No where to turn--any help would be appreciated

you are here, asking for help. that is the first step to making the changes you want in your life.

i just wanted to tell you how sorry i am for your loss. i lost my father to lung cancer, three weeks after he was diagnosed, and the shock of it knocked me down for a while. take care of yourself. don't add to your grief by punishing yourself right now.

add me if you want -- i log in every day.

Stop beating yourself up...you've been through a lot. Take tiny, itty, bitty steps towards your goals. Make small changes you can live with, and don't do silly things like starve yourself. try to walk a tiny little bit further each day, clean up your diet tiny bit by bit. Making long lasting changes will probably take years, and it's easy to get discouraged, but remember how you felt seeing your family members grieving. GOOD LUCK!

This sums up most of what I feel could help, as well don't beat yourself up. I can be terrible about this myself and I have found people on MFP who help to realize the good in me and help me to keep fighting. This is a terrible part of your life, and you do need to greive and cope with your loss. Starting a life change can be difficult, but doable in small steps. Posting what you have tells me you do want this, but need some help and support and you are in the right place for that.

I am so sorry for your loss? I lost my mother to lung cancer 1.5 years ago and a day doesn't go by that I don't think about her. When you lose that compass in you life, you feel alone, abandoned and don't know where to turn.
That being said.....take some time to grieve. Try going for a short walk each day, it will help you clear your head, give yourself some alone time to think, and you will get some exercise too. These are things that I did, and told the family it was my time and they understood. Anyone would.
Don't beat yourself up.....you will get thru this. If you need me, I am here.

Debbie - don't beat yourself up! You've been thru a lot and are under a lot of stress. Take baby steps, do one thing at a time if that's all you can do. Plan a healthy menu so you aren't snacking on junk. Plan some "me time" exercise. And that's what it is - your exercise is your time to take care of yourself. Find several exercises you like & will stick with. If its not something you like you won't do it. If you can only find time or energy to walk a half a block then do just that & increase the distance when you can. Don't overdo it & hurt yourself but push yourself enough so you get some benefit. Trust me sometimes the hardest thing is to do is to just get started. I know if I take a break from working out it takes "a lot" of motivation to get back into it. I've read that it takes 30 days to get into a routine - maybe so.

I don't know what your diet is like but for me I found it easier to gradually clean out my diet - I focused on a few things at a time. This week I focused on cutting back my soda intake & increasing my water intake, the next week I focused on cutting out chips or measuring all my food. You would be overwhelmed if you tried to do everything at once. Good luck!! We are here for you so come back whenever you want to talk

Honey - You lost your mom less than 2 weeks ago. Give yourself a little break. Try to take the time you need to feel what you're feeling. Try to set a goal for each week. Maybe something like "this week I'm going to throw in an extra veggie each day." Or "I'm going to get to bed a half hour earlier than usual." or something like that. start with small, attainable goals.

you don't have to tackle everything at once, but ya need a start. it all seems overwhelming right now, and that is totally understandable. just don't put too much pressure on yourself right now.

you can do this.

^This. Focus on little changes, if any at all right this second. You need to give yourself time to heal emotionally. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Debbie -

I am so sorry for your loss. Please make sure to take the time to grieve and take care of yourself emotionally as well as physically. That being said, the journey to getting healthy starts with a single step. Maybe keeping a written journal for yourself will be helpful as well as tracking on here. For example you can make a section for writing in the goals you set for yourself. Start small and make them attainable. Also, make a place for mealtimes (when you know you should eat) and try to eat something, even a snack then, and track it. Lastly, write down your feelings for the day. This can be about your mom, day at work, energy level, etc.

It's a tool that many people use and might help you get started. It's also a great tool to be able to look back and see how far you've come. The healthier you get, the more energy you'll have too. Everything will come in time. Please take care. :flowerforyou:

I'm so sorry. Please try to just focus on your health, for now/ Everything else will fall into place if you make that a priority.

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine the pain in your heart. Please know that you have alot of people here at MFP that will support you every steip of the way. The important thing to remember is that you don't fail until you stop trying. Do it for yourself and for your family. Make your health your priority. Also, try weaning yourself off of the power drinks, they could be making you even more shaky. Try stocking up on protein bars and Ensure. Ensure is full of so many vitamins. Before you know it your body will bounce back and your desire to workout might also pop up. But please take the time to mourn, don't beat yourself up. Honor your Mom by being the best you that you can be. I know you can do this.... Take care of yourself :flowerforyou:

First of all, I am sorry for the loss of your mom. I had lost my father suddenly a few years back and I know the pain, grief and emptiness it brings. You must understand this lifestyle change of improving your physical life is a journey. It takes time. Unlike popular media claims, there is no quick fix. I agree with many of the other members ... set small goals for yourself in the beginning. A walk to the end of the block, a healthier meal substitution, choosing water over sodas or coffee or 5-hour energy.

When you achieve those small goals, you will feel a sense of empowerment over your life. You already have it in you, but circumstances prevent you from seeing it or feeling it. Once those goals are met, expand them as you see fit. Walk farther, eat healthier. In time your energy level will increase and you won't need the 5-hour energy to keep you going. I also have sleep apnea. I never got a good night's sleep no matter how long I stayed in bed. When I lost a good portion of my weight, that changed.

You must believe in you. You will take U-turns on this journey, hit a few potholes and possibly simply break down. Don't criticize or beat yourself up over this. It is all part of the journey. Just keep going forward, no matter how small the steps are. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. Know this, believe this and take it one step at a time. I am here if you need to vent or talk.

Janelle

First things first. You are grieving in your own way for your Mom and immersed in the grief of the other family and friends around you. Be kind to yourself and let the grief be. Tell yourself that this IS awful and if you have to, find someone who is personally or professionally able to support you while you grieve. Somehow saying it out loud - it's not fair, it's too soon, she was too young, she won't get to see all those future special occasions and ordinary life changes....all that stuff - gets validated and then you can feel not "closure", but the start of acceptance that this is how it is. Grief is a process and not a destination. There are lots of books, support groups, counselors, etc. available.

Second - see your doctor (of whatever type you choose) and talk about being so tired, low in mood and maybe even low in vital hormones like thyroid, get serious about dealing with your sleep apnea. Someone who is apneic when awake and upright is at risk for very serious complications. Also check any other issues like blood pressure, blood sugar (i.e. diabetes). You may need meds for a bridge until you can get closer to normal.

When you have a moment of peace - go with that old stand-by - ONE day at a time. Just ONE. Plan a menu, stick to it, record it and walk one flight of stairs or one block further. Just ONE. If on a given day ONE is too much, do a HALF - it's still more than zero movement towards your goal of health. If you get TWO days in a week, and then THREE, and maybe even TWO days in a row, celebrate that as you weren't able to do that last week. If there are days when even a HALF is too much, be kind to yourself, let the ZERO be and go for ONE the next day.

The worst ZERO is no food and starving yourself until you shake. The energy drinks are sugar and caffeine. A sudden jolt (yes, I know that is a brand name) to your starving body is a terrible shock and only makes things worse. The 5 hour formula is a slow release version but has no more nutrition in it than the quick blasts. Eat real food. If it's hard to let go of the energy drinks, don't have them anywhere near by. If the only things in the house to eat and drink are good for you, it's hard to avoid the good food. Sounds silly when I write it out but it's still true.

You are absolutely right - you and your body are out of balance. And right now, so are your emotions. Pretty heavy load and no wonder you feel exhausted. There is no easy way around this, or under it or over it. You have to go through it. I see no point in minimizing your loss or your grief or your exhaustion. They are all real. In a way that's good because that means there are real ways to deal with them and regain your real strength.