How to lose weight without husband's support?

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  • angelique_redhead
    angelique_redhead Posts: 782 Member
    I used to be very active and did Tae Kwon Do 2 hours a day. Then the arthritis kicked in. My DH just didn't comprehend that my activity levels had gone down so my caloric intake needed to do so also. He didn't get it till he noticed when he joined MFP that his caloric intake was set at exactly DOUBLE mine. We USED to be able to eat the same amount. Now when he sees me just eating a tiny portion of something he doesn't say a word. He just asks if I got enough if he's worried about it. I never fast. I'm diabetic and it's not in my best interest. I try to eat 5 tiny meals or 3 meals and 2 small snacks a day. Good luck on your weight loss journey. You CAN do this. I'm not going to disagree with the others that think your DH is very controlling though.
  • 73Freckles
    73Freckles Posts: 201 Member
    Just curious but he's a Chef and he's fit. What kind of meals is he preparing?

    Don't they say, never trust a skinny chef? :-)
  • mikejholmes
    mikejholmes Posts: 291 Member
    I'll be honest, my first reaction was to agree with everyone who said to get rid of him.

    But, I'm assuming that's not what you're looking for, and you're looking for a non-confrontational way to do this. So my suggestion is to let him cook his big decadent meals for dinner, but you only eat a tiny portion. Take 1/4 of what you used to. Or if he loads your plate, only eat 1/4 of what he gives you.Tell him it was great, but you're full. (Lie if you have to.)

    Also, find ANY form of activity that you can do, and do it as much as you can. Walking the malls, aqua-fit -- anything you can make yourself do.

    It sounds to me as though you're at a place with no easy solutions. It wouldn't be easy to leave him at this point in your life. You've stuck around this long for a reason. And it won't be easy to eat healthy with someone so controlling and unsupportive.

    I wish you the best.
  • libbybond
    libbybond Posts: 36
    take very small portions - use a big plate - maybe he will feel sorry for you and start cooking like an educated chief
  • LoosingMyLast15
    LoosingMyLast15 Posts: 1,457 Member
    My husband is very fit and loves to run/exercise daily. I don't. I didn't have trouble with my weight in the past, but after chemo for breast cancer at 43, I went through menopause and have steadily gained weight for the last 7 years. Now, my husband agrees I'm fat, but won't support my efforts to lose weight. (I need to say he is very unsympathetic to obese women.) He feels I should eat what HE wants me to eat (he is a chef) and exercise like he does. I have arthritis and running and other cardio and strength training exercises are painful. I can do ok all day until it's time for dinner when he cooks buttered vegetables, cream sauces, fried foods, etc. He gets very angry when I ask to cook for myself so I can lose the weight. He hates it that I'm fat, but he won't let me lose weight "my way." I've tried fasting all day and just eating his food, but that doesn't work very well either. Advice?

    THREE CHEERS TO YOU FOR BATTLING BREAST CANCER! and beating it! tell him to suck lemons!

    buttered veggies, cream sauces, fried foods, etc just because he's fit and runs daily doesn't mean he's HEALTHY! unless he gets his cholesterol checked on a regular basis and has other medical tests done as well i bet he's got clogged arteries. is he home when you get home? Why not just make yourself dinner why wait for HIM to cook it. if he wants to eat all his cheffy foods then let him but if it was me i'd be scraping my plate of food back into the pan and making my own meal. however at the end of the day you're the one who has to live with him so i suggest you seek counseling like others have suggested. you might want to try swimming for exercise. not only will it help you but it might also give you some peace that it sounds like you desperately need.
  • Seagully
    Seagully Posts: 4 Member
    If you're otherwise happy in the relationship and this type of control issue really only comes up with food, then I'd say you should have a conversation and simply state that while you love him and his cooking, you can't exercise like he can and you need to have a different diet for your own health. Be clear you're not blaming him for your current weight, but that you are going to do what you need to do to be healthier and happier. If you monitor your calories, maybe you can "budget" so that you two can have one special dinner a week where you can have some of his cooking, but go for more healthy options the rest of the week. Treat his cooking as a special reward rather than the norm.

    It can be hard to change long established roles in the relationship and even though he agrees that losing weight is a good goal, he might feel threatened to have you become less dependent on one of the things that he brought to the relationship. But you shouldn't need to ask for the right to do the things you need to do for a healthier you. Good luck, and you can always come here for some support!
  • jak2315
    jak2315 Posts: 47 Member
    ALONGCAME__MOL --- I was not trying to be obnoxious, as you put it. If you don't like other peoples posts, then maybe you shouldn't be on this site. You could at least be respectful of others.

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