What would you want done?

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  • carryingon
    carryingon Posts: 609 Member
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    If you went to pick up your three year old at daycare and

    1.the teacher stopped him from running to you to give you a hug saying they needed to "talk" about why he was in timeout (for putting his feet on the table)
    2.Stood over him (not on his level)
    3.Raised her voice and used an angry tone in front of everyone
    4.shook and pointed her finger at him
    5.Repeatedly told him to wipe the look of his face when he looked sad and scared
    6.and later that night he told you that a teacher pinched his face when it was snack time (he didn't like the snack)
    7.the next day you took him in and asked him to point out the teacher who hurt him (in front of other staff, the assistant director, and a family member for a witness) and he pointed at the same teacher and said that's the teacher who hurt me.

    a. Teacher suspended
    b. Teacher Fired
    c. Teacher left in room with other children
    d. Teacher reported to authorities

    If it's in a Catholic institution would it change your answer on how you wanted it or expected it to be handled?

    Accepting all feedback:flowerforyou:

    @sweetnothing - So, I went to an All Boys Catholic school and also coach wrestling at the same school:
    1. Create diary, document each incident and include witnesses, dates, and times.
    2. talk to other parents. Take notes, documenting each incident. Ask if they have reported the incident.
    3. meet with the teacher. Be clear about your expectations. I wouldn't share all your notes.
    4. meet with the advisor or principal. They will do something, if not then escalate.

    Thank you:flowerforyou:
  • RobynC79
    RobynC79 Posts: 331 Member
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    Hm, let's see... your child misbehaved in class and was verbally disciplined by his teacher, who then communicated why this occurred to you when you went to collect him. Of course you thought he looked 'scared and sad' while she thought he was being insolent - there is a big difference in how parents and teachers view your little darling!

    Your child later reports physical abuse that apparently no one else at the school witnessed, and the administration told you that with no evidence of this occurring, they would not fire the teacher. Seems pretty darned reasonable to me.

    If you don't like the staff then take your child elsewhere, but what you're proposing here sounds like a witchhunt. If the woman did not, in fact, touch your child, you are potentially hounding her out of her job with no evidence - kids lie, particularly when they think they have a sympathetic audience - and I am sure this is not the first time a teacher has been accused of something by a child resentful of verbal and/or non-physical discipline.

    You reported it, and the administration dealt with it as best they could given that there is no physical evidence or witnesses (apparently). If she did pinch your child on the cheek, I assume she is on notice that a complaint has been lodged and she will presumably lose her job if there is evidence of this occurring.

    I'm not sure what else you can reasonably expect, to be honest.
  • carryingon
    carryingon Posts: 609 Member
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    Trick question. The answer is kneecaps, always kneecaps.

    I'm a single mother with four children age 6 and under. I can't go to prison. Otherwise I would have used this advice for the ex who I put in prison for 25-40 yrs (again a referral to blog). I appreciate the sentiment though:flowerforyou:
  • tabik30
    tabik30 Posts: 443
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    This woman should not be around children period! If you want me to help you get rid of her and make it look like an accident, Im in. I watch ID channel, they'll never be able to prove anything
  • pain_is_weakness
    pain_is_weakness Posts: 798 Member
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    Catholic institution is irrelevant *I am a Catholic and went to Catholic school*

    B)She should be fired.

    I appreciate your feedback on that. :flowerforyou: I am a diehard Catholic. I truly love my faith. That being said with the scandal in the Church I would really hope that they've learned how to handle reports of abuse. That they act quickly, resolutely and with a zero tolerance policy. I would also hope that they had a Church wide policy to immediately remove the accused person and to give the child the benefit of the doubt not the adult. If we say we want to protect the weak and defenseless unborn then shouldn't that cross over to the weak and defenseless that are already born? I believe that as a country we should have a policy in place as well, not just in the church.


    It is not just the Catholic church, unfortunately it happens with all religions but the Catholic church was under closer scruutiny . . .I am still very religious but I would even question my church if I seen someone being remotely abusive.
  • Changing_Charity
    Changing_Charity Posts: 197 Member
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    that is ridiculous!! that makes me sad. no child should be treated like that by anyone! i would have had her fired. she does not need to be working with children!
  • pain_is_weakness
    pain_is_weakness Posts: 798 Member
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    Hm, let's see... your child misbehaved in class and was verbally disciplined by his teacher, who then communicated why this occurred to you when you went to collect him. Of course you thought he looked 'scared and sad' while she thought he was being insolent - there is a big difference in how parents and teachers view your little darling!

    Your child later reports physical abuse that apparently no one else at the school witnessed, and the administration told you that with no evidence of this occurring, they would not fire the teacher. Seems pretty darned reasonable to me.

    If you don't like the staff then take your child elsewhere, but what you're proposing here sounds like a witchhunt. If the woman did not, in fact, touch your child, you are potentially hounding her out of her job with no evidence - kids lie, particularly when they think they have a sympathetic audience - and I am sure this is not the first time a teacher has been accused of something by a child resentful of verbal and/or non-physical discipline.

    You reported it, and the administration dealt with it as best they could given that there is no physical evidence or witnesses (apparently). If she did pinch your child on the cheek, I assume she is on notice that a complaint has been lodged and she will presumably lose her job if there is evidence of this occurring.

    I'm not sure what else you can reasonably expect, to be honest.


    Even witohut the physical abuse, what was witnessed in front of the parent was enough for most parent to want that teacher fired.
  • pain_is_weakness
    pain_is_weakness Posts: 798 Member
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    @Robyn, do you even have kids? If you do I am really, really sorry . . .for them
  • RobynC79
    RobynC79 Posts: 331 Member
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    @Robyn, do you even have kids? If you do I am really, really sorry . . .for them

    Hm, I find that rather insulting. But thanks for the expression of concern for their welfare. I am of the non-american school of child-rearing that says that teachers have a right to tell you that your child has been naughty, and they have the right to impose their authority by verbal and non-physical discipline in school. I couldn't care less about 'on their level' reasoning with small, naughty children.

    I also have seen children (my own and others) tell bald-face lies when they think it will get them out of being disciplined. And I have a huge amount of respect for teachers, who have a tough enough job dealing with ill-disciplined children, without having to deal with parents who think their kids can do no wrong.

    I guess that makes me a terrible mother. Feel free to call the authorities.
  • carryingon
    carryingon Posts: 609 Member
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    Hm, let's see... your child misbehaved in class and was verbally disciplined by his teacher, who then communicated why this occurred to you when you went to collect him. Of course you thought he looked 'scared and sad' while she thought he was being insolent - there is a big difference in how parents and teachers view your little darling!

    Your child later reports physical abuse that apparently no one else at the school witnessed, and the administration told you that with no evidence of this occurring, they would not fire the teacher. Seems pretty darned reasonable to me.

    If you don't like the staff then take your child elsewhere, but what you're proposing here sounds like a witchhunt. If the woman did not, in fact, touch your child, you are potentially hounding her out of her job with no evidence - kids lie, particularly when they think they have a sympathetic audience - and I am sure this is not the first time a teacher has been accused of something by a child resentful of verbal and/or non-physical discipline.

    You reported it, and the administration dealt with it as best they could given that there is no physical evidence or witnesses (apparently). If she did pinch your child on the cheek, I assume she is on notice that a complaint has been lodged and she will presumably lose her job if there is evidence of this occurring.

    I'm not sure what else you can reasonably expect, to be honest.
    Again I thank you for all feedback.

    I worked in childcare for ten years.

    Here is how appropriate discipline for that age group works. This is a class of two year olds. He just turned three. We know that this age group thinks more in pictures and actions then verbal.

    1. Get down to child's eye level and tell child no thank you. Redirect child to appropriate behavior
    2. if child does not redirect place in timeout. If child redirects give appropriate praise for correct behavior.
    3. if child went to timeout and completed it- redirect child to appropriate behavior demonstrating if necessary.
    4.If child redirects after timeout again praise for correct behavior

    These are children not criminals. We want children to learn from an interaction. If you made a poor choice at work would you respond well to a boss who had you sit and stood over you, raising his voice, shaking his finger, and telling you to wipe the look off your face? Do you believe a three year old should be taught to use that phrase? If your child used that phrase with someone would it be okay? Why give the person who can defend themselves and has a motive to lie (as you said protection of employment) the benefit of the doubt?
  • pain_is_weakness
    pain_is_weakness Posts: 798 Member
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    @Robyn, do you even have kids? If you do I am really, really sorry . . .for them

    Hm, I find that rather insulting. But thanks for the expression of concern for their welfare. I am of the non-american school of child-rearing that says that teachers have a right to tell you that your child has been naughty, and they have the right to impose their authority by verbal and non-physical discipline in school. I couldn't care less about 'on their level' reasoning with small, naughty children.

    I also have seen children (my own and others) tell bald-face lies when they think it will get them out of being disciplined. And I have a huge amount of respect for teachers, who have a tough enough job dealing with ill-disciplined children, without having to deal with parents who think their kids can do no wrong.

    I guess that makes me a terrible mother. Feel free to call the authorities.


    you sound like a wicked witch, no wonder your kids lie, you would scare the crap out of me too!

    Of course kids lie, but if my kid says they were abused, i am not going to sweep it under the rug. I hope to God your kids remain safe because I would hate if some monster got ahold of them and then mommy dearest is in their face yelling "naughty, bratty little liars"

    *edited to add a key fact, adults lie too honey and this one has more on the line than a kid trying to get out of trouble! Plus parents can tell when their kids are lying
  • carryingon
    carryingon Posts: 609 Member
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    @Robyn, do you even have kids? If you do I am really, really sorry . . .for them

    Agreed. A little education goes a long way.
  • carryingon
    carryingon Posts: 609 Member
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    This woman should not be around children period! If you want me to help you get rid of her and make it look like an accident, Im in. I watch ID channel, they'll never be able to prove anything

    I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't approve of the way the situation was handled :flowerforyou:
  • pain_is_weakness
    pain_is_weakness Posts: 798 Member
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    This woman should not be around children period! If you want me to help you get rid of her and make it look like an accident, Im in. I watch ID channel, they'll never be able to prove anything

    I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't approve of the way the situation was handled :flowerforyou:

    and like I said, i am in the legal field I can help cover it up, lol JK . . .
  • carryingon
    carryingon Posts: 609 Member
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    This woman should not be around children period! If you want me to help you get rid of her and make it look like an accident, Im in. I watch ID channel, they'll never be able to prove anything

    I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't approve of the way the situation was handled :flowerforyou:

    and like I said, i am in the legal field I can help cover it up, lol JK . . .

    FR sent :flowerforyou:
  • RobynC79
    RobynC79 Posts: 331 Member
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    @Robyn, do you even have kids? If you do I am really, really sorry . . .for them

    Hm, I find that rather insulting. But thanks for the expression of concern for their welfare. I am of the non-american school of child-rearing that says that teachers have a right to tell you that your child has been naughty, and they have the right to impose their authority by verbal and non-physical discipline in school. I couldn't care less about 'on their level' reasoning with small, naughty children.

    I also have seen children (my own and others) tell bald-face lies when they think it will get them out of being disciplined. And I have a huge amount of respect for teachers, who have a tough enough job dealing with ill-disciplined children, without having to deal with parents who think their kids can do no wrong.

    I guess that makes me a terrible mother. Feel free to call the authorities.


    you sound like a wicked witch, no wonder your kids lie, you would scare the crap out of me too!

    Of course kids lie, but if my kid says they were abused, i am not going to sweep it under the rug. I hope to God your kids remain safe because I would hate if some monster got ahold of them and then mommy dearest is in their face yelling "naughty, bratty little liars"

    *edited to add a key fact, adults lie too honey and this one has more on the line than a kid trying to get out of trouble! Plus parents can tell when their kids are lying

    Sigh... this is getting rather out of hand, don't you think? There's nothing quite as vicious as mothers discussing child-rearing! At no point did I suggest you should disregard a child's report of abuse - I am suggesting that once you have reported it to the school and they cannot find any further evidence of it, demanding the firing of a teacher is not terribly appropriate.
  • pain_is_weakness
    pain_is_weakness Posts: 798 Member
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    oh and BTW I don't know what state you are in but in most states if a chld says they were abused and the parent failed to investigate it a little, if/when the abuse went to court that parent coudl also go to prison for hiding the abuse they were told about
  • carryingon
    carryingon Posts: 609 Member
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    oh and BTW I don't know what state you are in but in most states if a chld says they were abused and the parent failed to investigate it a little, if/when the abuse went to court that parent coudl also go to prison for hiding the abuse they were told about

    That is true.
  • pain_is_weakness
    pain_is_weakness Posts: 798 Member
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    This woman should not be around children period! If you want me to help you get rid of her and make it look like an accident, Im in. I watch ID channel, they'll never be able to prove anything

    I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't approve of the way the situation was handled :flowerforyou:

    and like I said, i am in the legal field I can help cover it up, lol JK . . .

    FR sent :flowerforyou:
    FR accepted and you beat me to it lol
  • bdur76
    bdur76 Posts: 155 Member
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    Hm, let's see... your child misbehaved in class and was verbally disciplined by his teacher, who then communicated why this occurred to you when you went to collect him. Of course you thought he looked 'scared and sad' while she thought he was being insolent - there is a big difference in how parents and teachers view your little darling!

    Your child later reports physical abuse that apparently no one else at the school witnessed, and the administration told you that with no evidence of this occurring, they would not fire the teacher. Seems pretty darned reasonable to me.

    If you don't like the staff then take your child elsewhere, but what you're proposing here sounds like a witchhunt. If the woman did not, in fact, touch your child, you are potentially hounding her out of her job with no evidence - kids lie, particularly when they think they have a sympathetic audience - and I am sure this is not the first time a teacher has been accused of something by a child resentful of verbal and/or non-physical discipline.

    You reported it, and the administration dealt with it as best they could given that there is no physical evidence or witnesses (apparently). If she did pinch your child on the cheek, I assume she is on notice that a complaint has been lodged and she will presumably lose her job if there is evidence of this occurring.

    I'm not sure what else you can reasonably expect, to be honest.

    Glad I'm not the only one who is thinking this way. I love my son to death, but rules and discipline are part of life. Your child was to be in timeout, not running to be oddled by Mommy when you came in the door. He knew the expectation and wasn't following it. I honestly think you're over reacting, and expecting someone to lose their job over it, or be arrested is ridiculous!

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