No support at home :(
KevinsCatie
Posts: 137 Member
OK, I have to start out by saying that I am the biggest that I have ever been in my life. I had my son 11 months ago, and I'm still trying to lose the baby weight (about 60 lbs of it to be exact.) My husband and I are both prior service Marines (both got out about 2 years ago) but neither of us workout like we used to. Where this has caused me to not only keep my baby weight, it is also making we gain more. He on the other hand has lost weight (only muscle, without gaining fat) from not working out. He is really skinny and has never been fat in his life. Yesterday we went grocery shopping and it almost seemed like he was getting mad about me trying to get healthier food. He always says he doesnt care about my weight, that he will love me no matter what, but its getting to the point that I just dont like myself like this, and I really want and need his support but I'm just not getting it. I'm not sure what or even if I can do anything to get him to understand. I just dont know.
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do it for you...0
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I'm sorry to hear you don't feel you have the support. Have you tried sitting down and telling him how you feel? I know that might seem obvious. Also are you trying to get him to eat healthy? If he isn't putting on weight he probably feels like his diet shouldn't change whereas you obviously want to make a change. Good luck0
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I'm sorry to hear you don't feel you have the support. Have you tried sitting down and telling him how you feel? I know that might seem obvious. Also are you trying to get him to eat healthy? If he isn't putting on weight he probably feels like his diet shouldn't change whereas you obviously want to make a change. Good luck
What he said! lol Seriously, time for a talk.0 -
"prior service Marines"...........Kick his *kitten*!!!! :flowerforyou:0
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I have told him, and he has said in the past that he was fine with it, but i think it just isnt important to him. And I understand that, obviously it isnt going to be, but I would hope at least he would understand that its improtant to me.0
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"prior service Marines"...........Kick his *kitten*!!!! :flowerforyou:
OOOHH I wish I could!!! Unfortunately he is way to fast for me right now LOL Maybe once I lose a little bit more I could even catch him, but at this rate I wouldnt stand a chance!0 -
I have told him, and he has said in the past that he was fine with it, but i think it just isnt important to him. And I understand that, obviously it isnt going to be, but I would hope at least he would understand that its improtant to me.
Stop hoping. Start doing it... for you. Eventually he may come along or he wont. Either way you will be happier.0 -
No one thinks I need to lose weight but I do it for me. He doesn't have to help. He doesn't even have to have a say in it. Do it for you. If he's acting silly when you try to get healthy food, go shopping for food without him and get what you want so that you can lose the weight. No one has time to sit and listen to what other people think of their weight. If you're not doing it for you, don't do it at all.0
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I really want and need his support but I'm just not getting it. I'm not sure what or even if I can do anything to get him to understand. I just dont know.
Sure, his support would be great and helpful but you do not NEED it in order to be successful.
If he doesn't want to eat healthy food, than he can eat what he wants. YOU need to take charge of your own health, weight and goals for you... regardless of who may be there to help you along the way.
Sit him down and explain to him what your goals are, and why you have those goals. Explain how important it is to you for you to make yourself better.
Ensure you are doing it for you and for no one else.
Just because he isn't on board doesn't mean you can't reach your goals. He may come along... he may not but you need to focus on you if it is that important to you.0 -
I've been married to the hubs for a little over nine years. I was absolutely adorable when we got married, and then, you know, you get comfortable.
He always said he didn't care how much I weighed. Translation? License to eat. And eat. Lather, rinse, repeat. I'd never had the "luxury" of having a spouse that wasn't all ate up with my weight. The ex told me if I ever hit 150 lbs. he'd leave me. (How ironic is it that when he started sleeping with one of my friends I was in a size 5 and she was shopping specialty women's stores?) But I digress...
I guess he has heard me whine about my weight for so long that he figured I didn't really mean it when I said I was going to get healthy this time around.
I have been at it for almost six weeks, and he sees that I mean business. Now he is Mr. Support, all the way across the board.
If you sit down and talk to him, like Kyledrums suggested, and it still doesn't click for him, then, do as KangooJumps said, and do it for you.
He might jump on the support wagon when he understands you're not playing around. If not, you still have us.
(ETA: And you...you have you and you are worth it!) 0 -
I know where you coming from and I had to sit down with my husband and explain how I felt about my weight and health issues. I know that OH's will love us no matter what because that's what love is all about. I took the approach that firstly I want to be healthier for me and our future together (not just weight loss but feeling healthier) I want to regain my confidence and get back the old me that's being overshadowed by by weight gain and worries. I also want to feel sexy again like I did before I had children, I am still a woman after all and not just a mother. Good luck, and keep talking to him and explain your reasons so that he can understand and try and support you x0
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In the end this is all about you. You have to do this for you. There is only you that can do it.
Try saying this- This is all about me. I am doing this for me.
The spin off here is your child will have a fit and sassy Mum and your husband a fit and sassy wife.0 -
OK, I have to start out by saying that I am the biggest that I have ever been in my life. I had my son 11 months ago, and I'm still trying to lose the baby weight (about 60 lbs of it to be exact.) My husband and I are both prior service Marines (both got out about 2 years ago) but neither of us workout like we used to. Where this has caused me to not only keep my baby weight, it is also making we gain more. He on the other hand has lost weight (only muscle, without gaining fat) from not working out. He is really skinny and has never been fat in his life. Yesterday we went grocery shopping and it almost seemed like he was getting mad about me trying to get healthier food. He always says he doesnt care about my weight, that he will love me no matter what, but its getting to the point that I just dont like myself like this, and I really want and need his support but I'm just not getting it. I'm not sure what or even if I can do anything to get him to understand. I just dont know.
"its getting to the point that I just dont like myself like this," <- Use this as your motivation and continue to do so. Do it for yourself, because you're tired of feeling this way. To achieve what you want, you have to want this enough for yourself.
Have you tried talking to him about it and how it makes you feel? Support at home would be ideal, but if he's unresponsive to it, USE THIS SITE. That's what we're here for. To help and support each other, regardless of the circumstances. Support is helpful and makes things a little easier, but all you really need to achieve want you want is yourself.0 -
I'm a little different - my family members need to lose weight also, but for the past two years have had no interest. My hubby always told me he loves me no matter my size (am I believe him) but it was me who was unhappy - not because of him or anything else - I felt ugly and fat and miserable. So, no matter his objections or reassurances, I HAD To do it for me.
So, I did.
2 years later (just yesterday, in fact) my hubby told me that he wants to start tracking his food and figuring out his TDEE to lose some weight. Over the 2 years, his utter lack of supprt (junk food everywhere, for example) turned into assistance (telling me the ingredients for his cooking so I could track accurately), and then he jumped on board. I couldn't believe it but am so excited for him making this decision.
My point: maybe your hubby will just watch you in your journey and feel motivated to take better care of himself and maybe not. Ultimately, you have to do this for you and he would have to decide for himself too. Focus on you and the rest will fall in line in time. Best of luck to you and use MFPers for support for now!0 -
As to the grocery store issue. Sit down and have a specific conversation on logistics. Let him know that you need to do this. Ask whether he prefers to eat the same things with one add ons or if you are going to have two separate menus. If the first, have a special place in the house for the add ons. If the latter, decide up the space into his, hers and, if relevant, ours.0
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you may or may not ever get it...i just decided to go for it "FOR ME!!!!" and guess what he now works out with or without me...my hubby of 20 years always says it don't matter but i realized it matters to me plus i'm about to hit 40 with a 2 year old i would like to be around for her sake as well...i hope this encourages you to go forward inspite of what support you may or may not get ...just take it one day at a time0
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My wife and I started this journey together and that is the biggest reason we are successful. I suggest telling him the reasons why you want to lose weight, tell him you want to live a long healthy life together, tell him that when you look in the mirror you what to be happy with what you see, then ask him for his help because you can not do it alone0
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Buy the things you want at the store and let him eat what he wants. He doesn't have to make the same choices as you do, but you do need to explain that you want to get healthy for yourself. He will understand and it's all about you... not what he thinks of you. It is beautiful that he loves you no matter what weight you are at, but it's about what you see and how you feel!!!0
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You have to do what feels right for you. If he is skinny he'll never know how you feel---ever. It is important for you to be independent--you don't have to eat the same things. Take charge and cook healthy for yourself and especially for your child. You'll be so glad you did. It doesn't have to be difficult, in fact this program is the easiest thing I have ever done in my life. I can live like this forever.
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Did you explain that you aren't happy? Maybe he feels like you're doing it for him and not you. I bet if you communicate your feelings with him he will get on board. Good luck, darling 0
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I understand where you are coming from. Everyone in my house eats what they want and they don't seem to care if they are overweight or not. I try to eat healthy and feel like I am sabotaged all the time. I just quit buying the crap. If they want crap, they have to get it themselves and if my husband wants it he has to keep it in the car so he can eat it when he is at work. I buy what I want to eat and if they don't like it they can cook for themselves.
I hate nights when my husband cooks though, it is always something fatteing and deep fried. Sometimes I eat it and sometimes I make my own dinner if that is the case.
Good luck!0 -
If I suggest something, whether its workout more, get better food, going on vacation my husband always seems negative.. He just builds things up in his mind to be no fun. With eating better, I just make what I normally would and modify my meal and use as skinny products as I can. He used to not like ground turkey, but I did half half with ground beef and then eventually he didn't notice the change to turkey and now says he can't tell a difference. I make tacos, casseroles, Chinese food, roasts, everything. I just make mine a little different. Last night we had roast beef over rice and green beans. I ate the roast, green beans and only a 1/4 cup of rice. Tonight we are having tacos. I am putting mine in lettuce instead of burrito shells. I make a huge salad when I make something like pizza, so I'll eat a huge plate of salad and only one slice of pizza. My husband and kids are eating better by far, but they still eat "normal" if that makes sense.
I have found that I can't change anyone for the better, I can change ME and hope they follow my lead.0 -
You need to sit him down and tell him that you are doing this because you don't like you the way you are, and that you could use some encouragement and support. But tell him exactly what that means to you (the encouragement and support part).
On the shopping/food front. Have you gone all guerrilla-warfare health food nut? Like have you completely abandoned cheeseburgers and want him to be happy that you want to buy nothing but organic-tofu, quinoa, whole-wheat pasta and alfalfa sprouts? There's nothing wrong with that, but there's a huge spectrum of "healthy" between cheeseburgers and organic tofu. It might be easier for him to support food choices if they seemed a little less extreme. Like try chicken breasts and regular veggies. Perfectly healthy and would likely pass as "normal" food for someone not concerned about their diet.
If you aren't trying to join the organic lettuce rainbow brigade, this may not be useful advice. But I live with 2 stick-figure men (both over 6ft tall, both weigh about 150 soaking wet) who can devour entire packages of Oreos without blinking an eye or gaining an ounce. They don't even know they are eating healthy food. It's just chicken (or pork or fish or whatever) and veggies and rice or potatoes or whatever. I give them heaps of rice/potatoes because they need way more calories, but they have no idea that we are eating the "same" meal and mine is usually under 400 calories. They just think its dinner. I would never be able to "convert" them to anything they can't recognize as food, nor can we really afford separate food menus. So I found what works.0 -
I'm also a Marine and I'm here with you. Feel free to add. It came down to exactly what you said, feeling the way YOU want to feel. He will listen and understand when you say you aren't happy because of it. I've told my wife for years that it didn't "bother" me with how big she got, but I realized how much it was hurting her efforts. You have to make sure you express how feeling better will make his life feel a whole lot better. Reverse psychology dear!!!!
Also, don't go into Marine Corps training. I've been there and made that mistake. You are setting yourself up for failure. You haven't done that training in 2 years, and you can't just go right back to it. It's basically starting over. You have a basis of knowledge, but make sure you realign your thinking.0 -
I've had the same problem. Mine won't eat or drink anything that says lowfat, fat free or light but since I can't afford to but 2 different kinds of everything he just has to deal with it. I still buy snack cakes, cookies and ice cream for him and the kids and buyt healthy snacks for myself. The main problem I have is he is constantly trying to get me to eat the unhealthy stuff even though he knows I'm trying to lose weight. He'll even go so far as to wave cookies or ice cream in front of my face after I've told him I don't want any. But I am determined to do this and I won't let him bring me down.0
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Sounds to me he DOES care
he says he loves you no matter your weight
So start without him
why is he holding you back?
Are you doing this for you or him?
Quit your whinning and get to the gym and figure out your goals.
He doesnt have to be on board the only one jumping ship is you.
May sound harsh but this is the bottom line. My husband did not support my weight loss at all. He likes his girls big. He would do things like bring home almond croissants that I love or take out from our favorite restaurant. It took me a while but I simply stopped eating it... instead of eating it because he would kind of guilt me out by saying he spent money on it or I didn't want him thinking because I was rejecting the food that was the same as rejecting him.
I got my butt out of bed in the morning, hours before he got up so that I could get my gym time in. If he made annoying statements (like.. you're not going to lose weight, you're always eating something -- which does seem like it since I eat 6 small meals a day) I just learned to ignore it and let it go in one ear out the other.
Focus and just do it it... if you are serious about losing weight then you will find a way to overcome obstacles (real or perceived).0 -
A different spin on this.
I 100% think you need his support. But trying to think from his position possibly. As you said you were previous service marines and he is losing muscle mass etc I tried to think of what that would mean to me. I was a previous college athlete and due to injuries things went to hell pretty quick. I've always been sad at knowing what I 'used' to be like and this was always a big obstacle in the way as it was easier to use food as a crutch then do the work. I've got over that, and my wife and I are in it together now.
As everyone said a talk is in order for sure, but may not necessarily be just the food/grocery shopping that is on the table as per say.
=D0 -
If you want to change, do it for you. If it will make you feel better about yourself then he should support you and be proud that you want to change!0
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This might sound sexist, but you should tell your husband explicity what you would like from him. And be as tangible as possible. Whether it's hiding food you don't want to eat, or his not commenting on your food/exercise. Everybody is motiviated by different things and he may be unsure how to be most helpful. Good luck!0
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