How to be healthy during a divorce

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  • Laura42012
    Laura42012 Posts: 180 Member
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    I loved my x husband so much!~ We were inseparable. Then I caught him cheating... I thought my life was over. I just wanted to get away from him as fast as possible. I thought about staying with him but I cant forgive cheating, in a way, it was a forced divorce because of his choices. I moved out within a week of finding out. I went from a size 14 to a size 5 in a couple of months. I had so many question? Why was I not good enough? Etc. I finally had to find myself. I have a 3.9 in college now, Im in an honors society, I work full time for an internship, I workout physically 5-6 times a week, I have 2 cats that are amazing pets, I now have great friends-not very many but quality is much better than quantity any day, .... Basically the best advice I can give you is to find yourself (who you are) without him... Who are you? What are your dreams? :) No go do them!

    Well said :)
  • MsipiGRITS
    MsipiGRITS Posts: 128 Member
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    Eating was hard for me too. Exercise is what saved me, really. I had a newborn, my family was 3000 miles away, and I was put through absolute hell. I started off by walking every time it got to be too much. I'd strap my DD in to her baby carrier and off we'd go.

    I actually lost most of my weight going through all of it...but have kept it off with hard work.

    Try another gym.

    Go for a run.

    Find a friend to talk to.

    Go to church.

    BREATHE.

    I didn't drink because I had just had a baby, but I also knew that it would all still suck regardless of how much alcohol was involved.

    It will get better. I promise.

    ^This^ is good advice! My divorce has been final a year. Now, I could not be happier!! Once you are out of it, you may see that it was not healthy for you anyway; I did. Time, change your routine and make new memories. I wouldn't go back to where I was for all the tea (I am a tea addict) in the world!!!!
  • MsipiGRITS
    MsipiGRITS Posts: 128 Member
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    I say.. go have a wild YOU day! =) Drink.. eat the chocolate.. do what ever the hell makes you happy! Then switch gyms and take a friend with you!

    Find a healthy food that makes you feel good.. and snack on that. Surround yourself with positive energy. You'll get through this! Another of MFP friends just had to break of an engagement.. I told her 'He had to get the hell out of the way for your Prince Charming!' =D

    Maybe this song will help!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5qe6fAbug0

    :flowerforyou:

    and ^This^!!
  • 28houstonc
    28houstonc Posts: 11
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    It happened to me too the firsts 4 months, I tried pills to sleep over the counter but didn't help. I went to the doctor to get prescribe medicine and that did it for me, i only took them for a month. I was better in my sleep and eating too. I lost like 15 pounds in that time, but didn't have energy and felt like crap. Go to the doctor and they cost like 30 dollars in the pharmacy. Hope your get in your feet soon :)
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    I lost 50lbs and drank myself to death... and had a lot of random sex.

    I don't recommend that approach.

    Hey

    What? I don't want to get sued if she gets drunk & syphed! Amirite or amirite??
  • Sunny_fit4life
    Sunny_fit4life Posts: 157 Member
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    Honestly, from experience I think the best thing you could possibly do for your health is to seek counseling. I know it can be expensive if that is an issue (it was for me) but look for any avenue you can find to make it happen. I don't mean a doctor or medication, just a counselor. The other thing is that if you are religious, looking to your religion and/or church for comfort can be quite helpful. Regardless of your situation I think anyone who is going through a divorce would greatly benefit from a good counselor.

    What you're going through, in my opinion and experience, isn't really abnormal. After my divorce 3 years ago I could not hold food down for the first 3 weeks, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to change that. It just kind of ran its course.

    Another important thing is this: Surround yourself with friends and family. Stay away from negative people. Relax. Reach out and make sure you have a solid support system.

    I also used exercise, after the initial shock wore off and I could actually eat. I started running to cope with stress and it made me feel powerful and in control. I ran outdoors in the park. No gym required. Plus the fresh air and sunlight don't hurt.

    So I know that wasn't extremely coherent, but I guess my point is to get counseling if possible, spend as much time with friends and positive family as you can, wait until you're ready to work out, and time will help you heal.
  • jeffrodgers1
    jeffrodgers1 Posts: 991 Member
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    Ouch... it's not much fun is it? Doesn't help with people giving silly answers or answers that border on the destructive. You deserve better than that. Remember that you are important and that sometimes things just don't work between a couple. It's not always our fault when relationships end.

    First thing you need to do is channel your anxiety\anger\hurt. I find running is personally a great way to burn off anxiety or stress. Everyone is different. But can I suggest you at least pick yourself up and go walking? Even a 15 minute walk when you feel down can help you gain perspective and make you feel better. Fresh air and exercise do wonders.

    The second thing you need to do is talk about it. Do you have a friend or a relative you can talk to? Someone you can confide in? Getting your hurt out and putting words to your feelings helps immensely. It won't completely heal the wounds but it does help you get closure.

    Remember we are all a lot stronger than we give ourselves credit. You will get past this. Hugs!
  • estrange22
    estrange22 Posts: 210 Member
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    You need some pu lovin.

    Probably true!
  • estrange22
    estrange22 Posts: 210 Member
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    Boxing.

    Running.

    Basically I made the pain in my body louder than the pain in my heart.
    And the exercise made me hungry.

    Plus, I can't tell you how many times the killer workout triggered an emotional release, where I sat in my car and sobbed for an hour. Sometimes you have to let it out.

    And then, time.

    A good guy friend of mine owns an MMA gym nearby...maybe the next day I don't have my son (Wednesday) I can go take a kickboxing lesson from him!!
  • estrange22
    estrange22 Posts: 210 Member
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    Honestly, from experience I think the best thing you could possibly do for your health is to seek counseling. I know it can be expensive if that is an issue (it was for me) but look for any avenue you can find to make it happen. I don't mean a doctor or medication, just a counselor. The other thing is that if you are religious, looking to your religion and/or church for comfort can be quite helpful. Regardless of your situation I think anyone who is going through a divorce would greatly benefit from a good counselor.

    What you're going through, in my opinion and experience, isn't really abnormal. After my divorce 3 years ago I could not hold food down for the first 3 weeks, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to change that. It just kind of ran its course.

    Another important thing is this: Surround yourself with friends and family. Stay away from negative people. Relax. Reach out and make sure you have a solid support system.

    I also used exercise, after the initial shock wore off and I could actually eat. I started running to cope with stress and it made me feel powerful and in control. I ran outdoors in the park. No gym required. Plus the fresh air and sunlight don't hurt.

    So I know that wasn't extremely coherent, but I guess my point is to get counseling if possible, spend as much time with friends and positive family as you can, wait until you're ready to work out, and time will help you heal.

    I think I will get an appointment set with the counselor that helped me through my brother's death (almost two years ago)... very good idea!
  • estrange22
    estrange22 Posts: 210 Member
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    I lost 50lbs and drank myself to death... and had a lot of random sex.

    I don't recommend that approach.

    Hey

    What? I don't want to get sued if she gets drunk & syphed! Amirite or amirite??

    LOLOLOLOLOL. I am gonna drink a lil tomorrow night for the first time...funny enough, my husband's cousin's girlfriend is about to leave him (he doesn't know) so we're gonna go look at her new house and go out!
  • estrange22
    estrange22 Posts: 210 Member
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    I am so sorry you are going through this. All I can say is that it takes the dreaded word TIME. Continue to exercise, it does help and you will eventually fall into a new normal routine for yourself. In the mean time at the very least make sure you are drinking enough fluids...and when you're exercising I would make sure its low impact since you aren't eating much or even just stretch each day until you feel strong enough to give it your all, even a brisk walk on the treadmill, enough to make you a little tired. Once the anger hits the exercising will get alot easier and will help.

    The anger is starting to sink in, so maybe this weekend at some point I'll be able to at least go for a jog...I moved right next to a park with jogging trails so my son could play anytime!
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
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    Boxing.

    Running.

    Basically I made the pain in my body louder than the pain in my heart.
    And the exercise made me hungry.

    Plus, I can't tell you how many times the killer workout triggered an emotional release, where I sat in my car and sobbed for an hour. Sometimes you have to let it out.

    And then, time.

    A good guy friend of mine owns an MMA gym nearby...maybe the next day I don't have my son (Wednesday) I can go take a kickboxing lesson from him!!

    I SAY DO IT!!!
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/MireyGal76/view/a-year-of-new-found-passion-and-still-loving-it-my-boxing-story-508115
  • estrange22
    estrange22 Posts: 210 Member
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    I really appreciate all the responses...I have felt panicky all day and just not getting much support from my family(all live out of state) and my best friend has been telling me to leave for years so she sees him kicking me out as a good thing. I think the thing I got outta y'all's responses is first, it will take time. Second, exercise as soon as I can muster because it will help my stress and make me hungry. Then, go to counseling and/or church and/or meditation asap....then, drink a lil and enjoy adult interaction? I am lacking in that last department because I've had my son all but two nights the last two and a half weeks and eventhough I love love love my 4 year old, I'm LONELY AF.
  • 1brokegal44
    1brokegal44 Posts: 562 Member
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    It'll get better. Someone said boxing. Yes! Just imagine you're punching his lights out. :wink: You said the gym was your thing to do together--maybe you need to find a new gym or some other activity that's completely yours. Above all, time will heal. Probably not what you want to hear, but it's the truth. Oh, and the occasional drunken girls night with some close friends helps as well. :drinker:
  • xiamjackie
    xiamjackie Posts: 611 Member
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    Boxing.

    Running.

    Basically I made the pain in my body louder than the pain in my heart.
    And the exercise made me hungry.

    Plus, I can't tell you how many times the killer workout triggered an emotional release, where I sat in my car and sobbed for an hour. Sometimes you have to let it out.

    And then, time.


    Totally agree with this. If you push yourself extra hard in the gym and pour all your emotions into that, you will have something to focus on and you will be EXHAUSTED and hungry when it's over. Then you might just break down and lose it in the bathroom or on the ride home, but you'll feel spent when it's over and actually be able to sleep. It's a raw experience, but it needs to happen.
  • jsiricos
    jsiricos Posts: 338 Member
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    Do it one day at a time. There is no other way, and one day, you'll wake up, and it won't hurt.

    I got thru mine, then helped my friend, we did daft things like um.. while resting on display tables out the front of the store, watching them pour the new foundations for a store next door, and imagining how we could "pad" the foundation out...

    (2 weeks later when I got to the store there were several plice cars in the lot of the new store and I turned to her,and said "You didnt???" and she just grinned..

    AND..

    while watering the dry as a bone plants in the garden center of said store, I found the best way is to just dump them in a bucket of water and let them sit..
    So we devised a new way - we would name a plant a name (her or my ex, eventually half the stores ex's) and we would hold them under till the bubbles stopped lol
    except the time hers was almost done, she grabbed it by the top, lifted it up and said "what did you say?? I didn't think so!" and plunged it back into the water.

    Be angry, be sad, make peace with yourself, its ok to be alone.
  • alexisdc
    alexisdc Posts: 117 Member
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    Girlfriend, if you have to cry at the gym do it. Who cares who's looking. You need to do what ya gotta do and not worry about no one else at this moment. Plus use those workouts as stress relievers. Find a kick boxin class and beat the hell out of that punchin bag or the person holding up those pads (lol). If you can try going to smoothies that are have all the nutrients you need until you can do solid foods. At least this way your getting something in your body and not letting go all that hard work you have already done :) Your strong!! I see it in your pics :) You got this!!
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
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    It gets better. I promise. Took awhile, but one day I was driving to work and realized my divorce wasn't killing me. Just sort of out the blue. Six months from now you'll start to get your bearings. A year from now you will be on your feet. Two years from now you'll know who you are outside of that relationship. And three years from now, it will just be another chapter in your life.

    It does get better.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
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    First I drank a lot. Way more than I ever had before. Then I stopped eating and lost about 20 lbs. I'm not sure there's much you can do except let yourself go through whatever emotions you're feeling. In awhile you'll realize that it's the best thing that could have happened, even though it doesn't seem like it now. Just hang in there and focus on getting through the day.

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