What are some ways to Spice up a relationship???

Options
2»

Replies

  • SUPREMENOTORIOUS
    SUPREMENOTORIOUS Posts: 90
    Options

    :grumble:

    Bad news.... relationships work both ways ya know? Not an attempt to be rude but if a man supports you because he loves you and wants to give you everything, but then hits a hard time and gets layed off let's say... you're ready to jump ship because "you're not supporting his butt?"

    I think it's time to re-evaluate.

    If I feel like he is not making an attempt to look for a job, then I'm out! I've been with him for almost 2 years and this is the second time he has been jobless. He had a decent job, but wanted to quit because he was tired of it. Now he is wishing he could go back
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    Options
    Well he does not support me. I have my own job and pay my own bills. I dont ask him to make money for us. Its for him. His mom bugs him, he owes me tons of money, and he cannot afford to keep his car on the road. So now I have to take him to interviews, pay for gas... its not cheap. Ive been waiting for a while for him to take me out, and finally the other day his brother gave him like 17 bucks and he used it for us to go out to the movies. I enjoyed it. and I'm glad he took me out, because I feel like I deserve it. But I feel like he's not trying hard enough in trying to find a job. I was the one who made his resume, I was the one who applied to half of the jobs. His excuse is that he has no internet connection. But when I take him to my house, he goes on his little forums for cars.

    Hey if he's asking you for money, then it definitely is a concern. Haha are you sure you're not dating my ex? :tongue: Sounds like the cycle I was in, and I agree that it's frustrating, plus my ex was in his late 20's and even when he got a job he'd just quit or get fired. How old is your bf? Not all guys in our age group are mature enough for a functional, egalitarian relationship. Unfortunately, it takes a lot more than just love to have a healthy relationship. It takes a lot of hard work not to fall into these kinds of vicious cycles, and it can be easy to stick around unhappily rather than working through things or cutting your losses. You're young though, it's not like you have to get married asap, you can always look for someone who you can have a healthier relationship with.
  • studentRN
    studentRN Posts: 440 Member
    Options
    He had a decent job, but wanted to quit because he was tired of it.

    :noway: :noway: :noway:

    Well crap.. I'm tired of my job too... I guess I'll quit!!!!

    Uh... wait... yea, not a good idea... yea I don't have another job lined up!


    I may have missed this in the thread... but how old is this guy? He's awfully immature!
  • SUPREMENOTORIOUS
    SUPREMENOTORIOUS Posts: 90
    Options
    he is 21
  • studentRN
    studentRN Posts: 440 Member
    Options
    Seriously hun... you are young... don't be silly... If you are 20 and have a stable job and you are supporting yourself then AMEN to you!!! PLEASE get rid of this baggage!

    You can do much better ... and what makes it better... you don't live together... so no difficulties there... time to move on in my opinion!
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    Options
    he is 21

    Well, he sounds like a generic 21 year old. A little kid trapped in an adult's body. :laugh: Okay, yea, I'm 21, but I also always have a job (or two), don't party, and I do all my homework like a good girl. :bigsmile: I just know a ton of people like your bf. Honestly, you may not be able to expect much more out of him. Remember the rule on a person's values...his apparently don't include a strong work ethic or innate motivation for self-sufficiency, and you can't force him to pick those up. :wink:
  • SUPREMENOTORIOUS
    SUPREMENOTORIOUS Posts: 90
    Options
    I want to, but then he says hes going to kill himself because i'm the only good thing in his life. I get scared because i dont want that on my mind if he does do that. But he's always told me that he does not have the guts to hurt himself, but then again, he really does not have nothing better going on in his life except me. His parents love me, yet they are on his *kitten* about not being responsible. I do as well but then we get into more arguments.

    I do make this relationship sound extremely bad. But occasionally its good. I enjoy the simple times where he has food ready for me after i get out of work, or the times where we just relax on his couch and watch tv for hours. He does everything possible to make me comfortable when i'm with him. Hes a sweet guy, he can defend me
  • studentRN
    studentRN Posts: 440 Member
    Options
    he says hes going to kill himself because i'm the only good thing in his life.

    :noway:

    I had an ex that threatened this.... and he is just that... an ex.

    I hate to sound so crass but remember, I am an outsider looking in... while I don't know everything about your relationship, what you have revealed here within this thread would be enough to make me dump his @$$.
  • SUPREMENOTORIOUS
    SUPREMENOTORIOUS Posts: 90
    Options
    easier said than done:ohwell:
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    Options
    easier said than done:ohwell:

    My ex did the same thing...he even went so far as to become physically abusive and restrain me when I tried to leave. He stalked me, parking across the lot from my apartment, or hiding in the bushes below my 2nd story window. He'd call my phone continuously (had to change my number). But I STILL left. If you want to leave, you can. It doesn't sound like you rely on him for anything, and his codependency problems will just cause jealousy issues and make everything a bigger problem than it really is.
  • emtink
    emtink Posts: 387 Member
    Options
    Your guys sounds like he either has serious depression issues, or is manipulating you emotionally. Threatening to kill himself if you leave does not equal a healthy relationship. From my own experience with a similar waaaaay too co-dependent relationship, the best thing you can do, for BOTH of you, is break it off. He needs to learn to be happy with himself. You probably need to learn to not be a 'fixer'. I know its not easy, but sometime you have to be selfish and do what's best for you, even if it temporarily hurts him. And if he seriously threatens suicide when you try to leave, call the police. He'll either cop to faking, or get the help he needs.

    Keep your chin up!:flowerforyou:
    em
  • SUPREMENOTORIOUS
    SUPREMENOTORIOUS Posts: 90
    Options
    Its hard because I dont have anyone else in my life that I can really talk about anything. My sisters are not talking to me. My friend has her own problems and she's got a baby coming. all my other friends i have not spoke to in a while, because I was busy or they were busy. He is the only one that i could talk to about anything. I will try to do whats best... and that is to leave him.
  • emtink
    emtink Posts: 387 Member
    Options
    be strong. when my co-dependent ex and i broke up, i didn't really have anyone else either. but after we finished, i reconnected with old friends and made new ones. and i think its a good thing to learn to deal with stuff on your own. now is the time to really choose the people you want in your life, the ones who really support and love you.
  • FitJoani
    FitJoani Posts: 2,173 Member
    Options
    In reading deeper dear take the advice of these wise in the ways of the world women and say see ya!!!! You can do better someone who values you as a person not a payday sweetie he is taking advantage of you...
  • SUPREMENOTORIOUS
    SUPREMENOTORIOUS Posts: 90
    Options
    Thank you all for your support. I appreciate it very much. Now I feel way better about this situation.
  • FitJoani
    FitJoani Posts: 2,173 Member
    Options
    Thank you all for your support. I appreciate it very much. Now I feel way better about this situation.
    Great to hear you are making a positive lifestyle change by being on here and getting healthy so why not shed that extra wt we are all glad to help
  • emtink
    emtink Posts: 387 Member
    Options
    Thank you all for your support. I appreciate it very much. Now I feel way better about this situation.
    Great to hear you are making a positive lifestyle change by being on here and getting healthy so why not shed that extra wt we are all glad to help

    Yep, my ex weighed a good 220! That's a lot of excess weight!:laugh:
  • casey34472
    casey34472 Posts: 280 Member
    Options
    Call him set a date. Movie, dinner or bowling or whatever you like to do. Make it like your first date. If you live together get ready before he gets home and go somewhere so he can get ready for the date then meet up where you told him to meet you. Its just a idea.
  • flachix
    flachix Posts: 256 Member
    Options
    looks like we have covered all the angles!!:laugh: You might find it easier to EASE him out of your life rather than just dump him. it will be less tramatic for you and give him time to show what he is made of. be busy for a few days, then a week, then a few weeks. you know what I mean. You have a job, and other friends and school, see him occassionally. If he needs a ride, you needn't always be available. Write off the tons of money he owes you as a learning experience and gently move away from him emotionally. You don't have to make a big deal out of it, don't have to lay down the law or give ultimatiums or anything like that if you don't want to. take it the best way for you. and good luck
  • areason4stars
    areason4stars Posts: 86
    Options
    I was in a very very similar situation. Leaving him was the hardest thing I have done in my ilfe up to that point. It does get better. ((hugs)))


    My therapist reccomened The book Codependence no more. It really is a good book.

Categories