Motivating My Boyfriend

All you can do is lead by example and let him make his own houses. Even when he is whining, ask if he would like your help, rather than using it as a free ticket to give advice.

if he isn't ready, he isn't ready.

However, talk him into logging his food for a week. It will be an eye opener for him! Then show him how much he will weigh in a year if he continues to eat that way.

Honestly, he sounds like me when I was in my early 20's. I had never had to watch my intake because I played sports in high school, but once I got to college, I started gaining and eating exactly how you describe. By the time I was 30, I weighed 300 lbs and had no idea how the heck THAT happened! lol!

My husband is similar--you'd never guess by looking at him that he weighs as much as he does. Probably needs to lose about 20 lbs, but always has---hasn't gone up much in years, was about the same when we met. He was never taught any healthy eating habits as a kid, plus he's an emotional eater, mindless eater, you name it, so I really think he's got it tougher than me in losing weight. I've never nagged him about his weight--its his decision. He gets a full checkup every year, and so far there's no issues with blood sugar, cholesterol, or blood pressure. If his weight got out of control though, I would have to step in and say something to try and help. My meals are usually reasonably healthy (can't remember the last time I fried anything besides an egg), so I'd like to think I've been a positive influence on his health. I figure the best I can do is to lead by example. I do all the grocery shopping since he works full time and I work part time. There are some things I hardly ever buy, like Doritos, because he'd eat half the bag in one sitting. Same with a box of corn pops! But I do buy him (and my kids) stuff that I won't eat, no reason to starve everyone in the house just because I'm counting calories. I'll go out of my way if he mentions something healthy that he likes, and I'll be sure to keep that in stock! Since I've been going to the gym more often the last few months, he's been inspired to go more too. Don't know if that helps you're situation, just wanted you to know I'm in the same boat.

. But, he's told me he wants to live a healthier life.

He may of told you this but he doesn't want it.

If he did he would make the change himself.

Continue on with what you are doing and let him do what he wants. It is up to him to change... you can't say, or do anything to make him.

The only thing you can do is continue with what you are doing.... maybe invite him with you to the gym or for a walk after dinner. Don't push him though.

He will make the change to a healthier life when he wants it... regardless of what he says he doesn't want it now.

I'm in a simliar boat. My bf needs to loose a lot more than 20 lbs, frankly. Probably more like 100. And he constantly says that he really needs to get it off. When we met, I made it clear that I wasn't going to put up with any bad influences in my weightloss journey, and he has been very supportive. He has changed the way he cooks to accomodate me. He doesn't keep snacks in his house because I'll eat them all. He doesn't eat unheathily when he's around me (and we spend A LOT of time together, and he works in the same building as me!). He drives me to work a couple times a week so I can walk home at the end of the day.

However, I haven't noticed any weightloss in him in the 6 months we've been together. Either I just can't tell and he's not telling me his pants fit better, or he's doing some serious damage when I'm not around. I am currently trying to get him to at least weigh himself once a week to see if my influence has been making any difference, and I'm trying to convince him to let me track his food for just one week to see just how many calories he stuffs in his face. It's a battle, but all you can do is be supportive and encouraging, and keep on keepin' on.

The funniest part was when his mother accused me of making him fat because he gained weight. Ummm no, that would be ALL him.

Maybe, maybe not. My son has gained weight since he got married mostly because his wife is obese and she cooks garbage fat foods and stocks the house with junk. He doesn't have to eat it, for sure, but being surrounded by that all that time makes it hard especially when he works 2 jobs and doesn't have a lot of time to cook for himself. I swear the girl has never heard of fruits or vegetables.

Dump him. Drop the zero and get with a hero.

The funniest part was when his mother accused me of making him fat because he gained weight. Ummm no, that would be ALL him.

Maybe, maybe not. My son has gained weight since he got married mostly because his wife is obese and she cooks garbage fat foods and stocks the house with junk. He doesn't have to eat it, for sure, but being surrounded by that all that time makes it hard especially when he works 2 jobs and doesn't have a lot of time to cook for himself. I swear the girl has never heard of fruits or vegetables.

While I see the point here and the fact that your daughter in law doesn't help the situation your son could make better choices. He could stop by the store on his way home and get healthy foods to eat. He could ask his wife to get better foods when she goes grocery shopping... or if he goes along with her he can get better foods.

I do agree that it makes it hard... especially if he is working two jobs. I fell into that a while ago until I decided I had to make the time and the effort. It is hard especially when you are constantly surrounded by crap foods.

Alright. So my boyfriend is concerned about his weight. He's 6'1. And 222 lbs. He carries the weight really well and doesn't look like he weighs nearly that amount. However, he wants to lose about 20 lbs and I completely support that. And he talks about how he Needs to lose it, yet he doesn't take the steps to actually change his diet or lifestyle. Let's be honest, he eats like a 12 year old. He doesn't eat breakfast. He eats a dinners worth of food at lunch. Multiple sugary snacks throughout the day. Comes home and eats a huge dinner. And he snacks ALL night out of boredom. Cookies. Cupcakes. Chocolate milk. You name it.
Now my theory is, if it's not in the house, he won't eat it. However, whenever we go grocery shopping, he's always putting those types of food into the cart. I make him what I eat for dinner every day. So he eats a healthy dinner. But, I'm not sure how I can motivate him or lead him in the right direction. I don't want to be rude and tell him he Can't have the things he wants. But, he's told me he wants to live a healthier life. I can't force him to change if he's not ready to. I just need a different approach.

I was the same way...I work out with my wife. We do P90X/Insanity together. If you start a workout routine and he sees you start to change in a good way he'll come along for the ride and then after a few weeks he'll be into it.

Ask him what he wants you to do. Does he just want reminders know and then, maybe he does want someone to be on his case about it. Sometimes just saying something like: Are you still hungry when grabbing for a snack in the evening will remind people that they are just eating out of boredom. But again, ask him what *he* wants you to do.

I'm in a verrry similar situation.

Shh, don't tell anyone but my boyfriend is a bad inluence on me and basically a menace to his own health. His favorite foods are carbs, carbs, and carbs. He has definitely gained weight over college but somehow has not seen this as a trend that will continue after college if he doesn't change his habits. He'll eat healthy food if you put it in front of him (he actually likes veggies), but he'd rather eat unhealthy food. He just doesn't think it's possible for healthy food to taste as good as unhealthier foods, and often refers to eating healthily as "sacrificing taste". I have tried so many times to change the way he thinks about this but there is nothing I can do. It's a little maddening at times.

He's actually talked about going on a high protein/low carb diet, but he hasn't really tried to learn anything about how to do it. He's the one asking me about nutrition information most of the time, and has never thought that it could be useful to read up on things for himself.

He went running...once. He looks at exercising as too much work.

I don't think there's much I can do, honestly. While I am glad that he has at least thought about eating healthier, there is nothing I could do to change his attitude of "Healthy = Boring, Unhealthy = Fun".

Like yourself, I make my boyfriend healthy meals on a regular basis, but he still eats junk later...especially late at night!

Currently I am working on getting back into the good habits I had before we started dating. I hope that will help to set an example for him of how to practice a little self control. That's really all I can do, I think.

Tell him to download the mfp app and just start tracking what he eats. Tell him not to even try to cut down just track. I would bet that after a week or so he will start cutting some things without even realizing it.

Maybe a subscription to men’s health. Or tell him you get mad bothered by abs.

How about this for a "a different approach". He would like to lose about 50lb but won't diet or exercise. Ok! So how about trying to get him into some other sort of physical activity a couple of times per week.He might like a sport (basketball, squash, indoor soccer, etc) or something quite different - like a course of dance lessons for a few weeks.

My experience with dance classes (non-competitive ballroom and Latin) once per week (later, twice per week) - it gets you out of the house and away from that junk 'food'. It gets you moving, improves fitness and provides a social scene you can enjoy together. After a month or so the social scene results in invitations to private and public dance parties, thus adding a night or two each week of activity and more time away from the junk food. This social scene aspect of social dancing is something other sport don't match.

Most likely he won't like this idea, so instead of suggesting it for himself, tell him you would like him to buy YOU a couple of months of dance lessons for your birthday (e.g.) and that he joins you. Once into it (could take a month to lose any inhibitions) there is a very good chance he will enjoy it enough to continue, esp. when he notices his weight has dropped.
(Of course, I am assuming he has not already done dancing and is over it).

Thanks for the great advice everyone. I don't force him, ever. And I don't nag him at all. It's just thoughts I've had to myself. I'm going to continue living my healthy lifestyle and if he chooses to follow suit, great. I just don't want him to get out of control with the eating. It's a bit harder to lose when you're 50, opposed to 21. I just have his best interest at heart.

You do have his best interests at heart and that is commedable. He is his own person though. You can't motivate him. He has to decide for himself and take action. What you can do is be caring and supportive of the positive choices he makes.