Fear of losing weight increased attention.please respond!

It's amazing what an effect wearing a wedding band has. Pick one up at a pawn shop. Worth every penny.

Hahaha oh my god, if you weren't on my friend list I don't think I'd have seen this. I feel the same, not 100% the same though but here's how it is with me - I don't have loads of experience with men, and I feel uncomfortable when someone flirts with me because I don't know how to flirt back, and I'm also afraid of the potential for increased attention. But you know what, you'll be a stronger person in so many ways once you've lost the weight, so you'll be able to handle it, girl!

Oh, and about the jerky guys... I highly suggest the books "Why Men Love b*tches" and "Why Men Marry b*tches" By Shirley Argov. They changed my life! The name is deceptive - it doesn't teach you how to be a "b*tch" to guys, it lets you in on a lot of the tricks guys play (the author interviewed a bunch of guys and they told all), so you can be ahead of the game and not fall for the BS. Most guys will push for sex early on, but they will value you more if you make them earn it by letting them pursue you and "win" you over first.

I really like how she delves into male instincts and psychology. An analogy she gave (I'm paraphrasing) - You know how some men like to go on hunting trips? They'll sleep in tents, live off of uncooked hotdogs and trail mix, brave the cold, duck in muddy trenches, until they finally shoot a big stinking moose, then they drag the carcass home and proudly mount its head on their wall. But let's say someone took the exact same dead moose and left it on his doorstep, he'd want nothing to do with it. So essentially, when you give yourself over to a guy too easily, he didn't get the chance to "hunt/pursue" you, and you're like a dead moose left on his doorstep! Men enjoy the chase, regardless of what they say. That's why the guys you don't like blow your phone up, while the guys you dote on never seem to call you as much as you'd like.

There's also a lot about personal growth and self esteem. The idea is, once you've become the optimal, fulfilled, confident version of yourself, you'll glow from the inside and start attracting the right men too. Good luck!

Try turning this situation around a little to simplify it.
Rather than worrying about deflecting the attention from men, focus on improving your health.
Then make positive decisions each day to get yourself in the best condition you can so that you will live longer.
You owe this to yourself and all the people that depend on you. :happy:

The only suggestion I can give - wear headphones. Never leave home without headphones

And sunglasses. If you accidently make eye contact with someone while wearing headphones, they may still take that is an invitation to get chatty.

Between headphones and sunglasses, only the extremely determined will try to get your attention. I never leave home without both.:laugh:

It's easy to feel like a piece of meat. Once upon a time that really freaked me out actually. I've always gotten attention, but especially so when I'm thin. The difference for me I think is realizing that it's not that big a deal, the attention that is. I can say no. I can do some things with body language to put them off, and take some extra precautions. But overall, it's just acceptance that it's a part of life and it doesn't matter that much. I'm not special and there are lots of attractive people.

In personal experience there has been absolutely zero correlation between my weight and the amount of attention I get from guys.

i got the most male attention (stupid amounts, strangers fighting over me and trying to drag me away with them) when i was dangerously underweight. scary but true.
i think predatory types are more attracted to women who look physically or emotionally vulnerable, and weight can be a sign they pick up on. the men who pay me attention now i'm a healthy weight are a lot less scary.

It's amazing what an effect wearing a wedding band has. Pick one up at a pawn shop. Worth every penny.

Those trinkets? They don't stop the determined. And those type of men pursue married women for a DIFFERENT set of reasons as they would pursue single women.

Try turning this situation around a little to simplify it.
Rather than worrying about deflecting the attention from men, focus on improving your health.
Then make positive decisions each day to get yourself in the best condition you can so that you will live longer.
You owe this to yourself and all the people that depend on you. :happy:

I agree with this. I'm 55, so a bit of older lady perspective here. I can tell you that if you are the kind of woman who attracts attention, you're going to attract attention, so you have to learn to handle it. I totally identify with your feelings, because I carried a lot of weight through my thirties that I know was in part to deflect male attention. Even then, I got it. I think of the years I wasted because I was afraid, but the fear was mostly of myself. I was in an unhappy marriage at the time.

With losing weight comes confidence and an inner glow, and men are attracted to that. I'm rambling, but I wanted to say this still happens to me. I'm happily married, wear a wedding ring and until the set fell out a few weeks ago, an engagement ring with a big ol' flashy rock in it. I'm friendly and silly and still attractive. It's older men now, but still.

In my twenties, I was basically sexually harassed in the workplace. That's just how it was. I learned to say things like, "in your dreams." Or, "you wish." Or whatever. Now it's "aren't you silly?" Or there's that down the nose look.

Lose the weight for you. Nobody else. Learn to deal with men. Take it for what it's worth and move forward through your life. For you being the best you can be. Don't let fear of attention keep you from that.

something about your post kind of bothers me. i feel like you aren't looking for love! You deserve love : we all do.
You say that you are on a new spiritual path. I don't know to which path you are referring but maybe you could find a church, synagogue, meditation house, coven, Buddhist temple, mosque, or explore Seattle's meetup.com for groups that share a similar spiritual path as yourself. Maybe you could find friends and possibly even a potential partner who are in the same frame of mind spiritually.

All of our experiences will vary, but the most amt of attention i received from men was when I was engaged...so just wearing the engagement ring and not the wedding band. I was happy, so I'm sure it showed but I also think retrospectively that some of them thought that hey maybe I can be her last hoo-rah before she settles down. To be honest, sometimes I found it insulting being constantly hit on while I am obviously engaged and other times I found it flattering.