Partner is making it difficult to exercise

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  • bekah818
    bekah818 Posts: 179 Member
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    She is being really selfish. You should break up.


    LOL
  • bostonwolf
    bostonwolf Posts: 3,038 Member
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    I see a lot of posts about food sabotage, but do any of you have a partner who is opposed to you exercising?

    My partner recently went from being at work about 14 hours a day (and continuing to do work when she got home) to not working at all. She's been sick and is suffering from depression and anxiety, and is seeing a lot of doctors to get those things treated. When she was working all the time I got into an exercise routine-- it was something to do while she was busy working, and I looked forward to every day.

    Now that she's home all the time she gets upset when I leave to go work out for 45-60 minutes. I plan on backing off on my workouts to 3-4 times a week, but my barre and spin studio is doing a challenge this month: if you do 30 classes you get 30% off the next package you buy. I was initially really excited about the opportunity to challenge myself, and about the potential to save $120. But now she get so sad and angry when I leave to go to a class. I feel this isn't fair to me, but it doesn't change the way she feels. I can't get her to come with me because she doesn't like barre and one of her doctors says she shouldn't do spinning. Any advice on how to handle this situation and still meet my exercise goals is appreciated!

    I don't mean this to sound harsh, but how is this suddenly a problem? When she was working you didn't see her for 14 hours at a time and you clearly had no issues with it. Now you take an hour for yourself to exercise every day and she's guilt tripping you?

    She may feel that way, but it doesn't mean that the feelings aren't irrational, selfish, and childish. Anyone who would guilt trip a partner for taking some time in the day to better themselves really needs to do some self-reflection.

    From your perspective, I would just tell her to deal with it and that you aren't going to allow your own health to suffer because she has problems.

    What is the expectation, that you be available to wait on her hand and foot?
  • nancybuss
    nancybuss Posts: 1,461 Member
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    This is part of her depression and anxiety! if she understood it all, she'd be fine. If she understood your needs, she'd be fine. Don't let her pull you down too. Can you go to some counseling with her to help with this? or to help you understand what she is going through? I'll admit I ran out of time and didn't read the last page in case that has been covered.

    What about some home workouts that she may be able to do also, and start a new routine. Still do what You love, but maybe add in something at home. Working out is Huge for depression, but when you're depressed its the last thing you want to do.

    Good luck
  • gr8pillock
    gr8pillock Posts: 374 Member
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    I see a lot of posts about food sabotage, but do any of you have a partner who is opposed to you exercising?

    My partner recently went from being at work about 14 hours a day (and continuing to do work when she got home) to not working at all. She's been sick and is suffering from depression and anxiety, and is seeing a lot of doctors to get those things treated. When she was working all the time I got into an exercise routine-- it was something to do while she was busy working, and I looked forward to every day.

    Now that she's home all the time she gets upset when I leave to go work out for 45-60 minutes. I plan on backing off on my workouts to 3-4 times a week, but my barre and spin studio is doing a challenge this month: if you do 30 classes you get 30% off the next package you buy. I was initially really excited about the opportunity to challenge myself, and about the potential to save $120. But now she get so sad and angry when I leave to go to a class. I feel this isn't fair to me, but it doesn't change the way she feels. I can't get her to come with me because she doesn't like barre and one of her doctors says she shouldn't do spinning. Any advice on how to handle this situation and still meet my exercise goals is appreciated!


    From experience, you can't convince someone to make changes by cajoling or coersion. The BEST way to make another person make changes, is to lead by example. If you allow her to 'lead by example' in the opposite direction, she's hurting you both.

    I understand that she is going through things right now, but she cannot ask you to go through it more than you already are, when it isn't your ailment. Perhaps try asking her to go for a walk with you to get her out of the house and still get some exercise on the days you are NOT going to the gym or what have you, but if she's gone from being at work 12-14 hours a day to being home, I would think she has you now more often than she used to, and she cannot ask you for more than you CAN healthily give.

    Sacrificing yourself and your own needs is not a healthy approach to partnership and she shouldn't ask you to because she herself is unhealthy right now. You're supporting her efforts to get healthy in mind, she needs to support your efforts to get healthy. Perhaps go to a therapist as a couple so that you can air this with an objective third party, rather than worry about a fight when you put your foot down.

    We teach people how to treat us... this is a lesson you are now teaching.

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