Marriage: Lasting or Not?
Replies
-
They all have an expiration date. What I like most about being married is learning about myself and growing.0
-
Well, depends on what makes it rough...six months before my 10 year anniversary I found out my husband was having an affair for a year and a half with one of his married coworkers. I was completely devastated, to say the least. In the weeks and months following I learned much much more about how he had been spending the past ten years of his life...Internet ads, affair, ONS...I went almost an entire year going through counseling in an attempt to safe the marriage because of my kids. During that year I learned a lot about myself, to include I did not deserve to settle for a man who I could NEVER trust again. I asked him to move out and I filed for divorce. I am now engaged to get married to a man who has taught me what it feels like to truly be loved...to be able to trust him and he trust me. He is wonderful to my older boys and he is an amazing father to our baby. He stood by me while I kicked cancers *kitten* and he always compliments me, supports me and treats me like a queen. So...if the rough patch is something that you feel cannot be fixed then you need to make yourself happy...for me, it was divorce...I deserved better! :happy:0
-
Married seven years the first time. We got together for all the wrong reasons and shared very few, if any common goals or values.
He was abusive and I wasn't very nice in return.
I wanted counseling. He thought I was the only one who needed it.
We have two sons together and if I would have known then what I know now, I NEVER would have put them through the hell of that marriage and divorce.
I regret it to this day.
Married thirteen years this time. (He was also divorced with a daughter, whom he regrets putting through an awful marriage and divorce).
I agree with what a poster said on the first page about marriage taking three: him, me and God.
We're just too stinkin' selfish to do it right on our own.
We need Jesus' example of how to love and give and put the other spouse first.
The silver lining of our divorces is that we knew what we DIDN'T want this time around.
As we were dating we had our eyes wide open and knew exactly what it would be like to be married.
We share values and goals. There are very few, if any, surprises.
We have a daughter together and there are very few disagreements on how to parent her.
Although he was raised Lutheran and me Catholic, we knew faith was very important to both of us and our future and we now attend an Assembly of God church.
Now, that being said, we have had some incredibly rough spots in our marriage, especially in regards to our older children.
We have really stressful jobs. We don't always spend a lot of time together. I do a lot of single parenting and sometimes we're just ornery!
But, I think we have just decided that we love each other, we don't want to be apart and we would NEVER put our daughter through a separation or divorce.
So we compromise, we give up the argument, we think of the other first and we try to reflect the love of Jesus in our marriage to others.
Do we always succeed?
No.
We just don't quit.0 -
I believe that as long as the love exists and it is combined with never ending trust, commitment, respect and honesty, a marriage can last a lifetime. Sure there will be times when you are upset with each other, but if you never lose any of the above mentioned aspects within the marriage, it should be everlasting.
In April, my wife and I will celebrate 25 years of marriage in which we have maintained all of these. Neither of us has ever been close to ever thinking that it wouldn't work and we currently have no doubt that it will be until death do us part. It doesn't hurt that we also feel like we are each other best friend as well as spouses.0 -
They all have an expiration date. What I like most about being married is learning about myself and growing.
Not0 -
I believe that as long as the love exists and it is combined with never ending trust, commitment, respect and honesty, a marriage can last a lifetime. Sure there will be times when you are upset with each other, but if you never lose any of the above mentioned aspects within the marriage, it should be everlasting.
In April, my wife and I will celebrate 25 years of marriage in which we have maintained all of these. Neither of us has ever been close to ever thinking that it wouldn't work and we currently have no doubt that it will be until death do us part. It doesn't hurt that we also feel like we are each other best friend as well as spouses.
Lovely :flowerforyou:0 -
we have yet to encounter anything that could be considered a "rough patch."
married 8 years this may.0 -
They all have an expiration date. What I like most about being married is learning about myself and growing.
Not
I'm pretty sure one or both of us will die one day. Of course I could be wrong, technology is advancing rapidly...0 -
I got married young, at 23. We had been together for 10 years prior to getting married. To make a long story short, I just didn't think we had a chance to grow up as individuals before trying to grow as a couple. About 2 years into the marriage is when I started feeling like "this can't possibly be it for me - I deserve to be happier than this". I felt I had exhausted every available option to work through things (counselling, etc) and after 6 years, I suggested we divorce. Unfortunately, he wasn't willing to participate in counselling, calling it stupid, etc. I couldn't handle being with someone who didn't see the value in fighting for their own marriage.
My advice to anyone having trouble, would be to try everything you possibly can - divorce is a hard, ugly thing to go through. With that said, I don't believe people should stay in an unhappy situation just for the sake of not getting divorced - never forsake your own happiness :flowerforyou:0 -
Going on 15 years this year. No real rough patches during this time. We're hang with each other every time we out and still do a lot of the same things we did when we first met. I'll admit I'm not as "romantic" as I used to be, so I can still improve. IMO, I couldn't have found a better partner in life since she and I keep each other in check.
Personally I believe marriages would last longer if the focus was overall family and not worrying about material items, how others view you and your family, and doing family involved activities.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
I was married....key word is was. He was a drug addict and I did everything to try and help him get clean. I knew it was over between us when 1) after 2 years I put forth everything I had to make it work, while he didn't seem to care, 2) when he told me if he had to choose between me and our daughter or the drugs, he would choose the drugs every time.
I know it is different with every relationship. Some make it through the tough times, some don't. Personally, I believe when it is over, you will know it!0 -
marriage is hard for all couples, you have to be committed and communicate. I got married for all the wrong reason the first time around (WOW so they were right when I was told DO NOT get married at 18) I was divorced withint 4 years I am sure we could have made it through but there was no love there. Everyone goes through changes in life every 5-7 years. My marriage now is on year 5 been together 8 1/2 and yes we have hit patches of rough spots but bc we are committed and love each other and talk through everything, it has made a huge difference. Its not always going to be perfect but the good times outweigh the bad times
0 -
I've known my husband for 28 years, and we've been married 25 1/2 years. We've been through rough years due to pressures from outside family members that could make any marriage crumble. It's important to communicate honestly and openly about everything. If you can't work through things on your own, don't wait, seek help of a pastor and/or qualified counselor. I do believe that abuse and adultery (if that can't be worked through) is a legitimate reason for divorce, but it's all heartbreaking...there's no way around it. Divorce destroys families and people. I think marriage will last if each person puts in a great deal of effort into keeping the marriage alive and healthy. It takes two to make marriage work and it's hard sometimes, but the reward is WELL WORTH IT. For us, Christ needs to be the center of our relationship...without our faith, we would have divorced a long time ago. I'm not pushing my faith on others, but this is important to US and works for US.
Here's a site that my husband and I frequent to help restore and keep our marriage going strong: www.marriagebuilders.com
Maybe this can help your friend....0 -
This says it allBut the thing about marriage, and loving someone, is that you have to be willing to fight for it. Like Punky said, communication is key. If you can't talk about your problems, and work them out, the stresses will just build up until someone can't take it anymore. Just remember why you fell in love to begin with0 -
I'm not married, but I'm engaged, and have been dating my fiance since essentially the beginning of freshman year in college (3 years ago). I wouldn't have agreed to marry him unless I knew it was going to last. A friend of mine said that her and her boyfriend agreed that they would sign a prenub. if they ever got married, and there's no way that I'd ever agree to that. If you're going to marry someone, there shouldn't be any "what-if's" in your mind. That's probably idealistic of me to say that, because the divorce rate is so high, but for me, divorce isn't an option unless someone was unfaithful, but I take my relationships and loyalty very seriously.0
-
So sweet :flowerforyou:Well, depends on what makes it rough...six months before my 10 year anniversary I found out my husband was having an affair for a year and a half with one of his married coworkers. I was completely devastated, to say the least. In the weeks and months following I learned much much more about how he had been spending the past ten years of his life...Internet ads, affair, ONS...I went almost an entire year going through counseling in an attempt to safe the marriage because of my kids. During that year I learned a lot about myself, to include I did not deserve to settle for a man who I could NEVER trust again. I asked him to move out and I filed for divorce. I am now engaged to get married to a man who has taught me what it feels like to truly be loved...to be able to trust him and he trust me. He is wonderful to my older boys and he is an amazing father to our baby. He stood by me while I kicked cancers *kitten* and he always compliments me, supports me and treats me like a queen. So...if the rough patch is something that you feel cannot be fixed then you need to make yourself happy...for me, it was divorce...I deserved better! :happy:0 -
I'm not married, but I'm engaged, and have been dating my fiance since essentially the beginning of freshman year in college (3 years ago). I wouldn't have agreed to marry him unless I knew it was going to last. A friend of mine said that her and her boyfriend agreed that they would sign a prenub. if they ever got married, and there's no way that I'd ever agree to that. If you're going to marry someone, there shouldn't be any "what-if's" in your mind. That's probably idealistic of me to say that, because the divorce rate is so high, but for me, divorce isn't an option unless someone was unfaithful, but I take my relationships and loyalty very seriously.
That's a great attitude.
0 -
Thank you for sharing, I will pass on the website info tooI've known my husband for 28 years, and we've been married 25 1/2 years. We've been through rough years due to pressures from outside family members that could make any marriage crumble. It's important to communicate honestly and openly about everything. If you can't work through things on your own, don't wait, seek help of a pastor and/or qualified counselor. I do believe that abuse and adultery (if that can't be worked through) is a legitimate reason for divorce, but it's all heartbreaking...there's no way around it. Divorce destroys families and people. I think marriage will last if each person puts in a great deal of effort into keeping the marriage alive and healthy. It takes two to make marriage work and it's hard sometimes, but the reward is WELL WORTH IT. For us, Christ needs to be the center of our relationship...without our faith, we would have divorced a long time ago. I'm not pushing my faith on others, but this is important to US and works for US.
Here's a site that my husband and I frequent to help restore and keep our marriage going strong: www.marriagebuilders.com
Maybe this can help your friend....0 -
They all have an expiration date. What I like most about being married is learning about myself and growing.
Not
I'm pretty sure one or both of us will die one day. Of course I could be wrong, technology is advancing rapidly...
Misunderstood you, sorry.
Planning on being with my hubby in heaven :flowerforyou:0 -
They all have an expiration date. What I like most about being married is learning about myself and growing.
Not
I'm pretty sure one or both of us will die one day. Of course I could be wrong, technology is advancing rapidly...
Misunderstood you, sorry.
Planning on being with my hubby in heaven :flowerforyou:
Love conquers all.
0 -
They all have an expiration date. What I like most about being married is learning about myself and growing.
Not
I'm pretty sure one or both of us will die one day. Of course I could be wrong, technology is advancing rapidly...
Misunderstood you, sorry.
Planning on being with my hubby in heaven :flowerforyou:
Love conquers all.
Yes, it does.
I thought you were referring to infamous "starter" marriages...0 -
I'm not married, but I'm engaged, and have been dating my fiance since essentially the beginning of freshman year in college (3 years ago). I wouldn't have agreed to marry him unless I knew it was going to last. A friend of mine said that her and her boyfriend agreed that they would sign a prenub. if they ever got married, and there's no way that I'd ever agree to that. If you're going to marry someone, there shouldn't be any "what-if's" in your mind. That's probably idealistic of me to say that, because the divorce rate is so high, but for me, divorce isn't an option unless someone was unfaithful, but I take my relationships and loyalty very seriously.
I disagree but mainly because I signed one when my husband and I got married. It has nothing to do with no trust or either one of us thinking that it's going to end in divorce but everything to do with the fact that I came into the marriage with nothing. He had a house. He had a good job. He had a lot of things going for him. I was coming from living in an apartment with not a lot of furniture and a good job. He had been married before and was burned pretty bad and wanted to protect himself and I really didn't blame him. When he brought it up I laughed because I knew what he was getting at and I said that I would be fine signing one. To each their own on this one I suppose and it depends on the circumstances.
As for the original post: we have been married for 7 years, together for about 17 and have never had an argument or any serious disagreements. We communicate with each other about everything and are open and honest. We don't sweat the small stuff and if something is on either one of our minds or if either one of us has done something that bothers the other we discuss it. We have never raised our voices, slammed doors or gone to bed angry with each other because it's just not worth it.
Do we disagree? Absolutely but we agree to disagree because we are different people with differing opinions on things.0 -
The attorney in the office next to mine does family law. He says there are two kinds of marriages: The kind that has problems and ends in divorce, and the kind that just has problems.0
-
I finally made the decision to leave my first husband when I realized I could no longer trust him. After years of physical and emotional abuse, I found my voice again and left.
In 2011, I remarried. I have known my husband for over 20 years, and he is my best friend. Yes, we've had rough times as most couples do. We've also had to be apart for the first 6 months of our marriage (long, sad story for another time...) But, we know how to communicate and keep those lines open between us. We talk to one another and express ourselves. We may not always agree, but at least we know why the other doesn't agree.
Divorce sucks. It costs more than the actual wedding does. And the emotional turmoil? Ugh... I would recommend to anyone who has doubts to postpone the wedding and wait. If already married and having doubts, seek assistance. Talk to someone together. The only times I would say that it is irreparable (and this is MY opinion, so don't hate) are in cases of abuse (physical or emotional) or cheating. In these cases, seek an attorney and leave. Abuse is NEVER acceptable. And, if they cheat once, they will most likely cheat again. (And that goes both ways... guys and girls.)0 -
The attorney in the office next to mine does family law. He says there are two kinds of marriages: The kind that has problems and ends in divorce, and the kind that just has problems.
I'd agree with that (for relationships in general). I think too many people expect to have a perfect Disney-style relationship where they never argue. I think couples that fight (to an extent) actually have stronger relationships, because they know how to work out issues. Couples that never fight, I think if they're together for several years, the first argument they have is going to possibly end badly because they haven't dealt with disagreements before.0 -
They all have an expiration date. What I like most about being married is learning about myself and growing.
Not
I'm pretty sure one or both of us will die one day. Of course I could be wrong, technology is advancing rapidly...
Misunderstood you, sorry.
Planning on being with my hubby in heaven :flowerforyou:
Love conquers all.
Yes, it does.
I thought you were referring to infamous "starter" marriages...
No I wasn't. But I guess I had one of those, in retrospect. lol! Now with my 2nd marriage it seems I didn't know what marriage was until I met him (my current husband). Had no idea it was possible to love like that.0 -
Been with my wife for almost 25 years. Just had our 20th anniversary last August. I can honestly say we have't had ANY Rocky times. Been poor, had health issues, been through deaths, births and adversity, but, the two of us have always had the same goals, same vision,same expectation.
In all those years we have not had one fight. We have compromised on occasion. Being right has never been more important to me than my relationship.
I know with absolute certainty that she is the woman I will live the rest of my life with.
This, although I am only on 12 years
We have suffered through 3 years of unemployment (him, sole bread winner) debilitating injury, loss of home, and so on and so on.,..,, but we always know that together we can overcome anything life throws at us, so outside struggles never chip away at us.
I also accept him for who he is, flaws included. He does the same for me. No one is perfect including ourselves and we can't expect perfection from someone else.
And last, I have noticed a lot of people (women especially) when they have children get completely sucked into motherhood, to the exclusion almost of their spouse. I try to remember that I have them, because of him. And make him and our relationship priority.0 -
Lasting as long as both partners make a point of not letting the ups and downs of life drive them apart.0
-
30 years of wedded bliss..........Im the most luckiest guy in the world........
I wouldn't change a thing.......truly , I am blessed to have such a wonderful person in my life.............Hope it happens to you too0 -
She says religion has been playing a huge part for her...He hasn't grasped it yet.
Wooooah! Hold up there!
Religion was one part of the reason I got divorced. Ex-wife wanted more, but I am (and have always been) an atheist. So she turned to an ex-boyfriend for "spiritual guidance" (to coin a euphemism).
He isn't going to "grasp it". Expecting him to "grasp it" is wrong. He doesn't have to be an atheist, but even if he is non-religious or just kinda wishy washy about it, religion isn't going to be the answer. If she has suddenly gotten more religious, and he hasn't, then religion is part of the problem.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.6K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.3K Health and Weight Loss
- 176K Food and Nutrition
- 47.5K Recipes
- 232.6K Fitness and Exercise
- 431 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.6K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.8K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions