My wife hates my weight loss

She hasn't hit rock bottom yet. IMO, people have to do that before they can do this.

Maybe go with the couples counseling like some of the others mentioned, because it will only get worse when you lose more weight. I've been there, on both sides and it sucks. Gaining and losing weight is mental. There is ALWAYS something going on that makes us obese, whether it is boredom, stress, carb craving or emotional eating, it's always mental. Until we face what's eating us (pun intended), we stay fat. There are ways to cope and different ways to switch up our diets and still enjoy food.

Maybe let her read your post? It's obvious that you love her a lot!

Good luck and I'll say a prayer that she gets on board with you soon. <hugs>

I'm going to quote something that you wrote...

" Maybe I am minimizing things, but I feel like those aren't good excuses because if it is not those things, there always seems to be some major stressors in our lives. We can't wait until those stresses are gone to start, because there will always be something else."

They are EXCUSES! Although they may add to our problems, when you take an honest look at them, stress is an excuse, family problems are an excuse, what every we can justify in our mind to allow us to overeat is an excuse, nothing more, nothing less. When we're fat, obese or whatever you want to call, we are always looking for "excuses" to eat! That way we can justify to ourselves all that food we put in our mouths.

We can blame anyone or anything that we want, and if it sounds good in our mind, it seems to make it ok. But we all know that it's not. Like you said, your wife has to be the one to decide that she wants to change too. You can't make her do it. It's like telling an alcoholic to quit drinking, it doesn't work unless they are ready.

I wish all the luck with this, all the support from the MFP folks is great, but it's even more so when the people close to you support you too!

It sounds to me like your wife has some self esteem issues and maybe if got on board with you and lost some weight, they would start to decrease. You're doing the right things, and no matter what, stay on track.

Bottom line is we are the ones that are responsible for ourselves!

so i didn't make it through everyone's posts and maybe this has already been put out there, but here goes...

I was in a similiar situation as your wife. My husband decided he wanted a gym membership for x-mas and started going pretty regularly. I was happy for him, but there was a part of me that panicked a little, thinking he was gonna look great and I would still be super overweight. I hated the idea that people might wonder how on earth I got him (let me insert here that I'm fully aware I married some arm candy, i just didn't want it to get worse).

So i joined MFP for like the 3rd time. and it's awesome and I'm doing it for myself now instead of out of fear of him getting better looking. But I have to be honest that a few years ago I might have been more like your wife. After years of working with therapists and as a therapist I have a better understanding of my emotional eating habits and use a lot of mindfulness and coping skills to get through stressful events that used to drive me to the ice cream tub.

Your wife might need to talk to someone - someone who can work through her responses to emotional events, her body image and self-esteem. While you can love her and be supportive of her until the cows come home it won't change that her coping skill right now involves a fork.

It sounds like she wants to lose weight but doesn't want to put in the effort. You said you mentioned being supportive if she decided to lose weight, have you asked her if she would like your help. Maybe you should suggest doing stuff together.

If my husband looked at me and said "I am enjoying what I am doing, but the only thing I don't like about it is I wish I could do more with you" then I would at least try. She may "hate" your weight loss because it is an activity that she feels excluded from. She may be subconsciously fearing you will leave her if you look better. If you look better you will want a better looking woman. You should make sure she knows you love her and only her.

^This. When my husband joined the Army, he cut a lot of weight and I was at my highest weight ever. I worried that he would start to think less of me because now he was accomplishing something that I just didn't seem able to do. I worried that he would start to notice the thinner fit girls more.

With a lot of encouragement, he started taking me out with him when he went jogging. I couldn't jog, but I would walk while he did. At first, I resented the fact that he was so much more fit than I was. In the beginning, I could only walk for a 1/2 mile before I was exhausted. I almost gave up several times. I had crying and screaming "I can't do this!" fits. What kept me going was his constant encouragement and his reminders that he wanted to be able to do this WITH me. That was my main motivation. I wanted to be able to go for bike rides with my hubby, and maybe even jog with him someday.... and let me tell you, on the day that I was able to finally jog along side him for 2 whole miles, everything I had done to get to that point was well worth it. I have never felt more accomplished in my entire life.

I'm going to be blunt, because that's who I am: your wife has issues, and she needs to deal with them. You have a goal and desire to be healthy, and you need to focus on that and let her come to her own conclusions. She has the choice to eat better and exercise -- so that is up to HER to do. You can't tell her how to run her body, and vice versa. She needs to back off and let you do what you need to do for YOU.

I think it's highly unfair and selfish of her to lay her emotional issues on YOUR back. They are HERS to own, not YOURS to manage.

Now, I want to mention I have said this in previous threads: there is a sense of co-dependency in relationships where obesity is an issue. I've seen documentaries about this very problem -- one partner starts to lose weight, the other gets jealous or threatened, and the relationship starts to unravel. The skinny guy who loves taking care of the immobile woman -- once she can get up and move around, the skinny guy is no longer needed and his sense of purpose is lost. The obese husband loses weight, the obese wife automatically assumes the guy will leave or cheat, and the marriage implodes. This is just like any other addictive situation - only food is the drug.

You are awesome! Hands down....

I am sure like all of us, your wife wants to be healthy, fit and lose weight. So why she hasnt gotten on with it is bc (i) she doesnt think she can do it without huge emotional cost, (ii) she doesnt know how to do it. So if you can just keep talking about what you are doing, up her on the science, just weave in more and more into the conversation, tell her about the latest success story you have read, etc.....WALKS are great....

Good luck. With your attitude and kindness, I am sure you will find some gentle solutions to bring her along

So much supportive, caring advice. There is truly nothing I can add to what has been said, other than this: I wish you well.

You sound like a really caring man, and I wish you continued luck on your weight lost journey.

Some of the responses on here shock me, though, about how horrible your wife is being.

At least from a quick read, and I do admit I may have missed something, it sounds to me like she intially just was expressing her feelings regarding it: ie jealousy and such. Which is a very healthy thing to be doing. Would it be better for her to store it up? Whether people agree with it or not, or understand it, that is how she is feeling. She may or may not be trying to change that feeling, but either way, it is how she feels.

It does sound like she needs some assitance. Emotional eating is a terrible thing that frankly, if you or anyone else doesn't do, you simply can't understand. I have done extremely crazy, mean things that I don't even understand myself and have had points in my life where I felt totally out of control. I've felt just like your wife has when I was in a relationship with a guy who could literally give up drinking beer and drop 15 pounds and I would go to the gym every day and eat stick and birdseed all the time and maybe clock 2 pounds a month. I definitely felt twinges of jealousy and resentment despite caring for him. And despite being ashamed of those feelings.

One thing to maybe suggest to her are groups like Overeaters Anonymous. It actually does work. Unfortuantely she has to be willing and open to going to a support group.

Either way, congrats on your success! It is so hard to be losing weight and have to face the disappointment and negative feelings of others, its a total buzz kill. Good luck!

Better yet, go to www.zumba.com, and look for classes in your area. Or you can get her a zumba DVD. That's all she needs! Lolol...From the zumba queen!

I think you being this aware and concerned with how your wife is handling your weight loss is pretty incredible and it sounds like you are doing your best to be supportive of how she feels. However it is her decision to live the way she is living, not to say that stress and other elements are not a factor because what is going on in your life good or bad, it will definitely impact how you eat or don't eat.

Being a woman is hard period. But we make our own decisions every day and if your wife is feeling bad about how well you are doing then she needs to jump on that band wagon and get healthy with you! She is making the choice NOT to help herself and while I do sympathize because we all want to be the perfect versions of ourselves, she has got to want it, otherwise even if she does lose the weight it won't actually be a success for her. To be blunt she needs to either start towards a healthier lifestyle for HERSELF not for anybody else or she needs to shutup and be there for you! I know how important it is to have the support of someone else especially the person you are living with. Hope that helps