Goal setting - I don't *want* to be skinny!
Okapi42
Posts: 495 Member
Trying to work out a good goal weight, and I've come to the realisation that unlike seemingly most of the female population of MFP, I don't want to be super skinny, fit single-digit clothing and have various bones sticking out all over the place. I don't find that attractive.
I'd like to be a healthy weight, but that's all. I like the fact that I've got an hourglass figure, though it could do with being a little more pinched in the middle. It took my a while to come to terms with the fact that I have a feminine body - as a child/teenager, I desperately wanted to be a man. Not because I felt like I was one, but simply because they got to do all the cool stuff. Now I'm slowly realising that with the right friends, your gender doesn't stop you from that...
I enjoy having good functional strength (but don't lift weights because it bores me to tears, just like I don't do cardio on treadmills.) And I definitely don't want food to rule my life.
On the other hand, isn't this just a form of letting vanity determine your size, too? How do I determine what's healthy vs. what I find attractive?
I'd like to be a healthy weight, but that's all. I like the fact that I've got an hourglass figure, though it could do with being a little more pinched in the middle. It took my a while to come to terms with the fact that I have a feminine body - as a child/teenager, I desperately wanted to be a man. Not because I felt like I was one, but simply because they got to do all the cool stuff. Now I'm slowly realising that with the right friends, your gender doesn't stop you from that...
I enjoy having good functional strength (but don't lift weights because it bores me to tears, just like I don't do cardio on treadmills.) And I definitely don't want food to rule my life.
On the other hand, isn't this just a form of letting vanity determine your size, too? How do I determine what's healthy vs. what I find attractive?
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From what you wrote I would have to say it sounds like you consider healthy to be attractive, so aren't they the same thing? I'm with you about not wanting to be skinny, I want to be fit and healthy.0
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Hi! I'm with you on that, too. I'm 220lbs, 5'2" and I love my butt and thighs. I wear around a size 18 in pants and I actually kind of like referring to myself as "plus size". I don't want to lose my curves. I set a goal weight of 170 which is where I felt the best a few years ago. Once I get down to that weight, I might like it or I might decide to lose another 20, but no more than that.
As far as determining whats healthy, ask your doctor or a nutritionist, but I feel that if you feel good about how you look, the rest will fall into place. As long as you don't have any major health concerns like diabetes or heart disease, eating healthy food and exercising will help you attain your goal.
According to all the BMIs I've seen throughout my life, someone my height should be 125lbs and to me, that's a little too small. I'm built like my mom and when she was that small, she was skin and bones. I don't like that, personally. If I could get rid of my belly, I think i'd be happy with that. Best of luck to you! I'm sure you will find that middle ground!0 -
I want to have the lean, athletic body I had about 5 years ago. I was a UK size 8 (US 4) and my waist was about 25 inches.
That is what I'm shooting for and if other people think that is boney or unhealthy then fine - I don't judge others' goals.0 -
so you want to be healthy? then try to aim for a weight that is good for your height ..
don't forget to exercise too 
I always thought of myself as a curvy girl, but now that I've lost weight and getting leaner I'm finding myself a whole new body that I want to improve and I'm loving it I dont' want to be 'skinny' either, but fit with some muscle mass. 0 -
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I'm gonna pass on a great link somebody posted yesterday - http://www.mybodygallery.com/
Normal women posting pics of themselves. You can browse by height/weight/body shape etc.. Look around, find a couple of shapes you appreciate and see what their weights/sizes are.
I personally think that curves have more to do with your "natural" frame - hip size, natural waist etc.. So some people can look curvy with almot no extra fat %, but for some it's ONLY the fat that creates the curves (I'm generalizing here but you get my drift).
To each his one, but just as you shouldn't get carried away getting too skinny because of the appearance you want to have, you shouldn't get too heavy either. It's all a question of health.0 -
I'm 5'9, weigh 150 and am a size 4.. No way am I boney or super skinny.
Also, the goal of functional strength means you need to incorporate some form of resistance training.. most commonly done with weights because after a while, body weight exercises or resistance bands don't produce the results that people want anymore.0 -
Just don't set a goal weight.
Go by measurements, body fat % or something else.
My only goal right now is to prepare for a race this summer.0 -
I think you will find a good amount of women here that are trying to get fit not just "skinny".
I know for myself I have no jean size goal. I just wanna feel good.
Just eat right and exercise and let the journey take you wherever its taking you. Have fun! :happy:0 -
I have a pear shape, with a tiny waist compared to my hips. I know this is my natural shape because I looked exactly the same (just smaller) when I weighed 160 pounds. I don't want to be "skinny" either, mostly because my shape really wouldn't look "skinny", no matter how much weight I lost. My bone structure simply wouldn't allow for it.
I chose a goal weight at the highest end of the "healthy" BMI range for my height. Truthfully, my goal weight is three pounds over it, because I'd like to allow for muscle. I want to be fit, solid, what have you. I want to look good in sleeveless tops. Not like Michelle Obama arms (even though I think she's gorgeous); I just don't want my arms to jiggle, and I wouldn't mind having a hint of a muscle line.
I figure I'll get down to 160 and then reassess. If I'm building nice muscle mass that fits my ideal image of what I want my body to look like and I look good in clothes, I may not need to lose anymore weight. But, if I feel a bit puffy and I know I can probably get into a smaller size, I'll try to lose another 5-10 pounds. I know I looked good in a size 10 during high school and didn't have any fat I could pinch, so I think the absolute lowest I could go would be a 10, and I'm perfectly fine with that. As long as I can shop in regular stores instead of plus size stores, I'll be happy. 0 -
On the other hand, isn't this just a form of letting vanity determine your size, too? How do I determine what's healthy vs. what I find attractive?
When you get to a point where you look in a mirror and like what you see, you've reached goal. There's really no big deal about setting a magical number right now. Set your goal somewhere in the general vicinity of where you think you want to be and work to get to it. As you get closer, you'll make adjustments either in your program or to the GW that you set.
Goal weight is just a random number we pull out of the sky. Don't spend much time worrying about random numbers.0 -
Just choose the same goal as me...being awesome.0
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On the other hand, isn't this just a form of letting vanity determine your size, too? How do I determine what's healthy vs. what I find attractive?
When you get to a point where you look in a mirror and like what you see, you've reached goal. There's really no big deal about setting a magical number right now. Set your goal somewhere in the general vicinity of where you think you want to be and work to get to it. As you get closer, you'll make adjustments either in your program or to the GW that you set.
Goal weight is just a random number we pull out of the sky. Don't spend much time worrying about random numbers.
exactttttttttttly:flowerforyou:0 -
We all have the personal ideal for ourselves, and that doesn't have to be the same as anyone else's ideal. Go with DavPul's advice and just keep working on your goals until you are satisfied with what you see in the mirror. If you get to the point where you thought the goal would be, but you are not satisfied, then re-evaluate. Maybe just set things to lose a pound a week and workout the way you like.
There's a million and one ways to get to goal. Pick yours and don't worry about what others think.0 -
I am not looking for skinny either. My mom was skinny almost all her life and harped at me for not eating enough and is currently worried about me turning anorexic as I have lost 140+ lbs by... eating. Skinny doesn't make people happy, being happy makes people happy. My "goal" is 145 but I probably am going to hit 160 and call it good, maybe see where life takes me from there. I sure won't be in any single digit clothes by then. Heck, Ill be happy to have no Xs in front of the rest of the clothes sizes. My health has improved by my being more active this last year. Life is going to just get better for me. So my goal is to hit a number my body likes and just figure out where *I* will find happiness. Maybe a medium will be my euphoric moment. Who knows.
Good luck to you figuring out where your happy place will be
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no ones judging skinny people
Actually, yeah. They are.
OP did it, even.have various bones sticking out all over the place
Regardless. I would rather LOOK THIN than be able to do 100 push-ups or run a marathon (or whatever arbitrary fitness goal one determines to make their weight loss goals superior to anyone else's). For me it is about aesthetics. That's not shallow. That's my prerogative. Sticking your nose in the air at that is like asking, "Why don't you want to be a kindergarten teacher in an inner city school to help troubled youth?!" when my career path is engineering. Because I don't. And that's my choice. Why the judgment on my personal values???0 -
no ones judging skinny people
Actually, yeah. They are.
OP did it, even.have various bones sticking out all over the place
Regardless. I would rather LOOK THIN than be able to do 100 push-ups or run a marathon (or whatever arbitrary fitness goal one determines to make their weight loss goals superior to anyone else's). For me it is about aesthetics. That's not shallow. That's my prerogative. Sticking your nose in the air at that is like asking, "Why don't you want to be a kindergarten teacher in an inner city school to help troubled youth?!" when my career path is engineering. Because I don't. And that's my choice. Why the judgment on my personal values???
Yep. Another thread started with a skinny people suck statement. Good times!0 -
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I geuss I just think people look best healthy, skinny doesnt look healthy on me, but it may on you. Whatever is best for you.
So you think Olympic athletes and dancers look unhealthy?
Ok cool...0 -
no ones judging skinny people
Actually, yeah. They are.
OP did it, even.have various bones sticking out all over the place
Regardless. I would rather LOOK THIN than be able to do 100 push-ups or run a marathon (or whatever arbitrary fitness goal one determines to make their weight loss goals superior to anyone else's). For me it is about aesthetics. That's not shallow. That's my prerogative. Sticking your nose in the air at that is like asking, "Why don't you want to be a kindergarten teacher in an inner city school to help troubled youth?!" when my career path is engineering. Because I don't. And that's my choice. Why the judgment on my personal values???
Yep. Another thread started with a skinny people suck statement. Good times!
That's not what I intended at all. I just don't want my goal to be having my hip bones protrude or be one of the "help! My thighs touch!" people...0 -
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I feel like OP judged to goal of being 'skinny' way more than the people who want to look that way.
My main goal is to actually be able to run a whole mile (something I've never been able to do without walking) and to fit into my old jeans, the number I've assigned is just how much I used to weigh when I wore those jeans. I wish I was curvier and looked alright at this size, but I've had people mistake me for pregnant, which I am in no way ready for, hahah.
I don't need collarbones, but I don't mind if someone else does as long as they get there in a healthy way. And I feel like OP is similar, she just stated it in a way that sounded alright to her but was picked up as offensive.
Edit : Okay, maybe not with the 'Help, my thighs touch" comment
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I geuss I just think people look best healthy, skinny doesnt look healthy on me, but it may on you. Whatever is best for you.
So you think Olympic athletes and dancers look unhealthy?
Ok cool...
She never said that, though. Did you not read? She said skinny may look healthy on you. It's right there.0 -
Getting back to the idea of goal weights: the great thing about weight, and weight loss and gain, is that it doesn't have to be final. You can choose a random number, get there, then change your mind. You can even get there, wait a few years, and then change your mind, up or down.
We don't have to 'diet' once and stick to that weight forever.0 -
On the other hand, isn't this just a form of letting vanity determine your size, too? How do I determine what's healthy vs. what I find attractive?
When you get to a point where you look in a mirror and like what you see, you've reached goal. There's really no big deal about setting a magical number right now. Set your goal somewhere in the general vicinity of where you think you want to be and work to get to it. As you get closer, you'll make adjustments either in your program or to the GW that you set.
Goal weight is just a random number we pull out of the sky. Don't spend much time worrying about random numbers.
^^ This
My mirror is my guideline. I entered 150 for my goal weight on MFP just because that's what I was weighing when I was 20 and married my husband. When I get to 150, I will reassess, using my mirror as a guide.0 -
no ones judging skinny people
Actually, yeah. They are.
OP did it, even.have various bones sticking out all over the place
Regardless. I would rather LOOK THIN than be able to do 100 push-ups or run a marathon (or whatever arbitrary fitness goal one determines to make their weight loss goals superior to anyone else's). For me it is about aesthetics. That's not shallow. That's my prerogative. Sticking your nose in the air at that is like asking, "Why don't you want to be a kindergarten teacher in an inner city school to help troubled youth?!" when my career path is engineering. Because I don't. And that's my choice. Why the judgment on my personal values???
Yep. Another thread started with a skinny people suck statement. Good times!
I think that's silly. The OP stated what she wanted for *her* body. She never once said that others didn't look great or should have the same goals as her. Grab some self-esteem and stop inferring things that were never implied. She simply said that it seems to her that her goals were different than most of the other females on MFP. She did NOT say that other people's goals were wrong!0 -
no ones judging skinny people
Actually, yeah. They are.
OP did it, even.have various bones sticking out all over the place
Regardless. I would rather LOOK THIN than be able to do 100 push-ups or run a marathon (or whatever arbitrary fitness goal one determines to make their weight loss goals superior to anyone else's). For me it is about aesthetics. That's not shallow. That's my prerogative. Sticking your nose in the air at that is like asking, "Why don't you want to be a kindergarten teacher in an inner city school to help troubled youth?!" when my career path is engineering. Because I don't. And that's my choice. Why the judgment on my personal values???
Yep. Another thread started with a skinny people suck statement. Good times!
I think that's silly. The OP stated what she wanted for *her* body. She never once said that others didn't look great or should have the same goals as her. Grab some self-esteem and stop inferring things that were never implied. She simply said that it seems to her that her goals were different than most of the other females on MFP. She did NOT say that other people's goals were wrong!
I disagree. The comment about various bones sticking out all over the place was a bit offensive. I'm 5'1" 116 lbs and don't have any bones protruding. I'm skinny AND healthy0 -
Trying to work out a good goal weight, and I've come to the realisation that unlike seemingly most of the female population of MFP, I don't want to be super skinny, fit single-digit clothing and have various bones sticking out all over the place. I don't find that attractive.
I'd like to be a healthy weight, but that's all. I like the fact that I've got an hourglass figure, though it could do with being a little more pinched in the middle. It took my a while to come to terms with the fact that I have a feminine body - as a child/teenager, I desperately wanted to be a man. Not because I felt like I was one, but simply because they got to do all the cool stuff. Now I'm slowly realising that with the right friends, your gender doesn't stop you from that...
I enjoy having good functional strength (but don't lift weights because it bores me to tears, just like I don't do cardio on treadmills.) And I definitely don't want food to rule my life.
On the other hand, isn't this just a form of letting vanity determine your size, too? How do I determine what's healthy vs. what I find attractive?
This is such a good post. I don't want to be skinny either. I have been in that place with very prominent collar bones, hip bones and cheek bones. It may have looked good but it didn't feel good.
Like you, I prefer working toward being lean and strong. That takes discipline, hard work and proper eating habits. It's much harder for me to achieve the lean, athletic look than then protruding bones look.0 -
She never said that, though. Did you not read? She said skinny may look healthy on you. It's right there.
Ok I admit I missed the "on me" part....but I kind of think that people tag "on me" onto the end of a sentence just to deflect that they actually ARE being judgemental of that look in general. It's just a underhand way of saying that they really think - just saying!0
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