No where to turn--any help would be appreciated
somemansdream
Posts: 88
That is how I'm feeling tonight. We lost my Mom on the 6th of this month after learning that she had lung cancer. She was diagnosed and gone in mere weeks. I made a promise to myself that I have not kept. See I saw what grief was on the faces of my nieces, my kids, my sisters, my father and I know how raw grief is and still is in my own heart. I promised myself I would learn from this. I am very obese and I know my blood pressure runs high without exercise. Diet was bad before this and has gone farther downhill--from not eating until I shake from my body demanding food. The diet part is fried and easy to fix cheap foods too when I do eat.
I have not kept my promise. I find that I am just exhausted all the time. I'm taking 5 hr energy to get through the day--2 of them today and I'm still so tired all I want to do is nap. I go to work & come home. I do whatever has to be done like cooking supper etc, nap, more chores before bedtime and then I crash for the night. I think also my sleep apnea is worse than ever. I get up several times to go to the bathroom and by time I reach the bathroom--I finally get some breaths in. Some of you may understand that, its like someone holding their breath and then taking gulping breaths only I do not realize i'm doing it until I'm sucking the air in.
I was sitting here tonight critizing myself for not taking charge like I said I would. Everything seems so out of balance though. Trying to figure out how I can do this with this exhaustion. I'm writing to see if anyone has tip I guess.
I will say this, I have been lucky here before with asking for help. However, I have seen on others post where people can be rude. Just remember when you write all I ask is that you be kind--firm is fine too but please do not be mean or rude. I am not here to fight with someone, just asking for ideas is all.
Thanks for listening, Debbie
I have not kept my promise. I find that I am just exhausted all the time. I'm taking 5 hr energy to get through the day--2 of them today and I'm still so tired all I want to do is nap. I go to work & come home. I do whatever has to be done like cooking supper etc, nap, more chores before bedtime and then I crash for the night. I think also my sleep apnea is worse than ever. I get up several times to go to the bathroom and by time I reach the bathroom--I finally get some breaths in. Some of you may understand that, its like someone holding their breath and then taking gulping breaths only I do not realize i'm doing it until I'm sucking the air in.
I was sitting here tonight critizing myself for not taking charge like I said I would. Everything seems so out of balance though. Trying to figure out how I can do this with this exhaustion. I'm writing to see if anyone has tip I guess.
I will say this, I have been lucky here before with asking for help. However, I have seen on others post where people can be rude. Just remember when you write all I ask is that you be kind--firm is fine too but please do not be mean or rude. I am not here to fight with someone, just asking for ideas is all.
Thanks for listening, Debbie
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Replies
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Sorry for your loss. The best thing you can do is take it one day at a time. I plan my meals for the day, and try not to go to far in advance. I'm the kind of person if something comes up and I can't make my goal I give myself permission to fail.0
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Sorry for your loss, but really its a one day at a time type of thing. And as much as ppl hate when this is said, you have to want it. You are the only person holding yourself back. I wish you the best of luck on your journey.0
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Honey - You lost your mom less than 2 weeks ago. Give yourself a little break. Try to take the time you need to feel what you're feeling. Try to set a goal for each week. Maybe something like "this week I'm going to throw in an extra veggie each day." Or "I'm going to get to bed a half hour earlier than usual." or something like that. start with small, attainable goals.
you don't have to tackle everything at once, but ya need a start. it all seems overwhelming right now, and that is totally understandable. just don't put too much pressure on yourself right now.
you can do this.0 -
I am very sorry for your loss. Also, please don't blame yourself for not being on your goal. Self-blame is of no utility whatsoever. Make tomorrow the day that you will seize.0
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Stop beating yourself up...you've been through a lot. Take tiny, itty, bitty steps towards your goals. Make small changes you can live with, and don't do silly things like starve yourself. try to walk a tiny little bit further each day, clean up your diet tiny bit by bit. Making long lasting changes will probably take years, and it's easy to get discouraged, but remember how you felt seeing your family members grieving. GOOD LUCK!0
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Your comment... I am very obese ... I am obese! Who cares.
You need time to grieve, that's normal..Don't be so hard on yourself.. Or try not to be, my heart goes out to you... I am very sorry to hear what you are going through and feel free to add me as a friend. DIET is not the answer, taking care of yourself, physically, emotionally and spiritually is. What I've learned over the years is.. if you can't help yourself, you can't help anyone else, so my advice is to see a councillor if you can, talk on here (so much support) and put yourself first. I'm sure thats what your mom would want.
You need (i hate that comment so it's all in my opinion) to nourish yourself with healthy foods. Exercise (even just a walk or sitting on the floor to stretch and BREATHE) is sooo hard to start sometimes but once you are done, the endorphins will help pick you up.
Your not going to have all good days. but take the step forward to wake up each day and believe, today, I am making the steps in the right direction.
Patience... Do this for YOU. Ignore the stupid comments people can make. Take one day at a time. take care of yourself. You're worth it.
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I'm so sorry for your loss, but I'm glad its sparked you to take charge of your life. It sounds like you're getting down on yourself for every little thing that you're not doing right. Instead, try focusing on one thing at a time that you can change. Don't overwhelm yourself by trying to make a ton of big changes all at once. If your diet is where you want to start, try to plan out what you're going to eat when so you don't starve yourself until you give in and eat whatever is easy. Start with a nutritious breakfast! Even something as simple as a bowl of cereal in the morning or some toast with peanut butter can start you off on the right foot, helping you to make better choices at lunch. There's a million boards on here talking about how to plan out your meals ahead of time and such.
Also you mentioned your sleep apnea is causing problems. Do you have a CPAP? If not, talk to your doctor about getting one. As funky as I'm sure it feels to wear it at first, getting a restful night of sleep might make all the difference in the world for you and your energy levels. Not to mention I'm sure you've heard all the other health risks associated with untreated sleep apnea.0 -
So sorry to hear of your loss. Make sure you take the time you need to heal and grieve- don't pressure yourself otherwise you may always feel discouraged and that won't help you attain your goals. Make sure you take the time to enjoy being with your family- don't worry about chores for a night- take a walk together, go out to dinner and share happy memories so you don't feel pressure to cook and clean. Take the time you need to heal!0
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I have dealt with not eating until I shake, not intentionally, just because I wasn't thinking. What helped me was to keep things like granola bars, fresh fruit, etc. on hand, and then set alarms on my phone. When the alarm rang, I would stop whatever I was doing and eat right then. I realized that for whatever reason my hunger signals were pretty much dead, so I would eat even though I didn't feel hungry. This helped me to retrain my sense of when I needed to eat.
If you can, make a big batch of chili/soup/pasta/etc. and freeze/refrigerate individual portions. Then even though you feel exhausted, you can easily heat it up, making it as convenient as less healthy foods.
Sleep apnea can be affected by your weight, which will take longer to fix, but it can also be affected by the position in which you sleep. Sleeping on your side and with your head elevated can reduce the risk of sleep apnea. You also really, really should see a doctor if you can, because if home remedies don't work then you may need a medical device to keep you breathing at night. Sleep apnea also leaves you feeling exhausted, so it's probably contributing to that.
If you can, you may wish to see a grief counsellor to help you deal with the loss.
Best of luck.0 -
I think in your case goal setting is really important,lets say you have 100 pounds to lose,break it down to 10 pounds a month intervals.
Use the below link to determine the calories you should be eating and set your calorie goal on MFP to that number.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/912920-in-place-of-a-road-map-3-2013
commit yourself to one hour of workout each day-if you are just starting out, start with half hour walks and mve upto an hour.
Keep a strength training routine in the mix just so you maintain muscle.
Lastly vegetable and fruit are your golden tickets to good health so try to start subbing out bad foods from your diet with a fruit or a veggie,for example you have a can of soda now,try subbing it out for hummus and carrot sticks.Remember you have to eat to lose weight-EAT NUTRITIOUS FOOD.
Have a support group and explain them these goals you have set fr yourself and ask them to keep you accountable(in my case i had a calendar on my fridge where i would mark a day i ate bad or i didnt workout in red-by the end of the month you have your progress report,that calendar will also remind you what you are aiming for whenever you reach out for that junk food in the fridge).
An occassional treat doesnt hurt,dont beat yourself up for a slip,start fresh the next day.if you crave something go ahead and have it but in MODERATION.
Good luck on your journey to good health and long life.0 -
I feel your pain. I just lost my Mom on Feb 25. I too, am trying to get by and just starting on the plan and really need motivation as well.My daughter is getting married in May and the dress I want to wear soesn't fit like it should. I believe we have to have a plan....record everything you eat and watch portions, drink water, exercise even if its just 10-20 minutes a day to start, and most of all get a friend or support base in order to encourage you everyday. Keep tabs here and maybe we can support one another through this. Take care....you can do it, but number one....DO IT FOR YOU!0
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You KNOW I am here for you.....you also need time to GRIEVE without FEELING GUILTY!!!!! The world will not end in the next couple months as you try to process this huge and sudden loss. Do what you can but give yourself some breathing room. Lean on us, try to track if you can. Walk if you can...that will help. PRAY IF YOU PRAY. If not, I will pray FOR YOU!!!! Someone posted to take it one day at a time....personally I say take it one flippin SECOND at a time....baby steps right now. Surround yourself with people who love you. Us if you have to. Msg me anytime! Text me too (I will msg you my cell number)....YOU GOT THIS but you also have to grieve for your precious mom.......I can not imagine what you are going thru. I know its coming, my parents are 78 and 82 so it could be soon....please know you have family here....we are a village.....
Hugs and many many many prayers.....
PS Do you have access to maybe a grief support group or is that too much of a hardship? Not sure if I could go to one or not but might help???
XOXOXOXO
Kathey:flowerforyou:
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If the whole task of getting your life in control seems overwhelming, try one aspect at a time. Change one thing, like having really good breakfasts all week, or 2 pieces of fruit everyday, or extra veg with dinner, go for a 20 minute walk.
They don't have to be big changes, little ones can have a massive impact too.
As you go along, after a couple of weeks, months etc., you'll realised that you have picked up some good habits and lost a couple of bad ones and the whole thing won't seem so overwhelming.
In the meantime, be kind to yourself while you are grieving. xxx0 -
Hi Debbie! I'm Danielle. I'm sending you a big cyber hug. I'm so sorry about your Mom.
Jumping right in and making all these changes all at once can be really over-whelming. You don't need over-whelming right now. You need self-confidence. You need to feel a sense of accomplishment. What do you think about making just one change each day for the rest of this month? If you start tomorrow that's still 12 fantastic changes that you will have made in March.
Start small with something you haven't been doing but will help you get healthy. Maybe tomorrow ensure that you are drinking all your water. One way I used to do it was to chug one glass first thing in the morning and then during the day I wouldn't let myself visit the ladies room until I chugged the rest of whatever was in my water glass.
Maybe the next day could be making just one substitution per meal. Reaching for the butter for your toast in the morning? Brush it with a little olive oil instead and sprinkle a little black pepper on it for a kick. Reaching for a snack bar or bag of chips? Grab a piece of fruit instead.
You can do it, Debbie! You are worth it. You deserve to be heatlthy! :flowerforyou:0 -
Sorry for your loss!! I lost a brother, and I had issues feeling exhausted for weeks afterwords. I didn't sleep well for months. I actually ended up getting meds from my doctor to help.
Deal with the two issues separately. For the most part life events, can't be an excuse for not changing behavior. Mainly because there is always something there.
Do the best that you can. Most importantly don't just give up, keep fighting and good things will happen0 -
Honey - You lost your mom less than 2 weeks ago. Give yourself a little break. Try to take the time you need to feel what you're feeling. Try to set a goal for each week. Maybe something like "this week I'm going to throw in an extra veggie each day." Or "I'm going to get to bed a half hour earlier than usual." or something like that. start with small, attainable goals.
you don't have to tackle everything at once, but ya need a start. it all seems overwhelming right now, and that is totally understandable. just don't put too much pressure on yourself right now.
you can do this.
^^^^ This. Right now your focus needs to be on the short term - pick 1 thing & keep at it until you get it, then add 1 more, then 1 more, etc. If you keep looking at the end instead of the process you will keep overwhelming yourself. Remember, none of us here got where we are overnight, nor will we get where we want to be overnight. I've had the most success keeping my focus narrow & on the short term, I'm more likely to tackle something if I take it one thing at a time. The advice given to you in the above quote is fantastic - take the little steps one at a time & you'll be surprised how far you will end up going. Crawl before you walk, etc.
Best of luck to you, stay strong & do this for both yourself & those that love you. You most definitely CAN succeed at this, just remind yourself that it will be a long process & it will take many steps that are best taken one at a time, lest you trip over yourself....0 -
Sorry for your loss, i have also suffered from sleep apnea, i know how it is.
People have difficulty getting started, or not sticking to a plan because they're trying to hard(doing too much at once) so take baby steps. Do small things everyday that bring you closer to your goal, you will get there eventually. The biggest enemy is being impatient. So be patient.
What you should do is
1. Start logging for a few weeks(get the hang of it)
2. Start to reduce the calories you consume maybe by 100 every week till you hit your calorie goal.
3. Start exercising even if it's only 5mins a day (this will build the habit o doing activity daily). Once you have this down, then you can increase the time.
When I first started i couldn't even walk 10mins, I would walk 8mins, take a break then walk another 2. Eventually that turned in to 1hr and 30mins of jogging.
VERY well said....often times 'we' think we need to do this in HUGE GIANT STEPS and change every single thing about every thing we are eating/doing etc.....that is 'usually' a set up for failure. BABY STEPS MY FRIEND!!!!!0 -
Debbie, I'm so sorry for your lose. I know how hard it must be to get through the day. Please don't be so hard on yourself, you are still grieving and that takes time. Instead focus on what you can do, make one small change you can keep. Start by making sure you eat something at every meal. It doesn't have to be super healthy but real food, try to get off the 5 hour energy. Your body needs fuel to function. Next try to make healthier food choices and so on. Small baby steps which you can keep up. You don't need to do everything all at once as long as you takes small steps towards it.0
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I am so very sorry to hear of your loss and how hard life is for you right now. But remember tomorrow is always another day, a new day to try again.
Have you been to a Doctor concerning your running out of breath just getting to the bathroom? I was doing that and found I had a heart attack at some point and did not know it. I have since had 3 stents placed and currently going through cardiac rehab and getting better each day. I guess my point is don't beat yourself up over something that at the moment you may have no control over. Find yourself a buddy to which you have to be accountable for all your food intake as well as exercise (this is what I HAVE to HAVE), but most important do not give up if you fail one day, one meal. Remember each meal is only one out of 21 for the week.
Hope this helps you in some small way.0 -
Your emotions and your life are a turmoil right now. I lost my Mom ten years ago and I can remember how bad it hurt. It took me awhile to grieve and process what had happened. Don't try to make big changes all at once. Even in the best of times this is hard to do. Pick one thing to change. Maybe it will be making sure you eat. Give yourself time. Time to heal, grieve and learn to build a new normal. You've got support here. Hugs to you.0
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you are here, asking for help. that is the first step to making the changes you want in your life.
i just wanted to tell you how sorry i am for your loss. i lost my father to lung cancer, three weeks after he was diagnosed, and the shock of it knocked me down for a while. take care of yourself. don't add to your grief by punishing yourself right now.
add me if you want -- i log in every day.0 -
What you need more than anything right now is to grieve. Once you've started to heal emotionally, the rest can be dealt with.
I'm so sorry for your loss.0 -
Stop beating yourself up...you've been through a lot. Take tiny, itty, bitty steps towards your goals. Make small changes you can live with, and don't do silly things like starve yourself. try to walk a tiny little bit further each day, clean up your diet tiny bit by bit. Making long lasting changes will probably take years, and it's easy to get discouraged, but remember how you felt seeing your family members grieving. GOOD LUCK!
This sums up most of what I feel could help, as well don't beat yourself up. I can be terrible about this myself and I have found people on MFP who help to realize the good in me and help me to keep fighting. This is a terrible part of your life, and you do need to greive and cope with your loss. Starting a life change can be difficult, but doable in small steps. Posting what you have tells me you do want this, but need some help and support and you are in the right place for that.0 -
I lost my Mom on the 29th of Jan of this year. Sorry to hear about yours, it's tough.
I had the same reasons as you stated right now on Jan 6th of 2012. My Mom had a terminal disease and had it for five years. Four years into it I was nearing rock bottom and she wasn't even gone yet. I was sick of everything and have since lost nearly 70 pounds. Just stay strong, realize it's a change and get excited about your progress. Good luck!0 -
I am so sorry for your loss? I lost my mother to lung cancer 1.5 years ago and a day doesn't go by that I don't think about her. When you lose that compass in you life, you feel alone, abandoned and don't know where to turn.
That being said.....take some time to grieve. Try going for a short walk each day, it will help you clear your head, give yourself some alone time to think, and you will get some exercise too. These are things that I did, and told the family it was my time and they understood. Anyone would.
Don't beat yourself up.....you will get thru this. If you need me, I am here.0 -
:flowerforyou:
You are going through something so hard, and i know your pain.
Take one day at a time... log your food... try to move a little.
just dont give up.0 -
Debbie - don't beat yourself up! You've been thru a lot and are under a lot of stress. Take baby steps, do one thing at a time if that's all you can do. Plan a healthy menu so you aren't snacking on junk. Plan some "me time" exercise. And that's what it is - your exercise is your time to take care of yourself. Find several exercises you like & will stick with. If its not something you like you won't do it. If you can only find time or energy to walk a half a block then do just that & increase the distance when you can. Don't overdo it & hurt yourself but push yourself enough so you get some benefit. Trust me sometimes the hardest thing is to do is to just get started. I know if I take a break from working out it takes "a lot" of motivation to get back into it. I've read that it takes 30 days to get into a routine - maybe so.
I don't know what your diet is like but for me I found it easier to gradually clean out my diet - I focused on a few things at a time. This week I focused on cutting back my soda intake & increasing my water intake, the next week I focused on cutting out chips or measuring all my food. You would be overwhelmed if you tried to do everything at once. Good luck!! We are here for you so come back whenever you want to talk0 -
I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with a PP about taking it one day at a time. You need time to grieve. Don't beat yourself up for not jumping into a new health regiment. Maybe just start by doing something very small each day. It might just be coming here for some motivation. It might be giving up a snack or incorporating something new into your diet. It might be a 5 minute walk. Do what you can each day, but remember that each day is a chance to start new.0
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Honey - You lost your mom less than 2 weeks ago. Give yourself a little break. Try to take the time you need to feel what you're feeling. Try to set a goal for each week. Maybe something like "this week I'm going to throw in an extra veggie each day." Or "I'm going to get to bed a half hour earlier than usual." or something like that. start with small, attainable goals.
you don't have to tackle everything at once, but ya need a start. it all seems overwhelming right now, and that is totally understandable. just don't put too much pressure on yourself right now.
you can do this.
^This. Focus on little changes, if any at all right this second. You need to give yourself time to heal emotionally. I'm so sorry for your loss.0 -
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom in December of 1998 and still would give anything to hear her voice or hug her. My mom passed away at the age of 53 after a battle with breast cancer. Watching my mom battle cancer helped me realize that I have to become healthier for myself and for my family. Try baby steps...dedicate at least 30 minutes to walking each day and if you have to do it in 3 10 minute bursts thats ok. Once you master that challenge, increase your time.
I don't know if you are a spiriual lady or not but another thing that has helped me after I didn't have my mom to turn to anymore is the serenity prayer. Best of luck to you and feel free to friend me.0
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