How depressing is the fact

You need to WANT it. I tried and tried, and until I really wanted it, that is when it all clicked. I still struggle, but that is part of the journey. Sorry you are feeling this way

It has to be a desire, bar none. We are resistant to change. We become set in our ways, we become accustomed to how things are, we then move into autopilot and go to sleep. Some... forever. And they are okay with it.

I awoke. The particulars aren't important, but I wasn't happy. And you know what? I don't have to be happy with it, I don't have to like it, either.

And so I did something about it.

I do know exactly how you feel. I first got chubby at 15 and lost it, then managed to be skinny for the next 25 years with a chronic restrained eating and working out (which I hate). I come from a fat family and the gene is there - it's a constant battle. So I finally got to a point where I was like "screw it" and just stopped. I gained 80 lbs in 6 years and now I wish every day that I didn't let myself go because it's a lot harder losing it than if I'd just kept it off in the first place, and it'll probably be harder keeping it off too. But if I don't do something then my future is just to continue gaining and gaining, and the pounds are piling on faster with age. If I don't do something then I'll probably hit 300 lbs by the time I'm 50. I can't accept that.

But - we all have to decide for ourselves about how we want to live. If you're more miserable putting in the effort to not be fat than you are actually being fat, then that's your choice to make.

TDEE - 1500 is what the nutritionist picked out for me. I think when I started MFP it set me at 1700 something calories. I probably bounce from 1700 to 2500 a day. I know this is not smart becuase I'm ungodly sedentary.

So you're overeating and not moving. And you're complaining that you are a snowflake and can't lose weight.

Seems about right.

If you're tired of saying no, then start saying yes!

I eat Girl Scout cookies, wine, chocolate, chips, pretzels, etc. frequently!

What I DON'T do is pig out on them!

Old Obese Supplemama: ate entire box of Girl Scout cookies in one sitting. Which is like what, 36 cookies!

New Supplemama: eats 4-8 cookies at one sitting.

Learn how to eat in moderation. Start exercising. Get up a bit earlier and move! I highly recommend Leslie Sansone's walking DVDs. You won't have to go anywhere or get dressed even, just pop the DVD in and start.

But what is the alternative? If you don't watch your weight, no one will do it for you. Are you prepared to gain weight every year for the rest of your life because you 'can't be bothered' to try? And usually when people say they don't want to count calories and watch what they eat, this is exactly why they get fattter and fatter, I know because I have done it for the last 20 years, like a yo-yo.

Someone else made a really good point though, about how you feel about yourself. If I was happy being overwieght, and the thought of 'restricting' my life to change was depressing then I probably wouldn't do it. The only reason I want it, is for me, no one else, no-one's ideal, just mine, my life, my happiness, my body.

If you feel depressed when you look in the mirror, that won't change until you change your attitude about how you look.

If you really want to change, you will, if you don't no one is going to make you. I hope you find happiness, whatever size it is. x

One of the best sayings is you burn energy to make energy and I find that so true!

I log everything I eat because it make me think about healthier choices - that big bowl of cereals in a morning - much healthier AND filling to have poached eggs on unbuttered wholemeal toast (ever a sliver of butter is probably healthier than some cereals). That is why you need to log - to me it's not about telling me no you can't have it it's about telling me to think whether or not I want that chocolate bar or if I would instead prefer something healthier / less calories - that is what MFP is to me. To me it is not a diet even though I am wanting to lose some weight - it is to me about a change of lifestyle and a healthier one at that.

Look into healthier options of foods you like - check out labels on jars. I was amazed at seeing that a jar of korma sauce from one brand was over 100 calories more than a different brand. You need to track your intake then after two weeks for example look at your diary and look how you can make healthier options.

However, the excuse of not having time I just do not want to hear. I hear this all too often from people who quite frankly - just can't be bothered and let TV rule their life.

I work full time, sat at a desk, sometimes I travel internationally too. I have two young children - we have quality time, I taxi them around to their activities. I am also studying for a diploma and yet I find time to visit the gym for at least an hour at least twice a week. My ultimate goal is 3 of which one will be a class that pushes me harder. I barely watch TV because I don't have time! And I would rather say I don't have time to slob in front of the TV. Exercise will make you feel much healthier and will give you more energy - believe me there are times I think I really can not be bothered going but my motivation is that it makes me feel better AND it allows me to eat extra calories that day so I get to have my favourite foods like pasta with gorgeous creamy sauces. I even find that on these days that sometimes I don't even eat all my calories back - not intentionally I'm just stuffed. If getting to a gym is difficult then why not exercise in front of the TV?

Okay, so you made it clear that you want to stop trying to lose weight.

So what then? Keep things exactly as they are and remain unhappy?

Why not try setting different goals instead of just trying to lose weight? Challenge yourself to be able to run a 5K, take up boxing or martial arts, try rock climbing. Anything that is a challenge you can be proud of accomplishing.

Sure, if you don't count your calories and eat a deficit, you probably won't lose weight, but if you're set on giving up, find other things to make you happy. At the very least, keep your heart healthy.

Saying no is a big part of it though, slim people don't go through life saying "yes I'll eat everything I want to eat" they say no, when they know they've had too many treats, or have eaten enough for that day. Slim people, for the most part, aren't just lucky to be that way, they have a healthy attitude to food, and know that saying no to treats is important.

It's something I struggle with too though, I don't want to have to say no, but I don't want to stay fat. You don't have to say no all the time anyway, the perception that slim people eat what they want is misleading, because maybe you see them eat a dessert on a meal out, but that will likely be the only dessert that week, or that month.

You can get where you want to be, it's frustrating, but eventually you will get there and be in the right mind.

It is a lot harder for some people than it is for others. A whole lot harder. And platitudes don't help one bit.

It sounds like you gained some information and some skills but haven't found a system that really works for the person that you are - but it sounds like you're on the road to that. The surgery sucks: one of my friends can't keep enough calcium in her bones because of it. What else besides MFP have you tried?

I wonder - I learn a lot from biographies. I know that Oprah has struggled with her weight and has probably written about it... There's a runner in the Happy Feet MFP group who had an article about her weight loss (80 some pounds)... I know there's a lot of people who have tried a lot of psychotic things to lose weight, but can you find some role models who can give you inspiration and/or ideas you haven't tried yet?

Great response!

OP, I walk in your shoes. It's a daily struggle and I feel so overwhelmed by all the "correct" ways to lose weight. I have learned that it varies per individual.

I offer 2 tidbits *kitten* you embark on your new lifestyle, write down everything you eat...everything. More so what and quantity. Then you can look at it and see where you might make a better choice...not to lose weight, but for improved health. Secondly, Listen to stomach not the head. I learned this from my husband who is slim. One night, after a big dinner, I asked him if he wanted a slice of pie? He said no. I was perplexed, because I wanted that pie. I asked him why not? He said, "I'm not hungry." Until that moment, and seeing it in action, I had never thought to pass on food because I was full.

FYI, I don't add to my diary here. I do it on paper.

Best of luck to you!!!