Friends w/ stupid diets - do you say something?

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LaurenAOK
LaurenAOK Posts: 2,475 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
This has been driving me mad. I have an acquaintance who I am friends with on Facebook. She is quite overweight and recently announced that she is going to start changing her lifestyle to get healthier and lose weight. I was really excited for her! She started a blog about it so I've been following her blog posts.

Well this week I saw a post that made me really frustrated. She's lost 20 pounds so far and was discussing her diet. It turns out with this "diet" she's on, she can only eat 5g of carbs every 5 hours. Are you kidding me?! I'm sorry, but unless you have a severe medical condition, that's one of the craziest things I've ever heard. I mean, if it's working for her I don't want to be mean about it, but I just can't comprehend why someone would do that. Carbs are important, just like fats and proteins... le sigh.

She also stated in the same post that she didn't lose this week because she "cheated" and ate one little debbie cake. ONE. Now anyone with a basic knowledge of calories would know that one debbie cake is not going to completely negate the 2-3 pounds she should have lost this week. But she honestly thinks that's why she didn't lose.

She seems miserable. I want so badly to talk to her, to be like, "Hey! you don't have to do this! You can lose weight just as quickly, and wayyy more healthily, by monitoring your calories alone. Check out this site, MFP..." But I don't want to offend her. I know her weight loss shouldn't be my business. Would you say something?
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Replies

  • jbutterflye
    jbutterflye Posts: 1,914 Member
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    I respect people's right to make their own choices as they are adults, so I don't lecture or criticise. What I might do is respectfully share what works for me or what I've learned, as an alternative and suggestion for them to consider in case they want to try something different. But I wouldn't repeat myself or be pushy about it.

    my 2.
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
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    Unless she asks for help or your opinion, keep your lips together. A friend once told me "unasked-for advice is rude."

    Some people just don't want to be saved.
  • LaurenAOK
    LaurenAOK Posts: 2,475 Member
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    I respect people's right to make their own choices as they are adults, so I don't lecture or criticise. What I might do is respectfully share what works for me or what I've learned, as an alternative and suggestion for them to consider in case they want to try something different. But I wouldn't repeat myself or be pushy about it.

    my 2.

    Oh yes, I totally agree! If I did talk to her I would definitely keep it simple and just share what I've found to work. But I feel like even that might be rude. Cause I don't know her all that well. I don't know, it's just frustrating to see someone making this so much more difficult for themselves than it should be.
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
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    I'd casually mention what you're doing and if she's not interested, she's not interested.
  • cuterbee
    cuterbee Posts: 545
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    "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." (Buddhist proverb)


    I only say something if they ask. I think most people are aware those don't work over the long term, but everyone wants a quick fix. They'll ask when they're ready...and then you, *the teacher*, will be there to point them in the right direction.
  • HalfFullMe
    HalfFullMe Posts: 6 Member
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    Im in no way any kind of nutrition specialist or guru but her "diet" sounds like it could be dangerous in the long haul. If it were my friend, I'd say something. The fact that she's showing frustration with this diet is a perfect opportunity to share how you've achieved your success. Maybe she'll try something different and more healthy, maybe she wont but you've done what you can by providing the information. I wouldn't push her though...you wouldn't want her to be judgmental of how you're losing your weight and push you to go on her diet, right?
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
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    I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask them about their progress and how it's working for them, in case they are open to hearing something better.... I mean, if someone tells you all about their diet, and they're your friend, you should be able to discuss it. Don't be all preachy, but hey, say something if you want.
  • retiree2006
    retiree2006 Posts: 951 Member
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    You might have to wait until she "hits the wall" and gets discouraged...ready to give up. Be there then to support her and encourage her to try a more balanced approach. Let her know she's worth it and you'll be there for her. Wishing her good luck in finding the way.
  • jbutterflye
    jbutterflye Posts: 1,914 Member
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    I respect people's right to make their own choices as they are adults, so I don't lecture or criticise. What I might do is respectfully share what works for me or what I've learned, as an alternative and suggestion for them to consider in case they want to try something different. But I wouldn't repeat myself or be pushy about it.

    my 2.

    Oh yes, I totally agree! If I did talk to her I would definitely keep it simple and just share what I've found to work. But I feel like even that might be rude. Cause I don't know her all that well. I don't know, it's just frustrating to see someone making this so much more difficult for themselves than it should be.

    I usually feel for it and get a sense if it's not a good idea to share at the moment or wouldn't be welcome. You might say something like "if you ever want to consider a different way of going about it I can share some things that worked for me". Then at least you shared something and opened the door.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
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    Nope. If they don't ask I don't say a word. I save all my self righteous preachiness for MFP.
  • jennifer_a00
    jennifer_a00 Posts: 186 Member
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    I've had a few friends talk to me or announce that they want to lose weight, so I always tell them, "hey you should join me on MFP, it's a food and exercise diary that helps you keep track blah blah blah..." So far, NONE of them has joined me, even though they have commented on my weight loss and seem to be interested. Eh, oh well, I tried, and if they are interested, now they know.
  • LaurenAOK
    LaurenAOK Posts: 2,475 Member
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    Nope. If they don't ask I don't say a word. I save all my self righteous preachiness for MFP.

    Bahaha, probably wise. Plenty of opportunity to use it here :happy:
  • Pepper2185
    Pepper2185 Posts: 994 Member
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    I just let them fail.

    If we get into a discussion about it or they ask me how I lost the weight and kept it off all while eating lots of chocolate and not starving, I let them know what worked for me :smile:
  • alsoagood1
    alsoagood1 Posts: 79 Member
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    Over the years I have been on several (and I do mean SEVERAL) stupid ways of trying to loose weight. I normally never told anyone how I was doing it because deep down I knew it wasn't healthy and/or that whatever weight loss I managed to have wouldn't last as soon as I went back to eating "normal".

    I remember having people saying things to me when they saw me eating one of these crazy meals -- it only upset me because I thought I knew what was best and didn't care what they thought. Most times when I heard these things it made me get stricter in my eating because "I was going to show THEM".....or if I was at the end of the rope with the eating I would just give in and binge eat for days.

    I agree with many of the people above, don't say anything unless she asks for your opinion. If she thinks a Little Debbie cake is going to undo everything for her then it seems she might be questioning things in her own mind. Be a good friend and stick by her side regardless of her choices - who knows, someday the roles may be reversed!!
  • ItsVJ
    ItsVJ Posts: 107 Member
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    Nope. If they don't ask I don't say a word. I save all my self righteous preachiness for MFP.

    lol
  • Factory_Reset
    Factory_Reset Posts: 1,651 Member
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    I don't say anything unless they ask. And even then, I'm pretty cautious about what I say.
  • MeanSophieCat
    MeanSophieCat Posts: 200 Member
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    I learned this technique in a listening class (seems silly I know) and have found it helpful.

    Next time she complains, ask her, "Would you like to hear what I would do?" If she says yes, you can talk about MFP and calorie consumption. Don't criticize her plan - just share yours. If she says no, let it go.

    I've never had anyone get upset even when I've shared my ideas because (1) they asked to hear (2) it is what I would do, not what I am telling them to do.
  • NCchar130
    NCchar130 Posts: 955 Member
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    Unless someone asks me directly, I don't share diet/fitness advice. It has never been well-received the few times I've done it :laugh:
  • JingleMuffin
    JingleMuffin Posts: 543 Member
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    I never say anything unless im directly asked. 100% of the time i know what ever theyre doing isint going to work. but i still dont say anything.
  • stetienne
    stetienne Posts: 560 Member
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    No, but I did have to deliver the sad "You can't spot reduce" message to a loved one recently. 'Twas hard, but had to be done.

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