real talk.... about adoption surrogacy and sperm banks...

Sorry to be so flippant here, but I do sense some attitude and bitterness going on. I don't think ANYONE should be allowed to have a kid when they have the type of "ME ME ME" attitude you are displaying here. What you want is different than what a child needs.

I am a bio mom, who selfLESSly gave her baby up for adoption when I was 19. I would never, ever, have considered letting my child go to a single parent -- male OR female, because children deserve a mom and a dad. I'm strongly opposed to single parenting through choice (not as a result of divorce).

Please be aware that the laws are there to protect the best interest of the child, NOT the adult wanting to adopt. Consider the needs of the child over your own "selfish" needs. It might appear to you that you are being selfless in your desire to adopt, but really, it's selfish.

I don't even... what?

So a guy doesn't want to put up with a woman while trying to have a child and he's bitter? And no, you dont' NEED a female or a male. Many gay couples, and single father and mothers have raised perfectly fine children thank you very much.

Simba was raised by 2 guys. You know what he was? The king of Africa!

] for sure..... women today make it horrible for the father if they are not together

That's a pretty rotten generalisation isn't it? After 17 years of marriage my husband left me with a 3 yr old son and only sees his son when he wants something from me, for example: he saw his son every other weekend for about 2 months when he wanted me to lie through my teeth on the paperwork to get his new Japanese wife a visa to live in Britain, but this year he has only seen his son for one weekend. Personally I don't care if I never see him again but I've bent over backwards to get him to keep regular contact with our son, as I think it's important that a child grows up knowing both parents. He only gives me £5 per week child maintenance and spends nothing else on his son. I've even paid for the food when he goes to see his dad, despite his dad having about twice as much disposable income as me. So, this woman does not make it horrible for the father, I make his life damned easy by making excuses for him to his son as to why he never sees his dad.

Don't think this is an anti man rant because I have a good friend who has twins with a previous partner and he sees them religiously every weekend and does everything he can for them but his ex still makes it as difficult and awkward as she can for him and is a real ***** to his new partner, who he met about 3 years after the mother of his kids left him for someone else.

Of course there is anger.. any woman can go to a sperm bank and have child alone. Now a man wanting to have a child alone is almost impossible.. it is a horrible society. Court systems.. all court systems unless you can prove an unfit mother will grant custody to the women.. doesnt matter if she doesnt have a job or a home or anything.. men should have equal rights.. if we want a child we should be able to have one.. plain and simple..

Where I'm at it is 50/50 unless you prove someone incompitant. No matter where the child is better off. No matter what mean spiririted things either party might do to hurt the other that will have an effect on the child later. The system everywhere is all sorts os twisted. They make blanket rules when every situation is different.

I am adopted. My mother is was single at the time and still is. She also adopted my cousin making him my baby brother. She had a daughter of her own who became my big sister. I always knew my story. I HAVE A WONDERFUL ADOPTIVE FAMILY. I always knew my biological maternal side and knew my biological mother. Unfortunately we were never able to get it together and have a relationship. When I got older and wanted to meet my biological father my mother made the call. I have become a part of his family. I have two younger half siblings. When my biological mother was on her death bed I was given yet another gift ....I went to her and thanked her for the wonderful life she gave me. I apologized for the fact that things never worked out for she and I and I told her I most importantly wanted her to have a clear conscience in regards to me. I wanted her to pass with peace in her heart. I thank God everyday because that event started my journal of forgiveness in my life. I HAVE HAD A WONDERFUL LIFE WITH FAMILY THAT LOVES ME AND THAT I LOVE REGARDLESS OF HOW WE ARE RELATED. I AM TRULY BLESSED BEYOND ALL BELIEF. I am happily married to the love of my life. We wanted children. Our own and I always envisioned myself adopting. Unfortunately I had fertility issues and it took losing weight , trying all options for two years, surgery, and finally fertility drugs. We were blessed with a baby boy nine and a half years ago. My husband thankfully had the courage to admit that he is not sure he could love someone else child as he loves his own. He was afraid he would always show favoritism or something and he knew a child deserves better. Some may find that selfish but not me. I APPLAUD HIM FOR BEING HONEST. For that reason we did not peruse that option any further.

Here is why a went through all that. Adoption is a beautiful thing. A great act of love. And just as with anything else it all depends on each individual and the situations that go along with it. No one can say in the beginning how it will work out. Same applies to every other decision we make in our everyday life . I did not find the original poster as hostile. I heard frustration. Frustration over many things including but limited to policy, society, life not turning out the way we thought it would work, hurt, love, commitment. If we are all honest we all have and feel the same way at times. We need to cut people some slack.

My advice to original poster.....keep loving your daughter....keep chugging along....if another baby is what you want keep looking for ways to do that but don't say never as you do not know what God will bring your way!

Sorry to be so flippant here, but I do sense some attitude and bitterness going on. I don't think ANYONE should be allowed to have a kid when they have the type of "ME ME ME" attitude you are displaying here. What you want is different than what a child needs.

I am a bio mom, who selfLESSly gave her baby up for adoption when I was 19. I would never, ever, have considered letting my child go to a single parent -- male OR female, because children deserve a mom and a dad. I'm strongly opposed to single parenting through choice (not as a result of divorce).

Please be aware that the laws are there to protect the best interest of the child, NOT the adult wanting to adopt. Consider the needs of the child over your own "selfish" needs. It might appear to you that you are being selfless in your desire to adopt, but really, it's selfish.

Wow......this whole response is kind of bitter and judgemental. I am a single parent by choice.....I chose to get a divorce. Single parents are very capable of parenting effectively.

DID YOU EVEN READ WHERE IT SAID EXCEPT FOR DIVORCE??? I very, very, clearly stated it.

I am not going to explain myself further on this subject.

Sorry to be so flippant here, but I do sense some attitude and bitterness going on. I don't think ANYONE should be allowed to have a kid when they have the type of "ME ME ME" attitude you are displaying here. What you want is different than what a child needs.

I am a bio mom, who selfLESSly gave her baby up for adoption when I was 19. I would never, ever, have considered letting my child go to a single parent -- male OR female, because children deserve a mom and a dad. I'm strongly opposed to single parenting through choice (not as a result of divorce).

Please be aware that the laws are there to protect the best interest of the child, NOT the adult wanting to adopt. Consider the needs of the child over your own "selfish" needs. It might appear to you that you are being selfless in your desire to adopt, but really, it's selfish.

Wow......this whole response is kind of bitter and judgemental. I am a single parent by choice.....I chose to get a divorce. Single parents are very capable of parenting effectively.

DID YOU EVEN READ WHERE IT SAID EXCEPT FOR DIVORCE??? I very, very, clearly stated it.

I am not going to explain myself further on this subject.

I did in fact read it, and I think your point is pointless. The marital status of a person is irrelevant to their parenting skills.

A nice man I had no relationship with, just a mutual friend, once offered me a sizeable amount to carry his child to term and then hand her over, relinquish custody. He only wanted to keep it if it were a girl. If it were a boy he wanted no ties but would pay child support. He wanted it all in writing and legal, and I really needed money at the time. I declined, even though ideally a boy would have been welcomed by me. And I find girls worrisome. It would have solved my financial problems at the time either way, but I still couldn't bring myself to do it, morally, emotionally, psychologically. I'd still miss my daughter whether I felt I could handle one or not. I'd still feel my son would benefit from more than just his father's money.

Anyone I have told this story to IRL (and it's been very few) has been appalled that I even considered it for even a split second. They judge and question his motives in wanting a girl only. When I tell them he already raised a valedictorian son, and had always wanted a girl to spoil with his financial means, I still get this :huh: . People are suspicious. They expect very little from men. The end.

The bit that would have made me suspicious about this was that he didn't want a boy. I know he had already raised one, but nature doesn't give you the choice, usually you gets what you gets. If he had wanted simply another child, it would seem less odd.

A nice man I had no relationship with, just a mutual friend, once offered me a sizeable amount to carry his child to term and then hand her over, relinquish custody. He only wanted to keep it if it were a girl. If it were a boy he wanted no ties but would pay child support. He wanted it all in writing and legal, and I really needed money at the time. I declined, even though ideally a boy would have been welcomed by me. And I find girls worrisome. It would have solved my financial problems at the time either way, but I still couldn't bring myself to do it, morally, emotionally, psychologically. I'd still miss my daughter whether I felt I could handle one or not. I'd still feel my son would benefit from more than just his father's money.

Anyone I have told this story to IRL (and it's been very few) has been appalled that I even considered it for even a split second. They judge and question his motives in wanting a girl only. When I tell them he already raised a valedictorian son, and had always wanted a girl to spoil with his financial means, I still get this :huh: . People are suspicious. They expect very little from men. The end.

The bit that would have made me suspicious about this was that he didn't want a boy. I know he had already raised one, but nature doesn't give you the choice, usually you gets what you gets. If he had wanted simply another child, it would seem less odd.

Yes for most of us. For a man who had spent way too many years being rich and choosing precisely what he wanted at any given moment, that point had gotten away from him a little.

Hi
I am completely against adoption .it's a selfish thing for the benefit of the adoptive parent - I was a "secret child" put up for adoption shortly after I was born.
I spent my childhood not relating to any of the people around - I was simply not like them in anyway. I did trace my real family as an adult however they "closed ranks", said they didn't like me and refused to have anything to do with me....a terrible source of heartache...
Think carefully before taking someone else's child.....
Ian

I am so sorry to hear about your sadness at being adopted, I am sure there are lots of children that have been adopted that have had bad experiences also.

But there will be lots of children that have been adopted that have had really good lives, that have then gone on to find the maternal/paternal/biological people that have spurned/welcomed them?

There are lots of children that have been raised by their biological parents that have been abused and ditched.

If the OP is wanting to offer a chance to some child somewhere that is in care then that child should have the opportunity.

Nobody can say for sure if a child is going to be a happy adult no matter who raises it!