Husband thinks I should have weight loss surgery.

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yelldan22
yelldan22 Posts: 35 Member
in Motivation and Support
My husband who is great and only wants me healthy and happy asked me the other day why I wouldn't even consider weight loss surgery. From his point of view, I can understand why he thinks it is a great thing to do. His ex-fiance did it and loss a tremendous amount of weight. I however know I can do this the slow and steady way. Before I met him I had lost 70 lbs with diet and exercise alone. Unfortunately I gained it all back. I met him, developed a very active life, but started back with the bad eating habits and not exercising. I started exercising in the mornings before work now, and even though it is not fun getting up at 4:30 am, I'm enjoying that activity in the morning. I'm still working on eating healthier, but know I can do that to if I stick with it.

He just doesn't understand why I wouldn't want to get the surgery if it would make it easier and faster to lose the weight. I've tried explaining to him I don't want to put my body through essentially an unneccesary surgery. I think it comes down to him wanting to start trying to have kids, where as I want to wait until I'm at a healthier weight.

Has anyone else gone through this same debate with a loved one?
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Replies

  • jsiricos
    jsiricos Posts: 338 Member
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    Surgery is Surgery, if you can do it without, do it YOUR way.
    You are the one that has to live with it.
  • juliedor
    juliedor Posts: 72 Member
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    I think we are all here because we enjoy eating.Well I do anyway.
    I would hate that to be taken away from me.The restrictions after the surgery are huge.
    I think learning to eat well and moderate yourself is the way to go.Slow and steady.
    No quick fixes just a step at a time.
  • 30ismyyear
    30ismyyear Posts: 145 Member
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    I haven't been through it but do not give into him!

    You CAN do it on your own, without the surgery. Just by you saying that proves that. My aunt had the surgery....it's a big deal! She's still not "healthy" just because she's at a healthy weight.
  • Fr3shStrt
    Fr3shStrt Posts: 349 Member
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    Research the surgery and pregnancy. Seems like you'd have to wait about 18 months after having surgery before getting pregnant anyway. Presenting him with data may help him see things your way.
  • lamomandwife12
    lamomandwife12 Posts: 36
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    To be honest, I know someone who had the surgery and it hasn't helped at all! If what you are doing works for you, then keep it up! I know your husband is only trying to help but in the end, it is your say on what happens with your body! Good luck on whatever you decide!
  • makeitallsue
    makeitallsue Posts: 3,086 Member
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    I haven't had that experience. My husband had always went the other direction.
    But to support you, you should do what you need to do in your heart.
    Fast and easy.. Isn't always the best...there is a lot of risk involved too.
    Just sending a hug..you sound like you have a good plan...best of luck! You can do it!
  • Ascolti_la_musica
    Ascolti_la_musica Posts: 676 Member
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    To be honest, I know someone who had the surgery and it hasn't helped at all! If what you are doing works for you, then keep it up! I know your husband is only trying to help but in the end, it is your say on what happens with your body! Good luck on whatever you decide!

    ^^^ This.

    My brother in law had the surgery. Then he kept eating a full day's calories each meal, about 4-5 times a day. He gets plenty of exercise as a nurse, but he's as fat as he ever was with no signs of it going anywhere.

    Surgery is invasive, dangerous, and does not address the problem. YOU are addressing your problem. Your husband needs to be patient. If he is in that much of a hurry, he could freeze some of his business for you to use when YOU are ready to have his kids. :laugh:
  • sofielein
    sofielein Posts: 539 Member
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    I personally would only consider the surgery if I was so overweight the doctors would want me to do it. If I look at your picture you are nowhere near that. And how would you learn to live healthily and walk/jog/work out regulary from an operation?
    AND surgery is dangerous, there is a number of people who just don't survive it.
  • namelesshere
    namelesshere Posts: 334 Member
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    Surgery is not the quick fix that some seem to think it is. My former dr wanted me to have gastric bypass surgery also but admitted that many gain the weight back anyway. Duh! Why would I want to subject myself to that. Lap band isn't always easier either. i know of a couple of people who have had to have repeated surgerys when it tipped, repositioned, or what ever else it did to cause an unbearable amount of pain where they finally had it removed. Then, too I lost a dear friend on the table as she was being operated on for gastric bypass. And know of another who came close to dying. While these may be rare, they are very real. Is he really ready to risk losing you? I would definitly do it your way. It is work, no matter which way you do it, It still involves a continued lifestyle change to be successful. And that lifestyle change will also need to include his lifestyle for you to be successful. Good luck.
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
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    He should do some research so that he fully understands what he's asking of you.

    I think you're better off going the natural way because there's a better chance that you can learn habits for life.
  • lamomandwife12
    lamomandwife12 Posts: 36
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    To be honest, I know someone who had the surgery and it hasn't helped at all! If what you are doing works for you, then keep it up! I know your husband is only trying to help but in the end, it is your say on what happens with your body! Good luck on whatever you decide!

    ^^^ This.

    My brother in law had the surgery. Then he kept eating a full day's calories each meal, about 4-5 times a day. He gets plenty of exercise as a nurse, but he's as fat as he ever was with no signs of it going anywhere.

    Surgery is invasive, dangerous, and does not address the problem. YOU are addressing your problem. Your husband needs to be patient. If he is in that much of a hurry, he could freeze some of his business for you to use when YOU are ready to have his kids. :laugh:

    The person I know is the same way! What is the point of spending all that money if in the long run, you don't do what the surgery calls for! just my opinion though!
  • mklassy123
    mklassy123 Posts: 153
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    I had a friend who had gastric bypass and so far has been successful with it, but she had to try diet and exercise for a certain amount of time first. If you can lose the weight the healthy way, do it - don't go under the knife. I have two friends (married couple) who underwent lap band surgery. One was very successful with it, the other was not - imagine how hard that is for the not successful one? Anyway, do what feel right for you, and it sounds like you don't want to do it. There are ALWAYS risks with surgery.

    One question, does your husband realize that you don't go in for the surgery one size and come out half a person? I know you say his ex did it, but I'm still not sure he has realistic expectations about what it is.
  • NualaTW
    NualaTW Posts: 205 Member
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    It's your body, and the decision should be yours and yours alone.

    The surgery option has been broached by my doctor in the past, but no way am I going to permanently alter my body in that way. I'm not saying that it's a bad option for some, just not the option for me. Instead I asked him to give me a referral to a registered dietician and am now working with her and a personal trainer to learn the best ways to eat and exercise to reach my goal.

    I think that you should do whatever feels right for you. From your photo I see a lovely woman who looks like she can do it the natural and right way. :)
  • T1mH
    T1mH Posts: 568 Member
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    I do not understand the surgery and why people subject themselves to that. Either way you need to learn to eat better.
  • guzzlingil
    guzzlingil Posts: 60
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    personally I would exhaust every possible "solution" before surgery....

    you can do it yourself, you just have to know that you can...
  • ChristineH1001
    ChristineH1001 Posts: 65
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    As someone said surgery is surgery....We have to fix our brain which most of the time is the barrier. You did it before, you can do it again!!! This time look at it as a change in life style not a diet. A diet has the word Die in it so it is going to end. Try LIVING it because you want it to last! I am a nurse and have seen many of people who have had the surgery. They never change anything other than the amount of food. No change in habits, no exercise. Eventually they start to gain weight again. :happy:
  • sofielein
    sofielein Posts: 539 Member
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    And note 1 in 200 people die shortly after gastric bypass surgery. That is medically a HUGE risk.
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,141 Member
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    Surgery is not easy!

    You are confident and motivated enough to do this the slow and steady way, so do it and enjoy the achievements from it : )
  • tjsoccermom
    tjsoccermom Posts: 500 Member
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    I've not had this debate but I personally know 3 other people that have had the surgery...actually one of them twice. And all three are still more than 70 pounds or so overweight. I've had the stats for it are not good, if you don't change your habits, you're not going to lose or gain it back anyway. I'd have him research the realities of it. Good luck to you!
  • sechadyl
    sechadyl Posts: 28 Member
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    I know someone who had the surgery and lost a lot of weight quickly but she wasn't very happy as she was losing it. She has since gained back about half of what she lost, she regrets the surgery because she didn't train herself to eat correctly along the way. The weight came off not because she was trying to control her eating, her eating was controlled for her. When she had a craving and have even a small amount of something, she would get sick to her stomach with many of the tiny portions she tried to eat.

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