I'm really confused

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Replies

  • JoanB5
    JoanB5 Posts: 610 Member
    Hun, you're beautiful, the fat you see in the mirror is massively distorted by your depression and negative body image. Getting yourself sorted in that department is far more important than losing weight right now, I hope you're actively in contact with your doctor regarding this. I've had depression since my early teens, growing up with it was torture, and it's only now 15 years later I'm getting to grips with sorting out the mess it's made of my psyche.

    I'm a newbie all this, but I had a flick through your diary, and the thing that made me physically unable to not comment on your post (I really don't post much, I'm entirely unqualified to give advice) was your food note entry on 27/02, when you bashed yourself for snacking on ice cream and a kit kat because you "were so hungry" after logging about 600 calories for the day and burning more than that in excercise. Food is not the enemy, you NEED to eat hun, it isn't just an unecessary compulsion that only weak willed people give in to, it's what fuels all the amazing things our bodies do every second of every day, and keeps us alive and healthy. The calorie goal in your diary isn't a limit, it's a target, if you eat more in general you may find you don't have such intense cravings for sweet food and bread. But even if you do want them, eat them, you're not going to balloon on the back of one cookie, as long as one cookie one day doesn't turn into a packet of cookies every day!

    I really hope you find some relief from somewhere. x

    ^^I really hope you read this. True beauty comes from a confident smile. Kindness to a stranger. Embracing love and giving it. Serving others. All the magazine shots, Pinterest pins, and beautiful bodies in the world are great. They can inspire. But they do not get you one step closer to looking at yourself in the mirror and saying, "God, everything you make is good and beautiful. And so am I. I am going to shine today because of that. I have much to give!" You go shine, girl. There is only one you. And I could not give a flip if you have a thigh gap or a collar bone and I doubt most people could. They are something to admire, and something to work toward, but not by starving yourself or feeling guilty about eating. Food is good. It is okay to enjoy. Everyone has their own unique and personal strengths and qualities. You are strong when you embrace your own and don't obsess about other people's strengths too much. If you get there, great, but it's not worth mistreating yourself over. Work out, learn the right way to get in shape, but also love yourself. Control isn't strength. Self-discipline balanced with fun and health is strength. The first time I read about thigh gaps and collar bones was with some girls who were not thinking in a healthy way. Be beautiful...just be, because you are. I wouldn't let an admiration steal or life and joy...you have too much to give.
  • LB30
    LB30 Posts: 109 Member
    When I was 18, I weighed 117 lbs. at 5'4". I never had a "thigh gap" and my collar bones never stuck out. But I was thin. I wore anywhere from a size 8-10 or (in Junior sizing.. a 7-9) and thought my clothes were huge. Of course, I too had body image issues. I thought all my friends were thinner or had better bodies. Most women have, or had, some sort of 'body dysmorphia' at some point in their lives. The key is recognizing it for what it is and dismissing it as ridiculous. Worry about being healthy and fit, not thigh gaps and collar bones. Trust me, 20 years from now you'll look back and kick yourself in the *kitten* for having wasted all that time putting yourself down when you could have been enjoying who you are and who you will become.
  • 90shilling
    90shilling Posts: 3
    I struggled with eating disorders all through college. I felt a lot like you do, and no matter what the scale said, I always saw a chubby girl in the mirror. Your psyche is distorting how you see yourself. When I look at pictures now, it shocks me to see how thin I was because I never ever saw that person. It sounds as though you may be having a similar experience. If you're having this sort of emotional crisis, I'm not sure the encouragement of an online community (no matter how sympathetic and insightful they may be) is going to be enough to help you through this. It might be helpful to seek out a licensed counselor who specializes in eating disorders. Otherwise it will be difficult for you to have any sort of healthy relationship with food.

    I hope this doesn't sound harsh or judgmental, because I definitely don't mean for it to come off that way. I'm just worried that you need a different kind of support than this forum alone can provide.
  • krissy_krossy
    krissy_krossy Posts: 307 Member
    You put on your profile that you want a "thigh gap" and collarbones. That's something I here a lot from pro-anas. You should maybe talk to a therapist before it might actually become an eating disorder. I say work on your self image rather than weight loss. It would do you a world of good.

    BTW, you already have collarbones. It's part of a human body. You don't just grow them by losing weight. And you're not fat.
  • TigressPat
    TigressPat Posts: 722
    I'm really confused about my body image and I don't know what to think about it anymore and I'm kinda having a breakdown about it so don't know what to say so will some of you please please look at my profile, diary is open, and point me in the right direction, PLEASE?

    Right now your diary actually isn't open to the public. By your stats, though, you aren't overweight at all. Your goal would put you on the edge of being under what's considered healthy. What is your frame size like?

    I'm a size ten (Ireland) so I don't really know what my bone structure is, other than slightly curvy I guess?

    translating for those across the pond:

    that's a US 6.
  • valeriewxy
    valeriewxy Posts: 418 Member
    Hey there :) I'm also 5'4" and you're basically my goal weight. I'm at 150 lbs now, and my collarbones are visible. BUT my collarbones have always been visible, even + 30 lbs ago. On the other hand, when I stand with my feet closed, my legs meet from thighs to knee ;) and that has always been the case too. My sister is the total opposite and her "quest" for visible collarbones has led to an eating disorder.

    I can't say much more than what has already been said by other people, but I do hope that you will learn to love yourself as you are. From someone who has a close family member who is suffering from an eating disorder, the worry and heartache is constant ... it's devastating to watch someone you love hurt themselves so much because they cannot seem how wonderful they are. My sister has everything you want now - collarbones that stick out and a thigh gap. In fact, she has more than a thigh gap. She has a *leg* gap, oh - and you can see her spine, all her ribs, and her hip bones.

    Please just take care of yourself.
  • hellokittyykat
    hellokittyykat Posts: 66 Member
    Tone, and please just be healthy. I am 5'4 and I know my ideal weight according to my BMI should be around 140. Consider doing excersies to tone your legs. They have some for inner thighs as well. But don't eat any less. Being healthy should be your 1st priority. :heart:
  • kimosabe1
    kimosabe1 Posts: 2,467 Member
    after looking at your pictures u look fairly thin. I wouldn't lose weight unless u had fat postules. Like a big stomach or if your thighs were really rubbing together because your face isn't fat.
  • lexherrera
    lexherrera Posts: 56 Member
    Don't focus on how you look, focus on how you feel. Under-eating will not make you feel good and might even make your depression worse. Don't strive for a thigh gap or collarbones, strive to feel good every day, be healthy, and strong. You don't want to destroy your health, mental or physical, trying to attain unrealistic goals.
  • AnnaMarieDinVa
    AnnaMarieDinVa Posts: 162 Member
    Another thought on the topic: show your diary to your doctor or a nutritionist and ask what he/she thinks you could do better. If you want to lose weight, I can actually understand that. I am 5'9" and my goal weight is 132...and is heavily supported by my doctor...so 5" taller than the OP, but the same weight she is now. I was 132 a good part of my life (until my divorce...but that is another story) and I wasn't scrawny then, in fact, one of the reasons my doctor wants me to get back to that weight is because she thinks that is what is comfortable on my body, and she said my ankle will quit hurting (sports injury) when I get the excess weight off of it. And I'm not *that* heavy now... Good luck to you!!
  • DaniH826
    DaniH826 Posts: 1,335 Member
    All that nonsense you're talking about with "thigh gaps" and "collar bones" is really your inside screaming for control over your life.

    So go put your big girl pants on, put the girlie magazines with the airbrushed photos down, and take control as the adult your age says you are. You're 18. Why are you still hung up on such juvenile things?

    Go get a career and build your life, go study and make something of yourself. Go achieve something real that you can actually be proud of, because starving yourself is easy once you get used to it (been there, done that). That's no achievement and nothing to be proud of.

    I'm pretty sure you're better than this. Set better goals that actually matter and then go achieve them.
  • CristinaL1983
    CristinaL1983 Posts: 1,119 Member
    When I was your age I thought I was fat too. I wasn't and you're not either!! When I got married I thought I was fat. When I graduated college I thought I was fat....goes on and on. Now when I look back at pictures from those time periods in my life I can clearly see that I was not fat and actually look damn good. The thing is.....the older we get the more mature we become and less judgmental of ourselves and others. I don't know why you're confused about your body image. You look go to me and I can't see why you think you need to lose weight. Might want to take a personal inventory and see if your confusion rests with something other than body image.

    I agree with all of this. Sometimes it's hard to be objective when we look at ourselves. We look only at the negative things instead of all the positive things. Take some time to appreciate what is positive about yourself without comparing yourself to other people. Your collarbones do already show, I don't think that is something you need to be worried about.

    I don't know anything about your body fat but it would certainly not hurt you to start doing some weight lifting. It will help keep bones strong throughout your life and give you a more "toned" look by adding muscle to your frame.

    I would say that you should be eating more (probably a lot more) and I would start by adding protein. Probably try to stick to at least 100g of protein a day. Add in some weight lifting or just a resistance training program and you can build muscle.
  • tomcornhole
    tomcornhole Posts: 1,084 Member
    I just wanted to throw in another compliment. I think you look great. Can't say hot because that would be creepy.

    Nothing else to offer.

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