was just pure awesome manliness on so many levels.
Although I do have to say that he has been good about financially supporting her. His friends found out what he did and made him realize what a piece of garbage he was so now he feels really guilty. He hasnt seen or talked to her in almost a year but he makes payments on time like she's a car payment or mortgage... :grumble:

Edit to say: I always thought Id be one of the people that celebrated their 50th anniversary together but unfortunately it seems I have poor taste in men. As pitiful as it sounds I was the one in both marriages (first one was 12 years) to do whatever it took to make it work because I wanted to try to hold the family together. It took a toll on my self esteem and mental and physical well being putting up with what they put me through. Unless you see that they really want to change and work at it and make a difference in the relationship dont waste your time. It wont change. Dont wait till they put you through so much crap then dump you like your garbage. Im all for working things out but there is definitely a point where enough is enough.

Ditto to the doing whatever it takes to work! It took me until recently finally accept that I really did do EVERYTHING I possibly could and that it wasn't my fault. It damages your self esteem so badly that, even with the facts laid out in front of you, you really believe it was still your fault somehow.

Been with my wife for almost 25 years. Just had our 20th anniversary last August. I can honestly say we have't had ANY Rocky times. Been poor, had health issues, been through deaths, births and adversity, but, the two of us have always had the same goals, same vision,same expectation.

In all those years we have not had one fight. We have compromised on occasion. Being right has never been more important to me than my relationship.

I know with absolute certainty that she is the woman I will live the rest of my life with.

Forty-two years married and counting! Yes, there have some terrific times and there have been some rough times. My hubby and I are about as opposite as it gets, but it works!

She says religion has been playing a huge part for her...He hasn't grasped it yet.

I'm not sure exactly what this means. I go to church, my husband doesn't. I pray, read my Bible, and sometimes watch "Church TV". He doesn't. I believe my faith is for ME. I know that there are people who feel that they have to be someone who feels & practices their faith the way they do. Tradition and what not. For ME personally, it's not an issue. Now, if he were to start making fun of my faith, try to stop me from going to church or otherwise interfere, then I would definitely have a problem with that. But he respects me enough to let me do what I need to do spiritually.

Similar situation here. My wife is Catholic, and I am an Atheist. We've been married 23 years. Yes, there have been a number of rough patches, but we do our best to work through them, even though it can be tough.

My husband and I were both catholic 6 years ago when we got married...6 years later, I am still catholic and he is atheist. It is hard but it is doable.

Women mary men hoping they'll change

Men marry women hoping they'll stay the same

This is very true!

I got married at 39 though, so I was wise enough to know he was unlikely to change, and the few habits I wasn't crazy about were probably going to stick around. I think going into a marriage with a willingness to accept someone 'just the way they are" is important. If you can't live with each other's flaws, you aren't going to make it!

In just over 3 years, we've been through 3 unexpected deaths - first a close friend, then my husband's brother (both suicides) and then his mother was killed in a car accident last summer....so no matter how strong you are as a couple...you WILL continually be tested!