Friends w/ stupid diets - do you say something?

LaurenAOK
LaurenAOK Posts: 2,475 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
This has been driving me mad. I have an acquaintance who I am friends with on Facebook. She is quite overweight and recently announced that she is going to start changing her lifestyle to get healthier and lose weight. I was really excited for her! She started a blog about it so I've been following her blog posts.

Well this week I saw a post that made me really frustrated. She's lost 20 pounds so far and was discussing her diet. It turns out with this "diet" she's on, she can only eat 5g of carbs every 5 hours. Are you kidding me?! I'm sorry, but unless you have a severe medical condition, that's one of the craziest things I've ever heard. I mean, if it's working for her I don't want to be mean about it, but I just can't comprehend why someone would do that. Carbs are important, just like fats and proteins... le sigh.

She also stated in the same post that she didn't lose this week because she "cheated" and ate one little debbie cake. ONE. Now anyone with a basic knowledge of calories would know that one debbie cake is not going to completely negate the 2-3 pounds she should have lost this week. But she honestly thinks that's why she didn't lose.

She seems miserable. I want so badly to talk to her, to be like, "Hey! you don't have to do this! You can lose weight just as quickly, and wayyy more healthily, by monitoring your calories alone. Check out this site, MFP..." But I don't want to offend her. I know her weight loss shouldn't be my business. Would you say something?
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Replies

  • jbutterflye
    jbutterflye Posts: 1,914 Member
    I respect people's right to make their own choices as they are adults, so I don't lecture or criticise. What I might do is respectfully share what works for me or what I've learned, as an alternative and suggestion for them to consider in case they want to try something different. But I wouldn't repeat myself or be pushy about it.

    my 2.
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
    Unless she asks for help or your opinion, keep your lips together. A friend once told me "unasked-for advice is rude."

    Some people just don't want to be saved.
  • LaurenAOK
    LaurenAOK Posts: 2,475 Member
    I respect people's right to make their own choices as they are adults, so I don't lecture or criticise. What I might do is respectfully share what works for me or what I've learned, as an alternative and suggestion for them to consider in case they want to try something different. But I wouldn't repeat myself or be pushy about it.

    my 2.

    Oh yes, I totally agree! If I did talk to her I would definitely keep it simple and just share what I've found to work. But I feel like even that might be rude. Cause I don't know her all that well. I don't know, it's just frustrating to see someone making this so much more difficult for themselves than it should be.
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
    I'd casually mention what you're doing and if she's not interested, she's not interested.
  • cuterbee
    cuterbee Posts: 545
    "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." (Buddhist proverb)


    I only say something if they ask. I think most people are aware those don't work over the long term, but everyone wants a quick fix. They'll ask when they're ready...and then you, *the teacher*, will be there to point them in the right direction.
  • HalfFullMe
    HalfFullMe Posts: 6 Member
    Im in no way any kind of nutrition specialist or guru but her "diet" sounds like it could be dangerous in the long haul. If it were my friend, I'd say something. The fact that she's showing frustration with this diet is a perfect opportunity to share how you've achieved your success. Maybe she'll try something different and more healthy, maybe she wont but you've done what you can by providing the information. I wouldn't push her though...you wouldn't want her to be judgmental of how you're losing your weight and push you to go on her diet, right?
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
    I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask them about their progress and how it's working for them, in case they are open to hearing something better.... I mean, if someone tells you all about their diet, and they're your friend, you should be able to discuss it. Don't be all preachy, but hey, say something if you want.
  • retiree2006
    retiree2006 Posts: 951 Member
    You might have to wait until she "hits the wall" and gets discouraged...ready to give up. Be there then to support her and encourage her to try a more balanced approach. Let her know she's worth it and you'll be there for her. Wishing her good luck in finding the way.
  • jbutterflye
    jbutterflye Posts: 1,914 Member
    I respect people's right to make their own choices as they are adults, so I don't lecture or criticise. What I might do is respectfully share what works for me or what I've learned, as an alternative and suggestion for them to consider in case they want to try something different. But I wouldn't repeat myself or be pushy about it.

    my 2.

    Oh yes, I totally agree! If I did talk to her I would definitely keep it simple and just share what I've found to work. But I feel like even that might be rude. Cause I don't know her all that well. I don't know, it's just frustrating to see someone making this so much more difficult for themselves than it should be.

    I usually feel for it and get a sense if it's not a good idea to share at the moment or wouldn't be welcome. You might say something like "if you ever want to consider a different way of going about it I can share some things that worked for me". Then at least you shared something and opened the door.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    Nope. If they don't ask I don't say a word. I save all my self righteous preachiness for MFP.
  • jennifer_a00
    jennifer_a00 Posts: 186 Member
    I've had a few friends talk to me or announce that they want to lose weight, so I always tell them, "hey you should join me on MFP, it's a food and exercise diary that helps you keep track blah blah blah..." So far, NONE of them has joined me, even though they have commented on my weight loss and seem to be interested. Eh, oh well, I tried, and if they are interested, now they know.
  • LaurenAOK
    LaurenAOK Posts: 2,475 Member
    Nope. If they don't ask I don't say a word. I save all my self righteous preachiness for MFP.

    Bahaha, probably wise. Plenty of opportunity to use it here :happy:
  • Pepper2185
    Pepper2185 Posts: 994 Member
    I just let them fail.

    If we get into a discussion about it or they ask me how I lost the weight and kept it off all while eating lots of chocolate and not starving, I let them know what worked for me :smile:
  • alsoagood1
    alsoagood1 Posts: 79 Member
    Over the years I have been on several (and I do mean SEVERAL) stupid ways of trying to loose weight. I normally never told anyone how I was doing it because deep down I knew it wasn't healthy and/or that whatever weight loss I managed to have wouldn't last as soon as I went back to eating "normal".

    I remember having people saying things to me when they saw me eating one of these crazy meals -- it only upset me because I thought I knew what was best and didn't care what they thought. Most times when I heard these things it made me get stricter in my eating because "I was going to show THEM".....or if I was at the end of the rope with the eating I would just give in and binge eat for days.

    I agree with many of the people above, don't say anything unless she asks for your opinion. If she thinks a Little Debbie cake is going to undo everything for her then it seems she might be questioning things in her own mind. Be a good friend and stick by her side regardless of her choices - who knows, someday the roles may be reversed!!
  • ItsVJ
    ItsVJ Posts: 107 Member
    Nope. If they don't ask I don't say a word. I save all my self righteous preachiness for MFP.

    lol
  • Factory_Reset
    Factory_Reset Posts: 1,651 Member
    I don't say anything unless they ask. And even then, I'm pretty cautious about what I say.
  • MeanSophieCat
    MeanSophieCat Posts: 200 Member
    I learned this technique in a listening class (seems silly I know) and have found it helpful.

    Next time she complains, ask her, "Would you like to hear what I would do?" If she says yes, you can talk about MFP and calorie consumption. Don't criticize her plan - just share yours. If she says no, let it go.

    I've never had anyone get upset even when I've shared my ideas because (1) they asked to hear (2) it is what I would do, not what I am telling them to do.
  • NCchar130
    NCchar130 Posts: 955 Member
    Unless someone asks me directly, I don't share diet/fitness advice. It has never been well-received the few times I've done it :laugh:
  • JingleMuffin
    JingleMuffin Posts: 543 Member
    I never say anything unless im directly asked. 100% of the time i know what ever theyre doing isint going to work. but i still dont say anything.
  • stetienne
    stetienne Posts: 560 Member
    No, but I did have to deliver the sad "You can't spot reduce" message to a loved one recently. 'Twas hard, but had to be done.
  • Krizzle4Rizzle
    Krizzle4Rizzle Posts: 2,704 Member
    My friend was posting on fbook about her HCG drops. I did say something and all of the sudden I became the jealous "B" who envied her success. So I kept my mouth shut, even after she lost 20 and gained back 35.
  • MidwestAngel
    MidwestAngel Posts: 1,897 Member
    I listen to what they tell me and laugh quite loudly on the inside.
  • BetsyAnn2013
    BetsyAnn2013 Posts: 37 Member
    I wouldn't tell her how unhealthy her diet is. If she's not successful, it won't last long anyway. I would suggest MFP just for the supportive community. You can lead a horse to water... I was always embarrassed by my failed dieting attempts and didn't talk about them. Now I've just accepted that I'm in it for a lifetime and a fad never lasts that long.
  • 3foldchord
    3foldchord Posts: 2,918 Member
    I respect people's right to make their own choices as they are adults, so I don't lecture or criticise. What I might do is respectfully share what works for me or what I've learned, as an alternative and suggestion for them to consider in case they want to try something different. But I wouldn't repeat myself or be pushy about it.

    my 2.

    and use the "sandwich method"

    place your differing opinion between two nice big compliments.

    Bread- "wow, you have worked so hard! What a great job on the weight loss!"
    Filling- "I have been using the guidance and accountability of MFP and have been doing well, too."
    Bread- "Keep up the commitment to your health and life style! you rock!"

    then add "BTW, here is the link to what have been doing MFP URLs HERE
  • GeekTink
    GeekTink Posts: 98 Member
    You said she was a facebook friends right? Maybe post somethings on your status on how easy MFP is to use, and how you don't starve and aren't hungry all the time. You could also throw in the that you occansionally indulge and it doens't really set you back all that much, as long as you make the calories work. No names have to be mentioned. People would just think you were offering the services of MFP. That's what I did, and it helped some of my friends jump onto the bandwagon with me, and right before their previous "diets" got dangerous or downright digusting. Don't boast, that seems to put a lot of people off, just offer some advice and support. :)


    "Thats all I got to say about that."
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    Lead by example. Show your success off and when they ask you about it, be honest and helpful.
  • _noob_
    _noob_ Posts: 3,306 Member
    I judge ALL my friends diets EVERY day...
  • bethanylaugh
    bethanylaugh Posts: 237
    Suggest that she track what she's doing now on MFP... maybe being exposed to all this would bring her around on her own!
  • bacitracin
    bacitracin Posts: 921 Member
    This has been driving me mad. I have an acquaintance who I am friends with on Facebook. She is quite overweight and recently announced that she is going to start changing her lifestyle to get healthier and lose weight. I was really excited for her! She started a blog about it so I've been following her blog posts.

    Well this week I saw a post that made me really frustrated. She's lost 20 pounds so far and was discussing her diet. It turns out with this "diet" she's on, she can only eat 5g of carbs every 5 hours. Are you kidding me?! I'm sorry, but unless you have a severe medical condition, that's one of the craziest things I've ever heard. I mean, if it's working for her I don't want to be mean about it, but I just can't comprehend why someone would do that. Carbs are important, just like fats and proteins... le sigh.

    She also stated in the same post that she didn't lose this week because she "cheated" and ate one little debbie cake. ONE. Now anyone with a basic knowledge of calories would know that one debbie cake is not going to completely negate the 2-3 pounds she should have lost this week. But she honestly thinks that's why she didn't lose.

    She seems miserable. I want so badly to talk to her, to be like, "Hey! you don't have to do this! You can lose weight just as quickly, and wayyy more healthily, by monitoring your calories alone. Check out this site, MFP..." But I don't want to offend her. I know her weight loss shouldn't be my business. Would you say something?

    It's called a ketogenic diet, it's very useful for people with neurological problems or polycystic ovary syndrome (or other hormonal problems). The carbohydrate limit is generally under 20g per day, with the macronutrient ratio around 65% from fat, 30% from protein and 5% or less from carbohydrates.

    I've lost 50ish pounds on it and kept them off. It's an incredible tool. There are a lot of us on it.

    The "problem" that she has had this week, with the little debbie cake, is that if you eat something like that and "cheat", you are thrown out of ketosis because of the stored glycogen in your liver and you retain water for a few days until the glycogen is depleted. I've been known to gain upwards of 10 pounds on my cheat days, though I lose it all again in a week or two, just by peeing it out. It's not 35000 calories, it's just water, and she likely knows that better than you do.

    At this point, I would keep my mouth shut if I were you, since she is losing weight and most likely improving her cholesterol and blood pressure just like I did. If the SAD (Standard American Diet of high carb, low fat) works for you, so be it. She found what works for her.
  • nokanjaijo
    nokanjaijo Posts: 466 Member
    It sounds like some form of attempting to induce ketosis. That type of diet is beloved by some people. Those people will express the same kind of frustration you just expressed, only at people who think keto is wrong or unhealthy or a bad strategy. The type of thing you just posted drives them mad.

    Your friend is going to have to figure out for herself which group she belongs to, where she is comfortable and what speaks to her. You have no say in that. You shouldn't feel so strongly about her journey. You should just be glad she in on one.

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