Question for the Ladies

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  • bmcnare
    bmcnare Posts: 1 Member
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    I agree with several of the previous posts. She has to want to, and she may want to, but there may be something holding her back. With your big family, obviously time is an issue for her. And I'm sure, after taking care of your girls and your house, etc, etc, etc. she is worn out.. Maybe you could get the whole family involved. Go for a walk, go play in the yard. I find that people are often intimidated by this big weight loss goal they have. But the first step is to just start moving and doing it. You don't have to run 3 miles, or only eat salads. Take small steps, attainable steps, and when there are small results there will be motivation. For instance, I just started by working 10 minutes on the eliptical, and by making sure I didn't sit for more than one half hour at a time, when I am at work. Don't allow junk food in the house. Keep lots of healthy snack in the house. This is what has helped me.
  • retiree2006
    retiree2006 Posts: 951 Member
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    Since she's home schooling 2 of the children, maybe you can suggest that, as a family, you do a unit on "good nutrition" as a learning experience. Get all of the family involved in planning menus, shopping and chopping, and cooking up the goodies. Discuss how it's also important to include being active is also important and maybe try out all kinds of activities, as part of the studies, to see which ones they enjoy.

    Good luck.
  • dgljones
    dgljones Posts: 89
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    My guess is your family and your religion take up about every spare second in your life. Without being disrespectful to either try and shoehorn in space for fitness. If it can become a shared interest it will be something you both will benefit from. My wife and I have both done a great job individually, but when it came together and became something we discussed each day, comparing notes, discussing exercise times, lbs lost, new clothing sizes, recipes, things we had learned etc etc it exploded our weight loss/fitness.
  • Athena53
    Athena53 Posts: 717 Member
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    Speaking of church- would it be possible for her to look into a Bible-based program for her church? One my DH belonged to in NJ sponsored a workshop called "Weigh Down". Sometimes group support makes a big difference.
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,676 Member
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    She already knows that she needs to do something, so be careful. Just love her, give her compliments. Be pleased and satisfied and happy with her. She will change when she's ready. We have five young children, too. Last April I finally got around to beginning my fitness efforts.....any discouragement prior to that would have been crushing. I hated the way my body was looking....a far cry from my previously super fit trim self (on crew in college).

    Just be as supportive of her as you can, and maintain love and approval toward her. Let her find her motivation and get on track.
    I am adding to my own post lol
    A great hindrance to my happiness and productivity at home is clutter/grubbiness and a disordered schedule. So, IMO having a clean home, getting to bed on time are utmost importance to cultivate. Cultivate these things with kindness and gentleness, working your family in this direction. It took some time, but I finally established an early bedtime (going to sleep at 9:30pm). Also, the children have a cleaned up room and are in bed by 8:30pm (they settle down better in a cleaned up room!), leaving time for me and husband to be together for an hour before bed--I LOVE THIS!!! Also because I am rested I wake up, with no alarm, by 4am...this is when I get up and go to the gym for weights ( I LOVE THIS!!!). This timeframe takes no family time away, and also it is a very efficient time of day because there are few distractors at home, on the road, at the gym. I do some cardio later in the day (my oldest is 14 so I can get out a bit now), like a bikeride, walk/run. I also have time to stretch, take a shower, eat a breakfast that's right for my body, in peace, or maybe just climb back into bed for a bit.....all before the children awake. This is because my house is orderly and clean, and my schedule is sane. But it took time to cultivate this. So be patient and gentle. Boy, is my life and body different than it was a year ago.
  • KimLoan325
    KimLoan325 Posts: 19
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    My mom stayed home to raise 5 kids (less than 8 years between the oldest and youngest) and we're all so grateful. My Dad still worships her to this day! Good on her for making family the first priority...

    My suggestion: you can double down and do some favors/errands for her like shopping for groceries or preparing a meal. She will appreciate one less thing for her to do, and gives you the opportunity to boost the Health-Quotient of what's on the table and the things in the fridge + pantry.

    Even prepping (chopping vegetables and meal planning) doesn't take that much time but can save HER so much time if you're going to do a casserole, soup, pressure-cooker or crockpot meal. That way she can just dump everything in and forget about it.

    Offer to do the laundry, the dishes or some other chore and ask if she'd like to take a walk by herself. Relative quiet and not worrying about the kids for an hour can seem like a major vacation to a F/T mother of young kids.

    As a Mom, and having a great one, I know that we'll always put the children and family first. It's very easy to get overwhelmed. Our looks, our health and fitness will be last on the list of priorities if we get overrun by more urgent things like managing a household and home-schooling the kids. Since she's expressed a desire to be healthier, you can do everything to support that goal.

    Even joining the local gym together would be good - it means you're doing something jointly, you're invested in being proactive and it will give her a place to go to "get away" from the kids.

    Do keep us posted!
  • jlsexson
    jlsexson Posts: 11
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    I like what people have been saying and agree with a lot of it. I find for myself that it is really hard for me to control myself if I have temptations in the house, junk food, candy, ect. If I don't buy it, I can't have it. I also thought it would be a good idea to have my husband tell me when I was making a bad choice. Turned out not to be a good idea! It made me resent him, because I found I didn't like someone telling me what I could and could not have. Mostly I feel the best about myself when my husband tells me he loves me. He doesn't care what I look like; he just loves me anyway. I didn't tell him I needed to hear it. He just did it. Knowing that allows me to find my own motivation. I want to be able to move and play with my kids, and I want to feel good about myself when I go out. It is hard with kids. Mine are 6, 4, and 2. I find it is easiest for me to work out in the mornings before they are awake. That isn't always possible, but it helps. My husband also helps by watching them sometimes while I work out. Just try to stay supportive. Tell her you know she can do it! She just has to believe in herself!
  • Charles4Jesus
    Charles4Jesus Posts: 89 Member
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    Thanks for all the suggestions. I don't nag her or say anything 'cuz I know weight and your bodies is a very touchy subject. And If she were happy with her body I'd be perfectly fine with it, because I love her SO much. She is the one that talks about how fat she is(her words,not mine), and I try to be supportive as possible. In the evenings I ask her if she wants to go for a walk, or tell her I'll watch the little ones and she can go(thought she might like some alone time), and sometimes she goes with me. There is an incentive at work that if you wear a pedometer and average 7000 steps a day you can earn an extra $500-600 for the year per person(I know its not a lot, but it could help with CHRISTmas). I asked her if she wanted one, she said yes and I got one for her. IF she's not close to the 7000 by the time I go walk, she says it not worth it. Thank you again for all the suggestions and God Bless!
  • Athena53
    Athena53 Posts: 717 Member
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    Charles- thanks for the update! Always good to hear the response after people post a lot of suggestions.

    7,000 steps is a lot. We have incentives, too, and my 74-year old DH manages 5,000+ steps a few days a week, but if the bar were set at 7,500 he might not make it! He gets points for that and I get twice as many for going 10,000, but I have pretty rigorous workouts.

    That might be a good incentive, though- she's doing something for herself and for the family.
  • CaliSteph
    CaliSteph Posts: 142 Member
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    All you can do is be supportive when she's willing or wants to change. Give her opportunities like you have and continuing to make her feel good about herself with words and gestures. As previously pointed out, only she can make the decision to change. Good luck to you!

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