Marriage: Lasting or Not?

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  • jbutterflye
    jbutterflye Posts: 1,914 Member
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    They all have an expiration date. What I like most about being married is learning about myself and growing.
  • Momf3boys
    Momf3boys Posts: 1,637 Member
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    Well, depends on what makes it rough...six months before my 10 year anniversary I found out my husband was having an affair for a year and a half with one of his married coworkers. I was completely devastated, to say the least. In the weeks and months following I learned much much more about how he had been spending the past ten years of his life...Internet ads, affair, ONS...I went almost an entire year going through counseling in an attempt to safe the marriage because of my kids. During that year I learned a lot about myself, to include I did not deserve to settle for a man who I could NEVER trust again. I asked him to move out and I filed for divorce. I am now engaged to get married to a man who has taught me what it feels like to truly be loved...to be able to trust him and he trust me. He is wonderful to my older boys and he is an amazing father to our baby. He stood by me while I kicked cancers *kitten* and he always compliments me, supports me and treats me like a queen. So...if the rough patch is something that you feel cannot be fixed then you need to make yourself happy...for me, it was divorce...I deserved better! :happy:
  • Mustang_Susie
    Mustang_Susie Posts: 7,045 Member
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    Married seven years the first time. We got together for all the wrong reasons and shared very few, if any common goals or values.
    He was abusive and I wasn't very nice in return.
    I wanted counseling. He thought I was the only one who needed it.
    We have two sons together and if I would have known then what I know now, I NEVER would have put them through the hell of that marriage and divorce.
    I regret it to this day.

    Married thirteen years this time. (He was also divorced with a daughter, whom he regrets putting through an awful marriage and divorce).
    I agree with what a poster said on the first page about marriage taking three: him, me and God.
    We're just too stinkin' selfish to do it right on our own.
    We need Jesus' example of how to love and give and put the other spouse first.

    The silver lining of our divorces is that we knew what we DIDN'T want this time around.
    As we were dating we had our eyes wide open and knew exactly what it would be like to be married.
    We share values and goals. There are very few, if any, surprises.
    We have a daughter together and there are very few disagreements on how to parent her.
    Although he was raised Lutheran and me Catholic, we knew faith was very important to both of us and our future and we now attend an Assembly of God church.

    Now, that being said, we have had some incredibly rough spots in our marriage, especially in regards to our older children.
    We have really stressful jobs. We don't always spend a lot of time together. I do a lot of single parenting and sometimes we're just ornery!

    But, I think we have just decided that we love each other, we don't want to be apart and we would NEVER put our daughter through a separation or divorce.

    So we compromise, we give up the argument, we think of the other first and we try to reflect the love of Jesus in our marriage to others.

    Do we always succeed?
    No.
    We just don't quit.
  • grobekg
    grobekg Posts: 12 Member
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    I believe that as long as the love exists and it is combined with never ending trust, commitment, respect and honesty, a marriage can last a lifetime. Sure there will be times when you are upset with each other, but if you never lose any of the above mentioned aspects within the marriage, it should be everlasting.

    In April, my wife and I will celebrate 25 years of marriage in which we have maintained all of these. Neither of us has ever been close to ever thinking that it wouldn't work and we currently have no doubt that it will be until death do us part. It doesn't hurt that we also feel like we are each other best friend as well as spouses.
  • Mustang_Susie
    Mustang_Susie Posts: 7,045 Member
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    They all have an expiration date. What I like most about being married is learning about myself and growing.


    Not
  • Mustang_Susie
    Mustang_Susie Posts: 7,045 Member
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    I believe that as long as the love exists and it is combined with never ending trust, commitment, respect and honesty, a marriage can last a lifetime. Sure there will be times when you are upset with each other, but if you never lose any of the above mentioned aspects within the marriage, it should be everlasting.

    In April, my wife and I will celebrate 25 years of marriage in which we have maintained all of these. Neither of us has ever been close to ever thinking that it wouldn't work and we currently have no doubt that it will be until death do us part. It doesn't hurt that we also feel like we are each other best friend as well as spouses.


    Lovely :flowerforyou:
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,780 Member
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    we have yet to encounter anything that could be considered a "rough patch."

    married 8 years this may.
  • jbutterflye
    jbutterflye Posts: 1,914 Member
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    They all have an expiration date. What I like most about being married is learning about myself and growing.


    Not


    I'm pretty sure one or both of us will die one day. Of course I could be wrong, technology is advancing rapidly...
  • KCoolBeanz
    KCoolBeanz Posts: 813 Member
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    I got married young, at 23. We had been together for 10 years prior to getting married. To make a long story short, I just didn't think we had a chance to grow up as individuals before trying to grow as a couple. About 2 years into the marriage is when I started feeling like "this can't possibly be it for me - I deserve to be happier than this". I felt I had exhausted every available option to work through things (counselling, etc) and after 6 years, I suggested we divorce. Unfortunately, he wasn't willing to participate in counselling, calling it stupid, etc. I couldn't handle being with someone who didn't see the value in fighting for their own marriage.

    My advice to anyone having trouble, would be to try everything you possibly can - divorce is a hard, ugly thing to go through. With that said, I don't believe people should stay in an unhappy situation just for the sake of not getting divorced - never forsake your own happiness :flowerforyou:
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,579 Member
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    Going on 15 years this year. No real rough patches during this time. We're hang with each other every time we out and still do a lot of the same things we did when we first met. I'll admit I'm not as "romantic" as I used to be, so I can still improve. IMO, I couldn't have found a better partner in life since she and I keep each other in check.
    Personally I believe marriages would last longer if the focus was overall family and not worrying about material items, how others view you and your family, and doing family involved activities.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • jessmart83
    jessmart83 Posts: 283 Member
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    I was married....key word is was. He was a drug addict and I did everything to try and help him get clean. I knew it was over between us when 1) after 2 years I put forth everything I had to make it work, while he didn't seem to care, 2) when he told me if he had to choose between me and our daughter or the drugs, he would choose the drugs every time.
    I know it is different with every relationship. Some make it through the tough times, some don't. Personally, I believe when it is over, you will know it!
  • MizVandyk
    MizVandyk Posts: 602 Member
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    marriage is hard for all couples, you have to be committed and communicate. I got married for all the wrong reason the first time around (WOW so they were right when I was told DO NOT get married at 18) I was divorced withint 4 years I am sure we could have made it through but there was no love there. Everyone goes through changes in life every 5-7 years. My marriage now is on year 5 been together 8 1/2 and yes we have hit patches of rough spots but bc we are committed and love each other and talk through everything, it has made a huge difference. Its not always going to be perfect but the good times outweigh the bad times =)
  • myboysmomx2
    myboysmomx2 Posts: 505 Member
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    I've known my husband for 28 years, and we've been married 25 1/2 years. We've been through rough years due to pressures from outside family members that could make any marriage crumble. It's important to communicate honestly and openly about everything. If you can't work through things on your own, don't wait, seek help of a pastor and/or qualified counselor. I do believe that abuse and adultery (if that can't be worked through) is a legitimate reason for divorce, but it's all heartbreaking...there's no way around it. Divorce destroys families and people. I think marriage will last if each person puts in a great deal of effort into keeping the marriage alive and healthy. It takes two to make marriage work and it's hard sometimes, but the reward is WELL WORTH IT. For us, Christ needs to be the center of our relationship...without our faith, we would have divorced a long time ago. I'm not pushing my faith on others, but this is important to US and works for US.

    Here's a site that my husband and I frequent to help restore and keep our marriage going strong: www.marriagebuilders.com
    Maybe this can help your friend....
  • KainStar
    KainStar Posts: 197
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    But the thing about marriage, and loving someone, is that you have to be willing to fight for it. Like Punky said, communication is key. If you can't talk about your problems, and work them out, the stresses will just build up until someone can't take it anymore. Just remember why you fell in love to begin with
    This says it all
  • piratemerdi
    piratemerdi Posts: 212 Member
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    I'm not married, but I'm engaged, and have been dating my fiance since essentially the beginning of freshman year in college (3 years ago). I wouldn't have agreed to marry him unless I knew it was going to last. A friend of mine said that her and her boyfriend agreed that they would sign a prenub. if they ever got married, and there's no way that I'd ever agree to that. If you're going to marry someone, there shouldn't be any "what-if's" in your mind. That's probably idealistic of me to say that, because the divorce rate is so high, but for me, divorce isn't an option unless someone was unfaithful, but I take my relationships and loyalty very seriously.
  • Davina_JH
    Davina_JH Posts: 473 Member
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    Well, depends on what makes it rough...six months before my 10 year anniversary I found out my husband was having an affair for a year and a half with one of his married coworkers. I was completely devastated, to say the least. In the weeks and months following I learned much much more about how he had been spending the past ten years of his life...Internet ads, affair, ONS...I went almost an entire year going through counseling in an attempt to safe the marriage because of my kids. During that year I learned a lot about myself, to include I did not deserve to settle for a man who I could NEVER trust again. I asked him to move out and I filed for divorce. I am now engaged to get married to a man who has taught me what it feels like to truly be loved...to be able to trust him and he trust me. He is wonderful to my older boys and he is an amazing father to our baby. He stood by me while I kicked cancers *kitten* and he always compliments me, supports me and treats me like a queen. So...if the rough patch is something that you feel cannot be fixed then you need to make yourself happy...for me, it was divorce...I deserved better! :happy:
    So sweet :flowerforyou:
  • Mustang_Susie
    Mustang_Susie Posts: 7,045 Member
    Options
    I'm not married, but I'm engaged, and have been dating my fiance since essentially the beginning of freshman year in college (3 years ago). I wouldn't have agreed to marry him unless I knew it was going to last. A friend of mine said that her and her boyfriend agreed that they would sign a prenub. if they ever got married, and there's no way that I'd ever agree to that. If you're going to marry someone, there shouldn't be any "what-if's" in your mind. That's probably idealistic of me to say that, because the divorce rate is so high, but for me, divorce isn't an option unless someone was unfaithful, but I take my relationships and loyalty very seriously.


    That's a great attitude. :smile:
  • Davina_JH
    Davina_JH Posts: 473 Member
    Options
    I've known my husband for 28 years, and we've been married 25 1/2 years. We've been through rough years due to pressures from outside family members that could make any marriage crumble. It's important to communicate honestly and openly about everything. If you can't work through things on your own, don't wait, seek help of a pastor and/or qualified counselor. I do believe that abuse and adultery (if that can't be worked through) is a legitimate reason for divorce, but it's all heartbreaking...there's no way around it. Divorce destroys families and people. I think marriage will last if each person puts in a great deal of effort into keeping the marriage alive and healthy. It takes two to make marriage work and it's hard sometimes, but the reward is WELL WORTH IT. For us, Christ needs to be the center of our relationship...without our faith, we would have divorced a long time ago. I'm not pushing my faith on others, but this is important to US and works for US.

    Here's a site that my husband and I frequent to help restore and keep our marriage going strong: www.marriagebuilders.com
    Maybe this can help your friend....
    Thank you for sharing, I will pass on the website info too
  • Mustang_Susie
    Mustang_Susie Posts: 7,045 Member
    Options
    They all have an expiration date. What I like most about being married is learning about myself and growing.


    Not


    I'm pretty sure one or both of us will die one day. Of course I could be wrong, technology is advancing rapidly...

    Misunderstood you, sorry.
    Planning on being with my hubby in heaven :flowerforyou:
  • jbutterflye
    jbutterflye Posts: 1,914 Member
    Options
    They all have an expiration date. What I like most about being married is learning about myself and growing.


    Not


    I'm pretty sure one or both of us will die one day. Of course I could be wrong, technology is advancing rapidly...

    Misunderstood you, sorry.
    Planning on being with my hubby in heaven :flowerforyou:

    :smile:

    Love conquers all. :heart:

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