He Doesn't Support Me...

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Replies

  • BoomstickChick
    BoomstickChick Posts: 428 Member
    You've lost almost 70 lbs, but he doesn't believe you're changing? =/
    I'm at my wits end with my husband. He is so unhealthy. I don't care that he's fat. He's unhealthy. At risk for diabetes, might even have it right now, he's being checked out. He has a fatty liver. High blood pressure. He just doesn't get it! We have two kids and one on the way and I just don't know what to do with him anymore. I can't make him change if he doesn't want to, but I want him to wake the hell up.
  • foodfathought
    foodfathought Posts: 21 Member
    I'm so sorry for you for not having an understanding Fiance'. He sounds a (sorry and forgive me for saying this) but, Laura, he's a JERK. One thing for sure.
    For him to tell you to lose weight or I'll leave you. That's where he's so wrong to have said that in the first place. Men are like children sometimes. He's 5'6" and weighs 140, huh?????? Sounds to me that MAYBE he's too skinny.
    Don't let him talk to you like you're NOTHING, because that's not right at all. No woman deserves to be talked by a man like that. No way.
    I'm 5'0" and I weigh 217 or at least I did the last time I weighed myself.
    The reason why I tell you this is, because I broke up with my Boyfriend, Brandon of 8 years, because he pressured me into things I was uncomfortable with and I didn't give into him. But the thing also is we had TERRIBLE Arguments about everything about 1-2 years before we broke up.
    The one thing he Argued with me about is my weight. I felt fat and I have to lose weight, because there are Health Problems on my Mom's side of the family.
    Brandon and I didn't see eye to eye as far as my weight was concerned and he too talked to me bad, not like your Fiance' did you. But Brandon did say some hurtful things, that made me not want to Exercise. I just lost Energy to even do so.
    I would not put up with a man to talk to me in a bad way.
    Laura, you need to take time to lose weight slowly. Make a Goal for yourself each Month, if that's what it takes.
    Don't make Promises to anyone, but yourself. There's no need to feel nervous, because you "have to" to lose weight by a certain time, because someone told you to.
    Laura, I don't want you to be mad at me, because of what I told you. I wouldn't say something to someone to upset them or make them mad at me. I'm just saying those things to help you.
    I hope this helps you, Teresa.

    Did you even read what she wrote? Her fiance is not your ex.

    @OP: firstly, you have done wonderfully and WOW you have lost a LOT of weight. Well done! Your fiancee probably sees you being more and less committed, and maybe he knows that you really wanted this and still do! He's probably spoken without thinking, which is a bit unfair - you've lost a lot of weight and are putting your money where your mouth is! However, the top and bottom of it is that he probably just wants you to be happy.

    Commit to yourself and don't be afraid of "failing". Part of success is continuing even after you have a slip-up, and we all do slip up! Good luck!
  • GlassslippersAndFairyDust
    GlassslippersAndFairyDust Posts: 518 Member
    The thing that stands out to me, and actually make it difficult to see the rest, is the "I promised him" statements. Have you tried making a promise to yourself?

    Just a little different perspective.

    Also losing 68 lbs is still a huge accomplishment!

    this
  • saxmaniac
    saxmaniac Posts: 1,133 Member
    Men are like children sometimes. He's 5'6" and weighs 140, huh?????? Sounds to me that MAYBE he's too skinny.

    Judgy people are judgy. 5'6" 140 is perfectly normal and healthy. I'm 5'10" 160, and there's plenty of chub to lose.

    To the OP, it sounds like you have promised him something a bunch of times and he's just tired of hearing it. It's not about him, it's about you. He met you at your current weight, so he has no business in trying to get you to change - but I don't sense he's trying to do that. that. I sense you feel like you don't deserve him, are apologetic about your weight. Stay your current weight and insist on being loved for you, or get more fit to make yourself happier. Trying to please others will kill you inside and sometimes, you don't really know what will please them.
  • kittykat925
    kittykat925 Posts: 64 Member
    :wink:
    Just focus on YOU!!!! He'll come around once you come around for yourself....no conversation about your weight anymore, just do YOU....no expectations from him....don't worry, stress over any non verbal or verbal converation...hit the activity, move the body, make the right choices for your body....keep silent, let your actions be YOUR truth and guide!!!! DO YOU!!!!


    ^^^This

    Agreed! Just concentrate on yourself for now
  • alphabetsoup2013
    alphabetsoup2013 Posts: 208 Member
    .
  • alphabetsoup2013
    alphabetsoup2013 Posts: 208 Member
    NOTBONJOVI WROTE:
    "'Once you take control of your life, that will help you in this journey. Once I realized that no one was going to solve my weight problem but me, the pounds seemed to melt away. But the first thing I had to fix was my HEAD, not my stomach!'
    This was written by Jen, a MFP member who has lost 228 lbs as of today. Don't let what other's say affect you. Once you lose weight and more importantly get healthy, you realize that you are doing it for yourself and not for anyone else. Stay strong and stay on path. You have friends here to support you. Seek them. Good Luck!"

    I have heard something similar from everyone I know who has managed to lose a significant amount of weight -- and to maintain that weight loss. The psychological piece is key. (Thanks for sharing this.)
  • benol1
    benol1 Posts: 867 Member
    From the sounds of things, your boyfriend is a real a-hole. Excuse my language.
    What he is doing is sabotaging your efforts and your self-esteem, which in turn does nothing for your confidence and self-worth.
    Its a pernicious form of bullying, it is juvenile and it is no way to treat someone you love.
    Don't put up with it. Give him the ultimatum.
    Wishing you all the best,

    Ben
  • stephaniemejia1671
    stephaniemejia1671 Posts: 482 Member
    Just focus on YOU!!!! He'll come around once you come around for yourself....no conversation about your weight anymore, just do YOU....no expectations from him....don't worry, stress over any non verbal or verbal converation...hit the activity, move the body, make the right choices for your body....keep silent, let your actions be YOUR truth and guide!!!! DO YOU!!!!

    Yup. Let him see for himself just how serious you are.
  • angelatheart920
    angelatheart920 Posts: 3
    Honey you have come a long way. Slow weight loss is the best for the body and skin. If he is holding you to a promise about losing weight...that is sad after you have lost so much. He accepted you at over 300 and now your in the lower 200's. He should be singing your praises. The reason I say this is I met my husband and gained 120lbs through 9 years of him stressing me out. My health is so bad now I can barely walk . We have our problems but he never makes me promise to lose it. I think he/your man must be insecure. The old saying using reverse physiology . You know when someone knocks you down you dont feel like trying....and sounds like it might be what he wants....fear of losing you !
  • DarrelBirkett
    DarrelBirkett Posts: 221 Member
    Make him notice (by progress) and prove him wrong but as said most important prove this to yourself. Perhaps when he notices the change he will start to come around more? You've made excellent progress, let his slow at realising your progress be a bigger incentive to you. Us blokes are fickle and stubborn and sometimes a bit slow ;)

    Just keep going, keep pushing and when you start to shine brighter (smile and radiance!) he will see :)

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