No where to turn--any help would be appreciated
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Debbie -
I am so sorry for your loss. Please make sure to take the time to grieve and take care of yourself emotionally as well as physically. That being said, the journey to getting healthy starts with a single step. Maybe keeping a written journal for yourself will be helpful as well as tracking on here. For example you can make a section for writing in the goals you set for yourself. Start small and make them attainable. Also, make a place for mealtimes (when you know you should eat) and try to eat something, even a snack then, and track it. Lastly, write down your feelings for the day. This can be about your mom, day at work, energy level, etc.
It's a tool that many people use and might help you get started. It's also a great tool to be able to look back and see how far you've come. The healthier you get, the more energy you'll have too. Everything will come in time. Please take care. :flowerforyou:0 -
I'm terribly sorry for your loss.
It's good that you turned it into the motivation to do something good. Something that may lengthen your life and the time you can enjoy with others you love and that they'll have you. I saw a quote earlier today that may apply...Be nice to yourself.
It's hard to be happy when someone is mean to you all the time.
Now for some advice... first be kinder to yourself. You've already done the most important and hardest things. You decided to change and you asked for help. It may be especially hard to change your food habits right now if you use food for comfort. Start with some things you can do.
First begin tracking what you eat. Don't worry about changing it yet. (Although the simple act of tracking may make you think twice about what you eat. And it will make you more aware of the good and bad parts of what you eat now. Even fast food places have some good options.)
Can you exercise at all? Even just marching in place during a commercial or a short walk around the mall? Could you aim at 5 minutes a day? It doesn't even have to be all at once.
Part of the reason you are tired is your weight, so as it gets better, you'll probably be less tired and may have less trouble with sleep apnea. But another reason to be tired is grief. Grief is often extremely tiring. Not sleeping well is tiring. (If you can afford it, check with a doctor about the sleep apnea. It can be dangerous, and my friends who have been able to do something about it say they sleep much better now.) So this will get better. Some exercise during the day may also help you sleep better. It's really hard to move when you're already exhausted, but unless you have a medical reason not to... try for just those few minutes of gentle exercise.
You can do it. Another popular quote around here is that "A year from now, you'll wish you started today." But even better may be that "A year from now, you'll be glad you started today."
Be gentle with yourself. Many of the successful people here started with easy steps, and then another easy step... and after a bit they were running. You wouldn't expect one of your children to learn how to run instantly, would you? They crawl, stand, then toddle with help first... but they usually get there.
For more early steps, see http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/Robin_Bin/view/how-to-use-myfitnesspal-427993
Good luck!0 -
I'm so sorry. Please try to just focus on your health, for now/ Everything else will fall into place if you make that a priority.0
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I am so sorry for your loss!
I lost a dear family member in September and then suddenly a second one in October.
In my opinion you are suffering from depression - understandable - and are still grieving. It has only been a few weeks.
What i know now that i wish i knew then was to set a time limit for ceasing my workouts and just grieving.
One week turns into 2, etc. it has been 5 months now and it is harder now to get back on my plan because i took so much time off. I felt guilty worrying about my weight when someone had died. It seemed selfish.
Now i know that taking care of yourself is NOT selfish - that 's how we will be able to stay healthy for our families.
Get counseling if possible and try to get something like a walk in daily. Add minutes to the walk.
Just keep moving as you take all the time you need to heal.
Hugs❤0 -
I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine the pain in your heart. Please know that you have alot of people here at MFP that will support you every steip of the way. The important thing to remember is that you don't fail until you stop trying. Do it for yourself and for your family. Make your health your priority. Also, try weaning yourself off of the power drinks, they could be making you even more shaky. Try stocking up on protein bars and Ensure. Ensure is full of so many vitamins. Before you know it your body will bounce back and your desire to workout might also pop up. But please take the time to mourn, don't beat yourself up. Honor your Mom by being the best you that you can be. I know you can do this.... Take care of yourself :flowerforyou:0
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Hi Debbie. So sorry for your loss and the painful time you're going through right now. Losing a parent is devastating, and grief is so exhausting and so hard to push through. I commend you for wanting to live a healthier life. It's a great way to honor your mother, and I'm sure she would be proud of you. Start small if you have to...short walks and logging your food, and take it from there. It'll get easier eventually. Good luck.0
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First of all, I am sorry for the loss of your mom. I had lost my father suddenly a few years back and I know the pain, grief and emptiness it brings. You must understand this lifestyle change of improving your physical life is a journey. It takes time. Unlike popular media claims, there is no quick fix. I agree with many of the other members ... set small goals for yourself in the beginning. A walk to the end of the block, a healthier meal substitution, choosing water over sodas or coffee or 5-hour energy.
When you achieve those small goals, you will feel a sense of empowerment over your life. You already have it in you, but circumstances prevent you from seeing it or feeling it. Once those goals are met, expand them as you see fit. Walk farther, eat healthier. In time your energy level will increase and you won't need the 5-hour energy to keep you going. I also have sleep apnea. I never got a good night's sleep no matter how long I stayed in bed. When I lost a good portion of my weight, that changed.
You must believe in you. You will take U-turns on this journey, hit a few potholes and possibly simply break down. Don't criticize or beat yourself up over this. It is all part of the journey. Just keep going forward, no matter how small the steps are. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. Know this, believe this and take it one step at a time. I am here if you need to vent or talk.
Janelle0 -
I'm sorry about your mom. I can't even imagine your pain.
Everyone here has the right idea. Grieving takes time, so let yourself grieve. Everything else will come easier over time. Just pick one little thing you can change now, focus on that for a bit, and then gradually ease into other changes.
Best of luck to you :flowerforyou:0 -
First things first. You are grieving in your own way for your Mom and immersed in the grief of the other family and friends around you. Be kind to yourself and let the grief be. Tell yourself that this IS awful and if you have to, find someone who is personally or professionally able to support you while you grieve. Somehow saying it out loud - it's not fair, it's too soon, she was too young, she won't get to see all those future special occasions and ordinary life changes....all that stuff - gets validated and then you can feel not "closure", but the start of acceptance that this is how it is. Grief is a process and not a destination. There are lots of books, support groups, counselors, etc. available.
Second - see your doctor (of whatever type you choose) and talk about being so tired, low in mood and maybe even low in vital hormones like thyroid, get serious about dealing with your sleep apnea. Someone who is apneic when awake and upright is at risk for very serious complications. Also check any other issues like blood pressure, blood sugar (i.e. diabetes). You may need meds for a bridge until you can get closer to normal.
When you have a moment of peace - go with that old stand-by - ONE day at a time. Just ONE. Plan a menu, stick to it, record it and walk one flight of stairs or one block further. Just ONE. If on a given day ONE is too much, do a HALF - it's still more than zero movement towards your goal of health. If you get TWO days in a week, and then THREE, and maybe even TWO days in a row, celebrate that as you weren't able to do that last week. If there are days when even a HALF is too much, be kind to yourself, let the ZERO be and go for ONE the next day.
The worst ZERO is no food and starving yourself until you shake. The energy drinks are sugar and caffeine. A sudden jolt (yes, I know that is a brand name) to your starving body is a terrible shock and only makes things worse. The 5 hour formula is a slow release version but has no more nutrition in it than the quick blasts. Eat real food. If it's hard to let go of the energy drinks, don't have them anywhere near by. If the only things in the house to eat and drink are good for you, it's hard to avoid the good food. Sounds silly when I write it out but it's still true.
You are absolutely right - you and your body are out of balance. And right now, so are your emotions. Pretty heavy load and no wonder you feel exhausted. There is no easy way around this, or under it or over it. You have to go through it. I see no point in minimizing your loss or your grief or your exhaustion. They are all real. In a way that's good because that means there are real ways to deal with them and regain your real strength.0 -
Totally Agree!!!I am so sorry for your loss!
I lost a dear family member in September and then suddenly a second one in October.
In my opinion you are suffering from depression - understandable - and are still grieving. It has only been a few weeks.
What i know now that i wish i knew then was to set a time limit for ceasing my workouts and just grieving.
One week turns into 2, etc. it has been 5 months now and it is harder now to get back on my plan because i took so much time off. I felt guilty worrying about my weight when someone had died. It seemed selfish.
Now i know that taking care of yourself is NOT selfish - that 's how we will be able to stay healthy for our families.
Get counseling if possible and try to get something like a walk in daily. Add minutes to the walk.
Just keep moving as you take all the time you need to heal.
Hugs❤0 -
Lots of good advice here. I'll add 2 more pieces to what i said before.
1) Write down your goals. (You can use the profile here on MyFitnessPal or anyplace else you like.)
2) Set intermediate goals. Don't worry about that whole, long path ahead. Pick some goals like
* lose 2 pounds
* exercise for 5 minutes today
* track what you eat (everything as accurately as possible) for 1 day
* write down some goals
* remember 10 things for which you are grateful
(Don't try to do all of those. I'm just giving examples.)
Depending on what works best for you, you may also want to do a third thing: decide on some (non-food) rewards. Again, just for example...
* do something fun with one of your kids
* get a manicure or paint your own nails
* listen to some music you like and relax
* learn how to do something you've always wanted to do (origami, a language, how to play guitar)
Again... I'm so sorry for the bad time you're having now, but it will get better, and even faster if you help move it along.0 -
I don't post on to many advice asking, because everyone has opinions and always dishes out advice. But I will say yours has touched me.
For everyone there is a turning point, that's what starts a weight loss journey. Some may just not like how they look in the mirror. For other's maybe thier spouse wants them to be back to their old body. Others its medical, and then for a smaller few its because someone has died and it has made you see how precious life is and how we need to get in control of our own personal matters.
With that said, stop what you are doing. Stop blaming yourself. Your plate is overflowing. First things first, deal with the grief. Deal with the emotions you are having as well as your family. Work through those before trying to move on with your life. If you don't, you won't ever really move on and you will keep failing.
Being motivated because of your mom doesn't mean you need to shed 100lbs in 2 months. You have to make small changes to get your life on a sustainable path.
Plan your meals for the week. Cook on Sunday or whatever day of the week you have some down time. I try to cook my side dishes for the week on Sunday, that way we have the little stuff done. I also grilled chicken and several other items that would heat up well for the week on Sunday. I know what we are having for dinner every night. I have a very busy schedule with work and kids softball games/practice/therapy/gym/anything else that mom has to do.
Get the sleep apnea under control. Do you were a CPAP? if not, why not? Those things change people's lives. I have seen to many people go from evil, mean, unmotivated, down right hate the world to wonderful people because of that little machine. My husband and my father both. With both having over 100 episodes of stopping breathing during the night. You cannot successfully lose weight if your sleep apnea isn't under control. Your body will not work right. You are tired because your body isn't resting and resetting itself. I cannot say how important it is to do, and not to scare you but we just put a friend in the ground because he refused to wear his cpap. Unfortunately he didn't wake up one night.
You are such a strong woman who deserves more love from yourself. Everyone will tell you things they do that help them out. Try them, do them. But more than anything love yourself, use your cpap, or if you don't have one get a cpap, and give yourself time to heal.
My prayers are with you.0 -
Just my opinion but your first priority is to get your sleep apnea treated properly. I remember what it was like before mine was treated. It is hard enough losing weight and getting in shape now, I can't imagine doing it when all I was doing was trying to sleep.
The consequences of untreated sleep apnea are probably worse than the consequences of being overweight.0 -
Debbie, So sorry for your loss. Don't stress yourself further you are doing the best you can right now for you and your family. When you are stronger you can and will do better. All the grieving books say this is no time for big decisions or changes. Baby steps like everyone said. Try lowering your salt intake and increasing your water per day. Go for a stroll when you need time alone and most importantly be kind to yourself.0
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I'm sorry you're hurting right now... it's ok to feel that way. Your loss is so fresh. Give yourself permission to grieve. Be proud of the fact that you are infact getting through the day, even if it's hard.
I know others have already said this, but getting a CPAP or getting yours adjusted if you have one already will make a world of difference in your fatigue, blood pressure, heart strain, depression, etc.
As far as grieving for your mother and unkept promises, don't beat yourself up... one day at a time, one step at a time.0 -
Yes, give yourself some time. The mind and body are connected and both need time to heal. I would do what some others have suggested. Just log. Don't worry about what you you are eating in terms of amount or quality. Just log it. That act alone will reward you in all sorts of ways. And oddly enough you may want to treat yourself to some sort of new toys - a food scale can be fun and inspiring in a weird way. And a tracker like a fitbit might give you some external motivation. They are simple to set up, gadgety fun and all you do is wear the thing or put it in your pocket. Or regular pedometers are much less expensive. Once you get some of the groundwork set for a few weeks with logging and recording steps-- you can start to set very small goals for yourself. But don't push yourself to start doing all sorts of dramatic changes. Your mind and body need some time first.0
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Debbie -
I am so sorry for your loss. I understand your pain. I lost my mother 15 years ago to cancer. She was only 52, I was only 29 at the time. I have to say I am still not over the loss. The pain and grief does lesson some with time, but it is still always there.
Your exhaustion is probably partly due to what you have just been through. I know now that I probably was "depressed" after my mother's death. I didn't see it then, but now I definitely do. I think it also contributed greatly to my weight gain, I let myself gain 100 lbs after her death. I am proud of you for trying to keep your head in the game and take control of your health now. But you definitely also need to let yourself have time to heal.
Hang in there! I am sending you a friend request.
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Honey, it's been less than a month since you lost your mama. I was a mess for MONTHS after I lost mine. You gotta lighten up on yourself. Grief is stressful. Give yourself a break. It's going to take a lot of time. :flowerforyou:0
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Debbie,
Just an idea but investigate breath work. Sounds like you could use some help with stress. I hate that word but it hurts oue efforts to take care of ourselves. every day sit in silence and breathe. swear it helps.
K0 -
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Please be very, very gentle with yourself. My mother died several years ago, and I still get broken up every now and then. The grief will ease with time, and I'm sure you'll be able to conquer whatever you want then. In the meantime, just do the best you can.0 -
I read your post and all the replies and I dont really have anything to add because everyone has given such great advice. I just wanted to let you know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers. What you are going through is tough. You can do this and you are worth it!!!0
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I'm sorry for your loss and for the way you are feeling. Have you had any opportunity to speak to a grief counselor or clergy-or someone who might be able to just be a good listener without making any judgements? And have you considered asking your dr. for some meds to help for a bit until you are better able to deal with things. Not forever, just for a while. It sounds to me like you are very depresed-which is not abnormal with such a profound and sudden loss. If you can hardly stand to get out of bed and face each day, it may be asking too much of yourself to go on a "diet" and exercise like crazy all at one time. First, you need to get your state of mind in a sound place so you have a good mental foundation to build on. And I would suggest starting very small, just a step at a time.
Long story short is that my motto for various reasons seems to have become "Do what you can until you can do more . Repeat as necessary."
I am sending you a friend request in a moment and I promise to help be supportive for you.
Barb0 -
oh Debbie - I wish I could give you a great big hug.
Please be kind to your self. there have been so many great suggestions and when the time is right you will proceed.
That being said, choosing one thing to focus on ie tracking you intake (or what ever you choose) can provide some structure/stability, regardless of what you are actually doing with in that particular category that you decide to tackle.
take care
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The first thing I would like to say is I'm sorry.... So sorry for you lose. It is very hard to deal with the lost of a parent, and then to lose her so quickly, I know it's hard. My husband's dad died at 49 from lung cancer, very hard on family!!!! The best thing for you to do is just take one day at a time right now. As for MFP this is the best thing i've ever tried. I started on Jan 19/13 and have lost 30 lbs today. I think it helps to enter and see what we are putting into our bodies. Just try to start, and you too will see a big difference... Good luck0
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You're in my thoughts
Everyone has offered such wonderful advice; I have nothing to add. Good luck, and take care of yourself.0 -
Ok, I want to thank each and everyone of you guys for the suggestions and the kindness. Some of you wrote here and some opted for personal messages. I dont know why, maybe my frame of mind, but I am just overwhelmed by this outpouring. I was not expecting it but thank you again.
I promise to give everyone's suggestion careful thought.
You guys have made me realize that I am not being very realistic in critizing myself over this.
I will re-read these again tomorrow and any new ones. The majority seems to be: 1. be kinder to myself 2. outlet for my grief 3. small changes that will not make my world any harder right now. Even if it is jus a single change 4. Need to find a new doctor as mine retired. Crazy as it sounds, I did not know people could pass away from sleep apnea. At the time of my diagnosis, doctor felt I was okay without the mask. I am pretty certain that though it has been less than a year--stress, etc has probably taken its toll in this area.
Again, thank you everyone. So grateful. Debbie0 -
Sending you hugs! I was 17 when I lost my mother to cancer. That was 33 years ago. I can tell you, it will get easier but even after all that time, it still hurts. But you will get to a point where you can live your life. It takes time and is very gradual but it does get easier...one day at a time.
Everyone has given great advice. When you are ready, listen to them...especially those who said baby steps and small goal. Know that we are all here for you and those of us who pray, are praying for you. You can add me. I'm on here everyday and would be happy to offer whatever I can to help....support, a listening ear, motivation. I will be thinking of you!
Nancy0 -
i have a similar situation to yours... right now i am eating as normal and tracking the amount of calories in what i am eating. it is kinda crazy how many calories are in supposedly healthy options. i am working in steps... first eat normal and track while beginning to increase activity, next is to drop calories and increase food and exercise, then increase to a manageable lifestyle food and exercise wise. i have tried to do all the crazy crash diets to no avail and i am just getting heavier. for exercise i got a kinect for xbox 360 and got several games for it. i am a gamer of sorts so it works for me. try finding activities that you can fit in and just track what you are eating. modify your diet in a couple of weeks to healthier options of what you like to eat.0
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Grieving is, literally, extremely demanding physical work. The best thing you can do for yourself is sleep, nap, rest, and let yourself feel so you can begin to heal. This is not a motivation problem, and you should definitely not be beating yourself up about diving into weight loss right now. Just be kind to yourself and get through this incredibly difficult time. I recommend just paying attention to your body. Notice whether you are hungry or sad or tired and eat accordingly. Take walks to clear your head; do yoga, dance, or swim if that feels good. You will be in my thoughts--I wish you grace and strength as you mourn your mom.0
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Very sorry for your loss. It takes time to get over losing a parent. It's true you should take it a little at a time. Definitely go outside and walk at least a few minutes a day, if you can. Try to add more fruits and vegetables into your diet and set some realistic goals. A couple of pounds a month is WAY better than nothing! You don't have to be in a hurry. Best to ditch the 5 hour energy, because I believe such things can become addictive. Maybe try some green tea if you need a little boost. At least there are health benefits to this. Even just starting to log here is a beginning and once you know how many calories you're eating, you can then start to make small adjustments.0
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